Guest guest Posted January 3, 2011 Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 Some of this sounds a bit like my own nada. When my dad & step mother divorced, I was no longer allowed to have anything to do with her or her sons. They had been part of my life since I was 4 until about 16. She forced me to dissolve the relationships. Lucky for me, 16 years later I reconnected with them on facebook. I am NC with my nada now for the past 20 months after moving out of state. And even after reconnecting with my ex step mom AFTER going NC with nada, I had this horrible feeling that I was going to get into trouble. Whhhhaaat? FOG? probably. But I realized that I am a grown woman that is 33 years old and I get to chose who I have relationships with, not my nada. And frankly I would rather not have one with nada! She's toxic. It is so sad that you & your sister can't have a relationship, but she is probably in a FOG herself or has even perhaps been groomed to be a mini-nada. One day she might come around, but it's her choice. And it's your choice if you continue to have a relationship with her outside of work. I do understand the frustration and the heartache that comes with it. It's a miserable thing. I'm glad you decided to start posting again... I also recently just did the same thing after being idle for quite a long time. Life happens. I love this board and am so glad I came back to posting but I also know that after my surgery & recovery when I go back to school I won't have as much time to read & post but I do plan to keep up as best I can. Welcome back! Mia > > > So I've been a part of this group since Oct. 2007. I was like a mad man on > here for the first year and a half or so, but as time went by, I started to > only make sporadic visits to this board....not sure what exactly has drawn > me here tonight, except for the fact that I've been thinking about nada a > lot lately. Perhaps it's the holidays, and a new year. > > I was NC with my nada for almost 2 years for the most part, then we > re-connected again about this time last year. Until last July, things were > going pretty good. She found out that I have a relationship with my father > and has told me that she wants no relationship with me until I " come to my > senses " and stop talking to my father and his family. > > My father was absent from my life for about 15 years. Some of that was his > fault, some of it was nada's fault, which I didn't realize that until I > reconnected with my dad. She had always told me that he just wanted nothing > to do with me. Not true. > > Anyways, I have a sister, 3 years younger than me. She is 23 years old > (I'll be 27 in a few weeks). When I first started realizing mom might be > BPD, my sister was very aware of the problems. I don't see this as a > situation where sides need to be taken, but for a while, she was on my side > (for lack of better expression). Then one day she started saying things in > nada's defense. We agreed to disagree for a long time, then when nada got > mad at me for seeing my dad, my sister got mad at me as well and refuses to > have anything to do with me. > > I have come to an acceptance finally about my nada. I have accepted that I > will probably NEVER have a relationship with her, and that if I do, it won't > be normal or relaxed at all. > > I feel like I need to have some sort of acceptance with my sister, I need > to decide if I will continue trying to be her friend while subtly being > rejected by her. I need to close her out of my life completely so that my > heart will stop lamenting for her. > > People have told me to wait...that she might come around someday. I do not > want to have that hope anymore, because it is much too painful. > > I can't say I don't understand my sister's position in all this. I have > been the " all good " child before, and have berated her in the past for > upsetting mom, and tried to talk her into doing whatever it took to please > nada. I have apologized for this several times in our adult lives. My sister > is her own person and makes her own decisions, however, I know what the > consequences are when you aren't on mom's side. > > She even resorted to changing her last name to our mother's maiden name > just to make a statement against me and our father. > > I have a mixture of sadness and anger, mostly anger. I am angry at my > sister for severing what could be a wonderful relationship between sisters. > I am angry at my mom, even though I have acceptance of my situation with > her. I am angry that she is depriving me of having a mother in my life. She > is also depriving me of having a sister in my life. I feel cheated and > deprived. > > Overall, I'm doing fine for myself. Im just so angry, and I don't know how > to completely move on. The kicker here, is that my sister works at the same > place I do. She is a receptionist for my company (a job I strived to help > her to get, since they traditionally don't like to hire family). It is > painful to see her face 5 times a week, and to see her look at me with such > hatred and contempt, or sometimes not at all. > > I have invested 5 years at this company and have made quite a nice career > for myself. I'm not leaving. > > I guess I'm not asking any questions here, I just felt the need to get this > off my chest to people who truly understand the mess of having a BPD mom who > makes a mess out of the entire family. > > My sister is the only blood relative that even talks to nada. Doesn't that > say something? > > ~Sara Jo > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2011 Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 Did nada split between you and your sister assigning her the all good role and you the opposite? Is that part of why sister is siding with nada. Just a thought? Kay > > So I've been a part of this group since Oct. 2007. I was like a mad man on here for the first year and a half or so, but as time went by, I started to only make sporadic visits to this board....not sure what exactly has drawn me here tonight, except for the fact that I've been thinking about nada a lot lately. Perhaps it's the holidays, and a new year. > > I was NC with my nada for almost 2 years for the most part, then we re-connected again about this time last year. Until last July, things were going pretty good. She found out that I have a relationship with my father and has told me that she wants no relationship with me until I " come to my senses " and stop talking to my father and his family. > > My father was absent from my life for about 15 years. Some of that was his fault, some of it was nada's fault, which I didn't realize that until I reconnected with my dad. She had always told me that he just wanted nothing to do with me. Not true. > > Anyways, I have a sister, 3 years younger than me. She is 23 years old (I'll be 27 in a few weeks). When I first started realizing mom might be BPD, my sister was very aware of the problems. I don't see this as a situation where sides need to be taken, but for a while, she was on my side (for lack of better expression). Then one day she started saying things in nada's defense. We agreed to disagree for a long time, then when nada got mad at me for seeing my dad, my sister got mad at me as well and refuses to have anything to do with me. > > I have come to an acceptance finally about my nada. I have accepted that I will probably NEVER have a relationship with her, and that if I do, it won't be normal or relaxed at all. > > I feel like I need to have some sort of acceptance with my sister, I need to decide if I will continue trying to be her friend while subtly being rejected by her. I need to close her out of my life completely so that my heart will stop lamenting for her. > > People have told me to wait...that she might come around someday. I do not want to have that hope anymore, because it is much too painful. > > I can't say I don't understand my sister's position in all this. I have been the " all good " child before, and have berated her in the past for upsetting mom, and tried to talk her into doing whatever it took to please nada. I have apologized for this several times in our adult lives. My sister is her own person and makes her own decisions, however, I know what the consequences are when you aren't on mom's side. > > She even resorted to changing her last name to our mother's maiden name just to make a statement against me and our father. > > I have a mixture of sadness and anger, mostly anger. I am angry at my sister for severing what could be a wonderful relationship between sisters. > I am angry at my mom, even though I have acceptance of my situation with her. I am angry that she is depriving me of having a mother in my life. She is also depriving me of having a sister in my life. I feel cheated and deprived. > > Overall, I'm doing fine for myself. Im just so angry, and I don't know how to completely move on. The kicker here, is that my sister works at the same place I do. She is a receptionist for my company (a job I strived to help her to get, since they traditionally don't like to hire family). It is painful to see her face 5 times a week, and to see her look at me with such hatred and contempt, or sometimes not at all. > > I have invested 5 years at this company and have made quite a nice career for myself. I'm not leaving. > > I guess I'm not asking any questions here, I just felt the need to get this off my chest to people who truly understand the mess of having a BPD mom who makes a mess out of the entire family. > > My sister is the only blood relative that even talks to nada. Doesn't that say something? > > ~Sara Jo > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2011 Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 Welcome back. I am rather new myself. I look forward to sharing with you and learning from your posts. This is a good group. Right now it makes it easier for me to get through the day knowing I can connect with all of you. Kay > > So I've been a part of this group since Oct. 2007. I was like a mad man on here for the first year and a half or so, but as time went by, I started to only make sporadic visits to this board....not sure what exactly has drawn me here tonight, except for the fact that I've been thinking about nada a lot lately. Perhaps it's the holidays, and a new year. > > I was NC with my nada for almost 2 years for the most part, then we re-connected again about this time last year. Until last July, things were going pretty good. She found out that I have a relationship with my father and has told me that she wants no relationship with me until I " come to my senses " and stop talking to my father and his family. > > My father was absent from my life for about 15 years. Some of that was his fault, some of it was nada's fault, which I didn't realize that until I reconnected with my dad. She had always told me that he just wanted nothing to do with me. Not true. > > Anyways, I have a sister, 3 years younger than me. She is 23 years old (I'll be 27 in a few weeks). When I first started realizing mom might be BPD, my sister was very aware of the problems. I don't