Re: I have no contact, but she wants back in.

[Guest guest]

Grewels, may you have all the strenght you need. My goodness. Your nada sure

knows how to play the guilt trip. My nada used to tell me about the excrutiating

pain she had when she was giving birth to me and those conversations happened

only when she felt I was drifting away or emotionally detached. My response was,

well when you get pregnant you eventually need to give birth I guess !!

Anyhow if it was me I wouldn't react in anyway to her message, this will show

her no matter how manipulative she is you wont give in. That's just my opinion.

You take care,

[Guest guest]

Grewels, may you have all the strenght you need. My goodness. Your nada sure

knows how to play the guilt trip. My nada used to tell me about the excrutiating

pain she had when she was giving birth to me and those conversations happened

only when she felt I was drifting away or emotionally detached. My response was,

well when you get pregnant you eventually need to give birth I guess !!

Anyhow if it was me I wouldn't react in anyway to her message, this will show

her no matter how manipulative she is you wont give in. That's just my opinion.

You take care,

[Guest guest]

You're right and it makes me cry to think of how horrible it must be for the BPD

parent to live like this.

I'm so new to this forum (and forums in general) that I'm not entirely sure what

I'm doing or if I'm replying in the correct spot plus I completely feel

ill-equipped to provide advice of any kind till I'm here a bit, but let me

provide encouragement.

You sound like you have exactly the same shaky moments we have all felt and been

in from time to time as children of pwBPD. We find it very easy to feel guilty,

questioning our healthy boundaries because we do feel like we have to be

obedient children in order to make ourselves right with our parents. And

usually what we forget is that we, as adults, can be honourable to our parents,

without being reactively obedient. This is especially true when what they are

asking for (or demanding) flies against all we know to be good and true for

'normal' relationships. I'm grateful you have such a wonderful husband that

keeps you on-track (sounds like mine!) and that we have a forum to get such

amazing advice and reinforcement from.

I can't believe it took me so long to find this group!

I truly believe that at the end of the day, BPDs are revealed as being the

one's that are responsible for damaging loving relationships. My aunt just told

me she was so relieve to be able to finally talk about this as a family (with

the exception of nada) because she thought she was always doing something wrong

in that relationship for the past 45 years!

All the best to your brother's recovery and your healthy stand.

--Mexie

> >

> >

> > Grewels, may you have all the strenght you need. My goodness. Your nada sure

knows how to play the guilt trip. My nada used to tell me about the excrutiating

pain she had when she was giving birth to me and those conversations happened

only when she felt I was drifting away or emotionally detached. My response was,

well when you get pregnant you eventually need to give birth I guess !!

> > Anyhow if it was me I wouldn't react in anyway to her message, this will

show her no matter how manipulative she is you wont give in. That's just my

opinion.

> > You take care,

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You're right and it makes me cry to think of how horrible it must be for the BPD

parent to live like this.

I'm so new to this forum (and forums in general) that I'm not entirely sure what

I'm doing or if I'm replying in the correct spot plus I completely feel

ill-equipped to provide advice of any kind till I'm here a bit, but let me

provide encouragement.

You sound like you have exactly the same shaky moments we have all felt and been

in from time to time as children of pwBPD. We find it very easy to feel guilty,

questioning our healthy boundaries because we do feel like we have to be

obedient children in order to make ourselves right with our parents. And

usually what we forget is that we, as adults, can be honourable to our parents,

without being reactively obedient. This is especially true when what they are

asking for (or demanding) flies against all we know to be good and true for

'normal' relationships. I'm grateful you have such a wonderful husband that

keeps you on-track (sounds like mine!) and that we have a forum to get such

amazing advice and reinforcement from.

I can't believe it took me so long to find this group!

I truly believe that at the end of the day, BPDs are revealed as being the

one's that are responsible for damaging loving relationships. My aunt just told

me she was so relieve to be able to finally talk about this as a family (with

the exception of nada) because she thought she was always doing something wrong

in that relationship for the past 45 years!

