An Unexpected Sense of Loss (Warning: My Religious Conflict Discussed)

[Guest guest]

This morning at church, a new small group was announced for studying " Made to

Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food. " I've looked at that

book, and it's another of those which lay Christian guilt onto fat people for

the sin of gluttony. It encourages us to shape up by the diet and exercise

programs of our choice, asking for God's help.

The group leader is a dear friend of mine (who has been dieting off a

significant amount of weight) and she came over to me, probably to ask whether

I'd be joining. Two acquaintance friends came too, to say they would be part of

it. I was glad to be pulled away by kid issues and made a graceful exit.

I felt SO SAD. I was stunned to recognize that I feel real loss over not

joining, when my church FINALLY has something intended to address my lifelong

problem. I feel left out, wanting that fellowship time.

Yet I KNOW that guilt is actually a negative and that the more I TRY to control

myself, the worse the compulsion. The more diet talk, the worse the obsession

with food. And while I believe the Lord can give me strength to fight

temptations to sin, I have not found that treating overeating as a sin issue was

at all helpful in the past, any more than treating it as a disease/addiction (2

years in Overeaters Anonymous). The religious guilt just made me feel crummy

about myself, which was the last thing I needed. I have to feel positively

about myself in order to take care of myself. So programs which attempt to

combine IE with what I'd call " Christian guilt, " like Weigh Down Workshop (I

spent 15 months on that) and Thin Within (the revised version added

Christianity) simply haven't been helpful to me.

Instead, I'm coming to see that God doesn't make junk and that I have been

given, right in my body, which He created, everything I need in order to eat

appropriately for its need. I'm sure He didn't intend for me to be trapped

inside a morbidly obese body which cannot do so much I need to. Yet in my early

childhood, I lost any sense of the internal body signals He gave me. I am

learning, all over again, to wait for my body to call me to the table and to

tell me when to stop eating.

I am making more progress this time with IE than I ever have with any approach

before, and yet, except for this group and my husband (who has fully supported

everything I've tried), I am alone. The standard reaction of absolutely

EVERYONE I've mentioned it to has been a variation of, " That would never work

for me! " or " I'm ALWAYS hungry! " and the basic unspoken attitude is, " That's

crazy! Everyone knows you have to diet and exercise to lose weight. "

Do others of you feel alone and lonely in this? If so, how do you handle it?

Also, I appreciate that this group has members from all different perspectives

on faith, but I'm wondering whether anyone else has experienced the conflict I

am feeling? Normally, my Christian church family is a great support and

encouragement in all areas of my life. Yet, in my IE journey, I am alone there,

as far as I know, and am swimming against the tide of self-control/restriction.

And at church, where much of our family socializing is based, I am uncomfortable

with the potlucks which are part of many of the gatherings, and for which I am

not necessarily hungry and yet don't want to draw discussion by sitting with

people and not eating.

Jane