Re: Neighbors, Vandals, KO Reaction

[Guest guest]

Hi Em, sorry I'm so late responding to your post. I finally managed to get some

sleep last night.. what a relief that is.

I agree with what the others have said about letting the cops handle things, and

the voice recorder is also a great idea... however, I know all too well how

ineffective the cops can be at times. I spent 13 yrs battling an ex husband who

harassed me so badly I went into hiding with my kids for fear he would

eventually kill me and/or my kids. It took me that long to learn how to

effectively fight back, at which time the harassment did stop. Cops were

ineffective, the courts were ineffective, telling me they wouldn't give me a

restraining order because " he hasn't hurt me yet " .

I don't know how much of this has to do with the abuse I was raised with, the

abuse I married into (the first time) or the abuse I suffered at school as a

child... but a day came along when I was in my mid 20's that I finally said, no

more. I tried so hard to always do " the right thing " and to do it " the right

way " and never got any effective results.

Do you or a friend or family member own a video camera you could use for a week

or 2? Documenting what is happening is the best way to fight back, a way to

offer solid proof that there is pot smoking, underage drinking going on,

excessive noise in the middle of the night. There are laws about those kinds of

things, but even if the cops don't handle it appropriately, there are still ways

to get it stopped. A video showing an underage person drinking alcohol, smoking

pot, and carrying on in such ways at night would give the local district

attorney an OBLIGATION to do something about it, all you'd need to do is present

the tape (and possibly write a statement or testify in court... and no, that

doesn't have to be as scary as it sounds... been there/done that).

Also, maybe its time for you to get together with some of the other neighbors

who have been doing the complaining? Having more than 1 person document the

drama can also help A LOT! I remember once setting my video camera up in a dark

room, on the tripod, in the window... duct tape over the little red light to

hide the fact that it was recording... it worked fairly well as I could just

walk away and go back every 6 hrs to change the tape. It took a few nights of

this before I captured anything useful, but by looking at the time I heard the

crap begin I was able to find it easily on the video tape without having to play

the whole way through.

Have you consulted any of the other neighbors about going over there together

when this is all happening? A group of you, never 1 or 2 alone... but if you

have the power of 10 people standing there demanding they stop, it does 2

things... it takes the finger pointing away from any 1 person and then it lets

them know that you have all had enough and are working together to make them

stop or leave/move. Intimidation does not have to be threatening, but it sure

is a powerful tool.

The problems with their " gifts " being left in your yard... I know what my

approach would be to that. Yes, it would cost me a few bucks I can't afford,

but I would (and have done) this before, it works VERY well. They make

sprinkler systems that go into the yard on a spike and can be anchored with a

chain so as not to be stolen. These are motion activated so only turn on when

they detect movement. (I can offer a link to one online if needed) I found

these when I grew tired of the entire neighborhood thinking our yard was a

sidewalk and leaving their garbage behind as well. I had 70+ yr old ladies with

canes stepping right over the small fence I could afford to put up to line the

boundary of our yard... it made me crazy and none of them seemed to care when I

tried to handle it " the right way " or when I called the cops. Most

outdoor/hunting stores sell animal scents for hunting purposes... Cabella's has

a huge selection. After the sprinkler I went shopping for a small (cheap)

bottle of skunk scent, with the idea of loading up a squirt gun and the

sprinkler both. Thus far I have never had to open the skunk scent, (thankfully)

but it is here just in case. After my shopping trip I made a point to spend

time outdoors greeting the few neighbors I knew at that time, and told ALL of

them what I had done and reminded them that it was all LEGAL because it was my

property and I was chasing " stray animals " away with it. Worked like a charm...

have not had a single person walk through my yard since word got out that I was

prepared to fight back. The neighbor dog that was crapping in my yard every

day... also stopped in a big hurry. He no longer roams the neighborhood as

freely as he used to. (yes, I tried handling that " the right way " but that

didn't work either)

Yes, I know this all sounds like a lot of work... but, if you think about it,

aren't you doing a lot of work already and getting no results? The way I

approach these types of situations is with the thought that if I have to go

through the trouble to " work " at resolving an issue someone else is causing for

me, then I, at very least expect my work to pay off and offer some results.