All the best to your brother's recovery and your healthy stand.

--Mexie

> >

> >

> > Grewels, may you have all the strenght you need. My goodness. Your nada sure

knows how to play the guilt trip. My nada used to tell me about the excrutiating

pain she had when she was giving birth to me and those conversations happened

only when she felt I was drifting away or emotionally detached. My response was,

well when you get pregnant you eventually need to give birth I guess !!

> > Anyhow if it was me I wouldn't react in anyway to her message, this will

show her no matter how manipulative she is you wont give in. That's just my

opinion.

> > You take care,

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Doug - you are truly a gentleman and loyal supporter of the people this group.

Thank you for sharing the " perfect 20/20 hindsight " obviously based on your

healing experience.

--Mexie

> >

> > I have actually had no contact with my mom for about a year now, I cut

> her out of my life. I have a lot of guilt, and i get a lot of guilt

> from everyone on that side of the family. Especially because the crisis

> surrounding the time I " abandoned her " was the birth of my baby brother.

> Due to cutting her out of my life, I have also cut my baby brother

> out... She sends me picture messages of him, but I have not seen him

> since I walked away because of the unhappiness she bring me.

>

> Families typically do not understand the behaviors that drive those

> closest, the victims of the borderline behavior away. And of course you

> are going to get guilt from dear old mom.

>

> Not seeing or knowing your baby brother is a terrible price to pay. It

> is one of the prices we often do pay for choosing what will let us be

> healthy after a relationship with a BPD parent; we lose other family as

> well.

>

> Something does prompt me to ask, though, if your mom had a baby a year

> ago, how old are you? If you are an adult and she is having a baby

> after " raising " a child, that is a pretty wide gap in between.

>

>

> > She wants contact, and wants to talk again, but has never owned up to

> what she did... and i know she probably never will. I just can't let

> someone so hurtful back into my life so easily without even a slight

> acknowledgment that they did something wrong.

>

> If she is a BPD, she will not acknowledge any wrong she did. She will

> blame it all on you, while she plays the victim. And whatever she did

> to hurt, and the myriad things she did to hurt you for the years of your

> life, she will certainly do again. Her text makes it obvious she is not

> ready to change. She will also choose to remember the incidents very

> differently than you do, and challenge your reality.

>

>

>

> > Oh yea, and to be clear, i was the one humble enough to send cards

> for each holiday, gifts for christmas and birthdays.... with no

> response from her except a bitter text " enjoy your life with your new

> family. " The only ounce of contact she has done was sending picture

> messages of my brother. We did talk on christmas day, i thought things

> might turn around from there in a positive way, but of course not.

>

> She is not going to just turn around due to a conversation. You need to

> start some reading about BPD. Start with SWOE, then move to the

> Complete Family Guide to bpd. You can find both on BPDCentral.com.

>

>

>

> > Her latest text to me reads:

> > " So i can't sleep, I've let this go long enough. U need to talk to

> me, i can't believe this is going on a year, u don't talk to us, or see

> us, it's just not ok. Talk to me about us, deal with it, i'm your mom,

> i raised you, it's not ok hurting like this not seeing n talking to me,

> really, a year, really [my name].

>

> No mention of her hurting you, I notice. It s all about her: I m your

> mom, I raised you. If she is truly willing to deal with it, then I

> would suggest that you start seeing a therapist if you have not done so

> already. And when you are comfortable and ready, and you are sure the

> therapist understands that your mom has BPD, then offer to meet her at a

> family therapy session with your T, and begin to deal with it there. I

> doubt she ll accept, but it is a safe way to hold open the door for a

> relationship, without caving in to her blackmail.

>

>

>

> This is how you're gunna be??? Your little brothers going to have

> surgery on his bday, and your not even talking to us, like who cares

> about mom and your brother... i brought you up as a single mom all your

> life, good times and bad times. i didn't give you up n disown u. I've

> tryed contacting u this past year, all i get is a cold shoulder, it's

> not ok.

