Re: i would like to stop attracting BPs into my life

[Guest guest]

,

did you have my nada? My nada could have been part of some religious cult that

dislikes any show of happiness. Any time I expressed something I liked, or

enjoyed myself, it was rage rage rage. So I learned to not do the things I like.

Whenever I take time off, or am not working, I feel such guilt. Nada must have

used guilt to control me into being her worker, as well.

It's a hard path, to learn what I like to do in my free time. There were many

years where I just did what my friends liked to do. One of the wonderful things

about being an adult, is I don't feel like I have to conform to a group anymore.

I have been exploring different interests, to find out what I really like. It's

okay not to like something anymore, and change my mind, too. It's okay to go do

things for no other purpose but enjoyment... that was a big lesson for me, which

is what makes me say I have a lot in common with kids who grew up in a

restrictive Puritan cult.

I still have to give myself permission on, a weekend, for example, to go do

things that are simply fun-- and gasp!-- pay money for those activities, as

well. Imagine that! My FOO was almost Amish in that any money spent was on

strictly school or work related activities. Oh, sorry, except for nada, who

spent a lot on herself all the time, every day she would go to the mall

shopping. My split good sibling would get gifts and fun things, I usually had

to earn anything I wanted with work, work work.

I also remember how nada's energy was a driving energy. Whenever she was in the

house, we were all hopping around like bees or angry wasps. I see the same

thing at my work situation; whenever the PD is around, everyone starts fidgeting

and jumping around nervously. This type of nervous energy is not conducive to

making reflective decisions, and it is conducive to making mistakes. I know

that I need an atmosphere of calm to think clearly and communicate clearly and

responsibly!

I just wrote a longer post, you hit a nerve. It is hard to learn to give myself

permission to have fun, to set aside time for fun and wonder and joy, and it's

only recently that I understand that joy is kind of the main goal of life.

That's been the hardest work of my healing, to stand by the things/interests in

life that make me happy, despite what nada and my PD work person say! To get

the generalized PD voice/anxiety/FOG out of my head, and be in the moment,

enjoying the things I like to do. It took me a long time to learn what I like

to do. It's like learning who I am. bringing myself into existence. Then, I

am still on the road to providing the space and giving myself the time/money to

do what I like to do. I get busy and I think of everyone else, and then I

decide to spend my money on something practical or on someone else, and I end up

tired, beaten down and not having done the fun things I like to do.

My next step is to make taking care of myself a priority, to spend money on

myself and to make time for the things I like to do. This is not so easy. It

feels like giving myself permission to truly exist in the world. Not just exist

by myself when I am comforting myself after grieving or in T, but to exist as a

full-fledged participant in the human race! I am working on this in increments.

And I am taking concrete steps, small steps, but everyday, I carve out time for

me, and I am consciously saying " NO " to the demands of others if they are not in

line with my happiness and well being. This is hard, and new territory for me,

but I need to protect my self and my health.

My big eye opener is that constant stress is the worst thing a person could do

to ruin their health. Constant stress is the cause of many illnesses. I need

to make my health a priority. I know I have lived most of my life under

extreme constant stress. I think I even come across as a nervous and jumpy

person, which does not put people at ease. I want to live differently, and I

think the path towards living under less stress means allowing myself and, even

focusing on, to fully exist in the world. Doing things like other people do

them, not being satisfied with less.

You hit a nerve, this is my main learning curve right now. It's no longer about

others, but finally it's about me. It's about time!

Walkingto Happiness

>

> Happiness,

>

> " I do know that my number one resolution this year is to reduce stress. Does

anyone have suggestions on how to do this, as well?? I notice, that underneath

the dissociation of PTSD, I also lived with enormous amounts ...

[Guest guest]

I think all we can do is keep our BPD radar set on super-sensitive and walk away

when the first red flag that pops up.

>

> Hi, and happy new year.

> I haven't posted in a while. I am the non child of a BP nada and a FOO in

denial. I healed a lot over the years, with T, and posting here. I am so glad

all of you exist, and can speak your truths. It is so important to me.

