Re: Giving In To My Cravings... Slogging ahead...

[Guest guest]

Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing " giving into my cravings " is so

very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my

cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness.

Here I am almost forcing myself to " give into my cravings " because I know that I

can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the

diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high

water.

Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like

spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find

yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a

consolation prize? I've done that for years, " oh, no thank you, I'm not

hungry " ... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked

and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.

With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am

using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster

while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness.

Observing my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the

diet police sneaking up and wanting to restrict...

The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions

industry as " flight into wellness " . I thought I was free. But then I hit a

wall and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out

there for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am

now forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead.

I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity have

pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have slowly

learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept getting

it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim every six

weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for years and

years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop giving

into the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out. I

didn't want to pay the price, I guess.

In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm

apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging

stage as something shifted into gear for me recently.

I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to psychologize

my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional path. I do

not want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my naturopath to

go on a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why? Because I

know down to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A period of

diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to

move up and up and up, once again.

The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having listened

to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by the time I

moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books, diet cook

books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information, Chinese

medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none of them

any longer than required.

And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than

objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm

on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day

in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an

other side. I just don't know what that will look like, because I've never been

there.

I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of

eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do.

Sorry for the long rant.

Sandarah

>

> I am so grateful that I've found a place to talk about the eating issues I

have. I have read all the posts from the last couple of days, which gives me a

lot to think about. Yesterday, I gave into my cravings and had sugary baked

goods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. As I was eating, I could in my mind hear

my mother telling me I have to eat my dinner before dessert, and felt guilty at

every meal as I ate.

>

> I don't know if this was the right or wrong thing to do. I feel like if I

continue to eat like that, either I'll keel over or I'll blow up like a balloon.

I guess I was giving a try to seeing if I went ahead and ate what I wanted,

whether I'd lose the craving for it or not. Today I was fine with eating more

nourishing foods and did not have the cravings for sweets. But how long will it

last? I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens. I know my body felt like

lead after a day of eating that way, whereas today I feel much more alive and

energetic.

>

> Sara

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing " giving into my cravings " is so

very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my

cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness.

Here I am almost forcing myself to " give into my cravings " because I know that I

can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the

diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high

water.

Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like

spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find

yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a

consolation prize? I've done that for years, " oh, no thank you, I'm not

hungry " ... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked

and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.

With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am

using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster

while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness.

Observing my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the

diet police sneaking up and wanting to restrict...

The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions

industry as " flight into wellness " . I thought I was free. But then I hit a

wall and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out

there for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am

now forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead.

I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity have

pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have slowly

learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept getting

it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim every six

weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for years and

years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop giving

into the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out. I

didn't want to pay the price, I guess.

In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm

apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging

stage as something shifted into gear for me recently.

I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to psychologize

my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional path. I do

not want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my naturopath to

go on a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why? Because I

know down to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A period of

diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to

move up and up and up, once again.

The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having listened

to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by the time I

moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books, diet cook

books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information, Chinese

medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none of them

any longer than required.

And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than

objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm

on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day

in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an

other side. I just don't know what that will look like, because I've never been

there.

I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of

eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do.

Sorry for the long rant.

Sandarah

>

> I am so grateful that I've found a place to talk about the eating issues I

have. I have read all the posts from the last couple of days, which gives me a

lot to think about. Yesterday, I gave into my cravings and had sugary baked

goods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. As I was eating, I could in my mind hear

my mother telling me I have to eat my dinner before dessert, and felt guilty at

every meal as I ate.

>

> I don't know if this was the right or wrong thing to do. I feel like if I

continue to eat like that, either I'll keel over or I'll blow up like a balloon.

I guess I was giving a try to seeing if I went ahead and ate what I wanted,

whether I'd lose the craving for it or not. Today I was fine with eating more

nourishing foods and did not have the cravings for sweets. But how long will it

last? I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens. I know my body felt like

lead after a day of eating that way, whereas today I feel much more alive and

energetic.

>

> Sara

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing " giving into my cravings " is so

very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my

cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness.

