Re: i would like to stop attracting BPs into my life

[Guest guest]

I am sorry for all that you have been through, and I can't believe how hard it

must have been to rid these people out of your life, and maintain those

boundaries.

You wrote: " As a true NPD does, they

quickly search for a new victim to feed off of...it is an energy thing as much

as anything else. Once you cut off their supply, they will eventually move on. "

This is my new line of strategy with my boss. Previously, I documented crazy

things she did, and took the evidence to supervisors above her, with the

expectation that she would be held accountable. I don't know what's wrong with

those supervisors, because either they are enamored of the BP's clingy intense

love and sucking up, or they are emotionally wacky themselves, but they

certainly are not interested in holding her accountable. Maybe they are just

staying out of the line of fire. Who knows? But they make it out as if I am

the one being contentious and not following her directions. I ended up not

being able to sleep and being under so much anxiety and stress that it disrupted

my entire life! I kept pushing myself, because the job itself is good and good

for my resume, especially in this economy, and I told myself that I have to

confront these issues, because otherwise they will continue to follow me.

Staying in the battle and confronting her, and dealing with it directly has

reduced my dissociation symptoms of PTSD. I have really benefited in the sense

of being able to deal with confrontation and emotionally wacky people without

going into PTSD dissociation nor PTSD anxiety. All of this strengthened me such

that I visited the FOO for a short afternoon after 5 years of NC. I keep

telling myself this crazy woman has been put into my path for a reason, and I am

trying to have this experience strengthen me!! It's not easy.

So, my new strategy is not to put my emotional energy into it. Obviously,

nothing is going to change. This week, I avoided a meeting with her, and I do

think she will find a new victim. I don't know quite how to remove my energy

from her issues, but that seems to be the next level of lesson that this

experience is supposed to teach me. I do know that, although my PTSD symptoms

have lessened, I still have a lot of the stress (the " S " in PTSD) and I think

about this woman in fear a lot of the time when I am not at work. A lot of my

conversations to my friends are about her. I wonder if the next level of my

healing involves not being drawn into the ego-games and anxiety and stress of

the crazy people. I still think that all of this is put in my path such that I

can deal with my FOO, and heal myself from my FOO once and for all. I have to

make meaning of it.

The tactics that I can come up with to not have this woman at work completely

stress me out include: general stress reduction for my life (I think this is my

priority/resolution for this year: to reduce stress, I tend to operate under

survival mode most of the time, and this cannot be good for my health and well

being), to avoid her as much as possible (as I did with the meeting this week),

to not react to her (harder to do...), and I still don't know how to get my fear

and anxiety about her out of my head for the hours when I am not at work.

I am reading a book " the ten commandments of working in a hostile environment "

by TD Jakes. I haven't gotten very far into the book, but he writes about not

looking for appreciation at work. This is hard to do, but it is helping me. I

did feel so frustrated that she doesn't see how hard I work, nor the supervisors

above her seem to know how hard I work. They don't seem to care. In the book,

Jakes writes about getting appreciation from our personal lives, and from our

faith. This is harder to do, but that lesson helped me stay out of a conflict

this week that I would have probably gotten into had I not read the book.

There was a larger meeting where the supervisor above her lauded her efforts and

commended her on how great she is. I would have said something cynical or

questioned him, dealt with it really directly out of complete frustration at

their not seeing that she does things on paper but not in reality (!), before

reading this book... which I now realize is not such a smart strategy. I had

the book with me during the meeting, and just looked down at the page, and I got

through the meeting, thinking, God knows what I do. TD Jakes writes that it's

like Superman or any other superhero who has a regular job with their

superperson clothes on underneath. I got through that meeting, without saying a

thing, which is a large success for me. I hope this is strengthening me.

I will continue to read the TD Jakes book, and use the strategy of avoidance.

Most of all, my goal is to get to a place where she gets no emotional reaction

out of me. I wonder if this will be possible. She is pretty predictable, as

all BPs are... I can see now where she tends to cause confusion and attack. And

I hope she finds another victim for her energy-source. I need to reclaim my

emotional energy for my own life, and stop contributing the the black hole of PD

energy supply. How do I do this? Does anyone have other suggestions?

I think that all experiences come to us to teach us, and whatever I am learning

here will apply to my reactions to the FOO and to other people I meet in the

future.

I do know that my number one resolution this year is to reduce stress. Does

anyone have suggestions on how to do this, as well?? I notice, that underneath

the dissociation of PTSD, I also lived with enormous amounts of stress and have

been taking on much more than one person can do for all of my life. I grew up

in an environment where nada pushed and drove me to override my personal

boundaries and feelings and personal inclinations and preferences. It is a

constant effort on my part, to aknowledge that there are things i do not want to

do, in fact, there are things that I cannot do. And that is okay. I recently

said " no " to something that would have brought more income in, but my health and

well being are more important. I am realizing now that constant stress is as

detrimental to health as any of the bad choices we hear about are. I want this

to be the year where I control my stress, and feel relaxed more of the time, I

am new to this and learnign how to do this.

The other thing work is teaching me is how to manage conflict better. I think I

made the mistake with the supervisors by complaining about her, instead of just

her actions, I could have made a stronger case by complaining about her job

performance as per her job description, instead of complaining about her irratic

behavior. I don't know, there is also no winning with PDs, no matter what I do,

I was still feeding her energy, right?

I hope that there is a purpose to these difficulties, that I look back someday

and think, I did learn a lot from having to deal with that woman daily.

Thanks for reading all of this, and any advice you have would be greatly

appreciated.

many hugs,

walkingto happiness

> >

> > Jaie, I'd love to hear your tactics for getting NPD/BPD's to leave your life

voluntarily. For me they stick like glue and I have to use a crowbar to pry

them off of me.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am sorry for all that you have been through, and I can't believe how hard it

must have been to rid these people out of your life, and maintain those

boundaries.

You wrote: " As a true NPD does, they

quickly search for a new victim to feed off of...it is an energy thing as much

as anything else. Once you cut off their supply, they will eventually move on. "

This is my new line of strategy with my boss. Previously, I documented crazy

things she did, and took the evidence to supervisors above her, with the

expectation that she would be held accountable. I don't know what's wrong with

those supervisors, because either they are enamored of the BP's clingy intense

love and sucking up, or they are emotionally wacky themselves, but they

certainly are not interested in holding her accountable. Maybe they are just

staying out of the line of fire. Who knows? But they make it out as if I am

the one being contentious and not following her directions. I ended up not

being able to sleep and being under so much anxiety and stress that it disrupted

my entire life! I kept pushing myself, because the job itself is good and good

for my resume, especially in this economy, and I told myself that I have to

confront these issues, because otherwise they will continue to follow me.