Some other examples of how effective my ideas have been... one of the worst

neighborhoods I have lived in during my life, full of drug dealers and gangs,

etc. but I had my own fenced in yard that was my haven away from it all, we

lived peacefully... for a while. Eventually we bought rabbits and built them a

hutch out in the yard and they began breeding (which is what we wanted). With 3

wk old baby rabbits out there the neighborhood kids started climbing over the

fence to steal them in the middle of the night. 1 at a time they began to

disappear and we were unable to catch anyone in the act. By the time the last

baby bunny (the 5th) was taken I was beside myself... and I called the cops yet

again. The cop that came to my house explained that if nobody witnessed the

theft then there was nothing they could do to prove who had taken the rabbits or

how. So... in a very loud voice that I was sure my neighbors would hear, I told

the cop thanks for nothing, I could see I would just have to handle it myself by

hooking a car battery up to my fence with jumper cables when I couldn't be out

there to watch it.

Of course the cop warned me that I couldn't do such a thing, that he would then

be back to arrest me... and I told him, even louder... " it takes you guys about

30 minutes or more to show up when I call, so that's 30 minutes for me to put

the battery and cables in the garage. How are you going to prove I did it

anymore than you can do so for my rabbits? " The cop said nothing. After the

cop left I went to the garage and found an old car battery that was no good that

my then bf had laying around and a pair of jumper cables. I set the battery

where it was in plain view and then proceeded to hook it to my fence before I

went into the house for the night.

Guess what? All of my rabbits were safe that night, and every other night after

that. Had someone tested it they would have discovered that I used an garbage

battery and it wasn't really " active " ... but who was gonna go touch it and try

just to find out? ;-)

Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves, and if we are thoughtful about the

process, there ARE effective ways to avoid continued harassment from others.

And, when the cops realize that you've been pushed over the edge enough to act

on your own, they get a lot more helpful in doing their duty, which can be quite

effective also. I refer to it as " pm " (police motivation).

So to sum it all up, there are 3 things to approaching this sort of thing, and

it helps rid you of the stress because you begin to feel like you're actually

doing something about the problem. Be sure the police are actively involved.

Get the other neighbors involved as much as possible and get PROOF of what is

happening, such as voice recordings and video of the activity. And, above

all... be creative! This is the part that relieves the most stress. For as

angry as I was at the time, I never thought I could laugh so hard after the

incident with the skunk scent and sprinkler... the look on my neighbor's face

when I told him about it, and the days we began counting where nobody came

through our yard, we got a great laugh out of how " easy " it was to fix such a

big problem.

Best of luck to you!

> >

> > Well, fellow KOs, I have been mulling over putting this question to the

> > list for a few days and decided to, so here goes. I'll try to be brief - HA!

-

> > we all say that, right? :-)

> > I am trying to figure out if my reaction to something that happened

> > recently is because I'm a KO, or if anybody would be as upset as I am.

> > DH and I own a house in a small but bustling town. We are within walking

> > distance of the restaurants, shops, bars, library, etc., but the

neighborhood

> > is residential. It is historically designated - the buildings are a

> > mixture of styles and types. Ours was built in 1926 on a double lot, with

the

> > house on the edge, the detached garage set back in the lot's middle and a

> > guest house on the other side at the back. There's an alley. The

neighboring

> > house is also built to the edge so they are close.

> > The neighborhood was very quiet - pin drop quiet at night - until the

> > neighbor, who lives in her guest house, rented her front house, the one

close to

> > us, to three teenagers. And all Hell erupted. Three days after they moved

> > in, after three days of listening to them screaming and yelling, the two

> > girls were having a vicious screaming fight at one a.m. and I finally

snapped

> > and went outside and yelled over the fence to shut up, people were trying

> > to sleep.

> > Since then the noise has continued unrelenting. There is underage drinking

> > and pot smoking. The neighbors across the street have complained to the

> > landlord-neighbor about there partying on the front porch (which we hear of

> > course because it's close to our sun-porch) and the neighbors to the other

> > side have complained about the partying on the patio on that side.

> > The landlord-neighbor has gone out on several occasions to tell them to

> > keep it down but it doesn't get through. Mostly she either doesn't hear it

> > (um, Ambien haze? or pretends not to hear it.)

> > One of the girls has some kind of mental pathology. I think she may be

> > borderline or bipolar. She screams and yells at her roommates so much that

she

> > starts coughing. She's completely psycho. We can hear every word - with

> > their windows shut and our windows shut. They run, bang, crash, yell. Slam

the

> > doors.

