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Posted
Posted

What an awesome post, Jaie! You have written a kind of " KO Declaration of

Independence " ! I'll volunteer to sign that historic document, for sure! I vote

" Yea " on everything you put in it.

Well put, well written.

-Annie

>

> As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for validation

that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's feelings before we

made a single move and continually told what we saw as wrong was not real. We

grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except our own. Our every move

later in life becomes judged inside our own head by the twisted reality nada or

fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know any better.

>

> Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right to

be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that any

more.

>

> One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we feel

are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

>

> If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If you

don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their opinions

or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the right to be,

say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission from nada or

fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who cares what

anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only person's opinion

that matters is yours.

>

> We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval from

within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider the

source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

>

> You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from harm.

Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because you won't

love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious lie. See it

for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for yourself for

once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada or fada any

more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms and to not be

critiqued in the process! :)

>

> My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country call

me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother (she's got

a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants the pain killers

- she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a toll on her body, she

refuses to allow people to be who they are and inflicts the worst character

assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is where she is at her own hand.

Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry family and friends see me as the

rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of herself. I know the truth and I

don't need nada or her friends or other family to validate who I am. The truth

is - she is abusive and I'm sick of being her victim. I wasn't born to be

anyone's slave or victim and I won't be. The family can just hate me and I just

won't care. My family knew of nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it

but did nothing so why do I care what they think? They're just mad because now

they have to deal with her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my

peace, serenity and tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to

" get even " with nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her

abuse. I am NOT able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or

form. Its unhealthy for me.

>

> If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I would

suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good daughter,

that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I have my own

life and children to consider first.

>

> Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you need to

heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's commentary designed

to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic and malleable putty in

their hands, you will only ever be miserable and sick. YOU have the power to

change. YOU have more control than you realize. YOU can change and improve

your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are you holding out hope that they

will one day be the loving mother or father that you deserved? I tried

that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt myself. I mourned the fact I had

no mother or father that I should have had, that I deserved to have and I am to

myself what they should have been to me.

>

> Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have an

illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that can stay

and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But for those of

you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care of yourself and

create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for answers and do

what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help books...stick close to this

support group but know this, you can get free and heal, you can find the love

within yourself you always wished you had from nada and fada and know that with

everything in me, I send you peace, love, energy and prayers to face the journey

you have to face.

>

> Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

>

> Jaie

>

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Posted
Posted

What an awesome post, Jaie! You have written a kind of " KO Declaration of

Independence " ! I'll volunteer to sign that historic document, for sure! I vote

" Yea " on everything you put in it.

Well put, well written.

-Annie

>

> As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for validation

that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's feelings before we

made a single move and continually told what we saw as wrong was not real. We

grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except our own. Our every move

later in life becomes judged inside our own head by the twisted reality nada or

fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know any better.

>

> Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right to

be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that any

more.

>

> One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we feel

are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

>

> If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If you

don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their opinions

or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the right to be,

say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission from nada or

fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who cares what

anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only person's opinion

that matters is yours.

>

> We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval from

within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider the

source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

>

> You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from harm.

Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because you won't

love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious lie. See it

for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for yourself for

once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada or fada any

more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms and to not be

critiqued in the process! :)

>

> My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country call

me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother (she's got

a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants the pain killers

- she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a toll on her body, she

refuses to allow people to be who they are and inflicts the worst character

assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is where she is at her own hand.

Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry family and friends see me as the

rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of herself. I know the truth and I

don't need nada or her friends or other family to validate who I am. The truth

is - she is abusive and I'm sick of being her victim. I wasn't born to be

anyone's slave or victim and I won't be. The family can just hate me and I just

won't care. My family knew of nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it

but did nothing so why do I care what they think? They're just mad because now

they have to deal with her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my

peace, serenity and tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to

" get even " with nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her

abuse. I am NOT able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or

form. Its unhealthy for me.

>

> If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I would

suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good daughter,

that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I have my own

life and children to consider first.

>

> Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you need to

heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's commentary designed

to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic and malleable putty in

their hands, you will only ever be miserable and sick. YOU have the power to

change. YOU have more control than you realize. YOU can change and improve

your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are you holding out hope that they

will one day be the loving mother or father that you deserved? I tried

that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt myself. I mourned the fact I had

no mother or father that I should have had, that I deserved to have and I am to

myself what they should have been to me.

>

> Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have an

illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that can stay

and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But for those of

you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care of yourself and

create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for answers and do

what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help books...stick close to this

support group but know this, you can get free and heal, you can find the love

within yourself you always wished you had from nada and fada and know that with

everything in me, I send you peace, love, energy and prayers to face the journey

you have to face.

