Re: Married men and the BPD woman...

[Guest guest]

I have a friend who has BPD and this is her MO...sleeping with married men. I

don't get it either. She justifies it by saying they are unhappy in their

marriage. Of course, all cheaters say its the spouses fault and a lot of them

lie and say they are separated or are separating when they have no intention of

doing so.

Married men and the BPD woman...

I'm struck by Nada's justifaction that her live-in SO is " married but separated "

and that she sees no problem with this. She's even pushed him on 'us' but I

refuse to accomondate this desire of hers. I've seen enough of that on this

board to know that mine isn't the only one.

So, head scratching aside (when I actually give it thought) what's up with

married men and BPD women?

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

My nada cheated on my father with her boss who was married at the time also.

She justifies that now with " I didn't WANT him but he kept pushing himself on me

and after awhile I had to give in to it. " That is ridiculous as we all know. I

was fifteen when it started and she would use me as a decoy telling my father

she was taking 'the kid shopping' but she never came home with anything and this

went on for a year until my father caught her. She would lock me into the car

in a strip mall parking lot in all kinds of weather and take the keys telling me

that if I DARED get out she would 'know' and she would kill me. She was nuts

and very violent. I lived in fear of her so I believed her. He would pull up

alongside of her in his car, she would get out of hers and they would start to

make out right in front of me. I would shield my eyes or close them or look

away. She flaunted him to me as if I were a girlfriend of hers and not her

daughter. I would freeze; sweat to death and sometimes have to urinate as she

left me locked in there for HOURS. One time my aunt next door wanted to talk to

me after one of my nada's little Saturday 'excursions' and I didn't make it into

the house to go to the bathroom and pee'd myself talking to my aunt for two

minutes. I was MORTIFIED!

I think BPD's have the morals of an alley cat.

[Guest guest]

My nada did not have morals. However, we belonged to a very strict religion

and so alcohol, street drugs and sex were taboo issues. . . . of course,

that left me open to about a million religiously acceptable horrors.

>

>

> My nada cheated on my father with her boss who was married at the time

> also. She justifies that now with " I didn't WANT him but he kept pushing

> himself on me and after awhile I had to give in to it. " That is ridiculous

> as we all know. I was fifteen when it started and she would use me as a

> decoy telling my father she was taking 'the kid shopping' but she never came

> home with anything and this went on for a year until my father caught her.

> She would lock me into the car in a strip mall parking lot in all kinds of

> weather and take the keys telling me that if I DARED get out she would

> 'know' and she would kill me. She was nuts and very violent. I lived in fear

> of her so I believed her. He would pull up alongside of her in his car, she

> would get out of hers and they would start to make out right in front of me.

> I would shield my eyes or close them or look away. She flaunted him to me as

> if I were a girlfriend of hers and not her daughter. I would freeze; sweat

> to death and sometimes have to urinate as she left me locked in there for

> HOURS. One time my aunt next door wanted to talk to me after one of my

> nada's little Saturday 'excursions' and I didn't make it into the house to

> go to the bathroom and pee'd myself talking to my aunt for two minutes. I

> was MORTIFIED!

>

> I think BPD's have the morals of an alley cat.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Do we share a nada? Some of that sounds so much like what my

nada did and said. When I was about 16 mine told me that she was

having an affair with a janitor from her workplace. She said she

told him " no " but he wouldn't give up and kept asking her out so

she just had to start going out with him. Eventually she forced

me into the position of having to tell my father about it. At

least she didn't use me the way your nada did, although she did

take me with her on a few of her dates with Mike the janitor as

if that would somehow make it okay to be having an affair.

The morals of an alley cat sounds like a pretty good description

to me. For years my nada seemed like a cat in heat. She used to

pride herself on being " an ethical slut " . She even had a book on

that subject. I found little about her behavior with men to be

ethical. Now she just tells me all about how her hysterectomy

cured her of thinking with her crotch. Can we all together say

" too much information " ?

At 05:58 PM 01/11/2011 Marilyn wrote:

>My nada cheated on my father with her boss who was married at

>the time also. She justifies that now with " I didn't WANT him

>but he kept pushing himself on me and after awhile I had to

>give in to it. " That is ridiculous as we all know. I was

>fifteen when it started and she would use me as a decoy telling

>my father she was taking 'the kid shopping' but she never came

>home with anything and this went on for a year until my father

>caught her. She would lock me into the car in a strip mall

>parking lot in all kinds of weather and take the keys telling

>me that if I DARED get out she would 'know' and she would kill

>me. She was nuts and very violent. I lived in fear of her so

>I believed her. He would pull up alongside of her in his car,

>she would get out of hers and they would start to make out

>right in front of me. I would shield my eyes or close them or

>look away. She flaunted him to me as if I were a girlfriend of

>hers and not her daughter. I would freeze; sweat to death and

>sometimes have to urinate as she left me locked in there for

>HOURS. One time my aunt next door wanted to talk to me after

>one of my nada's little Saturday 'excursions' and I didn't make

>it into the house to go to the bathroom and pee'd myself

>talking to my aunt for two minutes. I was MORTIFIED!

