To Gibberish

[Guest guest]

Hi Gibberish,

We have very similar experiences.

Firstly, thank you for visiting ThePass.me and leaving your very important

comment.

I went to people in my family with my revelation of BPD, and at first, they were

intrigued by my findings...and made their connections too about my mom.

But then, they kind of turned on me...like I should just leave this poor woman

alone.

I wasn't attacking her or her personality...just discussing my findings.

I felt very alone and alienated for a while.

My poor dad, the ever patient, kind man...who has stayed with her throughout her

craziness and who pretty much abandoned me throughout the years as my dad...knew

this stuff without knowing the labeled name of it...yet, blamed me for

exacerbating her sadness every step of the way. It was a very sad moment to me.

I had cracked the code of my mom's crazy behavior...and nobody would validate me

for my strength and courage.

Luckily, my husband of almost 20 years knows her, knows my story and is very

understanding of this stuff. He has seen examples of her antics...but has not

seen her worst because that existed many years before i met him.

Being the daughter of a BPD is a very hard job. It's a thankless and unnatural

position to ever be in.

It colors thoughts and feelings...and future actions. It's very sad. It's a

little un-do-able.

I want a do-over!

I try to live my days with my PASS now...giving myself the permission to let

myself off the hook for this one.

I did not make this happen and had nothing to do with this horrible game of

hers.

Amy

Advice needed about other family members

I'm considering making some of the ppl in my life aware of my mom having BPD.

Have any of you shared this info w/the ppl in your life? How did they handle it?

What is the best way to go about telling someone?

1. My brother already believes mom is a BP, & I was thinking of having him join

this forum, but I know he'll figure out who I am by my posts, & I am thoroughly

enjoying my freedom in here. Maybe I'll just hand him the Eggshells book, and if

he joins this site on his own, so be it. Hah.

2. I want to tell my fiance, but I don't know if that would be a wise decision.

He might freak out & shut off all hopes of having a relationship w/my mom. OR he

might feel relieved, since my mom is not his biggest fan, and all of his efforts

to develop a normal relationship w/her have only shown progress at a snail's

pace. Should I let him in? Or let things develop naturally between the 2 of

them? By labeling her, will he act differently? I think he would. But I also

want him to know what I am going through. I don't know how long of a process

this will be for me.

3. My dad. My selfless, patient, softspoken dad. Does anyone know how spouses of

BPs are affected by knowing they have created a life with a BP? Will telling my

dad relieve him? Will it make him angry that he got screwed, and not all women

are like nada? I have picked up on a few signs that he feels that women in

general are high-maintenance. Whether or not he convinced himself of this to

justify his marriage is irrelevant. Will it make him more stressed and

depressed? He is a heart patient. Will he think I'm crazy? My family is from a

conservative culture, I don't know if he would think I'm going looney with all

of the psych babble that's out these days.

Advice? Experiences?