Staying in the battle and confronting her, and dealing with it directly has

reduced my dissociation symptoms of PTSD. I have really benefited in the sense

of being able to deal with confrontation and emotionally wacky people without

going into PTSD dissociation nor PTSD anxiety. All of this strengthened me such

that I visited the FOO for a short afternoon after 5 years of NC. I keep

telling myself this crazy woman has been put into my path for a reason, and I am

trying to have this experience strengthen me!! It's not easy.

So, my new strategy is not to put my emotional energy into it. Obviously,

nothing is going to change. This week, I avoided a meeting with her, and I do

think she will find a new victim. I don't know quite how to remove my energy

from her issues, but that seems to be the next level of lesson that this

experience is supposed to teach me. I do know that, although my PTSD symptoms

have lessened, I still have a lot of the stress (the " S " in PTSD) and I think

about this woman in fear a lot of the time when I am not at work. A lot of my

conversations to my friends are about her. I wonder if the next level of my

healing involves not being drawn into the ego-games and anxiety and stress of

the crazy people. I still think that all of this is put in my path such that I

can deal with my FOO, and heal myself from my FOO once and for all. I have to

make meaning of it.

The tactics that I can come up with to not have this woman at work completely

stress me out include: general stress reduction for my life (I think this is my

priority/resolution for this year: to reduce stress, I tend to operate under

survival mode most of the time, and this cannot be good for my health and well

being), to avoid her as much as possible (as I did with the meeting this week),

to not react to her (harder to do...), and I still don't know how to get my fear

and anxiety about her out of my head for the hours when I am not at work.

I am reading a book " the ten commandments of working in a hostile environment "

by TD Jakes. I haven't gotten very far into the book, but he writes about not

looking for appreciation at work. This is hard to do, but it is helping me. I

did feel so frustrated that she doesn't see how hard I work, nor the supervisors

above her seem to know how hard I work. They don't seem to care. In the book,

Jakes writes about getting appreciation from our personal lives, and from our

faith. This is harder to do, but that lesson helped me stay out of a conflict

this week that I would have probably gotten into had I not read the book.

There was a larger meeting where the supervisor above her lauded her efforts and

commended her on how great she is. I would have said something cynical or

questioned him, dealt with it really directly out of complete frustration at

their not seeing that she does things on paper but not in reality (!), before

reading this book... which I now realize is not such a smart strategy. I had

the book with me during the meeting, and just looked down at the page, and I got

through the meeting, thinking, God knows what I do. TD Jakes writes that it's

like Superman or any other superhero who has a regular job with their

superperson clothes on underneath. I got through that meeting, without saying a

thing, which is a large success for me. I hope this is strengthening me.

I will continue to read the TD Jakes book, and use the strategy of avoidance.

Most of all, my goal is to get to a place where she gets no emotional reaction

out of me. I wonder if this will be possible. She is pretty predictable, as

all BPs are... I can see now where she tends to cause confusion and attack. And

I hope she finds another victim for her energy-source. I need to reclaim my

emotional energy for my own life, and stop contributing the the black hole of PD

energy supply. How do I do this? Does anyone have other suggestions?

I think that all experiences come to us to teach us, and whatever I am learning

here will apply to my reactions to the FOO and to other people I meet in the

future.

I do know that my number one resolution this year is to reduce stress. Does

anyone have suggestions on how to do this, as well?? I notice, that underneath

the dissociation of PTSD, I also lived with enormous amounts of stress and have

been taking on much more than one person can do for all of my life. I grew up

in an environment where nada pushed and drove me to override my personal

boundaries and feelings and personal inclinations and preferences. It is a

constant effort on my part, to aknowledge that there are things i do not want to

do, in fact, there are things that I cannot do. And that is okay. I recently

said " no " to something that would have brought more income in, but my health and

well being are more important. I am realizing now that constant stress is as

detrimental to health as any of the bad choices we hear about are. I want this

to be the year where I control my stress, and feel relaxed more of the time, I

am new to this and learnign how to do this.

The other thing work is teaching me is how to manage conflict better. I think I

made the mistake with the supervisors by complaining about her, instead of just

her actions, I could have made a stronger case by complaining about her job

performance as per her job description, instead of complaining about her irratic

behavior. I don't know, there is also no winning with PDs, no matter what I do,

I was still feeding her energy, right?

I hope that there is a purpose to these difficulties, that I look back someday

and think, I did learn a lot from having to deal with that woman daily.

Thanks for reading all of this, and any advice you have would be greatly

appreciated.

many hugs,

walkingto happiness

> >

> > Jaie, I'd love to hear your tactics for getting NPD/BPD's to leave your life

voluntarily. For me they stick like glue and I have to use a crowbar to pry

them off of me.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Joy, thanks for these strategies, I will try, but I am scared, if I walk away,

she will probably follow me! I left a meeting to go to the restroom and she

wrote a letter about " my temper " to a supervisor above me, stating that " she has

to excuse herself to the restroom during meetings because of her temper " . Which

made me mad.

I just wish I could not be emotionally involved with these PDs!!!!

I will get stronger, I hope. Just walking away does work with difficult people

in general.

I will keep trying.

WTH

>

> Hi Millicent,

>

> I had this problem with a npd-ish coworker. Of course, dont know if they were

diagnosed but they exhibited all the warning signs. There was a rumor going

around work they were also bipolar. I know for a fact they are also an alcoholic

and a chronic drug user.

>

> When I had to work solely with them, they talked about their problems non-stop

to me. It got really irritating after awhile. I didn't think to set a boundary

in that area, but I've noticed acting very uninterested works well.

>

> Also, acting bored and not feeding into their drama also works well. If they

ask you questions answer them with things like " maybe.. " " I guess " ...uh-huh,

sure...(and change the subject to something mundane if you have to like the

weather. It silently communicates your boundaries. They'll get the hint. If they

don't, just walk away.

>

> I was surprised how something so socially awkward as walking away when they

are in mid-sentence is so effective. I started doing that. I also started using

sarcasm (in small doses) and humor. It also helped keep me mentally detached

from their drama. They LOVE sucking people into their problems and their mental

climate.

>

> Joy

>

> ---

[Guest guest]

Fiona,

Thanks for shortening my name to " Happiness " i like that. Yes, yes yes, what is

the deal with being surrounded by PDs???? I think that working off some karma

is the only explanation...