>

> Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

>

> Jaie

>

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Posted
Posted

What an awesome post, Jaie! You have written a kind of " KO Declaration of

Independence " ! I'll volunteer to sign that historic document, for sure! I vote

" Yea " on everything you put in it.

Well put, well written.

-Annie

>

> As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for validation

that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's feelings before we

made a single move and continually told what we saw as wrong was not real. We

grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except our own. Our every move

later in life becomes judged inside our own head by the twisted reality nada or

fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know any better.

>

> Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right to

be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that any

more.

>

> One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we feel

are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

>

> If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If you

don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their opinions

or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the right to be,

say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission from nada or

fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who cares what

anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only person's opinion

that matters is yours.

>

> We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval from

within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider the

source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

>

> You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from harm.

Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because you won't

love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious lie. See it

for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for yourself for

once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada or fada any

more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms and to not be

critiqued in the process! :)

>

> My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country call

me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother (she's got

a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants the pain killers

- she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a toll on her body, she

refuses to allow people to be who they are and inflicts the worst character

assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is where she is at her own hand.

Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry family and friends see me as the

rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of herself. I know the truth and I

don't need nada or her friends or other family to validate who I am. The truth

is - she is abusive and I'm sick of being her victim. I wasn't born to be

anyone's slave or victim and I won't be. The family can just hate me and I just

won't care. My family knew of nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it

but did nothing so why do I care what they think? They're just mad because now

they have to deal with her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my

peace, serenity and tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to

" get even " with nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her

abuse. I am NOT able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or

form. Its unhealthy for me.

>

> If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I would

suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good daughter,

that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I have my own

life and children to consider first.

>

> Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you need to

heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's commentary designed

to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic and malleable putty in

their hands, you will only ever be miserable and sick. YOU have the power to

change. YOU have more control than you realize. YOU can change and improve

your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are you holding out hope that they

will one day be the loving mother or father that you deserved? I tried

that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt myself. I mourned the fact I had

no mother or father that I should have had, that I deserved to have and I am to

myself what they should have been to me.

>

> Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have an

illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that can stay

and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But for those of

you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care of yourself and

create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for answers and do

what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help books...stick close to this

support group but know this, you can get free and heal, you can find the love

within yourself you always wished you had from nada and fada and know that with

everything in me, I send you peace, love, energy and prayers to face the journey

you have to face.

>

> Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

>

> Jaie

>

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Posted
Posted

I've been reading this over and over again--so well written, and so

wonderful! I'll sign my name to it, too! ^^

Holly

On Thu, Jan 13, 2011 at 11:36 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> What an awesome post, Jaie! You have written a kind of " KO Declaration of

> Independence " ! I'll volunteer to sign that historic document, for sure! I

> vote " Yea " on everything you put in it.

> Well put, well written.

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for

> validation that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's

> feelings before we made a single move and continually told what we saw as

> wrong was not real. We grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except

> our own. Our every move later in life becomes judged inside our own head by

> the twisted reality nada or fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know

> any better.

> >

> > Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right

> to be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that

> any more.

> >

> > One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we

> feel are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

> consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

> thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

> rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

> manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

> >

> > If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If

> you don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their

> opinions or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the

> right to be, say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission

> from nada or fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who

> cares what anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only

> person's opinion that matters is yours.

> >

> > We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

> validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval

> from within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider

> the source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

> >

> > You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from

> harm. Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because

> you won't love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious

> lie. See it for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for

> yourself for once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada

> or fada any more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms

> and to not be critiqued in the process! :)

> >

> > My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country

> call me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother

> (she's got a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants

> the pain killers - she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a

> toll on her body, she refuses to allow people to be who they are and

> inflicts the worst character assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is

> where she is at her own hand. Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry

> family and friends see me as the rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of

> herself. I know the truth and I don't need nada or her friends or other

> family to validate who I am. The truth is - she is abusive and I'm sick of

> being her victim. I wasn't born to be anyone's slave or victim and I won't

> be. The family can just hate me and I just won't care. My family knew of

> nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it but did nothing so why do I

> care what they think? They're just mad because now they have to deal with

> her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my peace, serenity and

> tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to " get even " with

> nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her abuse. I am NOT

> able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or form. Its

> unhealthy for me.

> >

> > If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I

> would suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good

> daughter, that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I

> have my own life and children to consider first.

> >

> > Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you

> need to heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's

> commentary designed to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic

> and malleable putty in their hands, you will only ever be miserable and

> sick. YOU have the power to change. YOU have more control than you realize.

> YOU can change and improve your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are

> you holding out hope that they will one day be the loving mother or father

> that you deserved? I tried that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt

> myself. I mourned the fact I had no mother or father that I should have had,

> that I deserved to have and I am to myself what they should have been to me.