>

>I think BPD's have the morals of an alley cat.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Do we share a nada? Some of that sounds so much like what my

nada did and said. When I was about 16 mine told me that she was

having an affair with a janitor from her workplace. She said she

told him " no " but he wouldn't give up and kept asking her out so

she just had to start going out with him. Eventually she forced

me into the position of having to tell my father about it. At

least she didn't use me the way your nada did, although she did

take me with her on a few of her dates with Mike the janitor as

if that would somehow make it okay to be having an affair.

The morals of an alley cat sounds like a pretty good description

to me. For years my nada seemed like a cat in heat. She used to

pride herself on being " an ethical slut " . She even had a book on

that subject. I found little about her behavior with men to be

ethical. Now she just tells me all about how her hysterectomy

cured her of thinking with her crotch. Can we all together say

" too much information " ?

At 05:58 PM 01/11/2011 Marilyn wrote:

>My nada cheated on my father with her boss who was married at

>the time also. She justifies that now with " I didn't WANT him

>but he kept pushing himself on me and after awhile I had to

>give in to it. " That is ridiculous as we all know. I was

>fifteen when it started and she would use me as a decoy telling

>my father she was taking 'the kid shopping' but she never came

>home with anything and this went on for a year until my father

>caught her. She would lock me into the car in a strip mall

>parking lot in all kinds of weather and take the keys telling

>me that if I DARED get out she would 'know' and she would kill

>me. She was nuts and very violent. I lived in fear of her so

>I believed her. He would pull up alongside of her in his car,

>she would get out of hers and they would start to make out

>right in front of me. I would shield my eyes or close them or

>look away. She flaunted him to me as if I were a girlfriend of

>hers and not her daughter. I would freeze; sweat to death and

>sometimes have to urinate as she left me locked in there for

>HOURS. One time my aunt next door wanted to talk to me after

>one of my nada's little Saturday 'excursions' and I didn't make

>it into the house to go to the bathroom and pee'd myself

>talking to my aunt for two minutes. I was MORTIFIED!

>

>I think BPD's have the morals of an alley cat.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Do we share a nada? Some of that sounds so much like what my

nada did and said. When I was about 16 mine told me that she was

having an affair with a janitor from her workplace. She said she

told him " no " but he wouldn't give up and kept asking her out so

she just had to start going out with him. Eventually she forced

me into the position of having to tell my father about it. At

least she didn't use me the way your nada did, although she did

take me with her on a few of her dates with Mike the janitor as

if that would somehow make it okay to be having an affair.

The morals of an alley cat sounds like a pretty good description

to me. For years my nada seemed like a cat in heat. She used to

pride herself on being " an ethical slut " . She even had a book on

that subject. I found little about her behavior with men to be

ethical. Now she just tells me all about how her hysterectomy

cured her of thinking with her crotch. Can we all together say

" too much information " ?

At 05:58 PM 01/11/2011 Marilyn wrote:

>My nada cheated on my father with her boss who was married at

>the time also. She justifies that now with " I didn't WANT him

>but he kept pushing himself on me and after awhile I had to

>give in to it. " That is ridiculous as we all know. I was

>fifteen when it started and she would use me as a decoy telling

>my father she was taking 'the kid shopping' but she never came

>home with anything and this went on for a year until my father

>caught her. She would lock me into the car in a strip mall

>parking lot in all kinds of weather and take the keys telling

>me that if I DARED get out she would 'know' and she would kill

>me. She was nuts and very violent. I lived in fear of her so

>I believed her. He would pull up alongside of her in his car,

>she would get out of hers and they would start to make out

>right in front of me. I would shield my eyes or close them or

>look away. She flaunted him to me as if I were a girlfriend of

>hers and not her daughter. I would freeze; sweat to death and

>sometimes have to urinate as she left me locked in there for

>HOURS. One time my aunt next door wanted to talk to me after

>one of my nada's little Saturday 'excursions' and I didn't make

>it into the house to go to the bathroom and pee'd myself

>talking to my aunt for two minutes. I was MORTIFIED!

>

>I think BPD's have the morals of an alley cat.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Being locked in a car for hours and hours in all kinds of weather without being

able to pee is criminal-level child abuse in my opinion. I think the Geneva

Convention articles regarding humane treatment for prisoners of war prohibits

things like that, now. In earlier times one form of extreme punishment was to

lock the prisoner in solitary confinement in a 6x6x6 foot metal box where he

could just barely stand up straight, just walk a pace or two, outdoors where he

would alternately bake and freeze and basically be living in his own excrement

24/7 for weeks at a time. That's considered inhumane now. So you were subjected

to actual torture, dear heart.

In my opinion your mother should have gotten some heavy-duty jail time for that.

Criteria 4 for diagnosing borderline pd is " impulsivity " in at least two areas,

and " promiscuous sex " is one of those areas.

And from posts I've read at support groups for those in a chosen relationship

with a person with bpd, apparently the " unstable and intense interpersonal

relationships " (Criteria 2) can involve high-octane, intense, mind-blowing

sexual passion.

-Annie

>

> My nada cheated on my father with her boss who was married at the time also.