SO typical what you describe-- there was something I disagreed about and it

soured the relationship. I am in that situation with my boss.

Normal people can handle that others have different viewpoints and often, there

is not agreement. It's normal and healthy to have disagreement. It would be a

scary world if we were all clones, especially clones of PD people! I

complained about unethical things this PD boss was doing, and even before that,

she attacked me from the first day I was there. I didn't think I had many other

job options at the time, and I still dont-- what I do is specialized. I also

decided to stick it out, because I thought, if I don't deal with these issues

they will follow me elsewhere. It has made me stronger, and helped with my

PTSD dissociation/anxiety, cured me actually. But at a cost. I didn't sleep

the first few months I worked there. My anxiety is high; I think about my

frustration often when I am not at work. I complain to my friends all the time.

Yet I have reacted like you describe. I feel like I have to demonstrate that I

do see her as my boss, and so I do go to her to ask for the things one would ask

of a boss, and it's a struggle every time. I try to fulfill the duties expected

of me, despite her. About a month ago, a friend suggested that I make my mental

health a priority. I had reached a high level of stress, and I vented to a

friend of mine that I just couldn't anymore. I really didn't know how I was

going to go back into work. My friend suggested that I avoid her, that I go

around her, that I cut corners. So, I have been doing that, and it is helping

my mental health a lot. It is not my style to cut corners, but the supervisors

above her don't care. Their main concern seems to be to avoid conflict, or the

appearance of conflict. I have been cutting all kinds of corners, anything I

can do to avoid her. It is not a normal work situation, and, as my friend

pointed out, I will not be asking her for a recommendation in the future! (Can

you imagine?)...

Yes, so now my mental health is my main concern instead of filling the duties of

my job. Writing this is an epiphany moment for me, because I realize how I was

putting my mental health on the line just to seem like I was being dutiful.

Wow. It's not just nada's training, because there are some other people in my

division who get kicked around by her, and they take it. I think one of them

told me his parents used to physically abuse him. Sorry, you're on your own, if

he's her next victim, better for me! I am about saving my own mental health

right now. This is what it comes down to with a PD, saving one's own mental

health!!

Yes, I guess this is not cutting corners per se, but rather, creating

boundaries. I am creating boundaries in a difficult and hostile work

environment. My friend who encouraged me to create these boundaries, asked me

what will they do? I think the supervisors above her will leave me alone the

less I go complaining to them. And everytime I complain to them, I feed her

energy. Now, my strategy is changing to one of not feeding her energy, instead

of fulfilling my work responsibilities to a " T " . Maybe less is enough in this

hostile environment!

Thanks for the support,

Hugs

Happiness

>

> Happiness,

>

> I'm with you! now that I'm aware of PDs and specifically, BPDs, I find myself

SURROUNDED by them.

>

> I think Millicent is right, too. I have tended to be a bit passive,

people-pleaser type and BPDs seem to find the validation and attention they

crave from me.

>

> I once posted about a woman I work with who may as well have had a sign around

her neck saying, " BPD ALERT!!! " and I just didn't see it until recently. Our

relationship turned sour -- because I disagreed with her about something.

Usually, in the past, I would act like nothing happen and do my best to please

her (or the other BPDs in my life).

>

> This time, I made clear I wasn't pleased, withdrew from her, told her I would

no longer be joining her for coffee. She didn't like it, but it felt GREAT to

make MY wishes known.

>

> good luck to you!

[Guest guest]

Fiona,

Thanks for shortening my name to " Happiness " i like that. Yes, yes yes, what is

the deal with being surrounded by PDs???? I think that working off some karma

is the only explanation...

SO typical what you describe-- there was something I disagreed about and it

soured the relationship. I am in that situation with my boss.

Normal people can handle that others have different viewpoints and often, there

is not agreement. It's normal and healthy to have disagreement. It would be a

scary world if we were all clones, especially clones of PD people! I

complained about unethical things this PD boss was doing, and even before that,

she attacked me from the first day I was there. I didn't think I had many other

job options at the time, and I still dont-- what I do is specialized. I also

decided to stick it out, because I thought, if I don't deal with these issues

they will follow me elsewhere. It has made me stronger, and helped with my

PTSD dissociation/anxiety, cured me actually. But at a cost. I didn't sleep

the first few months I worked there. My anxiety is high; I think about my

frustration often when I am not at work. I complain to my friends all the time.

Yet I have reacted like you describe. I feel like I have to demonstrate that I

do see her as my boss, and so I do go to her to ask for the things one would ask

of a boss, and it's a struggle every time. I try to fulfill the duties expected

of me, despite her. About a month ago, a friend suggested that I make my mental

health a priority. I had reached a high level of stress, and I vented to a

friend of mine that I just couldn't anymore. I really didn't know how I was

going to go back into work. My friend suggested that I avoid her, that I go

around her, that I cut corners. So, I have been doing that, and it is helping

my mental health a lot. It is not my style to cut corners, but the supervisors

above her don't care. Their main concern seems to be to avoid conflict, or the

appearance of conflict. I have been cutting all kinds of corners, anything I

can do to avoid her. It is not a normal work situation, and, as my friend

pointed out, I will not be asking her for a recommendation in the future! (Can

you imagine?)...

Yes, so now my mental health is my main concern instead of filling the duties of

my job. Writing this is an epiphany moment for me, because I realize how I was

putting my mental health on the line just to seem like I was being dutiful.

Wow. It's not just nada's training, because there are some other people in my

division who get kicked around by her, and they take it. I think one of them

told me his parents used to physically abuse him. Sorry, you're on your own, if

he's her next victim, better for me! I am about saving my own mental health

right now. This is what it comes down to with a PD, saving one's own mental

health!!

Yes, I guess this is not cutting corners per se, but rather, creating

boundaries. I am creating boundaries in a difficult and hostile work

environment. My friend who encouraged me to create these boundaries, asked me

what will they do? I think the supervisors above her will leave me alone the

less I go complaining to them. And everytime I complain to them, I feed her

energy. Now, my strategy is changing to one of not feeding her energy, instead

of fulfilling my work responsibilities to a " T " . Maybe less is enough in this

hostile environment!

Thanks for the support,

Hugs

Happiness

>

> Happiness,

>

> I'm with you! now that I'm aware of PDs and specifically, BPDs, I find myself

SURROUNDED by them.

>

> I think Millicent is right, too. I have tended to be a bit passive,

people-pleaser type and BPDs seem to find the validation and attention they

crave from me.

