Guest guest Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 I know what you mean about that feeling that you are " going to get in trouble " . I think that feeling is what prevented me from enjoying my younger life. No matter what, I always felt like I was going to get into trouble. One of the last times my nada and I talked she tried to make me feel that way, by saying " you leave your sister alone!! " and said something else along the lines of " she's mine, and you can't have her! " It's sad that my sis is being treated like an object by my mother. I saw my sister just a few moments ago. I think I heard her telling someone that she broke up with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was nice to me...and didn't have the same animosity toward me that my sister has. Now I see he is no longer " friends " with me on facebook. That could mean 2 things...either they did break up and he is just severing all ties, or my sister has convinced him that I'm a horrible monster. I hate thinking about all this. I wish there was some kind of " therapy " that could erase certain things/people from your memory. ~Sara Jo > > > > > > > So I've been a part of this group since Oct. 2007. I was like a mad man on > > here for the first year and a half or so, but as time went by, I started to > > only make sporadic visits to this board....not sure what exactly has drawn > > me here tonight, except for the fact that I've been thinking about nada a > > lot lately. Perhaps it's the holidays, and a new year. > > > > I was NC with my nada for almost 2 years for the most part, then we > > re-connected again about this time last year. Until last July, things were > > going pretty good. She found out that I have a relationship with my father > > and has told me that she wants no relationship with me until I " come to my > > senses " and stop talking to my father and his family. > > > > My father was absent from my life for about 15 years. Some of that was his > > fault, some of it was nada's fault, which I didn't realize that until I > > reconnected with my dad. She had always told me that he just wanted nothing > > to do with me. Not true. > > > > Anyways, I have a sister, 3 years younger than me. She is 23 years old > > (I'll be 27 in a few weeks). When I first started realizing mom might be > > BPD, my sister was very aware of the problems. I don't see this as a > > situation where sides need to be taken, but for a while, she was on my side > > (for lack of better expression). Then one day she started saying things in > > nada's defense. We agreed to disagree for a long time, then when nada got > > mad at me for seeing my dad, my sister got mad at me as well and refuses to > > have anything to do with me. > > > > I have come to an acceptance finally about my nada. I have accepted that I > > will probably NEVER have a relationship with her, and that if I do, it won't > > be normal or relaxed at all. > > > > I feel like I need to have some sort of acceptance with my sister, I need > > to decide if I will continue trying to be her friend while subtly being > > rejected by her. I need to close her out of my life completely so that my > > heart will stop lamenting for her. > > > > People have told me to wait...that she might come around someday. I do not > > want to have that hope anymore, because it is much too painful. > > > > I can't say I don't understand my sister's position in all this. I have > > been the " all good " child before, and have berated her in the past for > > upsetting mom, and tried to talk her into doing whatever it took to please > > nada. I have apologized for this several times in our adult lives. My sister > > is her own person and makes her own decisions, however, I know what the > > consequences are when you aren't on mom's side. > > > > She even resorted to changing her last name to our mother's maiden name > > just to make a statement against me and our father. > > > > I have a mixture of sadness and anger, mostly anger. I am angry at my > > sister for severing what could be a wonderful relationship between sisters. > > I am angry at my mom, even though I have acceptance of my situation with > > her. I am angry that she is depriving me of having a mother in my life. She > > is also depriving me of having a sister in my life. I feel cheated and > > deprived. > > > > Overall, I'm doing fine for myself. Im just so angry, and I don't know how > > to completely move on. The kicker here, is that my sister works at the same > > place I do. She is a receptionist for my company (a job I strived to help > > her to get, since they traditionally don't like to hire family). It is > > painful to see her face 5 times a week, and to see her look at me with such > > hatred and contempt, or sometimes not at all. > > > > I have invested 5 years at this company and have made quite a nice career > > for myself. I'm not leaving. > > > > I guess I'm not asking any questions here, I just felt the need to get this > > off my chest to people who truly understand the mess of having a BPD mom who > > makes a mess out of the entire family. > > > > My sister is the only blood relative that even talks to nada. Doesn't that > > say something? > > > > ~Sara Jo > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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