>

>

> Has she really? Your post says she has not responded to your cards and

> such other than one txt. This would be a standard BPD behavior,

> gaslighting. Her memory of something is entirely different than y ours,

> or reality.

>

>

>

>

> You couldn't even see your little brother, really [my name], you don't

> care that much??? no feelings for me or him, really, a year. your

> mother deserves more respect... your brother doesn't even know his big

> sister, thats just wrong n hurtful, at least i've tried to contact you

> this year.

>

> Again, really? And if she is concerned about your brother knowing you,

> she can make arrangements so that you can visit him without her present.

>

> This is not ok. We are alive, we are your family, you've punished me

> long enough, and i've let this go long enough.

>

> Does anyone but me notice this? Not, sorry, daughter, that I hurt you,

> or if I hurt you in some way. Please forgive me, and lets try to work

> out a relationship. Instead, typical BPD. You have punished me long

> enough. So it is YOUR fault for punishing her , not her fault for the

> temper outburst or whatever caused you to leave. Notice too, that nada

> ( our slang for a BP mom, nada= not a mother ) plays the hero and victim

> at the same time. You ve punished me long enough, and I ve let this go

> long enough. Implying that is was her choice. It wasnt.

>

> It would NEVER ever occur to a BP that your lack of contact is not to

> punish her, but to keep you safe and sane, and to not subject yourself

> to further abuses. I hope that is your reason, because the revenge

> motive, the hate motive, even if justified, eats at us, not at them.

> You just want to heal and be healthy.

>

> life is too short to be doing this. Life happens, it is what it is. I

> can only deal with so much, you have a part in our relationship, so this

> is not ok, any longer.

>

> FOG alert! Fear Obligation Guilt, is how nada s manipulate us. You

> have a part in this relationship: Guilt .

>

>

> One of us could die tonight, then what??? Fear

>

>

>

> [my name] life is too short for this crap. And i'm a pretty cool

> fricken mom by the way, remember that, oh yea the good things, yes im

> keeping it real. Obligation. If you are a pretty cool fricken parent,

> by the way, you don t need to tell your kids that.

>

> Manipulation , anyone.

>

>

> I'm worried about you too, love you, mom. So there! "

>

> Now who, but a BP, could pull off the statement, I love you, mom. So

> there! If this was written by a 3 year old it would be cute, if bratty.

> She did not say I love you out of love, it was out of FOG, I love you ,

> so there. Now you have to respond to me.

>

>

> >

> > All i want to say back is " I'm sorry that your explosive anger tainted

> so many wonderful experiences in my life, it's just sad that you can't

> recognize why i can't continue a relationship with you. " But, i chose

> to say nothing, and not engage to her pleas.

>

> I understand why you think this, being a KO and having had a life of it.

> But why do you think you Cannot say

>

> I'm sorry that your explosive anger tainted so many wonderful

> experiences in my life, it's just sad that you can't recognize why i

> can't continue a relationship with you

>

> Not that I expect that will make her say, oh, sorry, I didnt realize

> that. I ll change. But you do NOT have to walk on eggshells with her.

> It IS exhausting. You ve sent cards and presents, you ve received a

> txt. So you have ways to say what is truly inside you without having a

> conversation with her. Why not? If nothing else, you finally get to

> say it. You ll feel better for being honest about your feelings.

>

> > So exhausting, it's exhausting even when i have cut her out.... how

> does she have that much control! Not sure what to do.

>

> But you have NOT cut her out. You are in a very limited LC, or limited

> contact. Otherwise, she could not text you, she wouldnt have your

> number. NC means NC. And LC should mean you hold all the cards, you can

> contact her, but she cannot contact you unless you choose it and permit

> it. Right now , you are half in and half out. I m sure it is wearing

> you to a nubbin.