>

> I once posted about a woman I work with who may as well have had a sign around

her neck saying, " BPD ALERT!!! " and I just didn't see it until recently. Our

relationship turned sour -- because I disagreed with her about something.

Usually, in the past, I would act like nothing happen and do my best to please

her (or the other BPDs in my life).

>

> This time, I made clear I wasn't pleased, withdrew from her, told her I would

no longer be joining her for coffee. She didn't like it, but it felt GREAT to

make MY wishes known.

>

> good luck to you!

[Guest guest]

The " Medium Chill " technique can work pretty well when you need to emotionally

distance yourself from a co-worker who is giving off personality-disorder vibes.

You're there and present for them but you're not giving them any emotional

feedback; you're neither empathetic nor hostile, your neither aggressive nor

vulnerable, you're just... neutral, and quietly strong.

-Annie

>

>

> Joy, thanks for these strategies, I will try, but I am scared, if I walk away,

she will probably follow me! I left a meeting to go to the restroom and she

wrote a letter about " my temper " to a supervisor above me, stating that " she has

to excuse herself to the restroom during meetings because of her temper " . Which

made me mad.

>

> I just wish I could not be emotionally involved with these PDs!!!!

> I will get stronger, I hope. Just walking away does work with difficult

people in general.

>

> I will keep trying.

> WTH

[Guest guest]

The " Medium Chill " technique can work pretty well when you need to emotionally

distance yourself from a co-worker who is giving off personality-disorder vibes.

You're there and present for them but you're not giving them any emotional

feedback; you're neither empathetic nor hostile, your neither aggressive nor

vulnerable, you're just... neutral, and quietly strong.

-Annie

>

>

> Joy, thanks for these strategies, I will try, but I am scared, if I walk away,

she will probably follow me! I left a meeting to go to the restroom and she

wrote a letter about " my temper " to a supervisor above me, stating that " she has

to excuse herself to the restroom during meetings because of her temper " . Which

made me mad.

>

> I just wish I could not be emotionally involved with these PDs!!!!

> I will get stronger, I hope. Just walking away does work with difficult

people in general.

>

> I will keep trying.

> WTH

[Guest guest]

The " Medium Chill " technique can work pretty well when you need to emotionally

distance yourself from a co-worker who is giving off personality-disorder vibes.

You're there and present for them but you're not giving them any emotional

feedback; you're neither empathetic nor hostile, your neither aggressive nor

vulnerable, you're just... neutral, and quietly strong.

-Annie

>

>

> Joy, thanks for these strategies, I will try, but I am scared, if I walk away,

she will probably follow me! I left a meeting to go to the restroom and she

wrote a letter about " my temper " to a supervisor above me, stating that " she has

to excuse herself to the restroom during meetings because of her temper " . Which

made me mad.

>

> I just wish I could not be emotionally involved with these PDs!!!!

> I will get stronger, I hope. Just walking away does work with difficult

people in general.

>

> I will keep trying.

> WTH

[Guest guest]

Wow Jaie, you have really been through hell and back - good for you for getting

them out of your life. I can't imagine how scary it must be to be married to a

personality disordered person and have children with them and have to get out.

It sounds like you had one hell of a battle plan and I'm so glad it all worked

out for you. Your plan to become less appealing to your ex was wonderfully

devious - it makes sense to change the things that they are wanting you for.

But still it's a shame to have to go to such lengths!

> >

> > Jaie, I'd love to hear your tactics for getting NPD/BPD's to leave your life

voluntarily. For me they stick like glue and I have to use a crowbar to pry

them off of me.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow Jaie, you have really been through hell and back - good for you for getting

them out of your life. I can't imagine how scary it must be to be married to a

personality disordered person and have children with them and have to get out.

It sounds like you had one hell of a battle plan and I'm so glad it all worked

out for you. Your plan to become less appealing to your ex was wonderfully

devious - it makes sense to change the things that they are wanting you for.

But still it's a shame to have to go to such lengths!

> >

> > Jaie, I'd love to hear your tactics for getting NPD/BPD's to leave your life

voluntarily. For me they stick like glue and I have to use a crowbar to pry

them off of me.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Happiness,

" I do know that my number one resolution this year is to reduce stress. Does

anyone have suggestions on how to do this, as well?? I notice, that underneath

the dissociation of PTSD, I also lived with enormous amounts of stress and have

been taking on much more than one person can do for all of my life. I grew up in

an environment where nada pushed and drove me to override my personal boundaries

and feelings and personal inclinations and preferences. It is a constant effort

on my part, to aknowledge that there are things i do not want to do, in fact,

there are things that I cannot do. "

Boy, have you ever got that right. All I ever did as a kid was work and work

and work and work, and I hated it. And now all I do as an adult is work and

work and work and work...and I hate it.

Sad to say the best way not to end up like this is don't accept the jobs in the

first place, like you just did. There are many, many jobs you take on that are

almost impossible to get out of once you say the " Y " word.

I learned as a child that if anyone said " do this, " I had to do it, that I was a

dumb little kid, and that if anyone had a request of me it certainly must be

reasonable, since I didn't know what was reasonable myself and was most

certainly lazy (nada's favorite word.) I learned that you did and did and did

your work, and did your work, and did your work, and ONLY when you were done did

you get to do what you liked (which was stupid, laughable goofing off.)

When you get to be an adult, though, you NEVER get to the end of work, so it's

NEVER time to do what you like. Especially if you keep saying " yes " to everyone

all the time.

--.

[Guest guest]

Happiness,

" I do know that my number one resolution this year is to reduce stress. Does

anyone have suggestions on how to do this, as well?? I notice, that underneath

the dissociation of PTSD, I also lived with enormous amounts of stress and have

been taking on much more than one person can do for all of my life. I grew up in

an environment where nada pushed and drove me to override my personal boundaries

and feelings and personal inclinations and preferences. It is a constant effort

on my part, to aknowledge that there are things i do not want to do, in fact,

there are things that I cannot do. "

Boy, have you ever got that right. All I ever did as a kid was work and work

and work and work, and I hated it. And now all I do as an adult is work and

work and work and work...and I hate it.

Sad to say the best way not to end up like this is don't accept the jobs in the

first place, like you just did. There are many, many jobs you take on that are

almost impossible to get out of once you say the " Y " word.

I learned as a child that if anyone said " do this, " I had to do it, that I was a

dumb little kid, and that if anyone had a request of me it certainly must be

reasonable, since I didn't know what was reasonable myself and was most

certainly lazy (nada's favorite word.) I learned that you did and did and did

your work, and did your work, and did your work, and ONLY when you were done did

you get to do what you liked (which was stupid, laughable goofing off.)

