Re: How to exercise happiness

[Guest guest]

Wow, Gib.! Thanks for the article.

I think this is totally a road block I have...never focusing on tasks at hand.

My mind wanders all the time...and to very unpleasant thoughts, too. Lately its

been wandering to thoughts or feelings of rejection from people. It all started

with a co-worker I used to have lunch with and then another co-worker.

I've also noticed that when I become more myself and not so much the

past people-pleaser that I was, some ppl. just do not like that. They are used

to the old me.

But it's hard. Sometimes i don't think that's it. I guess there is a part of me

that still wants EVERYone to like me. sigh.

So yes, when I was taking a lovely shower this morning and using scented body

wash, I was thinking about these unpleasant thoughts and it totally ruined the

experience and started my day off on a sour note. ugh.

I don't know why I've been overly concerned as of late with peoples' rejection

of me (or perceived rejection?) of me. It sucks.

I'm going to start meditating tomorrow though and really try to focus on tasks

at hand to help keep those cycling negative thoughts at bay.

Thanks for looking it up and sharing.

Joy

>

> Article on MSN, small tips for small steps away from depression.

>

>

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/adhd/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=10026697\

5 & GT1=31001

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, Gib.! Thanks for the article.

I think this is totally a road block I have...never focusing on tasks at hand.

My mind wanders all the time...and to very unpleasant thoughts, too. Lately its

been wandering to thoughts or feelings of rejection from people. It all started

with a co-worker I used to have lunch with and then another co-worker.

I've also noticed that when I become more myself and not so much the

past people-pleaser that I was, some ppl. just do not like that. They are used

to the old me.

But it's hard. Sometimes i don't think that's it. I guess there is a part of me

that still wants EVERYone to like me. sigh.

So yes, when I was taking a lovely shower this morning and using scented body

wash, I was thinking about these unpleasant thoughts and it totally ruined the

experience and started my day off on a sour note. ugh.

I don't know why I've been overly concerned as of late with peoples' rejection

of me (or perceived rejection?) of me. It sucks.

I'm going to start meditating tomorrow though and really try to focus on tasks

at hand to help keep those cycling negative thoughts at bay.

Thanks for looking it up and sharing.

Joy

>

> Article on MSN, small tips for small steps away from depression.

>

>

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/adhd/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=10026697\

5 & GT1=31001

>

[Guest guest]

Joy,

I know those feelings of " being good " and the rejection... oh do I know them. I

was very young when I can remember hearing about how I was " bad " and " wrong " if

I didn't do everything I was told, the way nada told me to do it. Floors were

only clean when you were on your hands and knees with a rag, mops spread

disease, how dare I think of using a mop on HER floor. Do it " the right way " .

It was in every part of my life, there was no escape.

Trying to be good while living with someone who is never happy, never satisfied

with themselves much less anyone else, makes for a very awkward " outside " life.

I started to come out of my shell in my mid 20's, having just picked up and

moved myself and my kids away, telling nobody where I went. Once I was free of

nada life changed drastically, I was free to focus on me and my kids without

anyone pushing their own ways down my throat. I learned to make all of my own

decisions without guilt, I really felt free and alive for the first time in my

life. Over the course of my first year away I turned into a completely

different person from what other people always knew because I was free to be

what I'd always been but kept to myself out of fear of rejection or penalty.

You will soon learn as I did. What counts isn't how many people like you, what

counts is whether or not you like yourself. You will gradually learn to

surround yourself with a different type of people, friends will change, even

favorite places to " hang out " will change, as you seek what is really you

instead of what you used to " try " to be. There is no greater power in the world

than the belief and knowledge that your life is your own and you are free to do

what you please with it.

The people who are really your true friends will see the changes, understand,

and support you. This is time to re-examine how you define the meaning of the

word " friend " and your circle may shrink drastically for a while, but rest

assured as you get comfortable in your true skin, more people, better people,

supportive people, will come into your life and you will lose that awkward

feeling. I used to describe myself to people as " a wallflower turned

wildflower " because that was the only way I could think to describe it.

