So Fed Up

[Guest guest]

My Nada has never been officially diagnosed, but my husband and I are pretty

sure she has BPD. One Christmas, she wanted to come visit us, and we agreed.

She showed up, with a bunch of garbage bags full of her stuff, her husband

dropped her off at our house, because he was going up north to visit his

children and grandchildren. She tells us after she is in our tiny house with all

this stuff, that she's leaving him. After 5 days of her ruining our Christmas

with her erratic behavior, I finally called her husband and told him what was

going on. Guess what? He had NO IDEA that she was leaving him. When we called

her on her lie, she wanted to go to a motel, so we took her to one, even though

she did not have a car, because she insisted. The very next day she called

sounding pitiful and told us she was " sick " and had left her cooler at our

house, which we took to her, but I made my husband take it to her room because

by that point, I was beyond fed up. Then, a day later, her husband came and got

her and they've been as happy as clams ever since. I really don't understand

why she would do all that and ruin our Christmas if not just for attention.

After that incident, we are leery of having her visit us, because we never know

what to expect. I didn't invite or tell her I was getting married, and it broke

my heart because sometimes she acts normal, and every mother wants to see their

daughter get married, right? But it was too big of a risk to take, and she

probably would have ruined our wedding and made it all about her, and I would be

a terrible person for saying anything about her behavior. There are many other

incidents besides these I could tell about, but I would be here typing all day.

I really want to go NC with her, but she's 62, and I worry about her. I'm the

only child, and her husband is 10 years older than her. When he dies, I don't

know what she will do. The thought of her moving near me makes me sick at my

stomach, because she is so destructive. Has anyone else on here had to make

this kind of decision? I know we are supposed to help take care of our parents

when they get older, but she would destroy me and my marriage and love every

minute of it if she could. I am open to any suggestions. I really like being a

part of this message board and reading everyone's stories. I don't feel so

isolated when I know there are MANY others out there that have to deal with this

on a daily basis.