>

> I feel like the years in T were necessary for me to heal and come to terms

with reality. But it's still not over. I have to rebuild my life from the

ground up, it seemes. Or maybe I'm just naturally continuing to grow as a

person, I don't know.

> In rebuilding my life, I have recently let a lot of friends go who were

excessively negative. I had so much pain that I carried with me, that I

attracted other people with heavy issues. The difference is, I want something

better for myself, and I have to let the people go who don't. This has not

always been easy.

> I also seem to have attracted a lot of BP people to me in the past. It was

really frightening for me. Some of you have seen my posts, that I have a BP

boss at work. I am not ready to leave the job, especially with the economy, and

other things going on with me, I wish I had one more year to let things settle

and plan my next move. However, it looks like I am probably going to lose my

job at the end of my contract. I don't know whether to be thrilled, that I

won't be harassed in a hostile situation anymore, or to be scared because I

don't know what's coming next.

> I don't know why I attracted a BP boss into my life, but I interpreted it as

exposure therapy, and tried to learn what I could. It did help me get over my

PTSD in a large way. However, I am so unhappy and no one in the administration

above her seems interested. It makes me realize how many people don't see BPs

as dangerous and crazy as they are. One administrator told me " oh she's just

flaky " . I've started to name BPD, whereas before I didn't. Now I say it: " I do

believe she has borderline personality disorder " . Most people have no idea

what that is.

>

> My experience of life is so wierd. I am thankful that this group exists,

because so few people have to deal with a BP up close and personal. Like the

people at my work, they see the positive sides of a BP, and have no idea of

their capacities for destruction. I know my nada ruined a lot of my life, and

it has cost me years to rebuild my life...

>

> I don't want to sound really super negative, but I am just so frustrated, and

scared of losing my job in this economy. Why have I had to deal with so many

BPs in this lifetime? A friend of mine suggested that following the idea of

karma, maybe I was a BP in a past lifetime... I wish there was an island escape

I could go to where there would be a guarantee of no BPs... there are so many

of them, and I always seem to find them!

>

> Why do I attract so many BPs? Is this going to change??? I thought by

dealing with my boss, I would undo whatever energy I carry that attracts BPs,

and I hope that is true. I wish most of all for this new year that I can be

around people that see me for my highest potential and encourage the good in me.

Please help me get there...

>

> Thanks, thanks for reading this vent. It's so good to know you are there!

> Walkingto Happiness.

>

[Guest guest]

I think all we can do is keep our BPD radar set on super-sensitive and walk away

when the first red flag that pops up.

>

> Hi, and happy new year.

> I haven't posted in a while. I am the non child of a BP nada and a FOO in

denial. I healed a lot over the years, with T, and posting here. I am so glad

all of you exist, and can speak your truths. It is so important to me.

>

> I feel like the years in T were necessary for me to heal and come to terms

with reality. But it's still not over. I have to rebuild my life from the

ground up, it seemes. Or maybe I'm just naturally continuing to grow as a

person, I don't know.

> In rebuilding my life, I have recently let a lot of friends go who were

excessively negative. I had so much pain that I carried with me, that I

attracted other people with heavy issues. The difference is, I want something

better for myself, and I have to let the people go who don't. This has not

always been easy.

> I also seem to have attracted a lot of BP people to me in the past. It was

really frightening for me. Some of you have seen my posts, that I have a BP

boss at work. I am not ready to leave the job, especially with the economy, and

other things going on with me, I wish I had one more year to let things settle

and plan my next move. However, it looks like I am probably going to lose my

job at the end of my contract. I don't know whether to be thrilled, that I

won't be harassed in a hostile situation anymore, or to be scared because I

don't know what's coming next.

> I don't know why I attracted a BP boss into my life, but I interpreted it as

exposure therapy, and tried to learn what I could. It did help me get over my

PTSD in a large way. However, I am so unhappy and no one in the administration

above her seems interested. It makes me realize how many people don't see BPs

as dangerous and crazy as they are. One administrator told me " oh she's just

flaky " . I've started to name BPD, whereas before I didn't. Now I say it: " I do

believe she has borderline personality disorder " . Most people have no idea

what that is.

