Guest guest Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me. As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey. Josie P.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me. As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey. Josie P.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me. As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey. Josie P.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 Josie, great post. Thanks.Love what you shared about your nutritionist. And IE is harder and easier than dieting I think too. I also saw a full side photo ofmyself taken on a family trip to Epcot and I looked so " fat " . And I think of all the stories of the Hero's Journey. Sandy  I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me. As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey. Josie P.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 This makes me think about pictures and our perception of our bodies. I've also noticed that I no longer like to take pictures of myself. The truth is I am afraid of them. For some reason I have internalized the idea that a "picture doesn't lie." Untrue for many reasons, but I've come to believe that a picture of myself will be the "real truth" of how I look and all this mumbo-jumbo I've been feeding myself about acceptance and how my body is strong and curvy will go out the window when "reality" hits. The reality I am afraid of is that I am huge and no longer attractive and that therefore my worth in the world is diminished. My husband took some pictures during this Oktober fest I mentioned in my last post. I looked at them and thought, "you're huge." Later on, I had the strange experience in front of the mirror I mentioned before. I didn't go on to overeat or binge, but I did start thinking about restricting again. I wonder if maybe I should start taking and looking at more pictures of myself? To dispel this idea that I am hiding from something, that I am in denial? I think "When Women Stop Hating their Bodies" recommends this. Something to think about. Mimi Subject: Re: Final message... .To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 12:46 AM I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me.As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey.JosieP.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 This makes me think about pictures and our perception of our bodies. I've also noticed that I no longer like to take pictures of myself. The truth is I am afraid of them. For some reason I have internalized the idea that a "picture doesn't lie." Untrue for many reasons, but I've come to believe that a picture of myself will be the "real truth" of how I look and all this mumbo-jumbo I've been feeding myself about acceptance and how my body is strong and curvy will go out the window when "reality" hits. The reality I am afraid of is that I am huge and no longer attractive and that therefore my worth in the world is diminished. My husband took some pictures during this Oktober fest I mentioned in my last post. I looked at them and thought, "you're huge." Later on, I had the strange experience in front of the mirror I mentioned before. I didn't go on to overeat or binge, but I did start thinking about restricting again. I wonder if maybe I should start taking and looking at more pictures of myself? To dispel this idea that I am hiding from something, that I am in denial? I think "When Women Stop Hating their Bodies" recommends this. Something to think about. Mimi Subject: Re: Final message... .To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 12:46 AM I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me.As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey.JosieP.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 I saw more recent pictures of myself and was not pleased with what I saw. Darn that camera.  Sandy  This makes me think about pictures and our perception of our bodies. I've also noticed that I no longer like to take pictures of myself. The truth is I am afraid of them. For some reason I have internalized the idea that a " picture doesn't lie. " Untrue for many reasons, but I've come to believe that a picture of myself will be the " real truth " of how I look and all this mumbo-jumbo I've been feeding myself about acceptance and how my body is strong and curvy will go out the window when " reality " hits. The reality I am afraid of is that I am huge and no longer attractive and that therefore my worth in the world is diminished.  My husband took some pictures during this Oktober fest I mentioned in my last post. I looked at them and thought, " you're huge. " Later on, I had the strange experience in front of the mirror I mentioned before. I didn't go on to overeat or binge, but I did start thinking about restricting again. I wonder if maybe I should start taking and looking at more pictures of myself? To dispel this idea that I am hiding from something, that I am in denial? I think " When Women Stop Hating their Bodies " recommends this. Something to think about.  Mimi Subject: Re: Final message... . To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 12:46 AM  I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me. As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey.JosieP.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 I saw more recent pictures of myself and was not pleased with what I saw. Darn that camera.  