> > So much for enjoying the lovely weather and windows open we usually have at

> > this time of year..

> > Anyway, right before Christmas the girls were having a party, screaming and

> > yelling as usual, and DD and I went out to the 7-11 for something. We came

> > home, then later went out to put out our Christmas yard lights and walk

> > the dog. Between that time, about an hour and a half, someone had dumped a

> > full tray of dirty cat litter on the sidewalk in front of our house, right

by

> > the mailbox.

> > So my husband says I should sweep it up and take it back, which I did. I

> > just returned it to their doorstep. They never saw me do it. And we figured

> > it would be the end of it.

> > Let me be clear - there is nobody else in this neighborhood that would do

> > this - the old lady on the other side loves us because we take out her

> > garbage, etc. And yes, the teens have three cats they got from the pound.

> > So the screaming and yelling continued, and the landlord-neighbor told us

> > she was consulting a lawyer about evicting them because she was getting so

> > many complaints.

> > The bizarre thing about the kitty litter is that at that point we hadn't

> > been complaining to her a lot - the other neighbors were doing it for us.

> > So a couple of days after Christmas sometime after one a.m. they covered

> > our yard in fruit loops, hot dogs and torn up white bread.

> > We called the police and filed a report. There was a trail leading back

> > next door, but the cop couldn't find the wrappers.

> > We called the landlord-neighbor at work and told her. She said she would

> > " talk to them. " Well, I heard her talking to them. She told them " I know

you

> > are good people, " etc.

> > Say what? Does she not hear them? Did she not see our yard? She told us

> > they had alibis. The psycho girl was playing Wii. Hahahahahahaha. Geez. This

> > woman has no children - she has not had teenagers to deal with. Give me a

> > break. Wii as an alibi. I'd like to see that in court.

> > We have installed a dummy video camera that looks very realistic on the

> > front of the house, and we are ordering a DVR video that is linked to a

> > motion activated light. This is money we really don't need to be spending

but we

> > are so uncomfortable about someone vandalizing our cars or the house that

> > it is a must.

> > We will also be putting in a wood fence between the properties - there is

> > already a chain link, but we're hoping the wood will stop noise, and

> > unfortunately her history of renting shows that she has bad judgment about

> > people. She's had a couple other doozy tenants too - didn't bother us, but

she

> > had problems. Interestingly, for the houses being so close, the other

> > tenants, one batch of two and the last of three, didn't make objectional

noise,

> > either.

> >

> > So to get to the point of my letter, this has upset me so much that it has

> > ruined the holiday season. I have tried not to let it get to me, but I feel

> > violated and as though my own home's sanctity is disturbed.

> > It has taken me back to a very bad place - a time back in 2002 when

> > someone did something similar to us in a condo we owned. DH and I had a

party for

> > a group of theater people. A male couple had it in for us because they

> > thought we owned a cat in the no pet building, and they couldn't prove it.

> > They were just a couple of old nuts. They saw us carrying in party

> > supplies. At 11 on the dot they called the police with a noise complaint.

The cop

> > came to the door, very apologetic, said he had to appear but not to worry

> > about it because he could hear coming up the hall that we weren't noisy.

> > (The cop was the hit of the party - everybody was over 40 - they all said

> > they'd never had the cops called on them before. They still talk about it.

> > )

> > The next morning somebody left a brown bag by our door, and when I opened

> > it expecting pastries or fruit, because we had a lot of friends in the

> > building, and were well-liked by many, I found human feces. Later the male

> > couple told another older couple in the building that they did it and the

older

> > couple told the manager - nobody else found this anything but despicable.

> > The police were called, but of course nothing could be done.

> > At the time we had our apartment up for sale and I was three days away

> > from major surgery. So this was a real bad time in our life.

> > And this food on the lawn incident has taken me back there to that time

> > and place.

> > I'm trying to overcome this. And figure out how much of my reaction is due

> > to being a KO. I do know that depression can be anger turned inward, and

> > when I was battling wasps that were attracted to the sweet cereal and

trying

> > to clean up the lawn I was so enraged I could have killed someone, which

> > wasn't a healthy place to be in my mind.

> > I'm also finding it real hard to be social with the neighbor-landlord. I

> > kind of want to kick her arse, ala sailor Doug, lol.

> > Any insight will be appreciated.

> > Em

> >

> >

> >

> >