>

>

>

> > Break down this text for me, give me strength and affirmation that

> what I'm doing is not the wrong way/ least therapeutic way to handle

> this.

>

> Ok, thats about as broken down as I can make it. I m sorry, deeply

> sorry, that you don t have a nurturing mother, and that you have not

> seen your little brother.

>

> But your first priority must be, what must I do to be healthy. Build

> from there.

>

> May we all heal.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

> > Thank you!

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Doug - you are truly a gentleman and loyal supporter of the people this group.

Thank you for sharing the " perfect 20/20 hindsight " obviously based on your

healing experience.

--Mexie

> >

> > I have actually had no contact with my mom for about a year now, I cut

> her out of my life. I have a lot of guilt, and i get a lot of guilt

> from everyone on that side of the family. Especially because the crisis

> surrounding the time I " abandoned her " was the birth of my baby brother.

> Due to cutting her out of my life, I have also cut my baby brother

> out... She sends me picture messages of him, but I have not seen him

> since I walked away because of the unhappiness she bring me.

>

> Families typically do not understand the behaviors that drive those

> closest, the victims of the borderline behavior away. And of course you

> are going to get guilt from dear old mom.

>

> Not seeing or knowing your baby brother is a terrible price to pay. It

> is one of the prices we often do pay for choosing what will let us be

> healthy after a relationship with a BPD parent; we lose other family as

> well.

>

> Something does prompt me to ask, though, if your mom had a baby a year

> ago, how old are you? If you are an adult and she is having a baby

> after " raising " a child, that is a pretty wide gap in between.

>

>

> > She wants contact, and wants to talk again, but has never owned up to

> what she did... and i know she probably never will. I just can't let

> someone so hurtful back into my life so easily without even a slight

> acknowledgment that they did something wrong.

>

> If she is a BPD, she will not acknowledge any wrong she did. She will

> blame it all on you, while she plays the victim. And whatever she did

> to hurt, and the myriad things she did to hurt you for the years of your

> life, she will certainly do again. Her text makes it obvious she is not

> ready to change. She will also choose to remember the incidents very

> differently than you do, and challenge your reality.

>

>

>

> > Oh yea, and to be clear, i was the one humble enough to send cards

> for each holiday, gifts for christmas and birthdays.... with no

> response from her except a bitter text " enjoy your life with your new

> family. " The only ounce of contact she has done was sending picture

> messages of my brother. We did talk on christmas day, i thought things

> might turn around from there in a positive way, but of course not.

>

> She is not going to just turn around due to a conversation. You need to

> start some reading about BPD. Start with SWOE, then move to the

> Complete Family Guide to bpd. You can find both on BPDCentral.com.

>

>

>

> > Her latest text to me reads:

> > " So i can't sleep, I've let this go long enough. U need to talk to

> me, i can't believe this is going on a year, u don't talk to us, or see

> us, it's just not ok. Talk to me about us, deal with it, i'm your mom,

> i raised you, it's not ok hurting like this not seeing n talking to me,

> really, a year, really [my name].

>

> No mention of her hurting you, I notice. It s all about her: I m your

> mom, I raised you. If she is truly willing to deal with it, then I

> would suggest that you start seeing a therapist if you have not done so

> already. And when you are comfortable and ready, and you are sure the

> therapist understands that your mom has BPD, then offer to meet her at a

> family therapy session with your T, and begin to deal with it there. I

> doubt she ll accept, but it is a safe way to hold open the door for a

> relationship, without caving in to her blackmail.

>

>

>

> This is how you're gunna be??? Your little brothers going to have

> surgery on his bday, and your not even talking to us, like who cares

> about mom and your brother... i brought you up as a single mom all your

> life, good times and bad times. i didn't give you up n disown u. I've

> tryed contacting u this past year, all i get is a cold shoulder, it's

> not ok.

