Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 > >I I keep thinking, what if she's had a change of heart and I miss the opportunity to have my mother rejoin my life for my wedding? > I can understand the desire to have a mother there at such an important event. It is really difficult when we realize that we never really had a mother (even those of us who ARE still in contact). There is a lot to grieve. My response when I read your statement above was: Well, if she had a change of heart, SHE would be tracking YOU down in order to offer you her sincere apology--and she wouldn't expect you to forgive her, she'd just let you know how sorry she was that she hurt you so much. We really need our moms sometimes, and it's sad that we don't have a real one. We have to parent ourselves. Some people also find it helpful to find a sort of surrogate mom, a safe older woman who is willing to love us and listen to us, even if it's not quite as close as the wonderful mother-daughter relationship we fantasize about. I have a wonderful godmother that I get to visit with a couple of times a year. We maintain our own boundaries and identity, but she is always willing to listen and offer advice if I ask for it. Is there anyone in your life that might be able to be a friend to you like that? I wish you the best as you prepare for your marriage, and as you continue to heal from these deep wounds. I'm glad you found this board; it has been very helpful to me, and I know you will find validation and understanding here. KT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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