Here I am almost forcing myself to " give into my cravings " because I know that I

can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the

diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high

water.

Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like

spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find

yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a

consolation prize? I've done that for years, " oh, no thank you, I'm not

hungry " ... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked

and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.

With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am

using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster

while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness.

Observing my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the

diet police sneaking up and wanting to restrict...

The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions

industry as " flight into wellness " . I thought I was free. But then I hit a

wall and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out

there for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am

now forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead.

I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity have

pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have slowly

learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept getting

it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim every six

weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for years and

years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop giving

into the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out. I

didn't want to pay the price, I guess.

In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm

apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging

stage as something shifted into gear for me recently.

I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to psychologize

my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional path. I do

not want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my naturopath to

go on a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why? Because I

know down to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A period of

diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to

move up and up and up, once again.

The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having listened

to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by the time I

moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books, diet cook

books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information, Chinese

medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none of them

any longer than required.

And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than

objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm

on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day

in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an

other side. I just don't know what that will look like, because I've never been

there.

I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of

eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do.

Sorry for the long rant.

Sandarah

>

> I am so grateful that I've found a place to talk about the eating issues I

have. I have read all the posts from the last couple of days, which gives me a

lot to think about. Yesterday, I gave into my cravings and had sugary baked

goods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. As I was eating, I could in my mind hear

my mother telling me I have to eat my dinner before dessert, and felt guilty at

every meal as I ate.

>

> I don't know if this was the right or wrong thing to do. I feel like if I

continue to eat like that, either I'll keel over or I'll blow up like a balloon.

I guess I was giving a try to seeing if I went ahead and ate what I wanted,

whether I'd lose the craving for it or not. Today I was fine with eating more

nourishing foods and did not have the cravings for sweets. But how long will it

last? I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens. I know my body felt like

lead after a day of eating that way, whereas today I feel much more alive and

energetic.

>

> Sara

>

[Guest guest]

Sandarah wrote, " A period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to move up and up and up, once again."

Yes, yes, and yes. That's me, all right. I related to many things in your post, even the part about cutting your hair and definitely the part about owning every diet and nutrition book around. And about being inconsistent. So, here is my theory: those of us who don't ultimately trust ourselves, who look to experts and doctors and gurus and authors and salon owners to tell us how to eat, look, and dress don't really know who we are. We're trying to be an image of ourselves that we've downloaded from our parents, friends, movies, books, stories in our heads. We've never taken the time (or had the "audacity") to ask, "What do I want? Who am I on the inside? What's right for me?" So we try out different personas, haircuts, diets, ways of being and acting. Of course we will be inconsistent. None of our endeavors is at peace with our insides and so, after a while, we move on to something else to fill us, something else that will finally make us this

perfect image we desperately want to be.

IE gets at all that. Asking "Am I hungry? What do I want to eat? When do I want to eat?" are actually profound questions. It startles us awake from our dreams of being someone else and forces us to pay attention for once to who we ACTUALLY are. Has anyone else found that practicing IE leads to a more intuitive life? I feel my world opening up as I now get to decide for myself what I want to do, look like, act like, and pursue. I feel I am getting to know someone new.

Mimi

Subject: Re: Giving In To My Cravings... Slogging ahead...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, September 27, 2011, 8:27 PM

Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing "giving into my cravings" is so very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness. Here I am almost forcing myself to "give into my cravings" because I know that I can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high water. Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a consolation prize? I've done that for years, "oh, no thank you, I'm not hungry"... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness. Observing my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the diet police sneaking up and wanting to restrict... The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions industry as "flight into wellness". I thought I was free. But then I hit a wall and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out there for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am now forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead. I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity have pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have slowly learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept getting it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim every six weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for years and years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop giving into the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out. I didn't want to pay the price, I guess. In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging stage as something shifted into gear for me recently. I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to psychologize my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional path. I do not want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my naturopath to go on a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why? Because I know

down to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to move up and up and up, once again.The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having listened to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by the time I moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books, diet cook books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information, Chinese medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none of them any longer than required. And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an other side. I just don't know what

that will look like, because I've never been there.I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do. Sorry for the long rant. Sandarah

[Guest guest]

Sandarah wrote, " A period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to move up and up and up, once again."

