Re: Uncomfortable around angry people

[Guest guest]

Nope, you're not alone. Shouting and anger always rattle me too.

Before we got married, Hubby and his youngest son were having a rather loud

discussion once at his house. I just sorta went, " Um, OK, time to leave now, "

and I did. Went out to the car and drove home.

--.

[Guest guest]

Nope, you're not alone. Shouting and anger always rattle me too.

Before we got married, Hubby and his youngest son were having a rather loud

discussion once at his house. I just sorta went, " Um, OK, time to leave now, "

and I did. Went out to the car and drove home.

--.

[Guest guest]

Nope, you're not alone. Shouting and anger always rattle me too.

Before we got married, Hubby and his youngest son were having a rather loud

discussion once at his house. I just sorta went, " Um, OK, time to leave now, "

and I did. Went out to the car and drove home.

--.

[Guest guest]

Yes, I hate it. You should see me when boyfriend does any kind of home

improvement. The air fills with blue swearwords and I either leave or turn

into GirlCLOWN and try to make everything okay. I can only see the 2

options. At work when people are grumpy and I can't leave I turn into a

clown as well.

>

>

> Wondering if anyone else feels on edge when people around them are being

> grumpy/angry?

>

> I know this is likely from being around BPD nada for so many years (30ish

> to

> be close to exact) and I have to realize that other people are NOT nada,

> which of course I do, but there's still something built into me that makes

> me nervous when people around me are being angry/grumpy.

>

> Example, fiance has his kids this weekend. His 4 year old son has just been

> so grumpy & angry and fiance is reacting grumpily too. To top it off, when

> fiance plays one of his computer games, he tends to do the " guy thing " and

> yell at it when things don't go his way. This always puts me on edge.

>

> The kids were fighting over the wii and of course he got on their case,

> told

> them to shut it off, etc. 4 year old starts screaming... ugh. Makes me so

> damn uncomfortable.

>

> Plus fiance has been super down lately and part of me feels very helpless.

> I have been there. I guess that is his issue. When I was there, I had to

> pull myself out. I can cheer him on but he has to do the work.

>

> Maybe the angriness thing is effecting me more than usual right now because

> of the upcoming surgery on Tuesday, but yes, I do generally feel very

> uncomfortable around angry people. I know this is MY issue and I do

> understand where it stems from, so I guess I " m just wondering a couple of

> things. 1 - am I alone? and 2 - anyone have any tips on how I can stop

> feeling this way?

>

> I mean, if fiance wants to yell at his computer, he has a right to. But it

> makes me uncomfortable, so yes, my issue not his.

>

> Mia

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ok, so it's not just me. I know what you mean about being the clown. I

also will leave if I can or go into clown mode. Or just try to calmly say

" please calm down " but again, the man has a right to express his emotions.

I wish I could just turn it off and ignore it. I can fake it pretty well to

some extent but inside my guts churn & I feel unsafe.

Mia

[Guest guest]

Ok, so it's not just me. I know what you mean about being the clown. I

also will leave if I can or go into clown mode. Or just try to calmly say

" please calm down " but again, the man has a right to express his emotions.

I wish I could just turn it off and ignore it. I can fake it pretty well to

some extent but inside my guts churn & I feel unsafe.

Mia

[Guest guest]

Ok, so it's not just me. I know what you mean about being the clown. I

also will leave if I can or go into clown mode. Or just try to calmly say

" please calm down " but again, the man has a right to express his emotions.

I wish I could just turn it off and ignore it. I can fake it pretty well to

some extent but inside my guts churn & I feel unsafe.

Mia

[Guest guest]

I can't stand to be around angry people.

Whether or not the anger is directed at me, I feel like whatever is

happening is all my fault. I feel scared, helpless. I tremble. And I burst

into tears.

I especially can't stand yelling and screaming. Just a second of it will

make me cry.

>

>

> Wondering if anyone else feels on edge when people around them are being

> grumpy/angry?

>

> I know this is likely from being around BPD nada for so many years (30ish

> to

> be close to exact) and I have to realize that other people are NOT nada,

> which of course I do, but there's still something built into me that makes

> me nervous when people around me are being angry/grumpy.

>

> Example, fiance has his kids this weekend. His 4 year old son has just been

> so grumpy & angry and fiance is reacting grumpily too. To top it off, when

> fiance plays one of his computer games, he tends to do the " guy thing " and

> yell at it when things don't go his way. This always puts me on edge.

>

> The kids were fighting over the wii and of course he got on their case,

> told

> them to shut it off, etc. 4 year old starts screaming... ugh. Makes me so

> damn uncomfortable.

>

> Plus fiance has been super down lately and part of me feels very helpless.

> I have been there. I guess that is his issue. When I was there, I had to

> pull myself out. I can cheer him on but he has to do the work.