see this as a situation where sides need to be taken, but for a while, she was on my side (for lack of better expression). Then one day she started saying things in nada's defense. We agreed to disagree for a long time, then when nada got mad at me for seeing my dad, my sister got mad at me as well and refuses to have anything to do with me. > > I have come to an acceptance finally about my nada. I have accepted that I will probably NEVER have a relationship with her, and that if I do, it won't be normal or relaxed at all. > > I feel like I need to have some sort of acceptance with my sister, I need to decide if I will continue trying to be her friend while subtly being rejected by her. I need to close her out of my life completely so that my heart will stop lamenting for her. > > People have told me to wait...that she might come around someday. I do not want to have that hope anymore, because it is much too painful. > > I can't say I don't understand my sister's position in all this. I have been the " all good " child before, and have berated her in the past for upsetting mom, and tried to talk her into doing whatever it took to please nada. I have apologized for this several times in our adult lives. My sister is her own person and makes her own decisions, however, I know what the consequences are when you aren't on mom's side. > > She even resorted to changing her last name to our mother's maiden name just to make a statement against me and our father. > > I have a mixture of sadness and anger, mostly anger. I am angry at my sister for severing what could be a wonderful relationship between sisters. > I am angry at my mom, even though I have acceptance of my situation with her. I am angry that she is depriving me of having a mother in my life. She is also depriving me of having a sister in my life. I feel cheated and deprived. > > Overall, I'm doing fine for myself. Im just so angry, and I don't know how to completely move on. The kicker here, is that my sister works at the same place I do. She is a receptionist for my company (a job I strived to help her to get, since they traditionally don't like to hire family). It is painful to see her face 5 times a week, and to see her look at me with such hatred and contempt, or sometimes not at all. > > I have invested 5 years at this company and have made quite a nice career for myself. I'm not leaving. > > I guess I'm not asking any questions here, I just felt the need to get this off my chest to people who truly understand the mess of having a BPD mom who makes a mess out of the entire family. > > My sister is the only blood relative that even talks to nada. Doesn't that say something? > > ~Sara Jo > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 Kay, Yes, that is exactly what my nada is doing. Only, years ago, it used to be the other way around. Meaning, I was the " all good " kid while my sis was the " all bad " kid. I was able to see the error of my ways, but my sister refuses to. That's the problem here. She is allowing nada to manipulate her, while at the same time, depriving me of a sister in my life. ~Sara Jo > > > > So I've been a part of this group since Oct. 2007. I was like a mad man on here for the first year and a half or so, but as time went by, I started to only make sporadic visits to this board....not sure what exactly has drawn me here tonight, except for the fact that I've been thinking about nada a lot lately. Perhaps it's the holidays, and a new year. > > > > I was NC with my nada for almost 2 years for the most part, then we re-connected again about this time last year. Until last July, things were going pretty good. She found out that I have a relationship with my father and has told me that she wants no relationship with me until I " come to my senses " and stop talking to my father and his family. > > > > My father was absent from my life for about 15 years. Some of that was his fault, some of it was nada's fault, which I didn't realize that until I reconnected with my dad. She had always told me that he just wanted nothing to do with me. Not true. > > > > Anyways, I have a sister, 3 years younger than me. She is 23 years old (I'll be 27 in a few weeks). When I first started realizing mom might be BPD, my sister was very aware of the problems. I don't see this as a situation where sides need to be taken, but for a while, she was on my side (for lack of better expression). Then one day she started saying things in nada's defense. We agreed to disagree for a long time, then when nada got mad at me for seeing my dad, my sister got mad at me as well and refuses to have anything to do with me. > > > > I have come to an acceptance finally about my nada. I have accepted that I will probably NEVER have a relationship with her, and that if I do, it won't be normal or relaxed at all. > > > > I feel like I need to have some sort of acceptance with my sister, I need to decide if I will continue trying to be her friend while subtly being rejected by her. I need to close her out of my life completely so that my heart will stop lamenting for her. > > > > People have told me to wait...that she might come around someday. I do not want to have that hope anymore, because it is much too painful. > > > > I can't say I don't understand my sister's position in all this. I have been the " all good " child before, and have berated her in the past for upsetting mom, and tried to talk her into doing whatever it took to please nada. I have apologized for this several times in our adult lives. My sister is her own person and makes her