> >

> > Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

> twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

> tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have

> an illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that

> can stay and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But

> for those of you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care

> of yourself and create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for

> answers and do what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help

> books...stick close to this support group but know this, you can get free

> and heal, you can find the love within yourself you always wished you had

> from nada and fada and know that with everything in me, I send you peace,

> love, energy and prayers to face the journey you have to face.

> >

> > Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

>

>

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Share on other sites
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Posted
Posted

I've been reading this over and over again--so well written, and so

wonderful! I'll sign my name to it, too! ^^

Holly

On Thu, Jan 13, 2011 at 11:36 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> What an awesome post, Jaie! You have written a kind of " KO Declaration of

> Independence " ! I'll volunteer to sign that historic document, for sure! I

> vote " Yea " on everything you put in it.

> Well put, well written.

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for

> validation that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's

> feelings before we made a single move and continually told what we saw as

> wrong was not real. We grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except

> our own. Our every move later in life becomes judged inside our own head by

> the twisted reality nada or fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know

> any better.

> >

> > Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right

> to be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that

> any more.

> >

> > One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we

> feel are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

> consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

> thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

> rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

> manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

> >

> > If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If

> you don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their

> opinions or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the

> right to be, say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission

> from nada or fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who

> cares what anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only

> person's opinion that matters is yours.

> >

> > We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

> validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval

> from within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider

> the source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

> >

> > You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from

> harm. Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because

> you won't love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious

> lie. See it for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for

> yourself for once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada

> or fada any more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms

> and to not be critiqued in the process! :)

> >

> > My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country

> call me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother

> (she's got a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants

> the pain killers - she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a

> toll on her body, she refuses to allow people to be who they are and

> inflicts the worst character assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is

> where she is at her own hand. Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry

> family and friends see me as the rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of

> herself. I know the truth and I don't need nada or her friends or other

> family to validate who I am. The truth is - she is abusive and I'm sick of

> being her victim. I wasn't born to be anyone's slave or victim and I won't

> be. The family can just hate me and I just won't care. My family knew of

> nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it but did nothing so why do I

> care what they think? They're just mad because now they have to deal with

> her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my peace, serenity and

> tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to " get even " with

> nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her abuse. I am NOT

> able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or form. Its

> unhealthy for me.

> >

> > If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I

> would suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good

> daughter, that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I

> have my own life and children to consider first.

> >

> > Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you

> need to heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's

> commentary designed to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic

> and malleable putty in their hands, you will only ever be miserable and

> sick. YOU have the power to change. YOU have more control than you realize.

> YOU can change and improve your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are

> you holding out hope that they will one day be the loving mother or father

> that you deserved? I tried that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt

> myself. I mourned the fact I had no mother or father that I should have had,

> that I deserved to have and I am to myself what they should have been to me.

> >

> > Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

> twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

> tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have

> an illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that

> can stay and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But

> for those of you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care

> of yourself and create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for

> answers and do what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help

> books...stick close to this support group but know this, you can get free

> and heal, you can find the love within yourself you always wished you had

> from nada and fada and know that with everything in me, I send you peace,

> love, energy and prayers to face the journey you have to face.

> >

> > Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

>

>

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Posted

I've been reading this over and over again--so well written, and so

wonderful! I'll sign my name to it, too! ^^

Holly

On Thu, Jan 13, 2011 at 11:36 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> What an awesome post, Jaie! You have written a kind of " KO Declaration of

> Independence " ! I'll volunteer to sign that historic document, for sure! I

> vote " Yea " on everything you put in it.

> Well put, well written.

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for

> validation that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's

> feelings before we made a single move and continually told what we saw as

> wrong was not real. We grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except

> our own. Our every move later in life becomes judged inside our own head by

> the twisted reality nada or fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know

> any better.

> >

> > Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right

> to be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that

> any more.

> >

> > One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we

> feel are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

> consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

> thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

> rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

> manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

> >

> > If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If

> you don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their

> opinions or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the

> right to be, say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission

> from nada or fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who

> cares what anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only

> person's opinion that matters is yours.

> >

> > We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

> validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval

> from within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider

> the source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

> >

> > You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from

> harm. Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because

> you won't love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious

> lie. See it for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for

> yourself for once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada

> or fada any more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms

> and to not be critiqued in the process! :)

> >

> > My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country

> call me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother

> (she's got a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants

> the pain killers - she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a

> toll on her body, she refuses to allow people to be who they are and

> inflicts the worst character assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is

> where she is at her own hand. Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry

> family and friends see me as the rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of

> herself. I know the truth and I don't need nada or her friends or other

> family to validate who I am. The truth is - she is abusive and I'm sick of

> being her victim. I wasn't born to be anyone's slave or victim and I won't

> be. The family can just hate me and I just won't care. My family knew of

> nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it but did nothing so why do I

> care what they think? They're just mad because now they have to deal with

> her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my peace, serenity and

> tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to " get even " with

> nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her abuse. I am NOT

> able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or form. Its

> unhealthy for me.