Sandy  This makes me think about pictures and our perception of our bodies. I've also noticed that I no longer like to take pictures of myself. The truth is I am afraid of them. For some reason I have internalized the idea that a " picture doesn't lie. " Untrue for many reasons, but I've come to believe that a picture of myself will be the " real truth " of how I look and all this mumbo-jumbo I've been feeding myself about acceptance and how my body is strong and curvy will go out the window when " reality " hits. The reality I am afraid of is that I am huge and no longer attractive and that therefore my worth in the world is diminished.  My husband took some pictures during this Oktober fest I mentioned in my last post. I looked at them and thought, " you're huge. " Later on, I had the strange experience in front of the mirror I mentioned before. I didn't go on to overeat or binge, but I did start thinking about restricting again. I wonder if maybe I should start taking and looking at more pictures of myself? To dispel this idea that I am hiding from something, that I am in denial? I think " When Women Stop Hating their Bodies " recommends this. Something to think about.  Mimi Subject: Re: Final message... . To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 12:46 AM  I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me. As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey.JosieP.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 I saw more recent pictures of myself and was not pleased with what I saw. Darn that camera.  Sandy  This makes me think about pictures and our perception of our bodies. I've also noticed that I no longer like to take pictures of myself. The truth is I am afraid of them. For some reason I have internalized the idea that a " picture doesn't lie. " Untrue for many reasons, but I've come to believe that a picture of myself will be the " real truth " of how I look and all this mumbo-jumbo I've been feeding myself about acceptance and how my body is strong and curvy will go out the window when " reality " hits. The reality I am afraid of is that I am huge and no longer attractive and that therefore my worth in the world is diminished.  My husband took some pictures during this Oktober fest I mentioned in my last post. I looked at them and thought, " you're huge. " Later on, I had the strange experience in front of the mirror I mentioned before. I didn't go on to overeat or binge, but I did start thinking about restricting again. I wonder if maybe I should start taking and looking at more pictures of myself? To dispel this idea that I am hiding from something, that I am in denial? I think " When Women Stop Hating their Bodies " recommends this. Something to think about.  Mimi Subject: Re: Final message... . To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 12:46 AM  I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me. As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey.JosieP.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 Mmmm, good thought. I have had very few pictures taken of me in recent years and most are awful. Some are quite nice though. And I notice that when I'm down on myself I look terrible in the mirror. But when I'm feelng ok, I look good to me. It's that perfectionism - even at 19 and thin (relatively) I thought I had a huge behind and that I was grotesque. I'm still tied in knots over all of this today though; I'll have to really think about what got me so bent out of shape. Not sure. > > > > Subject: Re: Final message... . > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 12:46 AM > > > > Â > > > > I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me. > > As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. > > Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. > > So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey. > > Josie > > P.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 Mmmm, good thought. I have had very few pictures taken of me in recent years and most are awful. Some are quite nice though. And I notice that when I'm down on myself I look terrible in the mirror. But when I'm feelng ok, I look good to me. It's that perfectionism - even at 19 and thin (relatively) I thought I had a huge behind and that I was grotesque. I'm still tied in knots over all of this today though; I'll have to really think about what got me so bent out of shape. Not sure. > > > > Subject: Re: Final message... . > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 12:46 AM > > > > Â > > > > I had a similar experience several months back. In the midst of a very stressful period where I was eating everything in sight and had pretty much just tossed IE out the window because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it, I weighed myself expecting to see a gain of at least ten pounds, if not more. But I hadn't gained a pound. I remember telling my nutritionist how shocked I was that I hadn't gained because I was so certain I would have, and she said that when our emotions and hearts are heavy, we often feel that our bodies are heavy, too. But as we can see, that's not necessarily the case. That was a revelation for me. > > As for what you're going through, I get it. It doesn't make sense, but this process is both easier and harder than dieting for me. There are still days when I'm hating my body. I had one this week. I had to have head shots taken