own decisions, however, I know what the consequences are when you aren't on mom's side. > > > > She even resorted to changing her last name to our mother's maiden name just to make a statement against me and our father. > > > > I have a mixture of sadness and anger, mostly anger. I am angry at my sister for severing what could be a wonderful relationship between sisters. > > I am angry at my mom, even though I have acceptance of my situation with her. I am angry that she is depriving me of having a mother in my life. She is also depriving me of having a sister in my life. I feel cheated and deprived. > > > > Overall, I'm doing fine for myself. Im just so angry, and I don't know how to completely move on. The kicker here, is that my sister works at the same place I do. She is a receptionist for my company (a job I strived to help her to get, since they traditionally don't like to hire family). It is painful to see her face 5 times a week, and to see her look at me with such hatred and contempt, or sometimes not at all. > > > > I have invested 5 years at this company and have made quite a nice career for myself. I'm not leaving. > > > > I guess I'm not asking any questions here, I just felt the need to get this off my chest to people who truly understand the mess of having a BPD mom who makes a mess out of the entire family. > > > > My sister is the only blood relative that even talks to nada. Doesn't that say something? > > > > ~Sara Jo > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 Kay, Yes, that is exactly what my nada is doing. Only, years ago, it used to be the other way around. Meaning, I was the " all good " kid while my sis was the " all bad " kid. I was able to see the error of my ways, but my sister refuses to. That's the problem here. She is allowing nada to manipulate her, while at the same time, depriving me of a sister in my life. ~Sara Jo > > > > So I've been a part of this group since Oct. 2007. I was like a mad man on here for the first year and a half or so, but as time went by, I started to only make sporadic visits to this board....not sure what exactly has drawn me here tonight, except for the fact that I've been thinking about nada a lot lately. Perhaps it's the holidays, and a new year. > > > > I was NC with my nada for almost 2 years for the most part, then we re-connected again about this time last year. Until last July, things were going pretty good. She found out that I have a relationship with my father and has told me that she wants no relationship with me until I " come to my senses " and stop talking to my father and his family. > > > > My father was absent from my life for about 15 years. Some of that was his fault, some of it was nada's fault, which I didn't realize that until I reconnected with my dad. She had always told me that he just wanted nothing to do with me. Not true. > > > > Anyways, I have a sister, 3 years younger than me. She is 23 years old (I'll be 27 in a few weeks). When I first started realizing mom might be BPD, my sister was very aware of the problems. I don't see this as a situation where sides need to be taken, but for a while, she was on my side (for lack of better expression). Then one day she started saying things in nada's defense. We agreed to disagree for a long time, then when nada got mad at me for seeing my dad, my sister got mad at me as well and refuses to have anything to do with me. > > > > I have come to an acceptance finally about my nada. I have accepted that I will probably NEVER have a relationship with her, and that if I do, it won't be normal or relaxed at all. > > > > I feel like I need to have some sort of acceptance with my sister, I need to decide if I will continue trying to be her friend while subtly being rejected by her. I need to close her out of my life completely so that my heart will stop lamenting for her. > > > > People have told me to wait...that she might come around someday. I do not want to have that hope anymore, because it is much too painful. > > > > I can't say I don't understand my sister's position in all this. I have been the " all good " child before, and have berated her in the past for upsetting mom, and tried to talk her into doing whatever it took to please nada. I have apologized for this several times in our adult lives. My sister is her own person and makes her own decisions, however, I know what the consequences are when you aren't on mom's side. > > > > She even resorted to changing her last name to our mother's maiden name just to make a statement against me and our father. > > > > I have a mixture of sadness and anger, mostly anger. I am angry at my sister for severing what could be a wonderful relationship between sisters. > > I am angry at my mom, even though I have acceptance of my situation with her. I am angry that she is depriving me of having a mother in my life. She is also depriving me of having a sister in my life. I feel cheated and deprived. > > > > Overall, I'm doing fine for myself. Im just so angry, and I don't know how to completely move on. The kicker here, is that my sister works at the same place I do. She is a receptionist for my company (a job I strived to help her to get, since they traditionally don't like to hire family). It is painful to see her face 5 times a week, and to see her look at me with such hatred and contempt, or sometimes not at all. > > > > I have invested 5 years at this company and have made quite a nice career for myself. I'm not leaving. > > > > I guess I'm not asking any questions here, I just felt the need to get this off my