>

>

> Has she really? Your post says she has not responded to your cards and

> such other than one txt. This would be a standard BPD behavior,

> gaslighting. Her memory of something is entirely different than y ours,

> or reality.

>

>

>

>

> You couldn't even see your little brother, really [my name], you don't

> care that much??? no feelings for me or him, really, a year. your

> mother deserves more respect... your brother doesn't even know his big

> sister, thats just wrong n hurtful, at least i've tried to contact you

> this year.

>

> Again, really? And if she is concerned about your brother knowing you,

> she can make arrangements so that you can visit him without her present.

>

> This is not ok. We are alive, we are your family, you've punished me

> long enough, and i've let this go long enough.

>

> Does anyone but me notice this? Not, sorry, daughter, that I hurt you,

> or if I hurt you in some way. Please forgive me, and lets try to work

> out a relationship. Instead, typical BPD. You have punished me long

> enough. So it is YOUR fault for punishing her , not her fault for the

> temper outburst or whatever caused you to leave. Notice too, that nada

> ( our slang for a BP mom, nada= not a mother ) plays the hero and victim

> at the same time. You ve punished me long enough, and I ve let this go

> long enough. Implying that is was her choice. It wasnt.

>

> It would NEVER ever occur to a BP that your lack of contact is not to

> punish her, but to keep you safe and sane, and to not subject yourself

> to further abuses. I hope that is your reason, because the revenge

> motive, the hate motive, even if justified, eats at us, not at them.

> You just want to heal and be healthy.

>

> life is too short to be doing this. Life happens, it is what it is. I

> can only deal with so much, you have a part in our relationship, so this

> is not ok, any longer.

>

> FOG alert! Fear Obligation Guilt, is how nada s manipulate us. You

> have a part in this relationship: Guilt .

>

>

> One of us could die tonight, then what??? Fear

>

>

>

> [my name] life is too short for this crap. And i'm a pretty cool

> fricken mom by the way, remember that, oh yea the good things, yes im

> keeping it real. Obligation. If you are a pretty cool fricken parent,

> by the way, you don t need to tell your kids that.

>

> Manipulation , anyone.

>

>

> I'm worried about you too, love you, mom. So there! "

>

> Now who, but a BP, could pull off the statement, I love you, mom. So

> there! If this was written by a 3 year old it would be cute, if bratty.

> She did not say I love you out of love, it was out of FOG, I love you ,

> so there. Now you have to respond to me.

>

>

> >

> > All i want to say back is " I'm sorry that your explosive anger tainted

> so many wonderful experiences in my life, it's just sad that you can't

> recognize why i can't continue a relationship with you. " But, i chose

> to say nothing, and not engage to her pleas.

>

> I understand why you think this, being a KO and having had a life of it.

> But why do you think you Cannot say

>

> I'm sorry that your explosive anger tainted so many wonderful

> experiences in my life, it's just sad that you can't recognize why i

> can't continue a relationship with you

>

> Not that I expect that will make her say, oh, sorry, I didnt realize

> that. I ll change. But you do NOT have to walk on eggshells with her.

> It IS exhausting. You ve sent cards and presents, you ve received a

> txt. So you have ways to say what is truly inside you without having a

> conversation with her. Why not? If nothing else, you finally get to

> say it. You ll feel better for being honest about your feelings.

>

> > So exhausting, it's exhausting even when i have cut her out.... how

> does she have that much control! Not sure what to do.

>

> But you have NOT cut her out. You are in a very limited LC, or limited

> contact. Otherwise, she could not text you, she wouldnt have your

> number. NC means NC. And LC should mean you hold all the cards, you can

> contact her, but she cannot contact you unless you choose it and permit

> it. Right now , you are half in and half out. I m sure it is wearing

> you to a nubbin.

>

>

>

> > Break down this text for me, give me strength and affirmation that

> what I'm doing is not the wrong way/ least therapeutic way to handle

> this.

>

> Ok, thats about as broken down as I can make it. I m sorry, deeply

> sorry, that you don t have a nurturing mother, and that you have not

> seen your little brother.