She justifies that now with " I didn't WANT him but he kept pushing himself on me

and after awhile I had to give in to it. " That is ridiculous as we all know. I

was fifteen when it started and she would use me as a decoy telling my father

she was taking 'the kid shopping' but she never came home with anything and this

went on for a year until my father caught her. She would lock me into the car

in a strip mall parking lot in all kinds of weather and take the keys telling me

that if I DARED get out she would 'know' and she would kill me. She was nuts

and very violent. I lived in fear of her so I believed her. He would pull up

alongside of her in his car, she would get out of hers and they would start to

make out right in front of me. I would shield my eyes or close them or look

away. She flaunted him to me as if I were a girlfriend of hers and not her

daughter. I would freeze; sweat to death and sometimes have to urinate as she

left me locked in there for HOURS. One time my aunt next door wanted to talk to

me after one of my nada's little Saturday 'excursions' and I didn't make it into

the house to go to the bathroom and pee'd myself talking to my aunt for two

minutes. I was MORTIFIED!

>

> I think BPD's have the morals of an alley cat.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Being locked in a car for hours and hours in all kinds of weather without being

able to pee is criminal-level child abuse in my opinion. I think the Geneva

Convention articles regarding humane treatment for prisoners of war prohibits

things like that, now. In earlier times one form of extreme punishment was to

lock the prisoner in solitary confinement in a 6x6x6 foot metal box where he

could just barely stand up straight, just walk a pace or two, outdoors where he

would alternately bake and freeze and basically be living in his own excrement

24/7 for weeks at a time. That's considered inhumane now. So you were subjected

to actual torture, dear heart.

In my opinion your mother should have gotten some heavy-duty jail time for that.

Criteria 4 for diagnosing borderline pd is " impulsivity " in at least two areas,

and " promiscuous sex " is one of those areas.

And from posts I've read at support groups for those in a chosen relationship

with a person with bpd, apparently the " unstable and intense interpersonal

relationships " (Criteria 2) can involve high-octane, intense, mind-blowing

sexual passion.

-Annie

>

> My nada cheated on my father with her boss who was married at the time also.

She justifies that now with " I didn't WANT him but he kept pushing himself on me

and after awhile I had to give in to it. " That is ridiculous as we all know. I

was fifteen when it started and she would use me as a decoy telling my father

she was taking 'the kid shopping' but she never came home with anything and this

went on for a year until my father caught her. She would lock me into the car

in a strip mall parking lot in all kinds of weather and take the keys telling me

that if I DARED get out she would 'know' and she would kill me. She was nuts

and very violent. I lived in fear of her so I believed her. He would pull up

alongside of her in his car, she would get out of hers and they would start to

make out right in front of me. I would shield my eyes or close them or look

away. She flaunted him to me as if I were a girlfriend of hers and not her

daughter. I would freeze; sweat to death and sometimes have to urinate as she

left me locked in there for HOURS. One time my aunt next door wanted to talk to

me after one of my nada's little Saturday 'excursions' and I didn't make it into

the house to go to the bathroom and pee'd myself talking to my aunt for two

minutes. I was MORTIFIED!

>

> I think BPD's have the morals of an alley cat.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Being locked in a car for hours and hours in all kinds of weather without being

able to pee is criminal-level child abuse in my opinion. I think the Geneva

Convention articles regarding humane treatment for prisoners of war prohibits

things like that, now. In earlier times one form of extreme punishment was to

lock the prisoner in solitary confinement in a 6x6x6 foot metal box where he

could just barely stand up straight, just walk a pace or two, outdoors where he

would alternately bake and freeze and basically be living in his own excrement

24/7 for weeks at a time. That's considered inhumane now. So you were subjected

to actual torture, dear heart.

In my opinion your mother should have gotten some heavy-duty jail time for that.

Criteria 4 for diagnosing borderline pd is " impulsivity " in at least two areas,

and " promiscuous sex " is one of those areas.

And from posts I've read at support groups for those in a chosen relationship

with a person with bpd, apparently the " unstable and intense interpersonal

relationships " (Criteria 2) can involve high-octane, intense, mind-blowing

sexual passion.

-Annie

>

> My nada cheated on my father with her boss who was married at the time also.

She justifies that now with " I didn't WANT him but he kept pushing himself on me

and after awhile I had to give in to it. " That is ridiculous as we all know. I

was fifteen when it started and she would use me as a decoy telling my father

she was taking 'the kid shopping' but she never came home with anything and this

went on for a year until my father caught her. She would lock me into the car

in a strip mall parking lot in all kinds of weather and take the keys telling me

that if I DARED get out she would 'know' and she would kill me. She was nuts

and very violent. I lived in fear of her so I believed her. He would pull up

alongside of her in his car, she would get out of hers and they would start to

make out right in front of me. I would shield my eyes or close them or look

away. She flaunted him to me as if I were a girlfriend of hers and not her

daughter. I would freeze; sweat to death and sometimes have to urinate as she

left me locked in there for HOURS. One time my aunt next door wanted to talk to

me after one of my nada's little Saturday 'excursions' and I didn't make it into

the house to go to the bathroom and pee'd myself talking to my aunt for two

minutes. I was MORTIFIED!

>

> I think BPD's have the morals of an alley cat.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I was expected to be a 'lady at all times' just like nada was which was a joke.

As long as it got nada what she wanted, she used her beauty and sex to obtain

what she sought.