Yes, yes, and yes. That's me, all right. I related to many things in your post, even the part about cutting your hair and definitely the part about owning every diet and nutrition book around. And about being inconsistent. So, here is my theory: those of us who don't ultimately trust ourselves, who look to experts and doctors and gurus and authors and salon owners to tell us how to eat, look, and dress don't really know who we are. We're trying to be an image of ourselves that we've downloaded from our parents, friends, movies, books, stories in our heads. We've never taken the time (or had the "audacity") to ask, "What do I want? Who am I on the inside? What's right for me?" So we try out different personas, haircuts, diets, ways of being and acting. Of course we will be inconsistent. None of our endeavors is at peace with our insides and so, after a while, we move on to something else to fill us, something else that will finally make us this

perfect image we desperately want to be.

IE gets at all that. Asking "Am I hungry? What do I want to eat? When do I want to eat?" are actually profound questions. It startles us awake from our dreams of being someone else and forces us to pay attention for once to who we ACTUALLY are. Has anyone else found that practicing IE leads to a more intuitive life? I feel my world opening up as I now get to decide for myself what I want to do, look like, act like, and pursue. I feel I am getting to know someone new.

Mimi

Subject: Re: Giving In To My Cravings... Slogging ahead...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, September 27, 2011, 8:27 PM

Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing "giving into my cravings" is so very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness. Here I am almost forcing myself to "give into my cravings" because I know that I can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high water. Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a consolation prize? I've done that for years, "oh, no thank you, I'm not hungry"... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness. Observing my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the diet police sneaking up and wanting to restrict... The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions industry as "flight into wellness". I thought I was free. But then I hit a wall and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out there for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am now forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead. I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity have pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have slowly learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept getting it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim every six weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for years and years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop giving into the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out. I didn't want to pay the price, I guess. In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging stage as something shifted into gear for me recently. I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to psychologize my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional path. I do not want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my naturopath to go on a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why? Because I know

down to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to move up and up and up, once again.The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having listened to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by the time I moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books, diet cook books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information, Chinese medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none of them any longer than required. And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an other side. I just don't know what

that will look like, because I've never been there.I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do. Sorry for the long rant. Sandarah

[Guest guest]

Sandarah wrote, " A period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to move up and up and up, once again."

Yes, yes, and yes. That's me, all right. I related to many things in your post, even the part about cutting your hair and definitely the part about owning every diet and nutrition book around. And about being inconsistent. So, here is my theory: those of us who don't ultimately trust ourselves, who look to experts and doctors and gurus and authors and salon owners to tell us how to eat, look, and dress don't really know who we are. We're trying to be an image of ourselves that we've downloaded from our parents, friends, movies, books, stories in our heads. We've never taken the time (or had the "audacity") to ask, "What do I want? Who am I on the inside? What's right for me?" So we try out different personas, haircuts, diets, ways of being and acting. Of course we will be inconsistent. None of our endeavors is at peace with our insides and so, after a while, we move on to something else to fill us, something else that will finally make us this

perfect image we desperately want to be.

IE gets at all that. Asking "Am I hungry? What do I want to eat? When do I want to eat?" are actually profound questions. It startles us awake from our dreams of being someone else and forces us to pay attention for once to who we ACTUALLY are. Has anyone else found that practicing IE leads to a more intuitive life? I feel my world opening up as I now get to decide for myself what I want to do, look like, act like, and pursue. I feel I am getting to know someone new.