at my job because I do public speaking and our officer decided that everyone had to have professional head shots taken in case we were asked for our photo. I pretty much run from the camera at every opportunity. I have decades of my life that have almost no photographic evidence that I existed, so I was not happy about this. And I hated the photos, even though, I think they probably looked as good as they could have. But I didn't have a choice. Not surprisingly, I found myself mindlessly eating handfuls of candy later that afternoon. Hmmmm... coincidence? I don't think so. > > Then there are the days when it's easier. The days when I'm not spending every single second obsessing about food or wolfing down my meager portions of disgusting diet food that I hate because I'm so frickin' hungry. The days when I'm not necessarily happy to be stuck in a size 20 body, but when I can appreciate it for hanging in there with all the abuse I've heaped on it and for actually being surprisingly strong and healthy in spite of my best efforts to make it otherwise. Or, the days when I'm shocked to find that I've just pushed away a half full plate without even thinking about it! Those days are so joyful to me. I try to hang on to those days and just hope that they'll start to outnumber the bad days. > > So hang in there, Sandarah. I think we'll all get there if we can just persevere. And when we do, it will have been worth the journey. > > Josie > > P.S. Hmmm, never read this in high school or college, but think I may need to read The Iliad and the Odyssey. After all, this journey is no less challenging than what those ancient Greeks went through, is it? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 Same here. When will we internalize the fact that our perceptions of how we look are based on how we feel at that particular moment? It doesn't make sense that I would look nice last week, but horribly ugly and fat this week, but yet this is how I felt....Also, think back on older pictures. I remember when I first hit a size 6 or 8 (sorry if size talk is triggering, I just use it to illustrate how silly these things can be). I saw a picture of myself and was sooo ashamed. I was fat. I just knew it. It was over for me. What would my friends think? Would they be celebrating that I was no longer attractive? Would they think I deserved my new ugliness? Now, when I see that picture I realize how lovely it was. I am determined to start a picture a day project where I take a picture of myself and look at it every day. Why should I be afraid of my own image? I'll let you guys know how it works out. Mimi Subject: Re: Final message... .To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 4:32 PM Mmmm, good thought. I have had very few pictures taken of me in recent years and most are awful. Some are quite nice though. And I notice that when I'm down on myself I look terrible in the mirror. But when I'm feelng ok, I look good to me. It's that perfectionism - even at 19 and thin (relatively) I thought I had a huge behind and that I was grotesque. I'm still tied in knots over all of this today though; I'll have to really think about what got me so bent out of shape. Not sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 Same here. When will we internalize the fact that our perceptions of how we look are based on how we feel at that particular moment? It doesn't make sense that I would look nice last week, but horribly ugly and fat this week, but yet this is how I felt....Also, think back on older pictures. I remember when I first hit a size 6 or 8 (sorry if size talk is triggering, I just use it to illustrate how silly these things can be). I saw a picture of myself and was sooo ashamed. I was fat. I just knew it. It was over for me. What would my friends think? Would they be celebrating that I was no longer attractive? Would they think I deserved my new ugliness? Now, when I see that picture I realize how lovely it was. I am determined to start a picture a day project where I take a picture of myself and look at it every day. Why should I be afraid of my own image? I'll let you guys know how it works out. Mimi Subject: Re: Final message... .To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 4:32 PM Mmmm, good thought. I have had very few pictures taken of me in recent years and most are awful. Some are quite nice though. And I notice that when I'm down on myself I look terrible in the mirror. But when I'm feelng ok, I look good to me. It's that perfectionism - even at 19 and thin (relatively) I thought I had a huge behind and that I was grotesque. I'm still tied in knots over all of this today though; I'll have to really think about what got me so bent out of shape. Not sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 Same here. When will we internalize the fact that our perceptions of how we look are based on how we feel at that particular moment? It doesn't make sense that I would look nice last week, but horribly ugly and fat this week, but yet this is how I felt....Also, think back on older pictures. I remember when I first hit a size 6 or 8 (sorry if size talk is triggering, I just use it to illustrate how silly these things can be). I saw a picture of myself and was sooo ashamed. I was fat. I just knew it. It was over for me. What would my friends think? Would they be celebrating that I was no longer attractive? Would they think I deserved my new