She never let me date and I was almost 16 when she left. To this day and I am

60 and divorced, she does not want me to date. In fact she has told me if she

finds out I am dating anyone she will disinherit me and leave me without a dime

(her only control left of me). She then adds that no man would want to sleep

with me anyway unless it were for HER money.

[Guest guest]

I was expected to be a 'lady at all times' just like nada was which was a joke.

As long as it got nada what she wanted, she used her beauty and sex to obtain

what she sought.

She never let me date and I was almost 16 when she left. To this day and I am

60 and divorced, she does not want me to date. In fact she has told me if she

finds out I am dating anyone she will disinherit me and leave me without a dime

(her only control left of me). She then adds that no man would want to sleep

with me anyway unless it were for HER money.

[Guest guest]

I was expected to be a 'lady at all times' just like nada was which was a joke.

As long as it got nada what she wanted, she used her beauty and sex to obtain

what she sought.

She never let me date and I was almost 16 when she left. To this day and I am

60 and divorced, she does not want me to date. In fact she has told me if she

finds out I am dating anyone she will disinherit me and leave me without a dime

(her only control left of me). She then adds that no man would want to sleep

with me anyway unless it were for HER money.

[Guest guest]

My nada maintains she was 'forced to date Eddie' also sighting that my father

was 'alcoholic and abusive' and she 'almost lost me' when my father threw her

down the rec room stairs. To this I say bull since my father was the most

gentle, sweetest men alive (too sweet for nada as she ran roughshod over him).

He never drank. I lived there. Her FATHER drank and was abusive as well as

incestuous. She claims she only made 'two mistakes in life' - having two

abortions. They were illegal at the time and she claims she 'almost died both

times' but in the past she only admitted to having one abortion.

Yes it sounds like we have the same nadas.

[Guest guest]

My nada maintains she was 'forced to date Eddie' also sighting that my father

was 'alcoholic and abusive' and she 'almost lost me' when my father threw her

down the rec room stairs. To this I say bull since my father was the most

gentle, sweetest men alive (too sweet for nada as she ran roughshod over him).

He never drank. I lived there. Her FATHER drank and was abusive as well as

incestuous. She claims she only made 'two mistakes in life' - having two

abortions. They were illegal at the time and she claims she 'almost died both

times' but in the past she only admitted to having one abortion.

Yes it sounds like we have the same nadas.

[Guest guest]

My nada maintains she was 'forced to date Eddie' also sighting that my father

was 'alcoholic and abusive' and she 'almost lost me' when my father threw her

down the rec room stairs. To this I say bull since my father was the most

gentle, sweetest men alive (too sweet for nada as she ran roughshod over him).

He never drank. I lived there. Her FATHER drank and was abusive as well as

incestuous. She claims she only made 'two mistakes in life' - having two

abortions. They were illegal at the time and she claims she 'almost died both

times' but in the past she only admitted to having one abortion.

Yes it sounds like we have the same nadas.

[Guest guest]

My BPD sister did the same thing; my best guess is that our BPs have such low

self esteem that they are only interested in men who are fundamentally

" unavailable. "

Alastriona

Subject: Re: Married men and the BPD woman...

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 11, 2011, 4:20 PM

I have a friend who has BPD and this is her MO...sleeping with married men.  I

don't get it either.  She justifies it by saying they are unhappy in their

marriage.  Of course, all cheaters say its the spouses fault and a lot of them

lie and say they are separated or are separating when they have no intention of

doing so.

Married men and the BPD woman...

I'm struck by Nada's justifaction that her live-in SO is " married but separated "

and that she sees no problem with this. She's even pushed him on 'us' but I

refuse to accomondate this desire of hers. I've seen enough of that on this

board to know that mine isn't the only one.

So, head scratching aside (when I actually give it thought) what's up with

married men and BPD women?

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

My BPD sister did the same thing; my best guess is that our BPs have such low

self esteem that they are only interested in men who are fundamentally

" unavailable. "

Alastriona

Subject: Re: Married men and the BPD woman...

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 11, 2011, 4:20 PM

I have a friend who has BPD and this is her MO...sleeping with married men.  I

don't get it either.  She justifies it by saying they are unhappy in their

marriage.  Of course, all cheaters say its the spouses fault and a lot of them

lie and say they are separated or are separating when they have no intention of

doing so.

Married men and the BPD woman...

I'm struck by Nada's justifaction that her live-in SO is " married but separated "

and that she sees no problem with this. She's even pushed him on 'us' but I

refuse to accomondate this desire of hers. I've seen enough of that on this

board to know that mine isn't the only one.

So, head scratching aside (when I actually give it thought) what's up with

married men and BPD women?

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

My BPD sister did the same thing; my best guess is that our BPs have such low

self esteem that they are only interested in men who are fundamentally

" unavailable. "

Alastriona

Subject: Re: Married men and the BPD woman...

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 11, 2011, 4:20 PM

I have a friend who has BPD and this is her MO...sleeping with married men.  I

don't get it either.  She justifies it by saying they are unhappy in their

marriage.  Of course, all cheaters say its the spouses fault and a lot of them

lie and say they are separated or are separating when they have no intention of

doing so.

Married men and the BPD woman...