>

> Maybe the angriness thing is effecting me more than usual right now because

> of the upcoming surgery on Tuesday, but yes, I do generally feel very

> uncomfortable around angry people. I know this is MY issue and I do

> understand where it stems from, so I guess I " m just wondering a couple of

> things. 1 - am I alone? and 2 - anyone have any tips on how I can stop

> feeling this way?

>

> I mean, if fiance wants to yell at his computer, he has a right to. But it

> makes me uncomfortable, so yes, my issue not his.

>

> Mia

>

>

[Guest guest]

I can't stand to be around angry people.

Whether or not the anger is directed at me, I feel like whatever is

happening is all my fault. I feel scared, helpless. I tremble. And I burst

into tears.

I especially can't stand yelling and screaming. Just a second of it will

make me cry.

>

>

> Wondering if anyone else feels on edge when people around them are being

> grumpy/angry?

>

> I know this is likely from being around BPD nada for so many years (30ish

> to

> be close to exact) and I have to realize that other people are NOT nada,

> which of course I do, but there's still something built into me that makes

> me nervous when people around me are being angry/grumpy.

>

> Example, fiance has his kids this weekend. His 4 year old son has just been

> so grumpy & angry and fiance is reacting grumpily too. To top it off, when

> fiance plays one of his computer games, he tends to do the " guy thing " and

> yell at it when things don't go his way. This always puts me on edge.

>

> The kids were fighting over the wii and of course he got on their case,

> told

> them to shut it off, etc. 4 year old starts screaming... ugh. Makes me so

> damn uncomfortable.

>

> Plus fiance has been super down lately and part of me feels very helpless.

> I have been there. I guess that is his issue. When I was there, I had to

> pull myself out. I can cheer him on but he has to do the work.

>

> Maybe the angriness thing is effecting me more than usual right now because

> of the upcoming surgery on Tuesday, but yes, I do generally feel very

> uncomfortable around angry people. I know this is MY issue and I do

> understand where it stems from, so I guess I " m just wondering a couple of

> things. 1 - am I alone? and 2 - anyone have any tips on how I can stop

> feeling this way?

>

> I mean, if fiance wants to yell at his computer, he has a right to. But it

> makes me uncomfortable, so yes, my issue not his.

>

> Mia

>

>

[Guest guest]

I can't stand to be around angry people.

Whether or not the anger is directed at me, I feel like whatever is

happening is all my fault. I feel scared, helpless. I tremble. And I burst

into tears.

I especially can't stand yelling and screaming. Just a second of it will

make me cry.

>

>

> Wondering if anyone else feels on edge when people around them are being

> grumpy/angry?

>

> I know this is likely from being around BPD nada for so many years (30ish

> to

> be close to exact) and I have to realize that other people are NOT nada,

> which of course I do, but there's still something built into me that makes

> me nervous when people around me are being angry/grumpy.

>

> Example, fiance has his kids this weekend. His 4 year old son has just been

> so grumpy & angry and fiance is reacting grumpily too. To top it off, when

> fiance plays one of his computer games, he tends to do the " guy thing " and

> yell at it when things don't go his way. This always puts me on edge.

>

> The kids were fighting over the wii and of course he got on their case,

> told

> them to shut it off, etc. 4 year old starts screaming... ugh. Makes me so

> damn uncomfortable.

>

> Plus fiance has been super down lately and part of me feels very helpless.

> I have been there. I guess that is his issue. When I was there, I had to

> pull myself out. I can cheer him on but he has to do the work.

>

> Maybe the angriness thing is effecting me more than usual right now because

> of the upcoming surgery on Tuesday, but yes, I do generally feel very

> uncomfortable around angry people. I know this is MY issue and I do

> understand where it stems from, so I guess I " m just wondering a couple of

> things. 1 - am I alone? and 2 - anyone have any tips on how I can stop

> feeling this way?

>

> I mean, if fiance wants to yell at his computer, he has a right to. But it

> makes me uncomfortable, so yes, my issue not his.

>

> Mia

>

>

[Guest guest]

I feel ya Judy. *Hugs* I used to be more like that, now I just keep it

internalized when it's happening around me. I don't know which is worse.

My friend's husband used to yell all the time and make me sooooooo nervous &

upset. I never could figure out how she put up with that.

Mia

[Guest guest]

I feel ya Judy. *Hugs* I used to be more like that, now I just keep it

internalized when it's happening around me. I don't know which is worse.

My friend's husband used to yell all the time and make me sooooooo nervous &

upset. I never could figure out how she put up with that.

Mia

[Guest guest]

I feel ya Judy. *Hugs* I used to be more like that, now I just keep it

internalized when it's happening around me. I don't know which is worse.

My friend's husband used to yell all the time and make me sooooooo nervous &

upset. I never could figure out how she put up with that.

Mia

[Guest guest]

When I was a child my parents fought nearly constantly. Much of it was

over what I now recognize to have been Mom s BPD. It manifested in

money problems , house always disordered and dirty, nothing ever on

time.

