Re: Giving In To My Cravings... Slogging ahead...

[Guest guest]

Bravo for you Sandarah! That is the spirit that keeps us all going along our IE

paths. My reaction to your " Impulsivity and compulsivity have pretty much ruled

my existence. " statement was that perhaps that was your diet rebel asserting

itself? It reminds me of the funny and ironic statement that Bill Crosby made -

" Thank god kids rebel! Otherwise they would never leave home. . . " I'm glad you

are 'here' now too. Keep up the excellent work and hope you also find some FUN

in the process too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing " giving into my cravings " is

so very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my

cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness.

>

> Here I am almost forcing myself to " give into my cravings " because I know that

I can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the

diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high

water.

>

> Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like

spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find

yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a

consolation prize? I've done that for years, " oh, no thank you, I'm not

hungry " ... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked

and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.

>

> With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am

using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster

while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness.

Observing my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the

diet police sneaking up and wanting to restrict...

>

> The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions

industry as " flight into wellness " . I thought I was free. But then I hit a

wall and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out

there for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am

now forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead.

>

> I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity

have pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have

slowly learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

>

> It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept

getting it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim

every six weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for

years and years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop

giving into the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out.

I didn't want to pay the price, I guess.

>

> In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm

apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging

stage as something shifted into gear for me recently.

>

> I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to

psychologize my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional

path. I do not want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my

naturopath to go on a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why?

Because I know down to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A

period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale

starts to move up and up and up, once again.

>

> The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having

listened to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by

the time I moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books,

diet cook books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information,

Chinese medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none

of them any longer than required.

>

> And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than

objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm

on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day

in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an

other side. I just don't know what that will look like, because I've never been

there.

>

> I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of

eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do.

>

> Sorry for the long rant.

>

> Sandarah

>

[Guest guest]

YEP! Mimi :-) I also feel that IE is sort of a return to our own 'core' being.

How wacky that we seek a 'guru' when all we really need is a 'mirror' and

gifting ourselves the time and permission to get to really KNOW our best friend

- our own dear self.

ehgus, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Sandarah wrote, " A period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and

self hatred as the scale starts to move up and up and up, once again. "

>

> IE gets at all that. Asking " Am I hungry? What do I want to eat? When do I

want to eat? " are actually profound questions. It startles us awake from our

dreams of being someone else and forces us to pay attention for once to who we

ACTUALLY are. Has anyone else found that practicing IE leads to a more intuitive

life? I feel my world opening up as I now get to decide for myself what I want

to do, look like, act like, and pursue. I feel I am getting to know someone new.

>

> Mimi

>

[Guest guest]

YEP! Mimi :-) I also feel that IE is sort of a return to our own 'core' being.

How wacky that we seek a 'guru' when all we really need is a 'mirror' and

gifting ourselves the time and permission to get to really KNOW our best friend

- our own dear self.

ehgus, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Sandarah wrote, " A period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and

self hatred as the scale starts to move up and up and up, once again. "

>

> IE gets at all that. Asking " Am I hungry? What do I want to eat? When do I

want to eat? " are actually profound questions. It startles us awake from our

dreams of being someone else and forces us to pay attention for once to who we

ACTUALLY are. Has anyone else found that practicing IE leads to a more intuitive

life? I feel my world opening up as I now get to decide for myself what I want

to do, look like, act like, and pursue. I feel I am getting to know someone new.

>

> Mimi

>

[Guest guest]

YEP! Mimi :-) I also feel that IE is sort of a return to our own 'core' being.

How wacky that we seek a 'guru' when all we really need is a 'mirror' and

gifting ourselves the time and permission to get to really KNOW our best friend

- our own dear self.

ehgus, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Sandarah wrote, " A period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and

self hatred as the scale starts to move up and up and up, once again. "

>

> IE gets at all that. Asking " Am I hungry? What do I want to eat? When do I

want to eat? " are actually profound questions. It startles us awake from our

dreams of being someone else and forces us to pay attention for once to who we

ACTUALLY are. Has anyone else found that practicing IE leads to a more intuitive

life? I feel my world opening up as I now get to decide for myself what I want

to do, look like, act like, and pursue. I feel I am getting to know someone new.

>

> Mimi

>