When you get to be an adult, though, you NEVER get to the end of work, so it's

NEVER time to do what you like. Especially if you keep saying " yes " to everyone

all the time.

--.

[Guest guest]

Happiness,

" I do know that my number one resolution this year is to reduce stress. Does

anyone have suggestions on how to do this, as well?? I notice, that underneath

the dissociation of PTSD, I also lived with enormous amounts of stress and have

been taking on much more than one person can do for all of my life. I grew up in

an environment where nada pushed and drove me to override my personal boundaries

and feelings and personal inclinations and preferences. It is a constant effort

on my part, to aknowledge that there are things i do not want to do, in fact,

there are things that I cannot do. "

Boy, have you ever got that right. All I ever did as a kid was work and work

and work and work, and I hated it. And now all I do as an adult is work and

work and work and work...and I hate it.

Sad to say the best way not to end up like this is don't accept the jobs in the

first place, like you just did. There are many, many jobs you take on that are

almost impossible to get out of once you say the " Y " word.

I learned as a child that if anyone said " do this, " I had to do it, that I was a

dumb little kid, and that if anyone had a request of me it certainly must be

reasonable, since I didn't know what was reasonable myself and was most

certainly lazy (nada's favorite word.) I learned that you did and did and did

your work, and did your work, and did your work, and ONLY when you were done did

you get to do what you liked (which was stupid, laughable goofing off.)

When you get to be an adult, though, you NEVER get to the end of work, so it's

NEVER time to do what you like. Especially if you keep saying " yes " to everyone

all the time.

--.

[Guest guest]

It is a shame that we have to change our basic nature in order to avoid conflict

and great emotional harm. The tragic thing is the sick ones have no ability or

desire to stop themselves. Moving your buttons works wonders - that just means

no matter what they say, know that it is about them and not you and don't react.

With practice, it can be done no matter who the BPD is to you. Wish you the

best!

>

> Wow Jaie, you have really been through hell and back - good for you for

getting them out of your life. I can't imagine how scary it must be to be

married to a personality disordered person and have children with them and have

to get out. It sounds like you had one hell of a battle plan and I'm so glad it

all worked out for you. Your plan to become less appealing to your ex was

wonderfully devious - it makes sense to change the things that they are wanting

you for. But still it's a shame to have to go to such lengths!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It is a shame that we have to change our basic nature in order to avoid conflict

and great emotional harm. The tragic thing is the sick ones have no ability or

desire to stop themselves. Moving your buttons works wonders - that just means

no matter what they say, know that it is about them and not you and don't react.

With practice, it can be done no matter who the BPD is to you. Wish you the

best!

>

> Wow Jaie, you have really been through hell and back - good for you for

getting them out of your life. I can't imagine how scary it must be to be

married to a personality disordered person and have children with them and have

to get out. It sounds like you had one hell of a battle plan and I'm so glad it

all worked out for you. Your plan to become less appealing to your ex was

wonderfully devious - it makes sense to change the things that they are wanting

you for. But still it's a shame to have to go to such lengths!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It is a shame that we have to change our basic nature in order to avoid conflict

and great emotional harm. The tragic thing is the sick ones have no ability or

desire to stop themselves. Moving your buttons works wonders - that just means

no matter what they say, know that it is about them and not you and don't react.

With practice, it can be done no matter who the BPD is to you. Wish you the

best!

>

> Wow Jaie, you have really been through hell and back - good for you for

getting them out of your life. I can't imagine how scary it must be to be

married to a personality disordered person and have children with them and have

to get out. It sounds like you had one hell of a battle plan and I'm so glad it

all worked out for you. Your plan to become less appealing to your ex was

wonderfully devious - it makes sense to change the things that they are wanting

you for. But still it's a shame to have to go to such lengths!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Truly! At a site called " Counseling Resources " they post an article about

safely detaching from a personality-disordered relationship, and while they

don't mention going to the lengths you went to, the article did discuss becoming

very dull, boring, and uninteresting to the pd partner. Becoming non-reactive

and giving them no narcissistic supply can sometimes work, without the need to

gain weight. But hey, if it works, that's what the goal is: to detach and get

away safely.

Here's a link to the section of the article called " Guidelines for Detachment "

http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/loser/part-2.html

-Annie

>

> It is a shame that we have to change our basic nature in order to avoid

conflict and great emotional harm. The tragic thing is the sick ones have no

ability or desire to stop themselves. Moving your buttons works wonders - that

just means no matter what they say, know that it is about them and not you and

don't react. With practice, it can be done no matter who the BPD is to you.

Wish you the best!

[Guest guest]

Hey,Happiness

I'm sorry to hear about your work situation.Unfortunately I think

this is the " nature of the beast " when a PD co-worker is involved,especially one

who has some power over their quarry,that short of outright censure by the PD's

superior/s it is very difficult to nip their crap in the bud once it has

begun.I've been there myself.The other thing is that in the main supervisors et

al tend to play ostrich and they will accuse the PD's target of being

" contentious " if they expect the supervisors to be accountable to some sort of

resolution of the problem.Because that is how they perceive it: not so much that

you want the PD to be held accountable,but that they would themselves be

accountable for whatever resolution decisions they make and it's much simpler

for them to both sweep the whole thing under the rug and to point fingers at you

as the " instigator " .Which is really as you being the " instigator " of action that

needs to be taken while it is much easier *for them* to do nothing (and

therefore not have to take the fall for any of it).So you come off as the bad

guy in their frankly cowardly and paranoid estimation (it's an ego projection:

they are disowning their own conflictedness/cowardice by accusing you of being

the contentious one).That has everything to do with them and very little to do

with you.

I run a division and I have an absolute ZERO TOLERANCE policy for the

kind of crap your boss is pulling with you.But I am very aware of how PD's

operate and the kind of intentional damage they can do.It *means* something to

me.It sounds like part of your frustration and suffering here is that your other

co-workers don't fully appreciate the true nature of what is going on with your

PD boss.That is pretty typical in these kinds of situations,that many excuses

are made for the perp.

Here are two links that might help you to understand further that

what's going on isn't your fault.In my opinion it's very bad policy that you

have been left alone to deal with this individual and your description of having

to " cut corners " to avoid her doesn't surprise me: this is exactly what

happens,that the PD boss or supervisor's behavior actually inculcates a culture

of corporate mediocrity because his/her underlings have to literally cut corners

to function on the job.

