Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Hi there, I'm checking in. I find it hard to visit lately. Hard to read other people's reality or my own. I think in a lot of ways I'm in denial right now about nada. I graduated college and I agreed to see her the week of graduation for the first time in 6 months. She wasn't bad really. Everything about her makes my skin crawl now though. I didn't talk to her on my graduation day and I ignored her calls on Christmas. I saw Tangled and it brought up all this anger I have at her. Then I found out more crappy details about my childhood, about my supposed father, and things that could have really helped me in life but she kept from me and now it's too late. Has anyone else hit this stage in NC where you just really don't want to think about it? It's not like I'm walking around wounded, I just am feeling kind of over it. Talking about BPD to people who don't " get it " is strenuous, but talking to people who do get it feels grating right now. I just want to live my life, be happy, be a good mom, and move on. Why can't I just move on? I've stepped away from the group before when it felt like my life issues had more to do with me then Nada, but now, I feel like I'm in control of my destiny. I have conquered college as a single mother, so nothing else seems as daunting. So the only real issue aside from normal every day problems is Nada. Yet I read the boards, I think of things to say, and then I just don't because it feels too involved. Is this a good sign or am I stepping backwards? Riah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Riah, I'm at the stage where I can only come and read messages every couple of days; it's just too hard. I wonder if I could funciton day to day, at work and at home, if I focused on this stuff all the time. My best bet is that you just need a *break* now and then. Alastriona Subject: Denial? To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, January 11, 2011, 1:21 AM Hi there, I'm checking in. I find it hard to visit lately. Hard to read other people's reality or my own. I think in a lot of ways I'm in denial right now about nada. I graduated college and I agreed to see her the week of graduation for the first time in 6 months. She wasn't bad really. Everything about her makes my skin crawl now though. I didn't talk to her on my graduation day and I ignored her calls on Christmas. I saw Tangled and it brought up all this anger I have at her. Then I found out more crappy details about my childhood, about my supposed father, and things that could have really helped me in life but she kept from me and now it's too late. Has anyone else hit this stage in NC where you just really don't want to think about it? It's not like I'm walking around wounded, I just am feeling kind of over it. Talking about BPD to people who don't " get it " is strenuous, but talking to people who do get it feels grating right now. I just want to live my life, be happy, be a good mom, and move on. Why can't I just move on? I've stepped away from the group before when it felt like my life issues had more to do with me then Nada, but now, I feel like I'm in control of my destiny. I have conquered college as a single mother, so nothing else seems as daunting. So the only real issue aside from normal every day problems is Nada. Yet I read the boards, I think of things to say, and then I just don't because it feels too involved. Is this a good sign or am I stepping backwards? Riah ------------------------------------ **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Thanks . I hope the weather isn't being too harsh on you. I think maybe you are right about the lull. It seems now that I find out something hurtful regarding Nada about once a month, but it just doesn't hit as hard as it used to. I joke that nada is her own " pandora's box " of crazy and I don't think there will ever be an end to the things that come out. Riah > > Has anyone else hit this stage in NC where you just really don't want to think about it? It's not like I'm walking around wounded, I just am feeling kind of over it. > > Talking about BPD to people who don't " get it " is strenuous, but talking to people who do get it feels grating right now. I just want to live my life, be happy, be a good mom, and move on. > > Why can't I just move on? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Thanks . I hope the weather isn't being too harsh on you. I think maybe you are right about the lull. It seems now that I find out something hurtful regarding Nada about once a month, but it just doesn't hit as hard as it used to. I joke that nada is her own " pandora's box " of crazy and I don't think there will ever be an end to the things that come out. Riah > > Has anyone else hit this stage in NC where you just really don't want to think about it? It's not like I'm walking around wounded, I just am feeling kind of over it. > > Talking about BPD to people who don't " get it " is strenuous, but talking to people who do get it feels grating right now. I just want to live my life, be happy, be a good mom, and move on. > > Why can't I just move on? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 > > Has anyone else hit this stage in NC where you just really don't want to think about it? It's not like I'm walking around wounded, I just am feeling kind of over it. > Talking about BPD to people who don't " get it " is strenuous, but talking to people who do get it feels grating right now. I just want to live my life, be happy, be a good mom, and move on. > Why can't I just move on? > > I've stepped away from the group before when it felt like my life issues had more to do with me then Nada, but now, I feel like I'm in control of my destiny. I have conquered college as a single mother, so nothing else seems as daunting. So the only real issue aside from normal every day problems is Nada. Yet I read the boards, I think of things to say, and then I just don't because it feels too involved. > > Is this a good sign or am I stepping backwards? > Dear Riah, Yeah, that's exactly where I am right now. Which is bad, because I'm trying to write a novel about two KO's who are a lot earlier in the process, and if you can't really feel the feelings anymore yourself, you aren't going to do a good job. I feel like I'm absolutely swamped by all the *other* problems left over from being a KO. Real world, practical problems like saying yes to wayyyy too much and now being stuck in too many obligations to take care of myself or enjoy my life, problems with right livelihood such that I have no finances and therefore no financial future, etc. All this is hopeless enough. Who wants to get all involved crying over nada anymore? My life is the one in real trouble here. I'm glad your life is going well. Keep in mind the reason we heal is to be happy, not to wallow in the tragedies on and on for the rest of our lives. If you can move on and your life is good and you're happy, more power to ya. --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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