I'm new-help!

[Guest guest]

I'm brand new to this group and it's not easy for me to ask for help or trust

the help that comes. But: I need support!

My mother has BPD (I'm 99% sure) and she was incredibly abusive physically,

mentally, emotionally and even sexually throughout my childhood. I'm grown now

and live FAR away from her.

I'm getting married in June and a flood of emotions have invaided my normal,

rational, balanced life. I haven't had contact with my mother for 9 years.

I've tried to call several times throughout the years and always am told " I

don't know who you are but I don't have a daughter " and then hung up on. [ow!]

I have recently been considering reaching out to my mother again just to see

if she is still in the same place emotionally.

I feel such pain and loss though it's been years apart from her. I I keep

thinking, what if she's had a change of heart and I miss the opportunity to have

my mother rejoin my life for my wedding?

A lot of the BPD support info I see out there is for those who are currently

in a relationship with the BPD and looking to get out so I guess in a way my

situation is ideal; she doesn't contact me and, in fact, denies my existance.

Despite everything I have suffered as a result of her illness, I really miss her

and I love her and I want to have some kind of a relationship with her.

Perhaps you are reading this an thinking, " that crazy woman, she has no idea

how great she has it! " .

If you are thinking, " I get it, I miss my BPD too " maybe you can help to

support me in my difficult rite of passage.

Thank you for letting me share,

StrongSeaWoman