Guest guest Posted December 12, 2010 Report Share Posted December 12, 2010 Thank you Amy. I wish we could all really have do-overs too! -Annie > > > (((((((((((((((((((((Annie...incredibly sincere and understanding hugs to you.))))))))))))))))))))))))))) > > > of course, there's nothing you could have done differently. > being an innocent child,,,there's no excuse or reason in the world to harm a child. > I'm so sorry for your experiences and I wish it were possible for you to have a do-over. > > What you wrote reminds me of a letter I wrote to my mom when I was in my 20's. She had told me many times about how her mother didn't raise her right, even as a young child. She felt abandoned when her mom put her in an orphanage when she herself needed to find a husband, she felt neglected, unwanted, abused, alone, lonely as a child. So I wrote her a letter to her child self. I started with, Dear Little Joanie... > > I told her how I wished I could have been there to save her from her loneliness, to hug her, kiss her and tell her that she was loved and cherished. I told her that she was important and had a voice in this world. I told her I wish I could have taken her from the orphanage to my loving arms...and that there she would feel safe. I told her I wish I could have taken her for ice cream and play with her hair. I told her I wished I could have been her mother because things would have worked out very differently in her life. > > That's the kind of daughter I've been. I had been conditioned to " mother my mother. " And I was way too good at it. But it made a difference to her to hear the words to her child-self. > > So, Annie, I want to say the same to you. I wish we all could have been there to rescue little Annie when she needed it most. I wish we could have been there to let you be a child, innocent and unaware. I wish we could un-do what had been done so that you could have all the time in the world to become a grown-up in your own sweet time. > I wish we could have let you focus on Barbie dolls, hula hoops and your bestest friend. That's what kids need to have to feel good. And of course, the loving arms of their parents where they can feel and actually be safe. > > I wish I could give that all to you and to everyone here. I wish I could give it to myself too. > The do-over is a fun and dreamy concept. I wish it were possible. > > And anyone who has endured a messed-up childhood and lived to tell about it has my virtual hug and respect. > > Amy > > Re: do-over > > This is hard for me to answer because the worst psychological damage was done to me before I was 5 years old. By 5 I'd been repeatedly physically and emotionally and quasi-sexually traumatized into total Stockholm Syndrome enmeshment with my nada (and enabling dad,) and when she and dad " dumped " me to move back to their home state when I was 33, it took me another 10 years of near-isolation and gradually making changes to become as " normal " and socialized as I am now. > > There is nothing that a toddler or preschooler can do to rescue himself or herself; under the circumstances I grew up in, there is nothing that I could do differently. > > I love Girlscout's idea, though. If it were possible for me to go back in time and rescue my infant-self, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That would be about the only " do-over " that would work for me, I think: getting me out of there. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2010 Report Share Posted December 12, 2010 Thank you Amy. I wish we could all really have do-overs too! -Annie > > > (((((((((((((((((((((Annie...incredibly sincere and understanding hugs to you.))))))))))))))))))))))))))) > > > of course, there's nothing you could have done differently. > being an innocent child,,,there's no excuse or reason in the world to harm a child. > I'm so sorry for your experiences and I wish it were possible for you to have a do-over. > > What you wrote reminds me of a letter I wrote to my mom when I was in my 20's. She had told me many times about how her mother didn't raise her right, even as a young child. She felt abandoned when her mom put her in an orphanage when she herself needed to find a husband, she felt neglected, unwanted, abused, alone, lonely as a child. So I wrote her a letter to her child self. I started with, Dear Little Joanie... > > I told her how I wished I could have been there to save her from her loneliness, to hug her, kiss her and tell her that she was loved and cherished. I told her that she was important and had a voice in this world. I told her I wish I could have taken her from the orphanage to my loving arms...and that there she would feel safe. I told her I wish I could have taken her for ice cream and play with her hair. I told her I wished I could have been her mother because things would have worked out very differently in her life. > > That's the kind of daughter I've been. I had been conditioned to " mother my mother. " And I was way too good at it. But it made a difference to her to hear the words to her child-self. > > So, Annie, I want to say the same to you. I wish we all could have been there to rescue little