Sitting in Class Right Now On Campus

[Guest guest]

I am sitting in my counseling class right now during introductions. I just

wanted to thank you all for being there and giving me support I never had

before. Being on campus still brings up some big issues for me - KO related and

personal past problems. I had so much trouble relating to peers when I left for

college. Pretty much crashed and burned with suicidality and hospitalizations.

So I'm now in a master's counseling program to learn to help others. It's nice

to have someone/somewhere to check in with people who actually care and have the

capacity to care about me.

I'm trying to go part-time because I run a tree service company and stay home as

much as possible with my boys. I so often second-guess myself wondering if I

should be going full-time (as a KO, can never do enough or be good enough). I

would really like to not be doing this at all right now, but I feel that I could

help kids in school counseling. I want to be working toward the degree so I'll

be ready to work in a few years. The whole idea seemed good in theory but is

really getting to be too much for me right now. (Perhaps because the kids just

got out of the hospital after Christmas and my depression/anxiety is pretty high

right now.)

I feel like I could start crying right now (just started Wellbutrin a couple of

days ago). Thanks for listening. Also keep wondering if some random shooter

might come in the door at any minute. (Obviously anxiety issues brought up from

the school-related stress.)

+Coal Miner's Daughter