ugliness? Now, when I see that picture I realize how lovely it was. I am determined to start a picture a day project where I take a picture of myself and look at it every day. Why should I be afraid of my own image? I'll let you guys know how it works out. Mimi Subject: Re: Final message... .To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 4:32 PM Mmmm, good thought. I have had very few pictures taken of me in recent years and most are awful. Some are quite nice though. And I notice that when I'm down on myself I look terrible in the mirror. But when I'm feelng ok, I look good to me. It's that perfectionism - even at 19 and thin (relatively) I thought I had a huge behind and that I was grotesque. I'm still tied in knots over all of this today though; I'll have to really think about what got me so bent out of shape. Not sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 I'll be interested in hearing how this goes. Do please keep us updated! Tilley > > > > Subject: Re: Final message... . > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 4:32 PM > > > > Â > > > > Mmmm, good thought. I have had very few pictures taken of me in recent years and most are awful. Some are quite nice though. And I notice that when I'm down on myself I look terrible in the mirror. But when I'm feelng ok, I look good to me. It's that perfectionism - even at 19 and thin (relatively) I thought I had a huge behind and that I was grotesque. I'm still tied in knots over all of this today though; I'll have to really think about what got me so bent out of shape. Not sure. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 I'll be interested in hearing how this goes. Do please keep us updated! Tilley > > > > Subject: Re: Final message... . > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 4:32 PM > > > > Â > > > > Mmmm, good thought. I have had very few pictures taken of me in recent years and most are awful. Some are quite nice though. And I notice that when I'm down on myself I look terrible in the mirror. But when I'm feelng ok, I look good to me. It's that perfectionism - even at 19 and thin (relatively) I thought I had a huge behind and that I was grotesque. I'm still tied in knots over all of this today though; I'll have to really think about what got me so bent out of shape. Not sure. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 I'm here. I get it. I hear that your body drives you nuts. And it seems to be doing a beautiful job of responding to your self-care. What is it in your head that makes you feel as if your weight has doubled? How are you feeling about life in general right now? Just curious - as a way of learning more. > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 I'm here. I get it. I hear that your body drives you nuts. And it seems to be doing a beautiful job of responding to your self-care. What is it in your head that makes you feel as if your weight has doubled? How are you feeling about life in general right now? Just curious - as a way of learning more. > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 I'm here. I get it. I hear that your body drives you nuts. And it seems to be doing a beautiful job of responding to your self-care. What is it in your head that makes you feel as if your weight has doubled? How are you feeling about life in general right now? Just curious - as a way of learning more. > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 This is a new revelation to me - but I'm realizing that when I suddenly feel " fat " it is an emotional/body response to something happening that I'm not slowing down and dealing with/confronting. I know that I eat certain foods at those times, but I'm realizing that it isn't the foods that are making me feel fat and bloated, it's the emotions that I'm ignoring. I don't do well at stepping back and grounding when stresses hit - I typically eat my way through them. Then the fat police jump in so that rather than attend to what's going on, I'm in a battle with the old self blame, fat-hating stuff. That's a confusing answer probably - but I realize that when my stomach hurts (from eating) it isn't the eating - it's the emotions behind the eating that's causing the hurt. Make sense? > > > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > > > Sandarah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 This is a new revelation to me - but I'm realizing that when I suddenly feel " fat " it is an emotional/body response to something happening that I'm not slowing down and dealing with/confronting. I know that I eat certain foods at those times, but I'm realizing that it isn't the foods that are making me feel fat and bloated, it's the emotions that I'm ignoring. I don't do well at stepping back and grounding when stresses hit - I typically eat my way through them. Then the fat police jump in so that rather than attend to what's going on, I'm in a battle with the old self blame, fat-hating stuff. That's a confusing answer probably - but I realize that when my stomach hurts (from eating) it isn't the eating - it's the emotions behind the eating that's causing the hurt. Make sense? > > > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > > > Sandarah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 This is a new revelation to me - but I'm realizing that when I suddenly feel " fat " it is an emotional/body response to something happening that I'm not slowing down and dealing