chest to people who truly understand the mess of having a BPD mom who makes a mess out of the entire family. > > > > My sister is the only blood relative that even talks to nada. Doesn't that say something? > > > > ~Sara Jo > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 Kay, Yes, that is exactly what my nada is doing. Only, years ago, it used to be the other way around. Meaning, I was the " all good " kid while my sis was the " all bad " kid. I was able to see the error of my ways, but my sister refuses to. That's the problem here. She is allowing nada to manipulate her, while at the same time, depriving me of a sister in my life. ~Sara Jo > > > > So I've been a part of this group since Oct. 2007. I was like a mad man on here for the first year and a half or so, but as time went by, I started to only make sporadic visits to this board....not sure what exactly has drawn me here tonight, except for the fact that I've been thinking about nada a lot lately. Perhaps it's the holidays, and a new year. > > > > I was NC with my nada for almost 2 years for the most part, then we re-connected again about this time last year. Until last July, things were going pretty good. She found out that I have a relationship with my father and has told me that she wants no relationship with me until I " come to my senses " and stop talking to my father and his family. > > > > My father was absent from my life for about 15 years. Some of that was his fault, some of it was nada's fault, which I didn't realize that until I reconnected with my dad. She had always told me that he just wanted nothing to do with me. Not true. > > > > Anyways, I have a sister, 3 years younger than me. She is 23 years old (I'll be 27 in a few weeks). When I first started realizing mom might be BPD, my sister was very aware of the problems. I don't see this as a situation where sides need to be taken, but for a while, she was on my side (for lack of better expression). Then one day she started saying things in nada's defense. We agreed to disagree for a long time, then when nada got mad at me for seeing my dad, my sister got mad at me as well and refuses to have anything to do with me. > > > > I have come to an acceptance finally about my nada. I have accepted that I will probably NEVER have a relationship with her, and that if I do, it won't be normal or relaxed at all. > > > > I feel like I need to have some sort of acceptance with my sister, I need to decide if I will continue trying to be her friend while subtly being rejected by her. I need to close her out of my life completely so that my heart will stop lamenting for her. > > > > People have told me to wait...that she might come around someday. I do not want to have that hope anymore, because it is much too painful. > > > > I can't say I don't understand my sister's position in all this. I have been the " all good " child before, and have berated her in the past for upsetting mom, and tried to talk her into doing whatever it took to please nada. I have apologized for this several times in our adult lives. My sister is her own person and makes her own decisions, however, I know what the consequences are when you aren't on mom's side. > > > > She even resorted to changing her last name to our mother's maiden name just to make a statement against me and our father. > > > > I have a mixture of sadness and anger, mostly anger. I am angry at my sister for severing what could be a wonderful relationship between sisters. > > I am angry at my mom, even though I have acceptance of my situation with her. I am angry that she is depriving me of having a mother in my life. She is also depriving me of having a sister in my life. I feel cheated and deprived. > > > > Overall, I'm doing fine for myself. Im just so angry, and I don't know how to completely move on. The kicker here, is that my sister works at the same place I do. She is a receptionist for my company (a job I strived to help her to get, since they traditionally don't like to hire family). It is painful to see her face 5 times a week, and to see her look at me with such hatred and contempt, or sometimes not at all. > > > > I have invested 5 years at this company and have made quite a nice career for myself. I'm not leaving. > > > > I guess I'm not asking any questions here, I just felt the need to get this off my chest to people who truly understand the mess of having a BPD mom who makes a mess out of the entire family. > > > > My sister is the only blood relative that even talks to nada. Doesn't that say something? > > > > ~Sara Jo > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 I know what you mean about that feeling that you are " going to get in trouble " . I think that feeling is what prevented me from enjoying my younger life. No matter what, I always felt like I was going to get into trouble. One of the last times my nada and I talked she tried to make me feel that way, by saying " you leave your sister alone!! " and said something else along the lines of " she's mine, and you can't have her! " It's sad that my sis is being treated like an object by my mother. I saw my sister just a few moments ago. I think I heard her telling someone that she broke up with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was nice to me...and didn't have the same animosity toward me that my sister has. Now I see he is no longer " friends " with me on facebook. That could mean 2 things...either they did break up and he is just severing all ties, or my sister has convinced him that I'm a horrible monster. I hate thinking about all