> >

> > If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I

> would suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good

> daughter, that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I

> have my own life and children to consider first.

> >

> > Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you

> need to heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's

> commentary designed to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic

> and malleable putty in their hands, you will only ever be miserable and

> sick. YOU have the power to change. YOU have more control than you realize.

> YOU can change and improve your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are

> you holding out hope that they will one day be the loving mother or father

> that you deserved? I tried that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt

> myself. I mourned the fact I had no mother or father that I should have had,

> that I deserved to have and I am to myself what they should have been to me.

> >

> > Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

> twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

> tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have

> an illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that

> can stay and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But

> for those of you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care

> of yourself and create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for

> answers and do what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help

> books...stick close to this support group but know this, you can get free

> and heal, you can find the love within yourself you always wished you had

> from nada and fada and know that with everything in me, I send you peace,

> love, energy and prayers to face the journey you have to face.

> >

> > Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

>

>

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Awesome post Jaie, this one particular part

" Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are rocks

(nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. " really speaks to my current situation.

My nada and nadaunt pretend to be sunshine all the time, expect me to treat them

like sunshine, but in reality act like rocks.

Another saying comes to mind as well " you can't get blood from a stone "

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Posted

Awesome post Jaie, this one particular part

" Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are rocks

(nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. " really speaks to my current situation.

My nada and nadaunt pretend to be sunshine all the time, expect me to treat them

like sunshine, but in reality act like rocks.

Another saying comes to mind as well " you can't get blood from a stone "

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Posted

Thanks so much for your post! I am new to the group and I completely relate to

the feelings you have described. I have been seriously considering severing all

ties to my Nada, but I'm trying to decide on the most humane way to go about it.

Grace

> >

> > As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for validation

that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's feelings before we

made a single move and continually told what we saw as wrong was not real. We

grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except our own. Our every move

later in life becomes judged inside our own head by the twisted reality nada or

fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know any better.

> >

> > Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right to

be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that any

more.

> >

> > One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we feel

are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

> >

> > If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If

you don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their

opinions or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the

right to be, say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission

from nada or fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who

cares what anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only

person's opinion that matters is yours.

> >

> > We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval from

within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider the

source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

> >

> > You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from harm.

Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because you won't

love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious lie. See it

for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for yourself for

once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada or fada any

more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms and to not be

critiqued in the process! :)

> >

> > My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country call

me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother (she's got

a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants the pain killers

- she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a toll on her body, she

refuses to allow people to be who they are and inflicts the worst character

assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is where she is at her own hand.

Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry family and friends see me as the

rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of herself. I know the truth and I

don't need nada or her friends or other family to validate who I am. The truth

is - she is abusive and I'm sick of being her victim. I wasn't born to be

anyone's slave or victim and I won't be. The family can just hate me and I just

won't care. My family knew of nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it

but did nothing so why do I care what they think? They're just mad because now

they have to deal with her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my

peace, serenity and tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to

" get even " with nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her

abuse. I am NOT able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or

form. Its unhealthy for me.

> >

> > If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I would

suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good daughter,

that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I have my own

life and children to consider first.

> >

> > Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you need

to heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's commentary

designed to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic and malleable

putty in their hands, you will only ever be miserable and sick. YOU have the

power to change. YOU have more control than you realize. YOU can change and

improve your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are you holding out hope

that they will one day be the loving mother or father that you deserved? I

tried that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt myself. I mourned the fact

I had no mother or father that I should have had, that I deserved to have and I

am to myself what they should have been to me.

> >

> > Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have an

illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that can stay

and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But for those of

you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care of yourself and

create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for answers and do

what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help books...stick close to this

support group but know this, you can get free and heal, you can find the love

within yourself you always wished you had from nada and fada and know that with

everything in me, I send you peace, love, energy and prayers to face the journey

you have to face.

> >

> > Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

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Posted
Posted

Thanks so much for your post! I am new to the group and I completely relate to

the feelings you have described. I have been seriously considering severing all

ties to my Nada, but I'm trying to decide on the most humane way to go about it.

Grace

> >

> > As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for validation

that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's feelings before we

made a single move and continually told what we saw as wrong was not real. We

grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except our own. Our every move

later in life becomes judged inside our own head by the twisted reality nada or

fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know any better.

> >

> > Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right to

be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that any

more.

> >

> > One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we feel

are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

> >

> > If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If

you don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their

opinions or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the

right to be, say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission

from nada or fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who

cares what anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only

person's opinion that matters is yours.

