It's Not OK

[Guest guest]

I went to my therapist's yesterday and told her that even after learning so much

about my mom and her BPD and how it has affected my whole life...that I still

felt like I couldn't understand it all and when am I going to make this all OK.

She said something very smart and obvious.

My past WASN'T OK. I will never re-do the past and make it OK.

What my mom put me thru WASN'T OK.

I've been spinning my wheels trying to make sense of my past and make it OK. She

told me that Holocaust survivors will never say that their past was

understandable and make it OK. It wasn't ok at all and never will be.

So, she suggested I believe that it wasn't OK and stop trying to make everything

all better. I have it in my past and see it for what it was/is now. A very

unfair and torturous experience spanning 3 decades so far.

I thought it was groundbreaking to hear that I don't ever have to turn this

around and make it better. It is what it is.

Maybe I can focus more on the beautiful family I have surrounding me now instead

of trying to re-write my horribly dark and scary past.

Amy

[Guest guest]

this is very good insight amy, i am glad your therapist helped you.. no our

treatment growing up, like the treatment survivors experienced in the camps was

definitely not ok.   and focusing on the good that happens in the present is a

great way of helping us to cope i think.. congrats.. and best wishes.ann

Subject: It's Not OK

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, December 15, 2010, 7:15 AM

 

I went to my therapist's yesterday and told her that even after learning

so much about my mom and her BPD and how it has affected my whole life...that I

still felt like I couldn't understand it all and when am I going to make this

all OK.

She said something very smart and obvious.

My past WASN'T OK. I will never re-do the past and make it OK.

What my mom put me thru WASN'T OK.

I've been spinning my wheels trying to make sense of my past and make it OK. She

told me that Holocaust survivors will never say that their past was

understandable and make it OK. It wasn't ok at all and never will be.

So, she suggested I believe that it wasn't OK and stop trying to make everything

all better. I have it in my past and see it for what it was/is now. A very

unfair and torturous experience spanning 3 decades so far.

I thought it was groundbreaking to hear that I don't ever have to turn this

around and make it better. It is what it is.

Maybe I can focus more on the beautiful family I have surrounding me now instead

of trying to re-write my horribly dark and scary past.

Amy