What I found out the hard way is that once you get that freedom, you need to

hold onto it. I had it and lost it, and it has taken me back 30 yrs in time to

the same scared, cowering, obedient child I was at age 10. I have wasted too

much of my time seeking the approval of others with little regard to my own

feelings. Don't do what I did. Spread your wings and fly and to hell with the

rest of them!

When you take your next lovely shower, keep it lovely. When your thoughts turn

dark, turn them around to the things you are doing and about to do to take your

life back. Think of the power you do have instead of the power you don't, and

use what you got to get more until you have it all as it should be.

I am currently on a long road back to where I was once... " the place " where I

found peace. I've missed it. My hand is out... I'd love to take you there with

me! My hope is that this year we will all (here in this group) get there

together. Hand in hand, a new group of friends who like us just fine the way we

are. In my short time here I have already found a place where its ok to just be

me, there is nobody here to please but myself.

If you're still struggling, remember that honesty is where the good in us

lies... and being honest with oneself is the greatest gift of all. It can be

scary and suck sometimes, but it always leads us down the right path whether we

realize it at the time or not. Stick to that and if other people can't accept

that, then you know what kind of people they are, and you deserve better than

that.

> >

> > Article on MSN, small tips for small steps away from depression.

> >

> >

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/adhd/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=10026697\

5 & GT1=31001

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This is the constant challenge set out for us, we who feel guilty just for

having fun. Others would be totally puzzled at this conundrum that we endure

every day, this anxiety that seeps in when for a moment we lose our overwhelming

sense of fear/obligation/guilt and let go and feel good. The inner voices hiss:

How dare you?

The inner voices demand: How can you enjoy yourself when someone else, someone

very very very important, is suffering???

It's as if having fun, this elemental simple thing that even dogs and cats know

how to do, is a trigger and dangerous gift. By accepting this gift, the child of

the BPD tastes freedom.

[Guest guest]

This is the constant challenge set out for us, we who feel guilty just for

having fun. Others would be totally puzzled at this conundrum that we endure

every day, this anxiety that seeps in when for a moment we lose our overwhelming

sense of fear/obligation/guilt and let go and feel good. The inner voices hiss:

How dare you?

The inner voices demand: How can you enjoy yourself when someone else, someone

very very very important, is suffering???

It's as if having fun, this elemental simple thing that even dogs and cats know

how to do, is a trigger and dangerous gift. By accepting this gift, the child of

the BPD tastes freedom.

[Guest guest]

This is the constant challenge set out for us, we who feel guilty just for

having fun. Others would be totally puzzled at this conundrum that we endure

every day, this anxiety that seeps in when for a moment we lose our overwhelming

sense of fear/obligation/guilt and let go and feel good. The inner voices hiss:

How dare you?

The inner voices demand: How can you enjoy yourself when someone else, someone

very very very important, is suffering???

It's as if having fun, this elemental simple thing that even dogs and cats know

how to do, is a trigger and dangerous gift. By accepting this gift, the child of

the BPD tastes freedom.

[Guest guest]

What an awesome link. I tend to dwell on the past or project into the future.

neither are good. For so reason, It's hard for me to live in the present, so

thank you for that, I found it very insightful!

Del

>

> Article on MSN, small tips for small steps away from depression.

>

>

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/adhd/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=10026697\

5 & GT1=31001

>

[Guest guest]

Thing is, most of what I have to do all day I don't like, and don't have a

choice about. So, dwelling in the present isn't much of a solution.

[Guest guest]

Thing is, most of what I have to do all day I don't like, and don't have a

choice about. So, dwelling in the present isn't much of a solution.

[Guest guest]

Thing is, most of what I have to do all day I don't like, and don't have a

choice about. So, dwelling in the present isn't much of a solution.