Mimi

Subject: Re: Giving In To My Cravings... Slogging ahead...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, September 27, 2011, 8:27 PM

Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing "giving into my cravings" is so very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness. Here I am almost forcing myself to "give into my cravings" because I know that I can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high water. Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a consolation prize? I've done that for years, "oh, no thank you, I'm not hungry"... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness. Observing my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the diet police sneaking up and wanting to restrict... The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions industry as "flight into wellness". I thought I was free. But then I hit a wall and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out there for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am now forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead. I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity have pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have slowly learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept getting it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim every six weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for years and years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop giving into the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out. I didn't want to pay the price, I guess. In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging stage as something shifted into gear for me recently. I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to psychologize my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional path. I do not want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my naturopath to go on a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why? Because I know

down to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to move up and up and up, once again.The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having listened to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by the time I moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books, diet cook books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information, Chinese medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none of them any longer than required. And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an other side. I just don't know what

that will look like, because I've never been there.I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do. Sorry for the long rant. Sandarah

[Guest guest]

Bravo for you Sandarah! That is the spirit that keeps us all going along our IE

paths. My reaction to your " Impulsivity and compulsivity have pretty much ruled

my existence. " statement was that perhaps that was your diet rebel asserting

itself? It reminds me of the funny and ironic statement that Bill Crosby made -

" Thank god kids rebel! Otherwise they would never leave home. . . " I'm glad you

are 'here' now too. Keep up the excellent work and hope you also find some FUN

in the process too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing " giving into my cravings " is

so very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my

cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness.

>

> Here I am almost forcing myself to " give into my cravings " because I know that

I can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the

diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high

water.

>

> Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like

spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find

yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a

consolation prize? I've done that for years, " oh, no thank you, I'm not

hungry " ... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked

and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.

>

> With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am

using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster

while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness.

Observing my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the

diet police sneaking up and wanting to restrict...

>

> The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions

industry as " flight into wellness " . I thought I was free. But then I hit a

wall and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out

there for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am

now forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead.

>

> I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity

have pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have

slowly learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

>

> It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept

getting it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim

every six weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for

years and years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop

giving into the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out.

I didn't want to pay the price, I guess.

>

> In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm

apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging

stage as something shifted into gear for me recently.

>

> I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to

psychologize my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional

path. I do not want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my

naturopath to go on a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why?

Because I know down to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A

period of diet euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale

starts to move up and up and up, once again.

>

> The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having

listened to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by

the time I moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books,

diet cook books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information,

Chinese medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none

of them any longer than required.

>

> And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than

objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm

on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day

in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an

other side. I just don't know what that will look like, because I've never been

there.

>

> I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of

eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do.

>

> Sorry for the long rant.

>

> Sandarah

>

[Guest guest]

You hit the nail on the head - a bunch of times. Thanks for the revelations. I

always wondered what was wrong with me... It was that I was living from the

outside in - always following the rules and trying to get it right. Hey - I

just ordered a GF cake for a birthday party I'm attending on Saturday where NO

ONE in my family has ever bothered to consider my dietary limitations. So,

first time ever, I ordered a GF Black Forest Cake. I'm taking one slice for me

to enjoy rather than have no dessert with dinner again.

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Giving In To My Cravings... Slogging

ahead...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Tuesday, September 27, 2011, 8:27 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing " giving into my cravings " is

so very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my

cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness.

>

> Here I am almost forcing myself to " give into my cravings " because I know that

I can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the

diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high

water.

>

> Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like

spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find

yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a

consolation prize? I've done that for years, " oh, no thank you, I'm not

hungry " ... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked

and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.

>

> With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am

using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster

while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness. Observing

my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the diet police

sneaking up and wanting to restrict...

>

> The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions

industry as " flight into wellness " . I thought I was free. But then I hit a wall

and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out there

for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am now

forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead.

>

> I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity have

pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have slowly

learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

>

> It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept getting

it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim every six

weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for years and

years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop giving into

the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out. I didn't

want to pay the price, I guess.

>

> In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm

apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging stage

as something shifted into gear for me recently.

>

> I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to psychologize

my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional path. I do not

want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my naturopath to go on

a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why? Because I know down

to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A period of diet

euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to move

up and up and up, once again.

>

> The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having

listened to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by

the time I moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books,

diet cook books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information,

Chinese medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none

of them any longer than required.

>

> And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than

objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm

on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day

in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an

other side. I just don't know what that will look like, because I've never been

there.