I'm struck by Nada's justifaction that her live-in SO is " married but separated "

and that she sees no problem with this. She's even pushed him on 'us' but I

refuse to accomondate this desire of hers. I've seen enough of that on this

board to know that mine isn't the only one.

So, head scratching aside (when I actually give it thought) what's up with

married men and BPD women?

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

Lynette, ( When do I get to say, DR Lynette?)

I think you are asking 3 different questions. If I may,

1. Why do married men ,( some of us, not all of us) , choose to have

sexual adventures outside the marriage.

2. Why do female BP s exhibit sexually promiscuous behaviors.

3. How do they justify their activities.

So, to question one. Some men have affairs because they are horny and

choose not to control their impulses. Hmm, can I say horny here? Some

men do so because they are sexually addicted, and have real issues

controlling their compuslions. Some are just hound dogs, some are

emotionally vulnerable, and seek something which they think they ll find

in sexual conquest.

Why do they end up with BP women? Because they are easy and available

and have low inhibitions or fences.

All married men should be required to watch Fatal Attraction on the last

night of the honeymoon and see an out there BP woman in an affair!

2. Why are BP s so available. Because they have little impulse

control, and are extremely emotionally vulnerable. They will do

anything to feel emotionally connected, and they have that pathological

fear of abandonment. Women, it is said, trade sex for affection,

whereas men trade affection for sex. Maybe a broad statement, but shows

the general differences in our makeup. Women or girls often find

themselves giving up more of themselves than they really intended to

keep a man or boy around. And from experience and memory, I can tell

you a horny 17 yr old boy will say about anything if he thinks the

result will be sex.

So add the wiring and vulnerability of a womans emotions and desire for

love, and the lack of impulse control of the BP, coupled with the

really sick level of emotional need in a BP, and you have the makings of

a highly promiscuous person. A horny , opportunistic guy is going to

hone in on that and pursue it.

3. Why do they justify it? Because, whereas a normal woman, or girl,

might feel regret or guilt at having been seduced into a sexual

encounter that ran counter to her own moral code, the BP cannot accept

guilt or responsibility, and thus MUST justify it.

I watched as a teenager my mom involved with men having trouble with

their wives, and others, quite a list, actually. She lost a job

because the wife came in to the workplace and told the boss, if you want

to try to save this marriage, you start by getting rid of the whore!

She was, in fact , having an affair with the woman s husband. But 30

years later, she would couch that story as to how sorry she felt for

him, and what a bitch his wife was.

I bit my tongue and did not point out the obvious: you acted the same

way toward the woman Dad was having an affair with, and called her far

worse.

This is one of the paradoxical things I found. In fact, it is a chapter

in my book. They seem to express what might be , in others, guilt or

shame, in the form of extreme condemnation in others of the same

behaviors they exhibit. This may be true in other areas as well, but it

is strikingly obvious in the sexual arena.

Doug

[Guest guest]

Lynette, ( When do I get to say, DR Lynette?)

I think you are asking 3 different questions. If I may,

1. Why do married men ,( some of us, not all of us) , choose to have

sexual adventures outside the marriage.

2. Why do female BP s exhibit sexually promiscuous behaviors.

3. How do they justify their activities.

So, to question one. Some men have affairs because they are horny and

choose not to control their impulses. Hmm, can I say horny here? Some

men do so because they are sexually addicted, and have real issues

controlling their compuslions. Some are just hound dogs, some are

emotionally vulnerable, and seek something which they think they ll find

in sexual conquest.

Why do they end up with BP women? Because they are easy and available

and have low inhibitions or fences.

All married men should be required to watch Fatal Attraction on the last

night of the honeymoon and see an out there BP woman in an affair!

2. Why are BP s so available. Because they have little impulse

control, and are extremely emotionally vulnerable. They will do

anything to feel emotionally connected, and they have that pathological

fear of abandonment. Women, it is said, trade sex for affection,

whereas men trade affection for sex. Maybe a broad statement, but shows

the general differences in our makeup. Women or girls often find

themselves giving up more of themselves than they really intended to

keep a man or boy around. And from experience and memory, I can tell

you a horny 17 yr old boy will say about anything if he thinks the

result will be sex.

So add the wiring and vulnerability of a womans emotions and desire for

love, and the lack of impulse control of the BP, coupled with the

really sick level of emotional need in a BP, and you have the makings of

a highly promiscuous person. A horny , opportunistic guy is going to

hone in on that and pursue it.

3. Why do they justify it? Because, whereas a normal woman, or girl,

might feel regret or guilt at having been seduced into a sexual

encounter that ran counter to her own moral code, the BP cannot accept

guilt or responsibility, and thus MUST justify it.

I watched as a teenager my mom involved with men having trouble with

their wives, and others, quite a list, actually. She lost a job

because the wife came in to the workplace and told the boss, if you want

to try to save this marriage, you start by getting rid of the whore!

She was, in fact , having an affair with the woman s husband. But 30

years later, she would couch that story as to how sorry she felt for

him, and what a bitch his wife was.

I bit my tongue and did not point out the obvious: you acted the same

way toward the woman Dad was having an affair with, and called her far

worse.