>

> But your first priority must be, what must I do to be healthy. Build

> from there.

>

> May we all heal.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

> > Thank you!

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Doug - you are truly a gentleman and loyal supporter of the people this group.

Thank you for sharing the " perfect 20/20 hindsight " obviously based on your

healing experience.

--Mexie

> >

> > I have actually had no contact with my mom for about a year now, I cut

> her out of my life. I have a lot of guilt, and i get a lot of guilt

> from everyone on that side of the family. Especially because the crisis

> surrounding the time I " abandoned her " was the birth of my baby brother.

> Due to cutting her out of my life, I have also cut my baby brother

> out... She sends me picture messages of him, but I have not seen him

> since I walked away because of the unhappiness she bring me.

>

> Families typically do not understand the behaviors that drive those

> closest, the victims of the borderline behavior away. And of course you

> are going to get guilt from dear old mom.

>

> Not seeing or knowing your baby brother is a terrible price to pay. It

> is one of the prices we often do pay for choosing what will let us be

> healthy after a relationship with a BPD parent; we lose other family as

> well.

>

> Something does prompt me to ask, though, if your mom had a baby a year

> ago, how old are you? If you are an adult and she is having a baby

> after " raising " a child, that is a pretty wide gap in between.

>

>

> > She wants contact, and wants to talk again, but has never owned up to

> what she did... and i know she probably never will. I just can't let

> someone so hurtful back into my life so easily without even a slight

> acknowledgment that they did something wrong.

>

> If she is a BPD, she will not acknowledge any wrong she did. She will

> blame it all on you, while she plays the victim. And whatever she did

> to hurt, and the myriad things she did to hurt you for the years of your

> life, she will certainly do again. Her text makes it obvious she is not

> ready to change. She will also choose to remember the incidents very

> differently than you do, and challenge your reality.

>

>

>

> > Oh yea, and to be clear, i was the one humble enough to send cards

> for each holiday, gifts for christmas and birthdays.... with no

> response from her except a bitter text " enjoy your life with your new

> family. " The only ounce of contact she has done was sending picture

> messages of my brother. We did talk on christmas day, i thought things

> might turn around from there in a positive way, but of course not.

>

> She is not going to just turn around due to a conversation. You need to

> start some reading about BPD. Start with SWOE, then move to the

> Complete Family Guide to bpd. You can find both on BPDCentral.com.

>

>

>

> > Her latest text to me reads:

> > " So i can't sleep, I've let this go long enough. U need to talk to

> me, i can't believe this is going on a year, u don't talk to us, or see

> us, it's just not ok. Talk to me about us, deal with it, i'm your mom,

> i raised you, it's not ok hurting like this not seeing n talking to me,

> really, a year, really [my name].

>

> No mention of her hurting you, I notice. It s all about her: I m your

> mom, I raised you. If she is truly willing to deal with it, then I

> would suggest that you start seeing a therapist if you have not done so

> already. And when you are comfortable and ready, and you are sure the

> therapist understands that your mom has BPD, then offer to meet her at a

> family therapy session with your T, and begin to deal with it there. I

> doubt she ll accept, but it is a safe way to hold open the door for a

> relationship, without caving in to her blackmail.

>

>

>

> This is how you're gunna be??? Your little brothers going to have

> surgery on his bday, and your not even talking to us, like who cares

> about mom and your brother... i brought you up as a single mom all your

> life, good times and bad times. i didn't give you up n disown u. I've

> tryed contacting u this past year, all i get is a cold shoulder, it's

> not ok.

>

>

> Has she really? Your post says she has not responded to your cards and

> such other than one txt. This would be a standard BPD behavior,

> gaslighting. Her memory of something is entirely different than y ours,

> or reality.