I got the idea, being a perfect child, fixing it all, making the adults

play nice, so bad things would not happen, was my job.

I sucked at it, for the still fought.

And now, yea. I still get the same creepy feeling inside around angry

people.

We were programmed for it, and it takes a long time to get over it.

Doug

[Guest guest]

When I was a child my parents fought nearly constantly. Much of it was

over what I now recognize to have been Mom s BPD. It manifested in

money problems , house always disordered and dirty, nothing ever on

time.

I got the idea, being a perfect child, fixing it all, making the adults

play nice, so bad things would not happen, was my job.

I sucked at it, for the still fought.

And now, yea. I still get the same creepy feeling inside around angry

people.

We were programmed for it, and it takes a long time to get over it.

Doug

[Guest guest]

When I was a child my parents fought nearly constantly. Much of it was

over what I now recognize to have been Mom s BPD. It manifested in

money problems , house always disordered and dirty, nothing ever on

time.

I got the idea, being a perfect child, fixing it all, making the adults

play nice, so bad things would not happen, was my job.

I sucked at it, for the still fought.

And now, yea. I still get the same creepy feeling inside around angry

people.

We were programmed for it, and it takes a long time to get over it.

Doug

[Guest guest]

" We were programmed for it, and it takes a long time to get over it. "

For sure Doug

[Guest guest]

" We were programmed for it, and it takes a long time to get over it. "

For sure Doug

[Guest guest]

" We were programmed for it, and it takes a long time to get over it. "

For sure Doug

[Guest guest]

Not so much uncomfortable around grumpy people (I will tell them they are being

cranky) and not so much angry people--I mean, if they are angry about something

that happened, etc. But definitely extremely uncomfortable, possible even

traumatized when people are arguing with each other when I'm in the room--and I

don't mean discussing two different viewpoints but the screaming and yelling

that is completely pointless--that I watched my parents do with each other

everyday my entire childhood.

[Guest guest]

Not so much uncomfortable around grumpy people (I will tell them they are being

cranky) and not so much angry people--I mean, if they are angry about something

that happened, etc. But definitely extremely uncomfortable, possible even

traumatized when people are arguing with each other when I'm in the room--and I

don't mean discussing two different viewpoints but the screaming and yelling

that is completely pointless--that I watched my parents do with each other

everyday my entire childhood.

[Guest guest]

No way ! You're most definitely not alone.

I can't stand any sort of conflict, especially serious anger outbursts directed

at me. Both my parents had serious anger flare-ups (mom I'm 99.9999 percent

sure is BPD, dad was bipolar and was an angry manic). But enough about moi..

...I think as long as you're aware of this stress trigger in your life, you can

try your darndest to either avoid the situation, try to get it to stop (talk to

your significant other; explain it really hurts you), or walk out of the room

(but not a fast moving car, mind you..) I think half the battle is knowing the

source of it, and also knowing his anger is not your fault.

xox

KBS

[Guest guest]

No way ! You're most definitely not alone.

I can't stand any sort of conflict, especially serious anger outbursts directed

at me. Both my parents had serious anger flare-ups (mom I'm 99.9999 percent

sure is BPD, dad was bipolar and was an angry manic). But enough about moi..

...I think as long as you're aware of this stress trigger in your life, you can

try your darndest to either avoid the situation, try to get it to stop (talk to

your significant other; explain it really hurts you), or walk out of the room

(but not a fast moving car, mind you..) I think half the battle is knowing the

source of it, and also knowing his anger is not your fault.

xox

KBS

[Guest guest]

No way ! You're most definitely not alone.

I can't stand any sort of conflict, especially serious anger outbursts directed

at me. Both my parents had serious anger flare-ups (mom I'm 99.9999 percent

sure is BPD, dad was bipolar and was an angry manic). But enough about moi..

...I think as long as you're aware of this stress trigger in your life, you can

try your darndest to either avoid the situation, try to get it to stop (talk to

your significant other; explain it really hurts you), or walk out of the room

(but not a fast moving car, mind you..) I think half the battle is knowing the

source of it, and also knowing his anger is not your fault.

xox

KBS

[Guest guest]

" It manifested in

money problems , house always disordered and dirty, nothing ever on

time. "

Yes exactly - loud fights about this every other day or so (on the off days,

my nada came home so late that I don't think they ran into each other).

Could this be part of the diagnosis? Anyone else have this?

And question 3 - why was it worth fighting about destructive behavior (nada

ripping apart the house), but not about her ripping me apart, as she did

every time I saw her?

>

>

> Nope, you're not alone. Shouting and anger always rattle me too.

>

> Before we got married, Hubby and his youngest son were having a rather loud

> discussion once at his house. I just sorta went, " Um, OK, time to leave

> now, " and I did. Went out to the car and drove home.

>

> --.

>

>

>