with/confronting. I know that I eat certain foods at those times, but I'm realizing that it isn't the foods that are making me feel fat and bloated, it's the emotions that I'm ignoring. I don't do well at stepping back and grounding when stresses hit - I typically eat my way through them. Then the fat police jump in so that rather than attend to what's going on, I'm in a battle with the old self blame, fat-hating stuff. That's a confusing answer probably - but I realize that when my stomach hurts (from eating) it isn't the eating - it's the emotions behind the eating that's causing the hurt. Make sense? > > > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > > > Sandarah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 It sure does make sense and I am glad you mentioned it. Emotional eating is just about the most difficult for me. I could journal more about it or find some fun creative way, like painting, or playing the keyboard or writing a poem or something. My poetry group was canceled for tonight because of storm threat. I can tell I need to eat as I can't type very well or think good. So I will check back here later. Sandy  This is a new revelation to me - but I'm realizing that when I suddenly feel " fat " it is an emotional/body response to something happening that I'm not slowing down and dealing with/confronting. I know that I eat certain foods at those times, but I'm realizing that it isn't the foods that are making me feel fat and bloated, it's the emotions that I'm ignoring. I don't do well at stepping back and grounding when stresses hit - I typically eat my way through them. Then the fat police jump in so that rather than attend to what's going on, I'm in a battle with the old self blame, fat-hating stuff. That's a confusing answer probably - but I realize that when my stomach hurts (from eating) it isn't the eating - it's the emotions behind the eating that's causing the hurt. Make sense? > > > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > > > Sandarah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 It sure does make sense and I am glad you mentioned it. Emotional eating is just about the most difficult for me. I could journal more about it or find some fun creative way, like painting, or playing the keyboard or writing a poem or something. My poetry group was canceled for tonight because of storm threat. I can tell I need to eat as I can't type very well or think good. So I will check back here later. Sandy  This is a new revelation to me - but I'm realizing that when I suddenly feel " fat " it is an emotional/body response to something happening that I'm not slowing down and dealing with/confronting. I know that I eat certain foods at those times, but I'm realizing that it isn't the foods that are making me feel fat and bloated, it's the emotions that I'm ignoring. I don't do well at stepping back and grounding when stresses hit - I typically eat my way through them. Then the fat police jump in so that rather than attend to what's going on, I'm in a battle with the old self blame, fat-hating stuff. That's a confusing answer probably - but I realize that when my stomach hurts (from eating) it isn't the eating - it's the emotions behind the eating that's causing the hurt. Make sense? > > > > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an " all time high " , I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are. > > > > Sandarah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 I don't know if this will help you or not, but I categorize what I feel when I find myself in an urgent grazing mood as anxiety, and it helps me (when I remember!) to sit and just jot down what was happening before, what I did during the last few hours, what I was reading or listening to or watching on TV or who I saw and what we talked about, just notes, but that is usually enough to give me a hint what I'm anxious about -- and I can actually feel my body relaxing, like some hard spot is melting, as I realize what triggered the anxiety and I'm not hungry anymore. To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, October 18, 2011 2:44 PMSubject: Re: Final message... . This is a new revelation to me - but I'm realizing that when I suddenly feel "fat" it is an emotional/body response to something happening that I'm not slowing down and dealing with/confronting. I know that I eat certain foods at those times, but I'm realizing that it isn't the foods that are making me feel fat and bloated, it's the emotions that I'm ignoring. I don't do well at stepping back and grounding when stresses hit - I typically eat my way through them. Then the fat police jump in so that rather than attend to what's going on, I'm in a battle with the old self blame, fat-hating stuff. That's a confusing answer probably - but I realize that when my stomach hurts (from eating) it isn't the eating - it's the emotions behind the eating that's causing the hurt. Make sense? > >> > I just weighed myself. I'm sure the scale was sitting wrong but I'm not going to risk wiggling it around to come up with a worse number. Since I weighed last time, at an "all time high", I've lost 22 pounds. Now, how can that be? I feel like my weight has doubled. My body drives me nuts. End of rant. > > > > Thanks for being here - there - wherever you are.> > > > Sandarah> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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