>

>

>

>

> You couldn't even see your little brother, really [my name], you don't

> care that much??? no feelings for me or him, really, a year. your

> mother deserves more respect... your brother doesn't even know his big

> sister, thats just wrong n hurtful, at least i've tried to contact you

> this year.

>

> Again, really? And if she is concerned about your brother knowing you,

> she can make arrangements so that you can visit him without her present.

>

> This is not ok. We are alive, we are your family, you've punished me

> long enough, and i've let this go long enough.

>

> Does anyone but me notice this? Not, sorry, daughter, that I hurt you,

> or if I hurt you in some way. Please forgive me, and lets try to work

> out a relationship. Instead, typical BPD. You have punished me long

> enough. So it is YOUR fault for punishing her , not her fault for the

> temper outburst or whatever caused you to leave. Notice too, that nada

> ( our slang for a BP mom, nada= not a mother ) plays the hero and victim

> at the same time. You ve punished me long enough, and I ve let this go

> long enough. Implying that is was her choice. It wasnt.

>

> It would NEVER ever occur to a BP that your lack of contact is not to

> punish her, but to keep you safe and sane, and to not subject yourself

> to further abuses. I hope that is your reason, because the revenge

> motive, the hate motive, even if justified, eats at us, not at them.

> You just want to heal and be healthy.

>

> life is too short to be doing this. Life happens, it is what it is. I

> can only deal with so much, you have a part in our relationship, so this

> is not ok, any longer.

>

> FOG alert! Fear Obligation Guilt, is how nada s manipulate us. You

> have a part in this relationship: Guilt .

>

>

> One of us could die tonight, then what??? Fear

>

>

>

> [my name] life is too short for this crap. And i'm a pretty cool

> fricken mom by the way, remember that, oh yea the good things, yes im

> keeping it real. Obligation. If you are a pretty cool fricken parent,

> by the way, you don t need to tell your kids that.

>

> Manipulation , anyone.

>

>

> I'm worried about you too, love you, mom. So there! "

>

> Now who, but a BP, could pull off the statement, I love you, mom. So

> there! If this was written by a 3 year old it would be cute, if bratty.

> She did not say I love you out of love, it was out of FOG, I love you ,

> so there. Now you have to respond to me.

>

>

> >

> > All i want to say back is " I'm sorry that your explosive anger tainted

> so many wonderful experiences in my life, it's just sad that you can't

> recognize why i can't continue a relationship with you. " But, i chose

> to say nothing, and not engage to her pleas.

>

> I understand why you think this, being a KO and having had a life of it.

> But why do you think you Cannot say

>

> I'm sorry that your explosive anger tainted so many wonderful

> experiences in my life, it's just sad that you can't recognize why i

> can't continue a relationship with you

>

> Not that I expect that will make her say, oh, sorry, I didnt realize

> that. I ll change. But you do NOT have to walk on eggshells with her.

> It IS exhausting. You ve sent cards and presents, you ve received a

> txt. So you have ways to say what is truly inside you without having a

> conversation with her. Why not? If nothing else, you finally get to

> say it. You ll feel better for being honest about your feelings.

>

> > So exhausting, it's exhausting even when i have cut her out.... how

> does she have that much control! Not sure what to do.

>

> But you have NOT cut her out. You are in a very limited LC, or limited

> contact. Otherwise, she could not text you, she wouldnt have your

> number. NC means NC. And LC should mean you hold all the cards, you can

> contact her, but she cannot contact you unless you choose it and permit

> it. Right now , you are half in and half out. I m sure it is wearing

> you to a nubbin.

>

>

>

> > Break down this text for me, give me strength and affirmation that

> what I'm doing is not the wrong way/ least therapeutic way to handle

> this.

>

> Ok, thats about as broken down as I can make it. I m sorry, deeply

> sorry, that you don t have a nurturing mother, and that you have not

> seen your little brother.

>

> But your first priority must be, what must I do to be healthy. Build

> from there.

>

> May we all heal.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

> > Thank you!

> >

>

>

>

>