> >

> > We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval from

within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider the

source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

> >

> > You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from harm.

Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because you won't

love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious lie. See it

for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for yourself for

once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada or fada any

more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms and to not be

critiqued in the process! :)

> >

> > My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country call

me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother (she's got

a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants the pain killers

- she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a toll on her body, she

refuses to allow people to be who they are and inflicts the worst character

assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is where she is at her own hand.

Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry family and friends see me as the

rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of herself. I know the truth and I

don't need nada or her friends or other family to validate who I am. The truth

is - she is abusive and I'm sick of being her victim. I wasn't born to be

anyone's slave or victim and I won't be. The family can just hate me and I just

won't care. My family knew of nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it

but did nothing so why do I care what they think? They're just mad because now

they have to deal with her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my

peace, serenity and tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to

" get even " with nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her

abuse. I am NOT able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or

form. Its unhealthy for me.

> >

> > If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I would

suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good daughter,

that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I have my own

life and children to consider first.

> >

> > Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you need

to heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's commentary

designed to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic and malleable

putty in their hands, you will only ever be miserable and sick. YOU have the

power to change. YOU have more control than you realize. YOU can change and

improve your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are you holding out hope

that they will one day be the loving mother or father that you deserved? I

tried that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt myself. I mourned the fact

I had no mother or father that I should have had, that I deserved to have and I

am to myself what they should have been to me.

> >

> > Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have an

illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that can stay

and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But for those of

you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care of yourself and

create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for answers and do

what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help books...stick close to this

support group but know this, you can get free and heal, you can find the love

within yourself you always wished you had from nada and fada and know that with

everything in me, I send you peace, love, energy and prayers to face the journey

you have to face.

> >

> > Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

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Vau Jaie! Well said. I agree with all.

Yenaine

Sent via BlackBerry from Vodafone

Stop Looking Outside :)

As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for validation that

would never come, forced to consider everyone else's feelings before we made a

single move and continually told what we saw as wrong was not real. We grew up

unable to properly judge bad behavior except our own. Our every move later in

life becomes judged inside our own head by the twisted reality nada or fada

imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know any better.

Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right to be

above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that any more.

One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we feel are

in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without consulting

them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or thoughts.

Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are rocks

(nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If you

don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their opinions

or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the right to be,

say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission from nada or

fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who cares what

anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only person's opinion

that matters is yours.

We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval from

within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider the

source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from harm.

Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because you won't

love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious lie. See it

for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for yourself for

once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada or fada any

more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms and to not be

critiqued in the process! :)

My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country call me

and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother (she's got a

bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants the pain killers -

she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a toll on her body, she

refuses to allow people to be who they are and inflicts the worst character

assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is where she is at her own hand.

Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry family and friends see me as the

rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of herself. I know the truth and I

don't need nada or her friends or other family to validate who I am. The truth

is - she is abusive and I'm sick of being her victim. I wasn't born to be

anyone's slave or victim and I won't be. The family can just hate me and I just

won't care. My family knew of nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it

but did nothing so why do I care what they think? They're just mad because now

they have to deal with her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my

peace, serenity and tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to

" get even " with nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her

abuse. I am NOT able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or

form. Its unhealthy for me.

If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I would

suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good daughter,

that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I have my own

life and children to consider first.

Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you need to

heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's commentary designed

to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic and malleable putty in

their hands, you will only ever be miserable and sick. YOU have the power to

change. YOU have more control than you realize. YOU can change and improve

your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are you holding out hope that they

will one day be the loving mother or father that you deserved? I tried

that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt myself. I mourned the fact I had

no mother or father that I should have had, that I deserved to have and I am to

myself what they should have been to me.

Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and twisted

individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll tell you

it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have an illness

does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that can stay and

communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But for those of you

who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care of yourself and

create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for answers and do

what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help books...stick close to this

support group but know this, you can get free and heal, you can find the love

within yourself you always wished you had from nada and fada and know that with

everything in me, I send you peace, love, energy and prayers to face the journey

you have to face.

Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

Jaie

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Thank you everyone for your supportive words. I deeply appreciate them. I think

after spending years blindly entrenched and just absolutely mired in the thick,

ugly and toxic emotions and one last stint of abuse from nada, strangely, I

kinda feel free and more focused on the good that is and can be in my life

instead of the negative.