>

> I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of

eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do.

>

> Sorry for the long rant.

>

> Sandarah

>

[Guest guest]

You hit the nail on the head - a bunch of times. Thanks for the revelations. I

always wondered what was wrong with me... It was that I was living from the

outside in - always following the rules and trying to get it right. Hey - I

just ordered a GF cake for a birthday party I'm attending on Saturday where NO

ONE in my family has ever bothered to consider my dietary limitations. So,

first time ever, I ordered a GF Black Forest Cake. I'm taking one slice for me

to enjoy rather than have no dessert with dinner again.

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Giving In To My Cravings... Slogging

ahead...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Tuesday, September 27, 2011, 8:27 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Well, I'm no expert - but for me distinguishing " giving into my cravings " is

so very different with IE than otherwise. Here I'm giving in because I know my

cravings are in response to a lifetime of diet rules and dietary meanness.

>

> Here I am almost forcing myself to " give into my cravings " because I know that

I can't find normal while I'm still acting as the food police or reacting as the

diet rebel. The diet rebel who's gonna get what she wants come hell or high

water.

>

> Ever felt like a mad bull when giving in to some long denied craving? Like

spending an entire birthday party rejecting the cake and ice cream only to find

yourself stopping off at the nearest grocery store on the way home seeking a

consolation prize? I've done that for years, " oh, no thank you, I'm not

hungry " ... Partly because dieting taught me to be ashamed to eat what I liked

and wanted - dessert! And partly because I wanted to be able to resist

temptation.

>

> With IE and from having listened to a fair amoung of Geneen Roth's stuff, I am

using as much witnessing or observation of what I'm feeling as I can muster

while indulging - and observing when I am not willing/able to witness. Observing

my self talk, my tension while eating formerly forbidden food, the diet police

sneaking up and wanting to restrict...

>

> The first month and a half of IE I was in what is known in the addictions

industry as " flight into wellness " . I thought I was free. But then I hit a wall

and spiraled down into thinking about dieting - and ice cream. I hung out there

for a week or so. Somehow though I kept writing and kept reading and am now

forging ahead. Or should I say slogging ahead.

>

> I've never been very consistent at anything. Impulsivity and compulsivity have

pretty much ruled my existence. In more recent years, however, I have slowly

learned to put my shoulder to the wheel and keep moving forward.

>

> It took me thirty years to let my hair grow long. Why? Because I kept getting

it cut. I kept listening to hairdressers tell me that I needed a trim every six

weeks (whatever) and when I went in, they cut my hair. I did this for years and

years. Why? I have no idea. I just couldn't learn and couldn't stop giving into

the impulse to look better than you do when your hair's growing out. I didn't

want to pay the price, I guess.

>

> In many ways, I'm very smart. But in these fundamental areas of life I'm

apparently as dumb as a post. With IE - now - I figure I'm in the slogging stage

as something shifted into gear for me recently.

>

> I want to get this. I do not want to diet again. I do not want to psychologize

my food feelings. I do not want to follow yet another nuritional path. I do not

want to do another cleanse. I do not want to pay $600 to my naturopath to go on

a month long hormone shot diet of 500 calories a day. Why? Because I know down

to the tips of my toes there will be yet another rebound. A period of diet

euphoria followed by backlash eating and self hatred as the scale starts to move

up and up and up, once again.

>

> The cravings and the restriction, for me, come from never, ever having

listened to my body. My mother controlled what we ate while growing up and by

the time I moved out I was already a dieter. I have a library of diet books,

diet cook books, nutrional information, ayuerveda nutritional information,

Chinese medicine nutritional information, WW plans and the will to follow none

of them any longer than required.

>

> And as a result, I have absolutely no relationship to my body other than

objectification. I don't know how long this part of the road will take, but I'm

on it - and just like going through the stage when my hair looked terrible day

in and day out - I will keep pushing through because I know there will be an

other side. I just don't know what that will look like, because I've never been

there.

>

> I just have to trust that others have and say it's fine on the other side of

eating desserts when I don't even really want them - but I do.

>

> Sorry for the long rant.

>

> Sandarah

>