Re: I have no contact, but she wants back in.

[Guest guest]

I'd just like to start by saying it sounds like you are handling this situation

really well! You know what you need, you recognize her message as manipulative,

and you choose not to reward that behavior with a response. Two thumbs way up!

afldancer wrote:

>Is she aware of this boundary (I'm guessing you've said it to her before)?

You could (but don't have to) reiterate to her the boundaries that >you have set

and state that if she is not willing to maintain contact within those

>boundaries, then you will not see her.

I agree that you don't have to tell her what the boundary is. To a pwBPD, even

negative attention is attention. I think communicating with her at this point,

even just to tell her why you don't want contact, might teach her that you will

eventually give in if she just keeps pestering you enough. It's called

" intermittent reinforcement. " I think your limits are for you, and since you

know what your limit is, you can just continue NC until she makes the changes

you need.

Her message to you was full of shaming and scolding, blame and FOG (fear,

obligation, guilt.) It reminds me how my mother used my name like it was a bad

word. Other posters are right that in her mind, this really is all about you

being mean to her; to a pwBPD, feelings=facts! You know the truth, whether she

ever figures it out or not.

Here is the statement that most stood out to me in your BPDm's message:

>Your little brothers going to have surgery on his bday, and your not even

talking to us...

Wow. Guilt trip, much? Just like a pwBPD to ruin what should be a happy event

by hijacking it with their own drama. I guarantee that surgery could have been

scheduled for another day, but it gets her a lot more attention and pity by

putting it on his birthday. How sad for your little brother that he's only a

year old and she's already usurped his life. How would that be different if you

were talking to them? BPD " logic " really doesn't make sense. None of what's

going on with your brother is your fault, and you don't have the power to change

it. I think you're wise to recognize that and keep your distance for now.

Then, she said this:

And i'm a pretty cool fricken mom by the way, remember that, oh yea the good

things, yes im keeping it real. I'm worried about you too, love you, mom. So

there! "

>

LMAO! Right...because " pretty cool fricken mom " s abuse and manipulate their

children until they stop talking to them for a year, and then send them angry

guilt trip messages that end in a childish " So there! " ???? Way to go, Mom of

the Year!

I think she's trying hard to convince herself this is all your fault and not

hers (projecting). At least after all that, she's given you an opportunity to

laugh about it a little.

You're doing a good job.

KT