The first link is bullyonline,a site mostly about bullying in the

workplace.It has a ton of information.The guy who developed this extensive site

acquired PTSD from his hostile work environment--you're pretty unique in that

you already have PTSD and are trying to learn better ways of coping within a

hostile work environment but maybe the info on this site will be validating:

http://www.bullyonline.org/

The second link is a forum about PD coworkers where the members have

knowledge and experience of personality disorder:

http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=10.0

Unfortunately it's also fairly common for companies not to have a

truly adequate bullying policy that is enforced from the top down.My company has

a " hostility in the workplace " policy that is mainly theorectical since it's

very rarely practiced.The worse issue I've ever had there was with a BPD

co-worker who was brought in for a few months while the division I now direct

was being retooled.Your boss sounds alot like her! One thing to remember with

people like this is that they have *no* ethical sense: they will say or do

anything to promote themselves,up to and including walking on other peoples'

heads.In my case I couldn't complain to HR about the situation because for

various reasons having to do with my position of responsibility that would have

come off as unprofessional/would have come off as me not being able to handle

the job.This BPD coworker knew that and she played it.I had been promoted into

that position because I had a reputation for being ethical,honest and

trustworthy.After I had inadvertantly gotten on this BPD's bad side she set out

to twist my reputation into me being clueless and lax.

You can guess that your coworker has BPD when they get false,fixed

ideas locked into their heads.At a time when this co-worker (who was at the same

level as me) had painted me black,one of my employees went ahead and put the

finishing touches on something without passing it to me first for my

approval,then said to me in the presence of the BPD something like, " I did

XYZ,just to let you know,is that ok? "

I said it was fine because it was and the BPD said to me disgustedly, " You

should OWN this department,you let them walk all over you. "

What I did was respect the judgement of my employees.I don't micromanage

them.They know that I am available for discussion and they also know that I know

what's going on at all times without having to breathe down their necks.But long

story short,the BPD used that instance to complain to my boss that I was

basically allowing anarchy to reign in that department at a time when I was

rsponsible for whipping it back in to shape when it had been failing.She was on

a mission to make me out to be incompetent while I was having to deal with the

resentment of employees who didn't welcome the changes and to win them over--she

was throwing a wrench all the time into what I was trying to achieve and was

constantly undermining me.I was also having health problems at the time and it

was like the BPD could just smell blood in the water.

I had the bitch head hunted out of there before her term was up,long

story,but a friend of mine who owns his own business had an employee who nearly

wrecked it (maliciously) then struck out on his own to be a competitor and he

needed staff,so...together we conspired to hook the two of them up in the hopes

that both of them would get what they deserved.

The not looking for appreciation at work is excellent advice.Sadly,in

too many companies you're not going to be appreciated unless what you do

directly benefits the goals of your superiors.I try to keep my work life and my

personal life separate: the moment I walk into work I drop the personal issues

I'm dealing with for the day and pick them back up when I go home.Not letting on

that the BPD is getting to you is a good plan.She will just use your reactions

to her crap as fodder for her own self aggrandizement if she sees that you are

reacting.It sounds to me that you work in a place where band aid measures are

applied to staunch the flow of what sounds like rampant mediocrity from the top

down; that everyone is just trying to get ahead no matter what.In workplaces

like that lack of integrity gets rewarded and the ethical employees get

discounted.Your supervisors and your bosses are at fault for that,not

you.Complaining about her work related actions rather than her behavior would

have been better but having said that if anyone there was actually *leading*

rather than just getting along for their own sakes,your concerns would have been

listened to and addressed or mediated.I take responsibility for managing any

personality conflicts that arise between employees *before* they degenerate into

affecting their work performance.But that is because I actually care about the

company's profitability and about maintaining a safe environment for all and I

am not afraid to be called out onto the carpet for the decisions I make because

I know that I can defend them,having the interests of the greater good at

heart.It sounds to me that your co-workers' primary concern is keeping their own

asses covered and warm--they are not really team players,they are *solely* out

for themselves and their own interests.A workplace like that is a virtual

playground for PD types.

Is there anything you can do in the evenings,a class or an activity,that

would help you to create a clear mark of demarcation between the workday and

your private life? Something else to focus on,so you can leave that crap at the

door when you leave work? Line dancing? Ceramics? Anything!!!!! I don't mean to

be facetious but really you don't deserve to have it bleeding into your off

time--nor did you deserve to be made responsible for the resolution of the

situation because your supervisors refuse to step up to the plate and deal.

I hope the links will help....Your health and your well being are more

important than this wacko at work!!!! I turned down a further promotion for

precisely that reason: I needed to take care of *me* and I'd had enough

aggravation and chose instead to devote time to my soul.

[Guest guest]

Hey,Happiness

I'm sorry to hear about your work situation.Unfortunately I think

this is the " nature of the beast " when a PD co-worker is involved,especially one

who has some power over their quarry,that short of outright censure by the PD's

superior/s it is very difficult to nip their crap in the bud once it has

begun.I've been there myself.The other thing is that in the main supervisors et

al tend to play ostrich and they will accuse the PD's target of being

" contentious " if they expect the supervisors to be accountable to some sort of

resolution of the problem.Because that is how they perceive it: not so much that

you want the PD to be held accountable,but that they would themselves be

accountable for whatever resolution decisions they make and it's much simpler

for them to both sweep the whole thing under the rug and to point fingers at you

as the " instigator " .Which is really as you being the " instigator " of action that

needs to be taken while it is much easier *for them* to do nothing (and

therefore not have to take the fall for any of it).So you come off as the bad

guy in their frankly cowardly and paranoid estimation (it's an ego projection:

they are disowning their own conflictedness/cowardice by accusing you of being

the contentious one).That has everything to do with them and very little to do

with you.

I run a division and I have an absolute ZERO TOLERANCE policy for the

kind of crap your boss is pulling with you.But I am very aware of how PD's

operate and the kind of intentional damage they can do.It *means* something to

me.It sounds like part of your frustration and suffering here is that your other

co-workers don't fully appreciate the true nature of what is going on with your

PD boss.That is pretty typical in these kinds of situations,that many excuses

are made for the perp.

Here are two links that might help you to understand further that

what's going on isn't your fault.In my opinion it's very bad policy that you

have been left alone to deal with this individual and your description of having

to " cut corners " to avoid her doesn't surprise me: this is exactly what

happens,that the PD boss or supervisor's behavior actually inculcates a culture

of corporate mediocrity because his/her underlings have to literally cut corners

to function on the job.