You have to fight so hard to get to that place but the cool part is " that place "

can be had! I'm learning that everything in life is about my expectations and

perspectives. I think I want to focus more on how I am affecting my own

children instead of how nada infected (whoops, I mean affected) me. LOL I

wonder how it works...so nada was completely invalidating, undermining,

domineering and manipulative. To compensate I was either the rescuer or a ghost

with her. I go out of my way to validate my kids emotions but am careful not to

rescue and instead try to instill healthy thought processes in them. But for

most of their lives, I was still blind. I just hope I haven't damaged them with

my dumb choices. But those dumb choices lead me to where I am right now and

emotionally speaking, it's a really good place. Hopefully my kids will one day

understand about the drama I put them through, having to move so much..letting a

couple unhealthy people into our lives and then getting them out. Luckily,

we've been able to stay in the same town. It's a big city so it's pretty easy

to disappear right across town close to their friends and keeping them in the

same schools at least. But I feel bad about what I've had to do up to this

point. In my own denial, I really didn't see any other way and will take

accountability with my own kids, own my mistakes and admit them fully. I will

ask for forgiveness but won't demand that they give it. :)

Raising my own kids really sort of set me free. It's almost as if now that I've

become aware and awake fully on this mamma drama I've dealt with, I can undo

what nada did to me by being a real mother to my kids. I'm not perfect but

everyone of my children knows that I respect them as humans, that I truly see

and tell them about their specialness, I won't impose my thinking on them but

rather share it and I won't critique their every move but instead ask them how

they feel about the decisions they make. Nada taught me to be a good mom. I

just have to do opposite of what she did. LOL

Thanks again every one. It's so very good to be part of this group. :)

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Jaie, you said: " Nada taught me to be a good mom. I just have to do

opposite of what she did. LOL "

That's too funny! I told fiance something similar once.... that when it

came to making decisions about the kids, all I had to do was think of what

nada would do & do the opposite lol.

I bet you are an awesome mom Jaie!

Mia

>

>

>

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Jaie, you said: " Nada taught me to be a good mom. I just have to do

opposite of what she did. LOL "

That's too funny! I told fiance something similar once.... that when it

came to making decisions about the kids, all I had to do was think of what

nada would do & do the opposite lol.

I bet you are an awesome mom Jaie!

Mia

>

>

>

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Jaie, you said: " Nada taught me to be a good mom. I just have to do

opposite of what she did. LOL "

That's too funny! I told fiance something similar once.... that when it

came to making decisions about the kids, all I had to do was think of what

nada would do & do the opposite lol.

I bet you are an awesome mom Jaie!

Mia

>

>

>

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Thanks Mia. I do what I can and I now realize in many ways, nada did too. I

don't excuse her behavior but I now at least understand it. Understanding takes

so much sting out of the pain. :)

Sometimes you just have to try to make lemonade out of lemons in order to make

yourself smile. Oooh wait but if you throw in some vodka ... you've got a party

in a glass. hahaha...J/K The Journey is the Destination! LOL

:)

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Thanks Mia. I do what I can and I now realize in many ways, nada did too. I

don't excuse her behavior but I now at least understand it. Understanding takes

so much sting out of the pain. :)

Sometimes you just have to try to make lemonade out of lemons in order to make

yourself smile. Oooh wait but if you throw in some vodka ... you've got a party

in a glass. hahaha...J/K The Journey is the Destination! LOL

:)

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Posted
Posted

Thanks Mia. I do what I can and I now realize in many ways, nada did too. I

don't excuse her behavior but I now at least understand it. Understanding takes

so much sting out of the pain. :)

Sometimes you just have to try to make lemonade out of lemons in order to make

yourself smile. Oooh wait but if you throw in some vodka ... you've got a party

in a glass. hahaha...J/K The Journey is the Destination! LOL

:)

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Your words need to be written in gold and framed. :):):)

>

> As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for validation

that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's feelings before we

made a single move and continually told what we saw as wrong was not real. We

grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except our own. Our every move

later in life becomes judged inside our own head by the twisted reality nada or

fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know any better.

>

> Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right to

be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that any

more.

>

> One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we feel

are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

>

> If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If you

don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their opinions

or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the right to be,

say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission from nada or

fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who cares what

anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only person's opinion

that matters is yours.

>

> We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval from

within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider the

source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

>

> You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from harm.

Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because you won't

love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious lie. See it

for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for yourself for

once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada or fada any

more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms and to not be

critiqued in the process! :)

>

> My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country call

me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother (she's got

a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants the pain killers

- she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a toll on her body, she

refuses to allow people to be who they are and inflicts the worst character

assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is where she is at her own hand.

Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry family and friends see me as the

rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of herself. I know the truth and I

don't need nada or her friends or other family to validate who I am. The truth

is - she is abusive and I'm sick of being her victim. I wasn't born to be

anyone's slave or victim and I won't be. The family can just hate me and I just

won't care. My family knew of nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it

but did nothing so why do I care what they think? They're just mad because now

they have to deal with her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my

peace, serenity and tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to

" get even " with nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her

abuse. I am NOT able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or

form. Its unhealthy for me.