this. I wish there was some kind of " therapy " that could erase certain things/people from your memory. ~Sara Jo > > > > > > > So I've been a part of this group since Oct. 2007. I was like a mad man on > > here for the first year and a half or so, but as time went by, I started to > > only make sporadic visits to this board....not sure what exactly has drawn > > me here tonight, except for the fact that I've been thinking about nada a > > lot lately. Perhaps it's the holidays, and a new year. > > > > I was NC with my nada for almost 2 years for the most part, then we > > re-connected again about this time last year. Until last July, things were > > going pretty good. She found out that I have a relationship with my father > > and has told me that she wants no relationship with me until I " come to my > > senses " and stop talking to my father and his family. > > > > My father was absent from my life for about 15 years. Some of that was his > > fault, some of it was nada's fault, which I didn't realize that until I > > reconnected with my dad. She had always told me that he just wanted nothing > > to do with me. Not true. > > > > Anyways, I have a sister, 3 years younger than me. She is 23 years old > > (I'll be 27 in a few weeks). When I first started realizing mom might be > > BPD, my sister was very aware of the problems. I don't see this as a > > situation where sides need to be taken, but for a while, she was on my side > > (for lack of better expression). Then one day she started saying things in > > nada's defense. We agreed to disagree for a long time, then when nada got > > mad at me for seeing my dad, my sister got mad at me as well and refuses to > > have anything to do with me. > > > > I have come to an acceptance finally about my nada. I have accepted that I > > will probably NEVER have a relationship with her, and that if I do, it won't > > be normal or relaxed at all. > > > > I feel like I need to have some sort of acceptance with my sister, I need > > to decide if I will continue trying to be her friend while subtly being > > rejected by her. I need to close her out of my life completely so that my > > heart will stop lamenting for her. > > > > People have told me to wait...that she might come around someday. I do not > > want to have that hope anymore, because it is much too painful. > > > > I can't say I don't understand my sister's position in all this. I have > > been the " all good " child before, and have berated her in the past for > > upsetting mom, and tried to talk her into doing whatever it took to please > > nada. I have apologized for this several times in our adult lives. My sister > > is her own person and makes her own decisions, however, I know what the > > consequences are when you aren't on mom's side. > > > > She even resorted to changing her last name to our mother's maiden name > > just to make a statement against me and our father. > > > > I have a mixture of sadness and anger, mostly anger. I am angry at my > > sister for severing what could be a wonderful relationship between sisters. > > I am angry at my mom, even though I have acceptance of my situation with > > her. I am angry that she is depriving me of having a mother in my life. She > > is also depriving me of having a sister in my life. I feel cheated and > > deprived. > > > > Overall, I'm doing fine for myself. Im just so angry, and I don't know how > > to completely move on. The kicker here, is that my sister works at the same > > place I do. She is a receptionist for my company (a job I strived to help > > her to get, since they traditionally don't like to hire family). It is > > painful to see her face 5 times a week, and to see her look at me with such > > hatred and contempt, or sometimes not at all. > > > > I have invested 5 years at this company and have made quite a nice career > > for myself. I'm not leaving. > > > > I guess I'm not asking any questions here, I just felt the need to get this > > off my chest to people who truly understand the mess of having a BPD mom who > > makes a mess out of the entire family. > > > > My sister is the only blood relative that even talks to nada. Doesn't that > > say something? > > > > ~Sara Jo > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 *Hugs* to you. I'm sorry you're stressing over your sis's break up a bit. I do the same thing. So, let's look at it logically... if you broke up with someone, wouldn't you maybe take their sibling off your friend's list? I would try my best to look at it that way... and again, it's so much easier said than done. What your nada said about " She's mine, and you can't have her! " OMG! That just sends that creepy chill down my spine. She's " converting " your sis into a mini-nada. That's what I read into it anyway. How freaking creepy. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. And yes the " getting into trouble thing " . I still find myself living by nada's crazy expectations & " rules " for me, taht were only for me & no one else. I have to stop & tell myself " Ok, she's not here anymore. I will not get in trouble, and what would I tell a patient/friend/loved one to do in this type of situation? " It helps. (I'm a nursing student, that's why I added patient in there. It's suiting since nurses are huge advocates for their patients. It's actually helping me be an advocate for myself.) Mia > > > I know what you mean about that feeling that you are " going to get in > trouble " . I think that feeling is what prevented me from enjoying my younger > life. No matter what, I always felt like I was going to get into trouble. > One of the last times my nada and I talked she tried to make me feel that > way, by saying " you leave your sister alone!! " and said something else along > the lines of " she's mine, and you can't have her! " > > It's sad that my sis is being treated like an object by my mother. > > I saw my sister just a few moments ago. I think I heard her telling someone > that she broke up with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was nice to me...and > didn't have the same animosity toward me that my sister has. Now I see he is > no longer " friends " with me on facebook. That could mean 2 things...either > they did break up and he is just severing all ties, or my sister has > convinced him that I'm a horrible monster. > > I hate thinking about all this. I wish there was some kind of " therapy " > that could erase certain things/people from your memory. > > ~Sara Jo > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 *Hugs* to you. I'm sorry you're stressing over your sis's break up a bit. I do the same thing. So, let's look at it logically... if you broke up with someone, wouldn't you maybe take their sibling off your friend's list? I would try my best to look at it that way... and again, it's so much easier said than done. What your nada said about " She's mine, and you can't have her! " OMG! That just sends that creepy chill down my spine. She's " converting " your sis into a mini-nada. That's what I read into it anyway. How freaking creepy. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. And yes the " getting into trouble thing " . I still find myself living by nada's crazy expectations & " rules " for me, taht were only for me & no one else. I have to stop & tell myself " Ok, she's not here anymore. I will not get in trouble, and what would I tell a patient/friend/loved one to do in this type of situation? " It helps. (I'm a nursing student, that's why I added patient in there. It's suiting since nurses are huge advocates for their patients. It's actually helping me be an advocate for myself.) Mia > > > I know what you mean about that feeling that you are " going to get in > trouble " . I think that feeling is what prevented me from enjoying my younger > life. No matter what, I always felt like I was going to get into trouble. > One of the last times my nada and I talked she tried to make me feel that > way, by saying " you leave your sister alone!! " and said something else along > the lines of " she's mine, and you can't have her! " > > It's sad that my sis is being treated like an object by my mother. > > I saw my sister just a few moments ago. I think I heard her telling someone > that she broke up with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was nice to me...and > didn't have the same animosity toward me that my sister has. Now I see he is > no longer " friends " with me on facebook. That could mean 2 things...either > they did break up and he is just severing all ties, or my sister has > convinced him that I'm a horrible monster. > > I hate thinking about all this. I wish there was some kind of " therapy " > that could erase certain things/people from your memory. > > ~Sara Jo > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 *Hugs* to you. I'm sorry you're stressing over your sis's break up a bit. I do the same thing. So, let's look at it logically... if you broke up with someone, wouldn't you maybe take their sibling off your friend's list? I would try my best to look at it that way... and again, it's so much easier said than done. What your nada said about " She's mine, and you can't have her! " OMG! That just sends that creepy chill down my spine. She's " converting " your sis into a mini-nada. That's what I read into it anyway. How freaking creepy. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. And yes the " getting into trouble thing " . I still find myself living by nada's crazy expectations & " rules " for me, taht were only for me & no one else. I have to stop & tell myself " Ok, she's not here anymore. I will not get in trouble, and what would I tell a patient/friend/loved one to do in this type of situation? " It helps. (I'm a nursing student, that's why I added patient in there. It's suiting since nurses are huge advocates for their patients. It's actually helping me be an advocate for myself.) Mia > > > I know what you mean about that feeling that you are " going to get in > trouble " . I think that feeling is what prevented me from enjoying my younger > life. No matter what, I always felt like I was going to get into trouble. > One of the last times my nada and I talked she tried to make me feel that > way, by saying " you leave your sister alone!! " and said something else along > the lines of " she's mine, and you can't have her! " > > It's sad that my sis is being treated like an object by my mother. > > I saw my sister just a few moments ago. I think I heard her telling someone > that she broke up with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was nice to me...and > didn't have the same animosity toward me that my sister has. Now I see he is > no longer " friends " with me on facebook. That could mean 2 things...either > they did break up and he is just severing all ties, or my sister has > convinced him that I'm a horrible monster. > > I hate thinking about all this. I wish there was some kind of " therapy " > that could erase certain things/people from your memory. > > ~Sara Jo > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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