This is one of the paradoxical things I found. In fact, it is a chapter

in my book. They seem to express what might be , in others, guilt or

shame, in the form of extreme condemnation in others of the same

behaviors they exhibit. This may be true in other areas as well, but it

is strikingly obvious in the sexual arena.

Doug

[Guest guest]

Lynette, ( When do I get to say, DR Lynette?)

I think you are asking 3 different questions. If I may,

1. Why do married men ,( some of us, not all of us) , choose to have

sexual adventures outside the marriage.

2. Why do female BP s exhibit sexually promiscuous behaviors.

3. How do they justify their activities.

So, to question one. Some men have affairs because they are horny and

choose not to control their impulses. Hmm, can I say horny here? Some

men do so because they are sexually addicted, and have real issues

controlling their compuslions. Some are just hound dogs, some are

emotionally vulnerable, and seek something which they think they ll find

in sexual conquest.

Why do they end up with BP women? Because they are easy and available

and have low inhibitions or fences.

All married men should be required to watch Fatal Attraction on the last

night of the honeymoon and see an out there BP woman in an affair!

2. Why are BP s so available. Because they have little impulse

control, and are extremely emotionally vulnerable. They will do

anything to feel emotionally connected, and they have that pathological

fear of abandonment. Women, it is said, trade sex for affection,

whereas men trade affection for sex. Maybe a broad statement, but shows

the general differences in our makeup. Women or girls often find

themselves giving up more of themselves than they really intended to

keep a man or boy around. And from experience and memory, I can tell

you a horny 17 yr old boy will say about anything if he thinks the

result will be sex.

So add the wiring and vulnerability of a womans emotions and desire for

love, and the lack of impulse control of the BP, coupled with the

really sick level of emotional need in a BP, and you have the makings of

a highly promiscuous person. A horny , opportunistic guy is going to

hone in on that and pursue it.

3. Why do they justify it? Because, whereas a normal woman, or girl,

might feel regret or guilt at having been seduced into a sexual

encounter that ran counter to her own moral code, the BP cannot accept

guilt or responsibility, and thus MUST justify it.

I watched as a teenager my mom involved with men having trouble with

their wives, and others, quite a list, actually. She lost a job

because the wife came in to the workplace and told the boss, if you want

to try to save this marriage, you start by getting rid of the whore!

She was, in fact , having an affair with the woman s husband. But 30

years later, she would couch that story as to how sorry she felt for

him, and what a bitch his wife was.

I bit my tongue and did not point out the obvious: you acted the same

way toward the woman Dad was having an affair with, and called her far

worse.

This is one of the paradoxical things I found. In fact, it is a chapter

in my book. They seem to express what might be , in others, guilt or

shame, in the form of extreme condemnation in others of the same

behaviors they exhibit. This may be true in other areas as well, but it

is strikingly obvious in the sexual arena.

Doug

[Guest guest]

***** BOOM *****

Clarity!

Thanks Doug.... you organized my thoughts ;o)

As to " Dr. " ... I'm presently Dr. L, ABD. July 2011 I'm Dr. L, Ed.D.... free

and clear!

Lynnette

>

> Lynette, ( When do I get to say, DR Lynette?)

>

> I think you are asking 3 different questions. If I may,

>

> 1. Why do married men ,( some of us, not all of us) , choose to have

> sexual adventures outside the marriage.

> 2. Why do female BP s exhibit sexually promiscuous behaviors.

> 3. How do they justify their activities.

>

> So, to question one. Some men have affairs because they are horny and

> choose not to control their impulses. Hmm, can I say horny here? Some

> men do so because they are sexually addicted, and have real issues

> controlling their compuslions. Some are just hound dogs, some are

> emotionally vulnerable, and seek something which they think they ll find

> in sexual conquest.

>

> Why do they end up with BP women? Because they are easy and available

> and have low inhibitions or fences.

>

> All married men should be required to watch Fatal Attraction on the last

> night of the honeymoon and see an out there BP woman in an affair!

>

> 2. Why are BP s so available. Because they have little impulse

> control, and are extremely emotionally vulnerable. They will do

> anything to feel emotionally connected, and they have that pathological

> fear of abandonment. Women, it is said, trade sex for affection,

> whereas men trade affection for sex. Maybe a broad statement, but shows

> the general differences in our makeup. Women or girls often find

> themselves giving up more of themselves than they really intended to

> keep a man or boy around. And from experience and memory, I can tell

> you a horny 17 yr old boy will say about anything if he thinks the

> result will be sex.

>

> So add the wiring and vulnerability of a womans emotions and desire for

> love, and the lack of impulse control of the BP, coupled with the

> really sick level of emotional need in a BP, and you have the makings of

> a highly promiscuous person. A horny , opportunistic guy is going to

> hone in on that and pursue it.

>

> 3. Why do they justify it? Because, whereas a normal woman, or girl,

> might feel regret or guilt at having been seduced into a sexual

> encounter that ran counter to her own moral code, the BP cannot accept

> guilt or responsibility, and thus MUST justify it.

>

> I watched as a teenager my mom involved with men having trouble with

> their wives, and others, quite a list, actually. She lost a job

> because the wife came in to the workplace and told the boss, if you want

> to try to save this marriage, you start by getting rid of the whore!