>

> If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I would

suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good daughter,

that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I have my own

life and children to consider first.

>

> Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you need to

heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's commentary designed

to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic and malleable putty in

their hands, you will only ever be miserable and sick. YOU have the power to

change. YOU have more control than you realize. YOU can change and improve

your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are you holding out hope that they

will one day be the loving mother or father that you deserved? I tried

that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt myself. I mourned the fact I had

no mother or father that I should have had, that I deserved to have and I am to

myself what they should have been to me.

>

> Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have an

illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that can stay

and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But for those of

you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care of yourself and

create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for answers and do

what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help books...stick close to this

support group but know this, you can get free and heal, you can find the love

within yourself you always wished you had from nada and fada and know that with

everything in me, I send you peace, love, energy and prayers to face the journey

you have to face.

>

> Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

>

> Jaie

>

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Posted
Posted

Your words need to be written in gold and framed. :):):)

>

> As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for validation

that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's feelings before we

made a single move and continually told what we saw as wrong was not real. We

grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except our own. Our every move

later in life becomes judged inside our own head by the twisted reality nada or

fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know any better.

>

> Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right to

be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that any

more.

>

> One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we feel

are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

>

> If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If you

don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their opinions

or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the right to be,

say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission from nada or

fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who cares what

anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only person's opinion

that matters is yours.

>

> We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval from

within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider the

source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

>

> You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from harm.

Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because you won't

love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious lie. See it

for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for yourself for

once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada or fada any

more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms and to not be

critiqued in the process! :)

>

> My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country call

me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother (she's got

a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants the pain killers

- she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a toll on her body, she

refuses to allow people to be who they are and inflicts the worst character

assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is where she is at her own hand.

Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry family and friends see me as the

rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of herself. I know the truth and I

don't need nada or her friends or other family to validate who I am. The truth

is - she is abusive and I'm sick of being her victim. I wasn't born to be

anyone's slave or victim and I won't be. The family can just hate me and I just

won't care. My family knew of nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it

but did nothing so why do I care what they think? They're just mad because now

they have to deal with her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my

peace, serenity and tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to

" get even " with nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her

abuse. I am NOT able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or

form. Its unhealthy for me.

>

> If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I would

suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good daughter,

that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I have my own

life and children to consider first.

>

> Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you need to

heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's commentary designed

to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic and malleable putty in

their hands, you will only ever be miserable and sick. YOU have the power to

change. YOU have more control than you realize. YOU can change and improve

your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are you holding out hope that they

will one day be the loving mother or father that you deserved? I tried

that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt myself. I mourned the fact I had

no mother or father that I should have had, that I deserved to have and I am to

myself what they should have been to me.

>

> Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have an

illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that can stay

and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But for those of

you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care of yourself and

create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for answers and do

what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help books...stick close to this

support group but know this, you can get free and heal, you can find the love

within yourself you always wished you had from nada and fada and know that with

everything in me, I send you peace, love, energy and prayers to face the journey

you have to face.

>

> Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

>

> Jaie

>

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Posted
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Yeah, it's like a Constitution of our own country!!

I love it.

> >

> > As KOs we were made to continually look outside of ourselves for validation

that would never come, forced to consider everyone else's feelings before we

made a single move and continually told what we saw as wrong was not real. We

grew up unable to properly judge bad behavior except our own. Our every move

later in life becomes judged inside our own head by the twisted reality nada or

fada imposed upon us unwillingly. We didn't know any better.

> >

> > Even as adults, in all of our relations we attempt to do everything right to

be above reproach, to be liked and to be loved. We don't have to do that any

more.

> >

> > One thing that we really need to know is that we can make decisions we feel

are in our best interest without running it past nada or fada, without

consulting them, informing them and explaining or defending our actions or

thoughts. Somewhere inside we keep expecting rocks to be sunshine. Rocks are

rocks (nada/fada). They cannot be sunshine. Give it up I say, quit trying to

manipulate in return by kindness, being the good child and just be you.

> >

> > If you don't like their behavior you can say so and you can walk away. If

you don't like their opinions on your life decisions, stop asking for their

opinions or hearing them if unsolicited. You are a human being who has the

right to be, say and do as you please, you don't need approval or permission

from nada or fada as an adult. You don't need to fear their reproach and who

cares what anyone thinks about you when nada or fada tells lies. The only

person's opinion that matters is yours.

> >

> > We have to change our expectations and re-parent ourselves, learn to find

validation that is meaningful within, find love from within, find approval from

within. We will never get it from nada or fada so stop trying. Consider the

source, put it all into very crystal clear perspective.