Annie when she needed it most. I wish we could have been there to let you be a child, innocent and unaware. I wish we could un-do what had been done so that you could have all the time in the world to become a grown-up in your own sweet time. > I wish we could have let you focus on Barbie dolls, hula hoops and your bestest friend. That's what kids need to have to feel good. And of course, the loving arms of their parents where they can feel and actually be safe. > > I wish I could give that all to you and to everyone here. I wish I could give it to myself too. > The do-over is a fun and dreamy concept. I wish it were possible. > > And anyone who has endured a messed-up childhood and lived to tell about it has my virtual hug and respect. > > Amy > > Re: do-over > > This is hard for me to answer because the worst psychological damage was done to me before I was 5 years old. By 5 I'd been repeatedly physically and emotionally and quasi-sexually traumatized into total Stockholm Syndrome enmeshment with my nada (and enabling dad,) and when she and dad " dumped " me to move back to their home state when I was 33, it took me another 10 years of near-isolation and gradually making changes to become as " normal " and socialized as I am now. > > There is nothing that a toddler or preschooler can do to rescue himself or herself; under the circumstances I grew up in, there is nothing that I could do differently. > > I love Girlscout's idea, though. If it were possible for me to go back in time and rescue my infant-self, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That would be about the only " do-over " that would work for me, I think: getting me out of there. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2010 Report Share Posted December 12, 2010 Thank you Amy. I wish we could all really have do-overs too! -Annie > > > (((((((((((((((((((((Annie...incredibly sincere and understanding hugs to you.))))))))))))))))))))))))))) > > > of course, there's nothing you could have done differently. > being an innocent child,,,there's no excuse or reason in the world to harm a child. > I'm so sorry for your experiences and I wish it were possible for you to have a do-over. > > What you wrote reminds me of a letter I wrote to my mom when I was in my 20's. She had told me many times about how her mother didn't raise her right, even as a young child. She felt abandoned when her mom put her in an orphanage when she herself needed to find a husband, she felt neglected, unwanted, abused, alone, lonely as a child. So I wrote her a letter to her child self. I started with, Dear Little Joanie... > > I told her how I wished I could have been there to save her from her loneliness, to hug her, kiss her and tell her that she was loved and cherished. I told her that she was important and had a voice in this world. I told her I wish I could have taken her from the orphanage to my loving arms...and that there she would feel safe. I told her I wish I could have taken her for ice cream and play with her hair. I told her I wished I could have been her mother because things would have worked out very differently in her life. > > That's the kind of daughter I've been. I had been conditioned to " mother my mother. " And I was way too good at it. But it made a difference to her to hear the words to her child-self. > > So, Annie, I want to say the same to you. I wish we all could have been there to rescue little Annie when she needed it most. I wish we could have been there to let you be a child, innocent and unaware. I wish we could un-do what had been done so that you could have all the time in the world to become a grown-up in your own sweet time. > I wish we could have let you focus on Barbie dolls, hula hoops and your bestest friend. That's what kids need to have to feel good. And of course, the loving arms of their parents where they can feel and actually be safe. > > I wish I could give that all to you and to everyone here. I wish I could give it to myself too. > The do-over is a fun and dreamy concept. I wish it were possible. > > And anyone who has endured a messed-up childhood and lived to tell about it has my virtual hug and respect. > > Amy > > Re: do-over > > This is hard for me to answer because the worst psychological damage was done to me before I was 5 years old. By 5 I'd been repeatedly physically and emotionally and quasi-sexually traumatized into total Stockholm Syndrome enmeshment with my nada (and enabling dad,) and when she and dad " dumped " me to move back to their home state when I was 33, it took me another 10 years of near-isolation and gradually making changes to become as " normal " and socialized as I am now. > > There is nothing that a toddler or preschooler can do to rescue himself or herself; under the circumstances I grew up in, there is nothing that I could do differently. > > I love Girlscout's idea, though. If it were possible for me to go back in time and rescue my infant-self, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That would be about the only " do-over " that would work for me, I think: getting me out of there. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.