Guest guest Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. Anyone relate to this? Any tips? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Welcome to the group. Realizing that there's a name for your mother's craziness and that it isn't all in your imagination can be really overwhelming but it is also a big relief and the start to learning to deal with it in better ways. Reading one chapter, or a few discussions here at a time seems like a good way to do it. My advice is to take things one step at a time and not take a break when things get overwhelming. If you have questions as you read and try to deal with your mother, ask away. Knowing that other people share similar experiences and can understand what you're dealing with can help a lot. At 09:29 PM 01/08/2011 grewels912 wrote: >I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was >in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my >friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work >at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients >have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized >that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since >working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My >God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and >resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to >notice my mom being different. > >Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time >reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a >time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can >share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading >more than 4 posts in one sitting. > >Anyone relate to this? Any tips? -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Welcome to the group. Realizing that there's a name for your mother's craziness and that it isn't all in your imagination can be really overwhelming but it is also a big relief and the start to learning to deal with it in better ways. Reading one chapter, or a few discussions here at a time seems like a good way to do it. My advice is to take things one step at a time and not take a break when things get overwhelming. If you have questions as you read and try to deal with your mother, ask away. Knowing that other people share similar experiences and can understand what you're dealing with can help a lot. At 09:29 PM 01/08/2011 grewels912 wrote: >I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was >in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my >friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work >at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients >have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized >that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since >working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My >God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and >resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to >notice my mom being different. > >Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time >reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a >time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can >share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading >more than 4 posts in one sitting. > >Anyone relate to this? Any tips? -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Welcome to the Group. Yes, it was overwhelming for me too when I first started educating myself about bpd, other personality disorders and mental illnesses. It took me months to get through " Understanding the Borderline Mother " because I could only read a page or so at a time before breaking down in tears or choking up, and waiting a few days before trying again. Reading " Stop Walking On Eggshells " went a little faster, I guess because the shock had worn off by then. Learning that your own mother is mentally ill is something of a trauma, a wound, and it takes time for our minds, our psyches to process an emotional wound and the grief it causes, put it in context, and learn how to deal with it. Its like, we need time to heal from a trauma. Give yourself time to grieve and process this, and be gentle with yourself. -Annie > > I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. > > Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. > > Anyone relate to this? Any tips? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Welcome to the Group. Yes, it was overwhelming for me too when I first started educating myself about bpd, other personality disorders and mental illnesses. It took me months to get through " Understanding the Borderline Mother " because I could only read a page or so at a time before breaking down in tears or choking up, and waiting a few days before trying again. Reading " Stop Walking On Eggshells " went a little faster, I guess because the shock had worn off by then. Learning that your own mother is mentally ill is something of a trauma, a wound, and it takes time for our minds, our psyches to process an emotional wound and the grief it causes, put it in context, and learn how to deal with it. Its like, we need time to heal from a trauma. Give yourself time to grieve and process this, and be gentle with yourself. -Annie > > I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. > > Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. > > Anyone relate to this? Any tips? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Welcome to the Group. Yes, it was overwhelming for me too when I first started educating myself about bpd, other personality disorders and mental illnesses. It took me months to get through " Understanding the Borderline Mother " because I could only read a page or so at a time before breaking down in tears or choking up, and waiting a few days before trying again. Reading " Stop Walking On Eggshells " went a little faster, I guess because the shock had worn off by then. Learning that your own mother is mentally ill is something of a trauma, a wound, and it takes time for our minds, our psyches to process an emotional wound and the grief it causes, put it in context, and learn how to deal with it. Its like, we need time to heal from a trauma. Give yourself time to grieve and process this, and be gentle with yourself. -Annie > > I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. > > Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. > > Anyone relate to this? Any tips? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 > Learning that your own mother is mentally ill is something of a trauma, a wound, and it takes time for our minds, our psyches to process an emotional wound and the grief it causes, put it in context, and learn how to deal with it. Its like, we need time to heal from a trauma. > > Give yourself time to grieve and process this, and be gentle with yourself. > Yes, I quite agree! Be patient with yourself. These aren't just superficial wounds; we can't heal them all overnight. I'm glad SWOE is helpful for you; I think this board will also give you the validation and understanding from other KOs that you need. It is okay to take things slowly. You are the only one who knows your limits and how much you can take on emotionally at a time. I imagine your job must leave you sort of psychologically drained already, and to try to work on too much of this stuff at one time could be overwhelming. I like to remember " What About Bob? " --baby steps! One important step you can take is to talk to a therapist who is familiar with the effects of BPD on family members. I imagine you probably already have some connections who would be willing to work with you. When you are ready, I recommend the book " Surviving a Borderline Parent. " SWOE was a good book, but it was written more for SOs of pwBPD, and there's not as much specific advice for those of us with BPD parents. Since your pwBPD is your mother, you might also eventually like " Understanding the Borderline Mother. " Welcome, and I wish you the best in your recovery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 > Learning that your own mother is mentally ill is something of a trauma, a wound, and it takes time for our minds, our psyches to process an emotional wound and the grief it causes, put it in context, and learn how to deal with it. Its like, we need time to heal from a trauma. > > Give yourself time to grieve and process this, and be gentle with yourself. > Yes, I quite agree! Be patient with yourself. These aren't just superficial wounds; we can't heal them all overnight. I'm glad SWOE is helpful for you; I think this board will also give you the validation and understanding from other KOs that you need. It is okay to take things slowly. You are the only one who knows your limits and how much you can take on emotionally at a time. I imagine your job must leave you sort of psychologically drained already, and to try to work on too much of this stuff at one time could be overwhelming. I like to remember " What About Bob? " --baby steps! One important step you can take is to talk to a therapist who is familiar with the effects of BPD on family members. I imagine you probably already have some connections who would be willing to work with you. When you are ready, I recommend the book " Surviving a Borderline Parent. " SWOE was a good book, but it was written more for SOs of pwBPD, and there's not as much specific advice for those of us with BPD parents. Since your pwBPD is your mother, you might also eventually like " Understanding the Borderline Mother. " Welcome, and I wish you the best in your recovery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 > Learning that your own mother is mentally ill is something of a trauma, a wound, and it takes time for our minds, our psyches to process an emotional wound and the grief it causes, put it in context, and learn how to deal with it. Its like, we need time to heal from a trauma. > > Give yourself time to grieve and process this, and be gentle with yourself. > Yes, I quite agree! Be patient with yourself. These aren't just superficial wounds; we can't heal them all overnight. I'm glad SWOE is helpful for you; I think this board will also give you the validation and understanding from other KOs that you need. It is okay to take things slowly. You are the only one who knows your limits and how much you can take on emotionally at a time. I imagine your job must leave you sort of psychologically drained already, and to try to work on too much of this stuff at one time could be overwhelming. I like to remember " What About Bob? " --baby steps! One important step you can take is to talk to a therapist who is familiar with the effects of BPD on family members. I imagine you probably already have some connections who would be willing to work with you. When you are ready, I recommend the book " Surviving a Borderline Parent. " SWOE was a good book, but it was written more for SOs of pwBPD, and there's not as much specific advice for those of us with BPD parents. Since your pwBPD is your mother, you might also eventually like " Understanding the Borderline Mother. " Welcome, and I wish you the best in your recovery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Growing up with a BPD mom damages us. It hurts. We are wounded. We didnt get here overnight. We won t get well overnight. But we can heal. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. You don t have to heal it all at once. You can t do that. By the way, Social Workers are pretty special. I m married to one. Doug > > I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. > > Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. > > Anyone relate to this? Any tips? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Growing up with a BPD mom damages us. It hurts. We are wounded. We didnt get here overnight. We won t get well overnight. But we can heal. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. You don t have to heal it all at once. You can t do that. By the way, Social Workers are pretty special. I m married to one. Doug > > I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. > > Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. > > Anyone relate to this? Any tips? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Growing up with a BPD mom damages us. It hurts. We are wounded. We didnt get here overnight. We won t get well overnight. But we can heal. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. You don t have to heal it all at once. You can t do that. By the way, Social Workers are pretty special. I m married to one. Doug > > I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. > > Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. > > Anyone relate to this? Any tips? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Hi Grewels, I completely relate. I, too, have barely read any of the Eggshells book. My goal was to complete it last summer, but it's not exactly a light read. I'm almost afraid to pick it up. Haven't touched it in months. And I've been MIA on this forum for several weeks for the same reason. Just take it in small doses. You know yourself best. -Gibberish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Hi Grewels, I completely relate. I, too, have barely read any of the Eggshells book. My goal was to complete it last summer, but it's not exactly a light read. I'm almost afraid to pick it up. Haven't touched it in months. And I've been MIA on this forum for several weeks for the same reason. Just take it in small doses. You know yourself best. -Gibberish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 Hi Grewels, I completely relate. I, too, have barely read any of the Eggshells book. My goal was to complete it last summer, but it's not exactly a light read. I'm almost afraid to pick it up. Haven't touched it in months. And I've been MIA on this forum for several weeks for the same reason. Just take it in small doses. You know yourself best. -Gibberish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Can I ask, how long did it take you? I am still struggling terribly, and it's been about ten months since I found myself shoved out of denial and into reality about my mom, and I still am terribly upset. Some days it feels like I'm back to ground zero. ~ Alastriona ~ Subject: Re: It's overwhelming To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 12:49 PM Welcome to the Group. Yes, it was overwhelming for me too when I first started educating myself about bpd, other personality disorders and mental illnesses. It took me months to get through " Understanding the Borderline Mother " because I could only read a page or so at a time before breaking down in tears or choking up, and waiting a few days before trying again. Reading " Stop Walking On Eggshells " went a little faster, I guess because the shock had worn off by then. Learning that your own mother is mentally ill is something of a trauma, a wound, and it takes time for our minds, our psyches to process an emotional wound and the grief it causes, put it in context, and learn how to deal with it. Its like, we need time to heal from a trauma. Give yourself time to grieve and process this, and be gentle with yourself. -Annie > > I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. > > Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. > > Anyone relate to this? Any tips? > ------------------------------------ **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Can I ask, how long did it take you? I am still struggling terribly, and it's been about ten months since I found myself shoved out of denial and into reality about my mom, and I still am terribly upset. Some days it feels like I'm back to ground zero. ~ Alastriona ~ Subject: Re: It's overwhelming To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 12:49 PM Welcome to the Group. Yes, it was overwhelming for me too when I first started educating myself about bpd, other personality disorders and mental illnesses. It took me months to get through " Understanding the Borderline Mother " because I could only read a page or so at a time before breaking down in tears or choking up, and waiting a few days before trying again. Reading " Stop Walking On Eggshells " went a little faster, I guess because the shock had worn off by then. Learning that your own mother is mentally ill is something of a trauma, a wound, and it takes time for our minds, our psyches to process an emotional wound and the grief it causes, put it in context, and learn how to deal with it. Its like, we need time to heal from a trauma. Give yourself time to grieve and process this, and be gentle with yourself. -Annie > > I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. > > Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. > > Anyone relate to this? Any tips? > ------------------------------------ **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Can I ask, how long did it take you? I am still struggling terribly, and it's been about ten months since I found myself shoved out of denial and into reality about my mom, and I still am terribly upset. Some days it feels like I'm back to ground zero. ~ Alastriona ~ Subject: Re: It's overwhelming To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 12:49 PM Welcome to the Group. Yes, it was overwhelming for me too when I first started educating myself about bpd, other personality disorders and mental illnesses. It took me months to get through " Understanding the Borderline Mother " because I could only read a page or so at a time before breaking down in tears or choking up, and waiting a few days before trying again. Reading " Stop Walking On Eggshells " went a little faster, I guess because the shock had worn off by then. Learning that your own mother is mentally ill is something of a trauma, a wound, and it takes time for our minds, our psyches to process an emotional wound and the grief it causes, put it in context, and learn how to deal with it. Its like, we need time to heal from a trauma. Give yourself time to grieve and process this, and be gentle with yourself. -Annie > > I have always known that my mom was different, and while I was in High School I often called her crazy to describe her to my friends. Currently, I have a degree in Social Work, and work at a psychiatric inpatient hospital where many of my patients have BPD. It wasn't until I started this job that I realized that my mom has BPD. I have learned of many resources since working there, and stumbled upon Stop Walking on Eggshells. My God, I wish someone would have turned me on to BPD and resources such as these about 8 years ago when I started to notice my mom being different. > > Now knowing this, it's overwhelming. I have a hard time reading the book, finding that I can only read one chapter at a time... if that. I came to this forum to find others I can share my dilemma's with, but again, it's overwhelming reading more than 4 posts in one sitting. > > Anyone relate to this? Any tips? > ------------------------------------ **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Well, everyone's situation is different. I was already 48 or so, in low contact with nada and had been living across country from her for over a decade when I finally started trying to figure out why having contact with my mother was so upsetting to me, why even though I loved her I dreaded seeing her or hearing from her so, to the point that it made me ill. So even at my age, it took me months to get through the 4 or 5 books I'd bought on the subject and process the feelings of loss and anger. I was already halfway to detachment when the big blow came about 3 years ago when Sister told me the horrible things nada had said to her about us, and told me she (Sister) was going no-contact with our mom because of it. To me, that had the same devastating emotional impact as though my Sister told me our mother had died. I think that stage of grief passed more quickly for me (than it would for someone unaware of personality disorder, younger, and still very attached to their pd parent) because I was already partially emotionally detached; I think I was in the deeper stages of grief over that for only a few months. So, it takes as long as it takes for each individual. It is like grieving a death, in a way. Not exactly the same, its MUCH more complicated than that but that's the closest thing to it, seems to me. -Annie > > Can I ask, how long did it take you? I am still struggling terribly, and it's been about ten months since I found myself shoved out of denial and into reality about my mom, and I still am terribly upset. Some days it feels like I'm back to ground zero. > > ~ Alastriona ~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Thanks for sharing a bit more about your own process; I'm still very much in the grieving process, deny and repressing a lot, and, feeling it come back out like a boomerang, at regular intervals. I just want to be able to sleep again, and to function in my life again. Alastriona Subject: Re: It's overwhelming To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Monday, January 10, 2011, 12:24 PM Well, everyone's situation is different. I was already 48 or so, in low contact with nada and had been living across country from her for over a decade when I finally started trying to figure out why having contact with my mother was so upsetting to me, why even though I loved her I dreaded seeing her or hearing from her so, to the point that it made me ill. So even at my age, it took me months to get through the 4 or 5 books I'd bought on the subject and process the feelings of loss and anger. I was already halfway to detachment when the big blow came about 3 years ago when Sister told me the horrible things nada had said to her about us, and told me she (Sister) was going no-contact with our mom because of it. To me, that had the same devastating emotional impact as though my Sister told me our mother had died. I think that stage of grief passed more quickly for me (than it would for someone unaware of personality disorder, younger, and still very attached to their pd parent) because I was already partially emotionally detached; I think I was in the deeper stages of grief over that for only a few months. So, it takes as long as it takes for each individual. It is like grieving a death, in a way. Not exactly the same, its MUCH more complicated than that but that's the closest thing to it, seems to me. -Annie > > Can I ask, how long did it take you? I am still struggling terribly, and it's been about ten months since I found myself shoved out of denial and into reality about my mom, and I still am terribly upset. Some days it feels like I'm back to ground zero. > > ~ Alastriona ~ ------------------------------------ **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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