Acceptance, The Only Power I Have in Dealing with Problem People

[Guest guest]

I am slowly returning to my recovery path, even as I wonder how I will do it

differently or more completely on this new spiral that challenges me. Thank

God I have freedom to choose. .... I have the gift of being able to rely on a

Higher Power's help with any and every problem that comes along.

There is no way I can eliminate all problems from my life. I have a few familiar

difficulties with which I must live and the only real answer I have to these

difficulties is to act by seeking serenity IN ME to accept the things I cannot

change.

Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be

found. My best example right now is my relationship with my nada. My nada is

not doing responsible communication with me, she is sparring with me and

pointing out how I am responsible for our estrangement. She even told me that I

had gone away from the family faith. Mostly I just listened. I've had a person

in one of my 12-step groups advise me that I should disconnect my phone, make it

unlisted. Any of these actions I take against her.... changing my phone number,

not answering the phone... have consequences for me. I just see that those

actions are reactions, and that complicate my life further, and leave me feeling

like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. Others here may find it

important to take those steps. I chose to answer two phone calls in the past

few weeks, that turned out to be her unlisted number. I could have ignored her

calls, but I made the decision to take the calls. If I simply take the phone

when I have courage (remembering that courage is fear that has said its

prayers)....then I am immediately protected from harm. I pray during my entire

conversation to keep my cool, my sense of humor... and then when the

conversation is over and my mom has hung up the phone, I say a prayer that I

will endure and not carry this harm into my family. I know my family would be

fine with me NOT answering the calls. I am glad that I am able to lightly hold

the reins and, for now, take the simple action of acceptance.

This acceptance may sound like the act of condoning poor behaviour. I humbly

hold onto a simple truth, that I can accept the fact that my mom is not going to

heal our relationship, but that I can take a quiet stand against further damage.

I take the unsolved mysteries that my problem people try to lay at my feet... to

my Higher Power. The solutions and the time table for resolution are up to Him.

My job is to remain strong in my faith. For me, faith is a quiet place that

allows me to feel a whole range of emotions, and allows me to remain still. I

do my best to take my stand, and trust that a non-condemning silence in the face

of mom's attempts to hurt me... are the way I continue forward on a path of

healing. This past year, has helped me to simply feel....the sorrow that I

cannot include my mother in MY work, for it is she who is making choices to dig

her own hole deeper. I used to use sarcasm in my dealings with her, but sharp

wit is no comfort and it only serves to keep me embattled. Now I surrender

her up to her OWN concept of an HP. My HP is busy holding me close and helping

ME heal. The only battle my mom can do is with herself... and the only healing

she can count on is the healing she initiates, using the understanding of a

loving HP that she has developed.

Biggest sorrow for me, is that I can do nothing but witness, speak in mild tones

and let her go. I can live with that sorrow, knowing that I have other

important work to do, in taking care of my immediate family. Let me today take

time for compassion... for myself... and for my problem people. My road and

their road can be rocky and full of ruts, and cracking whips on these rough

stretches of road will only render me injured and in pain. I need to let my path

separate from theirs and let go of my guilt (misplaced responsibility)....

I also have done some soul-searching and am also willing to tell my mom off if I

feel like that will help me in achieving my goals. But again, I am trying to

put inner peace first...and let restraint guide my words and actions. It is

tough sometimes to know that I am doing the right thing, and I know that others

here will wonder too, if this is right action.

Best,