Re: More texting fun and new triangulation

January 2, 2011

Charlie -

Run, do not walk, and change that cell phone number! I've been reading your

posts for a few days and honestly, just do it. I think you will feel so much

better.

I have a Nada-in-law. Not the same, I know. I'm better off in many ways, but

worse in others. My MIL is a habitual emailer. She never calls anymore (thank

goodness) but it does seem like those emails pop up out of nowhere, at the worst

times and we both get a pit in our stomachs. Sometimes she emails hubby at work

(he can't change that email address) and other time she emails to our shared

personal email address. I actually looked into shutting down that email about 2

months ago, but it was so complicated since that is my email for everything!

I've had it for over 10 years and it would cause so much disruption, I just

can't do it.

But it sounds like you can manage a new phone number. You've already taken the

difficult step of severing ties, don't let those wounds get reopened now. My

hubby is still not at the point of separating entirely (although he is getting

very, very close.)

On a related note, I do wonder if texting and emailing is a common means for

Nadas? It seems like a way to dump on us without getting stopped cold or set

straight, like we would on the phone or face-to-face. Do you think that is

deliberate?

The only good thing about the emails is I have them all saved. I'm not sure

what I will need them for but I've imagined needing them for law enforcement in

connection with some action she decides to take, a restraining order, copies for

her doctors when they finally recognize what her disorder really is, reminder

for my husband when he starts to feel guilty, and to help me find a pattern and

be able to predict her behavior better. I know enough to know BPs are not

predictable, but there most definitely are patterns. The same words and phrases

over and over. Emails seem to come about every 10 weeks or so, continue

non-stop for 5 days, then die down again. Strange. I'm not sure what to make

of all of it. I actually just started saving them a little over a year ago and I

wish I had started long ago.

Anyway, go change that cell phone number and don't turn your phone on till you

get a new one!!!!!!

Good luck.

>

> Dear WTO,

>

> So I now have nada's number blocked on the ATT 'Smart Phone' plan. However a

message just came through that said nada's number had sent me an 'MMS'.

Whenever people with more advanced phones send me pictures, it goes through some

kind of AT & T web-based center. This message came early on a Sunday morning,

when I was half-asleep having some pretty personal dreams. Nada has a way of

knowing when to invade at my most intimate moments, even though we haven't

spoken in THREE YEARS. It is so bad--I know it's a cop out to say there's not a

word bad enough for how bad it is. But, it is. It is pure evil. I am so

freaked out, in such discomfort from this that I'm needing to post even before

my Sunday coffee.

>

> And also, relatives are now starting to triangulate for my granparents. I

think that nada has panicked my grandparents (in their 80s) with some kindof

projection, making them think I hate them or don't want to see them or some such

BS. The only relative I'm willing to be in touch with has now started texting

me things about my grandparents, how they miss me and would love to see me.

This makes the child in me terrified of upsetting my very elderly

grandparents--but it makes the adult in me angry, that a group of people would

be so blind and selfish as to wish for me to lie myself prostrate for

molestation and abuse by nada AND for possibly being found and harmed by an

ex-husband whom therapists have diagnosed as being possibly homicidal. Because

they want to pretend that 'family is everything' and they didn't raise a crazy

nut-job daughter? Well--they DID. And they did not protect me from her.

>

> The next logical step is simply to change my phone number, and only give it

out to non-family members. I hate to lose text touch with the one relative who

I was in touch with that way--but, so be it. Every time she texts me it ruins

my day and makes me want to go on a big bender, anyway. So I guess that's the

next thing I'll look into.

>

> For those of you just starting out with toe-in=the-water NC, or thinking about

boundaries, this is generally how it happens. You resist just a little, set a

small boundary to protect yourself, and they freak and INCREASE like mad with

the desperate violations. Then you see how much they not only don't have your

best interest at heart, but actually want to harm you instead. Then, you buy a

new phone. And post before coffee...

>

> Charlie

>

January 2, 2011

Thanks Jaie, Justi and BizyMom! It's nice to see new posters (new to me--I've

been here around 5 years). I really needed this encouragement today. Isn't it

strange how with bpds, the simplest things can be the hardest? 'When nada

contacts me, it hurts very badly; so I won't let her contact me any more.'

Shouldn't it be that simple!?

xo

Charlie

> >

> > Dear WTO,

> >

> > So I now have nada's number blocked on the ATT 'Smart Phone' plan. However

a message just came through that said nada's number had sent me an 'MMS'.