>

> She was, in fact , having an affair with the woman s husband. But 30

> years later, she would couch that story as to how sorry she felt for

> him, and what a bitch his wife was.

>

> I bit my tongue and did not point out the obvious: you acted the same

> way toward the woman Dad was having an affair with, and called her far

> worse.

>

> This is one of the paradoxical things I found. In fact, it is a chapter

> in my book. They seem to express what might be , in others, guilt or

> shame, in the form of extreme condemnation in others of the same

> behaviors they exhibit. This may be true in other areas as well, but it

> is strikingly obvious in the sexual arena.

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

***** BOOM *****

Clarity!

Thanks Doug.... you organized my thoughts ;o)

As to " Dr. " ... I'm presently Dr. L, ABD. July 2011 I'm Dr. L, Ed.D.... free

and clear!

Lynnette

>

> Lynette, ( When do I get to say, DR Lynette?)

>

> I think you are asking 3 different questions. If I may,

>

> 1. Why do married men ,( some of us, not all of us) , choose to have

> sexual adventures outside the marriage.

> 2. Why do female BP s exhibit sexually promiscuous behaviors.

> 3. How do they justify their activities.

>

> So, to question one. Some men have affairs because they are horny and

> choose not to control their impulses. Hmm, can I say horny here? Some

> men do so because they are sexually addicted, and have real issues

> controlling their compuslions. Some are just hound dogs, some are

> emotionally vulnerable, and seek something which they think they ll find

> in sexual conquest.

>

> Why do they end up with BP women? Because they are easy and available

> and have low inhibitions or fences.

>

> All married men should be required to watch Fatal Attraction on the last

> night of the honeymoon and see an out there BP woman in an affair!

>

> 2. Why are BP s so available. Because they have little impulse

> control, and are extremely emotionally vulnerable. They will do

> anything to feel emotionally connected, and they have that pathological

> fear of abandonment. Women, it is said, trade sex for affection,

> whereas men trade affection for sex. Maybe a broad statement, but shows

> the general differences in our makeup. Women or girls often find

> themselves giving up more of themselves than they really intended to

> keep a man or boy around. And from experience and memory, I can tell

> you a horny 17 yr old boy will say about anything if he thinks the

> result will be sex.

>

> So add the wiring and vulnerability of a womans emotions and desire for

> love, and the lack of impulse control of the BP, coupled with the

> really sick level of emotional need in a BP, and you have the makings of

> a highly promiscuous person. A horny , opportunistic guy is going to

> hone in on that and pursue it.

>

> 3. Why do they justify it? Because, whereas a normal woman, or girl,

> might feel regret or guilt at having been seduced into a sexual

> encounter that ran counter to her own moral code, the BP cannot accept

> guilt or responsibility, and thus MUST justify it.

>

> I watched as a teenager my mom involved with men having trouble with

> their wives, and others, quite a list, actually. She lost a job

> because the wife came in to the workplace and told the boss, if you want

> to try to save this marriage, you start by getting rid of the whore!

>

> She was, in fact , having an affair with the woman s husband. But 30

> years later, she would couch that story as to how sorry she felt for

> him, and what a bitch his wife was.

>

> I bit my tongue and did not point out the obvious: you acted the same

> way toward the woman Dad was having an affair with, and called her far

> worse.

>

> This is one of the paradoxical things I found. In fact, it is a chapter

> in my book. They seem to express what might be , in others, guilt or

> shame, in the form of extreme condemnation in others of the same

> behaviors they exhibit. This may be true in other areas as well, but it

> is strikingly obvious in the sexual arena.

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

Ehhhhhhh, whats up doc?

If you were married to someone with a doctorate, the 2 of you would be a

.....................ready?............drum roll........

Paradox.

Ok, got that out of my system.

I know what an EdD is, what is an ABD?

Yea, you re right. That is pretty cogent. Pasted into notes for that

chapter.

Time for a good copy editor before long!

Congrats on the sheepskin.

Doug

> >

> > Lynette, ( When do I get to say, DR Lynette?)

> >

> > I think you are asking 3 different questions. If I may,

> >

> > 1. Why do married men ,( some of us, not all of us) , choose to

have

> > sexual adventures outside the marriage.

> > 2. Why do female BP s exhibit sexually promiscuous behaviors.

> > 3. How do they justify their activities.

> >

> > So, to question one. Some men have affairs because they are horny

and

> > choose not to control their impulses. Hmm, can I say horny here?

Some

> > men do so because they are sexually addicted, and have real issues

> > controlling their compuslions. Some are just hound dogs, some are

> > emotionally vulnerable, and seek something which they think they ll

find

> > in sexual conquest.

> >

> > Why do they end up with BP women? Because they are easy and

available

> > and have low inhibitions or fences.

> >

> > All married men should be required to watch Fatal Attraction on the

last

> > night of the honeymoon and see an out there BP woman in an affair!

> >

> > 2. Why are BP s so available. Because they have little impulse

> > control, and are extremely emotionally vulnerable. They will do

> > anything to feel emotionally connected, and they have that

pathological

> > fear of abandonment. Women, it is said, trade sex for affection,

> > whereas men trade affection for sex. Maybe a broad statement, but

shows

> > the general differences in our makeup. Women or girls often find

> > themselves giving up more of themselves than they really intended to

> > keep a man or boy around. And from experience and memory, I can

tell

> > you a horny 17 yr old boy will say about anything if he thinks the

> > result will be sex.