> >

> > You are not doing the world any favors by not protecting yourself from harm.

Who cares if nada or fada says you are a rotten selfish person because you won't

love them specifically on their terms. That's a heinous, insidious lie. See it

for what it is and let the inner child within you stand up for yourself for

once. It can now. it doesn't have to be fed or clothed by nada or fada any

more. You have the right to demonstrate love on your own terms and to not be

critiqued in the process! :)

> >

> > My nada has always been abusive and she had people all over the country call

me and try to shame me into contact with my poor frail sickly mother (she's got

a bad back she refused medical treatment for because she wants the pain killers

- she won't stop drinking pints of vodka and its taking a toll on her body, she

refuses to allow people to be who they are and inflicts the worst character

assassination I have ever seen). To me, nada is where she is at her own hand.

Not my fault and not my problem. I'm not sorry family and friends see me as the

rotten selfish daughter who thinks only of herself. I know the truth and I

don't need nada or her friends or other family to validate who I am. The truth

is - she is abusive and I'm sick of being her victim. I wasn't born to be

anyone's slave or victim and I won't be. The family can just hate me and I just

won't care. My family knew of nada's neglect and abuse and felt bad about it

but did nothing so why do I care what they think? They're just mad because now

they have to deal with her and they are quite possibly jealous or envious of my

peace, serenity and tranquility. Again, not my problem. I don't do anything to

" get even " with nada. I do what I do to keep me healthy and safe from her

abuse. I am NOT able or WILLING to be in her presence in any way, shape or

form. Its unhealthy for me.

> >

> > If I stayed in contact and continued to cave into her FOG tactics, I would

suffer PTSD and panic attacks for life. That wouldn't make me a good daughter,

that would make me insane and I wasn't put her to be damaged. I have my own

life and children to consider first.

> >

> > Its just so important that you all give yourselves whatever space you need

to heal from emotional trauma and do so without nada or fada's commentary

designed to keep you ill. If you continue to be overly empathic and malleable

putty in their hands, you will only ever be miserable and sick. YOU have the

power to change. YOU have more control than you realize. YOU can change and

improve your life. If you have a nada or a fada, why are you holding out hope

that they will one day be the loving mother or father that you deserved? I

tried that...all I did with those thoughts was hurt myself. I mourned the fact

I had no mother or father that I should have had, that I deserved to have and I

am to myself what they should have been to me.

> >

> > Its so hard for me to see people still trapped in the games of sick and

twisted individuals. I see the spirits being absolutely obliterated and I'll

tell you it makes me mad. Its sad that BPDs exist but just because they have an

illness does not mean we have to go down with the ship. For those that can stay

and communicate without being affected, AWESOME and Bless you. But for those of

you who can't, it is okay to cut contact, its okay to take care of yourself and

create distance for you to heal. Look only to yourself for answers and do

what's right for you...get therapy, read self-help books...stick close to this

support group but know this, you can get free and heal, you can find the love

within yourself you always wished you had from nada and fada and know that with

everything in me, I send you peace, love, energy and prayers to face the journey

you have to face.

> >

> > Take good care of YOU FIRST! :)

> >

> > Jaie

> >

>

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Grace - welcome to the group! It's not an easy decision and even when you go NC

it gets much worse before it gets better but time, a really good attitude and a

lot of self-love will get you there. Whatever you decide to do, there is a

wealth of good information from the beautiful souls on this group. You will

figure it out and be able to do what is right for you. :)

~Blessings!!! :)

Jaie

>

> Thanks so much for your post! I am new to the group and I completely relate

to the feelings you have described. I have been seriously considering severing

all ties to my Nada, but I'm trying to decide on the most humane way to go about

it.

>

> Grace

>

>

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Posted

Grace - welcome to the group! It's not an easy decision and even when you go NC

it gets much worse before it gets better but time, a really good attitude and a

lot of self-love will get you there. Whatever you decide to do, there is a

wealth of good information from the beautiful souls on this group. You will

figure it out and be able to do what is right for you. :)

~Blessings!!! :)

Jaie

>

> Thanks so much for your post! I am new to the group and I completely relate

to the feelings you have described. I have been seriously considering severing

all ties to my Nada, but I'm trying to decide on the most humane way to go about

it.

>

> Grace

>

>

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Posted

Wow! The only thing worse than dealing with one PD'd individual in your life is

two at the same time! I can understand the challenges you face. Had to get an

NPD husband and a BPD nada out of my life for pure sanity's sake. LOL They

made it hell for a good 3-6 months, tappered off and would strike just when i

got calm. EWH! But never giving up, I got them out and it's been so quiet now.

Very few strikes on their part (cuz they have no contact info on me and don't

know exactly where I am)! :)

I wish you the very best. Hang in there. :)

Jaie

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