The first link is bullyonline,a site mostly about bullying in the

workplace.It has a ton of information.The guy who developed this extensive site

acquired PTSD from his hostile work environment--you're pretty unique in that

you already have PTSD and are trying to learn better ways of coping within a

hostile work environment but maybe the info on this site will be validating:

http://www.bullyonline.org/

The second link is a forum about PD coworkers where the members have

knowledge and experience of personality disorder:

http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=10.0

Unfortunately it's also fairly common for companies not to have a

truly adequate bullying policy that is enforced from the top down.My company has

a " hostility in the workplace " policy that is mainly theorectical since it's

very rarely practiced.The worse issue I've ever had there was with a BPD

co-worker who was brought in for a few months while the division I now direct

was being retooled.Your boss sounds alot like her! One thing to remember with

people like this is that they have *no* ethical sense: they will say or do

anything to promote themselves,up to and including walking on other peoples'

heads.In my case I couldn't complain to HR about the situation because for

various reasons having to do with my position of responsibility that would have

come off as unprofessional/would have come off as me not being able to handle

the job.This BPD coworker knew that and she played it.I had been promoted into

that position because I had a reputation for being ethical,honest and

trustworthy.After I had inadvertantly gotten on this BPD's bad side she set out

to twist my reputation into me being clueless and lax.

You can guess that your coworker has BPD when they get false,fixed

ideas locked into their heads.At a time when this co-worker (who was at the same

level as me) had painted me black,one of my employees went ahead and put the

finishing touches on something without passing it to me first for my

approval,then said to me in the presence of the BPD something like, " I did

XYZ,just to let you know,is that ok? "

I said it was fine because it was and the BPD said to me disgustedly, " You

should OWN this department,you let them walk all over you. "

What I did was respect the judgement of my employees.I don't micromanage

them.They know that I am available for discussion and they also know that I know

what's going on at all times without having to breathe down their necks.But long

story short,the BPD used that instance to complain to my boss that I was

basically allowing anarchy to reign in that department at a time when I was

rsponsible for whipping it back in to shape when it had been failing.She was on

a mission to make me out to be incompetent while I was having to deal with the

resentment of employees who didn't welcome the changes and to win them over--she

was throwing a wrench all the time into what I was trying to achieve and was

constantly undermining me.I was also having health problems at the time and it

was like the BPD could just smell blood in the water.

I had the bitch head hunted out of there before her term was up,long

story,but a friend of mine who owns his own business had an employee who nearly

wrecked it (maliciously) then struck out on his own to be a competitor and he

needed staff,so...together we conspired to hook the two of them up in the hopes

that both of them would get what they deserved.

The not looking for appreciation at work is excellent advice.Sadly,in

too many companies you're not going to be appreciated unless what you do

directly benefits the goals of your superiors.I try to keep my work life and my

personal life separate: the moment I walk into work I drop the personal issues

I'm dealing with for the day and pick them back up when I go home.Not letting on

that the BPD is getting to you is a good plan.She will just use your reactions

to her crap as fodder for her own self aggrandizement if she sees that you are

reacting.It sounds to me that you work in a place where band aid measures are

applied to staunch the flow of what sounds like rampant mediocrity from the top

down; that everyone is just trying to get ahead no matter what.In workplaces

like that lack of integrity gets rewarded and the ethical employees get

discounted.Your supervisors and your bosses are at fault for that,not

you.Complaining about her work related actions rather than her behavior would

have been better but having said that if anyone there was actually *leading*

rather than just getting along for their own sakes,your concerns would have been

listened to and addressed or mediated.I take responsibility for managing any

personality conflicts that arise between employees *before* they degenerate into

affecting their work performance.But that is because I actually care about the

company's profitability and about maintaining a safe environment for all and I

am not afraid to be called out onto the carpet for the decisions I make because

I know that I can defend them,having the interests of the greater good at

heart.It sounds to me that your co-workers' primary concern is keeping their own

asses covered and warm--they are not really team players,they are *solely* out

for themselves and their own interests.A workplace like that is a virtual

playground for PD types.

Is there anything you can do in the evenings,a class or an activity,that

would help you to create a clear mark of demarcation between the workday and

your private life? Something else to focus on,so you can leave that crap at the

door when you leave work? Line dancing? Ceramics? Anything!!!!! I don't mean to

be facetious but really you don't deserve to have it bleeding into your off

time--nor did you deserve to be made responsible for the resolution of the

situation because your supervisors refuse to step up to the plate and deal.

I hope the links will help....Your health and your well being are more

important than this wacko at work!!!! I turned down a further promotion for

precisely that reason: I needed to take care of *me* and I'd had enough

aggravation and chose instead to devote time to my soul.

[Guest guest]

, this is me, too......work and work and work and work.......and tons of

stress; it is very hard, some days...............*sigh*

Alastriona

Subject: Re: i would like to stop attracting BPs into my

life

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, January 12, 2011, 7:38 PM

Happiness,

" I do know that my number one resolution this year is to reduce stress. Does

anyone have suggestions on how to do this, as well?? I notice, that underneath

the dissociation of PTSD, I also lived with enormous amounts of stress and have

been taking on much more than one person can do for all of my life. I grew up in

an environment where nada pushed and drove me to override my personal boundaries

and feelings and personal inclinations and preferences. It is a constant effort

on my part, to aknowledge that there are things i do not want to do, in fact,

there are things that I cannot do. "

Boy, have you ever got that right.  All I ever did as a kid was work and work

and work and work, and I hated it.  And now all I do as an adult is work and

work and work and work...and I hate it.

Sad to say the best way not to end up like this is don't accept the jobs in the

first place, like you just did.  There are many, many jobs you take on that are

almost impossible to get out of once you say the " Y " word.

I learned as a child that if anyone said " do this, " I had to do it, that I was a

dumb little kid, and that if anyone had a request of me it certainly must be

reasonable, since I didn't know what was reasonable myself and was most

certainly lazy (nada's favorite word.)  I learned that you did and did and did

your work, and did your work, and did your work, and ONLY when you were done did

you get to do what you liked (which was stupid, laughable goofing off.)

When you get to be an adult, though, you NEVER get to the end of work, so it's

NEVER time to do what you like.  Especially if you keep saying " yes " to everyone

all the time.

--.