> >

> > So add the wiring and vulnerability of a womans emotions and desire

for

> > love, and the lack of impulse control of the BP, coupled with the

> > really sick level of emotional need in a BP, and you have the

makings of

> > a highly promiscuous person. A horny , opportunistic guy is going

to

> > hone in on that and pursue it.

> >

> > 3. Why do they justify it? Because, whereas a normal woman, or

girl,

> > might feel regret or guilt at having been seduced into a sexual

> > encounter that ran counter to her own moral code, the BP cannot

accept

> > guilt or responsibility, and thus MUST justify it.

> >

> > I watched as a teenager my mom involved with men having trouble

with

> > their wives, and others, quite a list, actually. She lost a job

> > because the wife came in to the workplace and told the boss, if you

want

> > to try to save this marriage, you start by getting rid of the whore!

> >

> > She was, in fact , having an affair with the woman s husband. But

30

> > years later, she would couch that story as to how sorry she felt for

> > him, and what a bitch his wife was.

> >

> > I bit my tongue and did not point out the obvious: you acted the

same

> > way toward the woman Dad was having an affair with, and called her

far

> > worse.

> >

> > This is one of the paradoxical things I found. In fact, it is a

chapter

> > in my book. They seem to express what might be , in others, guilt

or

> > shame, in the form of extreme condemnation in others of the same

> > behaviors they exhibit. This may be true in other areas as well,

but it

> > is strikingly obvious in the sexual arena.

> >

> > Doug

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, you're gonna laugh... my fiance is an attorney... with a J.D.... " Juris

Doctorate. "

The difference in Ed.D. and ABD is the Dissertation. I have all classwork

completed and I'm " All But Dissertation " ... when that bad boy is signed and OK'd

by the institution, I'll be Ed.D.

LYnnette

> > >

> > > Lynette, ( When do I get to say, DR Lynette?)

> > >

> > > I think you are asking 3 different questions. If I may,

> > >

> > > 1. Why do married men ,( some of us, not all of us) , choose to

> have

> > > sexual adventures outside the marriage.

> > > 2. Why do female BP s exhibit sexually promiscuous behaviors.

> > > 3. How do they justify their activities.

> > >

> > > So, to question one. Some men have affairs because they are horny

> and

> > > choose not to control their impulses. Hmm, can I say horny here?

> Some

> > > men do so because they are sexually addicted, and have real issues

> > > controlling their compuslions. Some are just hound dogs, some are

> > > emotionally vulnerable, and seek something which they think they ll

> find

> > > in sexual conquest.

> > >

> > > Why do they end up with BP women? Because they are easy and

> available

> > > and have low inhibitions or fences.

> > >

> > > All married men should be required to watch Fatal Attraction on the

> last

> > > night of the honeymoon and see an out there BP woman in an affair!

> > >

> > > 2. Why are BP s so available. Because they have little impulse

> > > control, and are extremely emotionally vulnerable. They will do

> > > anything to feel emotionally connected, and they have that

> pathological

> > > fear of abandonment. Women, it is said, trade sex for affection,

> > > whereas men trade affection for sex. Maybe a broad statement, but

> shows

> > > the general differences in our makeup. Women or girls often find

> > > themselves giving up more of themselves than they really intended to

> > > keep a man or boy around. And from experience and memory, I can

> tell

> > > you a horny 17 yr old boy will say about anything if he thinks the

> > > result will be sex.

> > >

> > > So add the wiring and vulnerability of a womans emotions and desire

> for

> > > love, and the lack of impulse control of the BP, coupled with the

> > > really sick level of emotional need in a BP, and you have the

> makings of

> > > a highly promiscuous person. A horny , opportunistic guy is going

> to

> > > hone in on that and pursue it.

> > >

> > > 3. Why do they justify it? Because, whereas a normal woman, or

> girl,

> > > might feel regret or guilt at having been seduced into a sexual

> > > encounter that ran counter to her own moral code, the BP cannot

> accept

> > > guilt or responsibility, and thus MUST justify it.

> > >

> > > I watched as a teenager my mom involved with men having trouble

> with

> > > their wives, and others, quite a list, actually. She lost a job

> > > because the wife came in to the workplace and told the boss, if you

> want

> > > to try to save this marriage, you start by getting rid of the whore!

> > >

> > > She was, in fact , having an affair with the woman s husband. But

> 30

> > > years later, she would couch that story as to how sorry she felt for

> > > him, and what a bitch his wife was.

> > >

> > > I bit my tongue and did not point out the obvious: you acted the

> same

> > > way toward the woman Dad was having an affair with, and called her

> far

> > > worse.

> > >

> > > This is one of the paradoxical things I found. In fact, it is a

> chapter

> > > in my book. They seem to express what might be , in others, guilt

> or

> > > shame, in the form of extreme condemnation in others of the same

> > > behaviors they exhibit. This may be true in other areas as well,

> but it

> > > is strikingly obvious in the sexual arena.

> > >

> > > Doug

> > >

> >

>