>

> My experience of life is so wierd. I am thankful that this group exists,

because so few people have to deal with a BP up close and personal. Like the

people at my work, they see the positive sides of a BP, and have no idea of

their capacities for destruction. I know my nada ruined a lot of my life, and

it has cost me years to rebuild my life...

>

> I don't want to sound really super negative, but I am just so frustrated, and

scared of losing my job in this economy. Why have I had to deal with so many

BPs in this lifetime? A friend of mine suggested that following the idea of

karma, maybe I was a BP in a past lifetime... I wish there was an island escape

I could go to where there would be a guarantee of no BPs... there are so many

of them, and I always seem to find them!

>

> Why do I attract so many BPs? Is this going to change??? I thought by

dealing with my boss, I would undo whatever energy I carry that attracts BPs,

and I hope that is true. I wish most of all for this new year that I can be

around people that see me for my highest potential and encourage the good in me.

Please help me get there...

>

> Thanks, thanks for reading this vent. It's so good to know you are there!

> Walkingto Happiness.

>

[Guest guest]

GREAT points about work - never getting to the end of it as an adult. I think I

am just starting to get this concept. It can't actually be DONE. Work is more

like breathing - just something you have to keep doing to survive.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

>

>

> Subject: Re: i would like to stop attracting BPs into my

life

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, January 12, 2011, 7:38 PM

> >

> I learned as a child that if anyone said " do this, " I had to do it, that I was

a dumb little kid, and that if anyone had a request of me it certainly must be

reasonable, since I didn't know what was reasonable myself and was most

certainly lazy (nada's favorite word.)  I learned that you did and did and did

your work, and did your work, and did your work, and ONLY when you were done did

you get to do what you liked (which was stupid, laughable goofing off.)

>

> When you get to be an adult, though, you NEVER get to the end of work, so it's

NEVER time to do what you like.  Especially if you keep saying " yes " to everyone

all the time.

>

>

>

> --.

>

>

[Guest guest]

What an inspiring post, Happiness! When we've been conditioned that we do not

deserve to take time for ourselves, spend money on ourselves, or simply rest,

recreate, and enjoy ourselves... it does take real effort to " deprogram "

ourselves from that toxic brainwashing.

I'm so happy for you!

-Annie

>

> ,

> did you have my nada? My nada could have been part of some religious cult that

dislikes any show of happiness. Any time I expressed something I liked, or

enjoyed myself, it was rage rage rage. So I learned to not do the things I like.

Whenever I take time off, or am not working, I feel such guilt. Nada must have

used guilt to control me into being her worker, as well.

>

> It's a hard path, to learn what I like to do in my free time. There were many

years where I just did what my friends liked to do. One of the wonderful things

about being an adult, is I don't feel like I have to conform to a group anymore.

I have been exploring different interests, to find out what I really like. It's

okay not to like something anymore, and change my mind, too. It's okay to go do

things for no other purpose but enjoyment... that was a big lesson for me, which

is what makes me say I have a lot in common with kids who grew up in a

restrictive Puritan cult....

(edited for space)

> Walkingto Happiness

[Guest guest]

What an inspiring post, Happiness! When we've been conditioned that we do not

deserve to take time for ourselves, spend money on ourselves, or simply rest,

recreate, and enjoy ourselves... it does take real effort to " deprogram "

ourselves from that toxic brainwashing.

I'm so happy for you!

-Annie

>

> ,

> did you have my nada? My nada could have been part of some religious cult that

dislikes any show of happiness. Any time I expressed something I liked, or

enjoyed myself, it was rage rage rage. So I learned to not do the things I like.

Whenever I take time off, or am not working, I feel such guilt. Nada must have

used guilt to control me into being her worker, as well.

>

> It's a hard path, to learn what I like to do in my free time. There were many

years where I just did what my friends liked to do. One of the wonderful things

about being an adult, is I don't feel like I have to conform to a group anymore.

I have been exploring different interests, to find out what I really like. It's

okay not to like something anymore, and change my mind, too. It's okay to go do

things for no other purpose but enjoyment... that was a big lesson for me, which

is what makes me say I have a lot in common with kids who grew up in a

restrictive Puritan cult....

(edited for space)

> Walkingto Happiness