------------------------------------

**This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

, this is me, too......work and work and work and work.......and tons of

stress; it is very hard, some days...............*sigh*

Alastriona

Subject: Re: i would like to stop attracting BPs into my

life

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, January 12, 2011, 7:38 PM

Happiness,

" I do know that my number one resolution this year is to reduce stress. Does

anyone have suggestions on how to do this, as well?? I notice, that underneath

the dissociation of PTSD, I also lived with enormous amounts of stress and have

been taking on much more than one person can do for all of my life. I grew up in

an environment where nada pushed and drove me to override my personal boundaries

and feelings and personal inclinations and preferences. It is a constant effort

on my part, to aknowledge that there are things i do not want to do, in fact,

there are things that I cannot do. "

Boy, have you ever got that right.  All I ever did as a kid was work and work

and work and work, and I hated it.  And now all I do as an adult is work and

work and work and work...and I hate it.

Sad to say the best way not to end up like this is don't accept the jobs in the

first place, like you just did.  There are many, many jobs you take on that are

almost impossible to get out of once you say the " Y " word.

I learned as a child that if anyone said " do this, " I had to do it, that I was a

dumb little kid, and that if anyone had a request of me it certainly must be

reasonable, since I didn't know what was reasonable myself and was most

certainly lazy (nada's favorite word.)  I learned that you did and did and did

your work, and did your work, and did your work, and ONLY when you were done did

you get to do what you liked (which was stupid, laughable goofing off.)

When you get to be an adult, though, you NEVER get to the end of work, so it's

NEVER time to do what you like.  Especially if you keep saying " yes " to everyone

all the time.

--.

------------------------------------

**This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

, this is me, too......work and work and work and work.......and tons of

stress; it is very hard, some days...............*sigh*

Alastriona

Subject: Re: i would like to stop attracting BPs into my

life

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, January 12, 2011, 7:38 PM

Happiness,

" I do know that my number one resolution this year is to reduce stress. Does

anyone have suggestions on how to do this, as well?? I notice, that underneath

the dissociation of PTSD, I also lived with enormous amounts of stress and have

been taking on much more than one person can do for all of my life. I grew up in

an environment where nada pushed and drove me to override my personal boundaries

and feelings and personal inclinations and preferences. It is a constant effort

on my part, to aknowledge that there are things i do not want to do, in fact,

there are things that I cannot do. "

Boy, have you ever got that right.  All I ever did as a kid was work and work

and work and work, and I hated it.  And now all I do as an adult is work and

work and work and work...and I hate it.

Sad to say the best way not to end up like this is don't accept the jobs in the

first place, like you just did.  There are many, many jobs you take on that are

almost impossible to get out of once you say the " Y " word.

I learned as a child that if anyone said " do this, " I had to do it, that I was a

dumb little kid, and that if anyone had a request of me it certainly must be

reasonable, since I didn't know what was reasonable myself and was most

certainly lazy (nada's favorite word.)  I learned that you did and did and did

your work, and did your work, and did your work, and ONLY when you were done did

you get to do what you liked (which was stupid, laughable goofing off.)

When you get to be an adult, though, you NEVER get to the end of work, so it's

NEVER time to do what you like.  Especially if you keep saying " yes " to everyone

all the time.

--.

------------------------------------

**This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

,

That is quite a story! I can't believe you had the PD head hunted out of

there,LOL! I don't know that I have connections like that... wish I could do

that!

what you describe as tolerating the PD means a mediocre work environment is

true. The place I work is not top of the line, but it is really good

experience, and will look great on my resume. I know I have gotten a lot of

experience, but it has also caused me such psychological stress, that it may not

be worth it. I have decided that if I do lose this job, as the PD has been

threatening for ages, maybe it's okay. Maybe it will be better afterwards. I

am nervous, but I'd rather have my soul intact and be able to sleep at night.

Maybe I'll have to work someplace out of my field for a while (or be

unemployed), but maybe my soul is more important... I used to be so in touch

with my soul, and not compromise my soul. I don't know how I have lasted this

long. It's really true what you say, it's the nature of working with a PD. It

will just continue like this, the administration is not going to do anything.

I've given up hope on that!

Thanks for all the advice, info and resources in your post. I will check out

those websites! Your post made me feel better, it really helps to read that it

is not my fault.

WTH

>

> Hey,Happiness

>

> I'm sorry to hear about your work situation.Unfortunately I think

this is the " nature of the beast " when a PD co-worker is involved,especially one

who has some power over their quarry,...

[Guest guest]

,

That is quite a story! I can't believe you had the PD head hunted out of

there,LOL! I don't know that I have connections like that... wish I could do

that!

what you describe as tolerating the PD means a mediocre work environment is

true. The place I work is not top of the line, but it is really good

experience, and will look great on my resume. I know I have gotten a lot of

experience, but it has also caused me such psychological stress, that it may not

be worth it. I have decided that if I do lose this job, as the PD has been

threatening for ages, maybe it's okay. Maybe it will be better afterwards. I

am nervous, but I'd rather have my soul intact and be able to sleep at night.

Maybe I'll have to work someplace out of my field for a while (or be

unemployed), but maybe my soul is more important... I used to be so in touch

with my soul, and not compromise my soul. I don't know how I have lasted this

long. It's really true what you say, it's the nature of working with a PD. It

will just continue like this, the administration is not going to do anything.

I've given up hope on that!

Thanks for all the advice, info and resources in your post. I will check out

those websites! Your post made me feel better, it really helps to read that it

is not my fault.

WTH

>

> Hey,Happiness

>

> I'm sorry to hear about your work situation.Unfortunately I think

this is the " nature of the beast " when a PD co-worker is involved,especially one

who has some power over their quarry,...

[Guest guest]

,

That is quite a story! I can't believe you had the PD head hunted out of

there,LOL! I don't know that I have connections like that... wish I could do

that!

what you describe as tolerating the PD means a mediocre work environment is

true. The place I work is not top of the line, but it is really good

experience, and will look great on my resume. I know I have gotten a lot of

experience, but it has also caused me such psychological stress, that it may not

be worth it. I have decided that if I do lose this job, as the PD has been

threatening for ages, maybe it's okay. Maybe it will be better afterwards. I

am nervous, but I'd rather have my soul intact and be able to sleep at night.

Maybe I'll have to work someplace out of my field for a while (or be

unemployed), but maybe my soul is more important... I used to be so in touch

with my soul, and not compromise my soul. I don't know how I have lasted this

long. It's really true what you say, it's the nature of working with a PD. It

will just continue like this, the administration is not going to do anything.

I've given up hope on that!

Thanks for all the advice, info and resources in your post. I will check out

those websites! Your post made me feel better, it really helps to read that it

is not my fault.

WTH

>

> Hey,Happiness

>

> I'm sorry to hear about your work situation.Unfortunately I think

this is the " nature of the beast " when a PD co-worker is involved,especially one

who has some power over their quarry,...