Re: More texting fun and new triangulation

January 2, 2011

Charlie -

Run, do not walk, and change that cell phone number! I've been reading your

posts for a few days and honestly, just do it. I think you will feel so much

better.

I have a Nada-in-law. Not the same, I know. I'm better off in many ways, but

worse in others. My MIL is a habitual emailer. She never calls anymore (thank

goodness) but it does seem like those emails pop up out of nowhere, at the worst

times and we both get a pit in our stomachs. Sometimes she emails hubby at work

(he can't change that email address) and other time she emails to our shared

personal email address. I actually looked into shutting down that email about 2

months ago, but it was so complicated since that is my email for everything!

I've had it for over 10 years and it would cause so much disruption, I just

can't do it.

But it sounds like you can manage a new phone number. You've already taken the

difficult step of severing ties, don't let those wounds get reopened now. My

hubby is still not at the point of separating entirely (although he is getting

very, very close.)

On a related note, I do wonder if texting and emailing is a common means for

Nadas? It seems like a way to dump on us without getting stopped cold or set

straight, like we would on the phone or face-to-face. Do you think that is

deliberate?

The only good thing about the emails is I have them all saved. I'm not sure

what I will need them for but I've imagined needing them for law enforcement in

connection with some action she decides to take, a restraining order, copies for

her doctors when they finally recognize what her disorder really is, reminder

for my husband when he starts to feel guilty, and to help me find a pattern and

be able to predict her behavior better. I know enough to know BPs are not

predictable, but there most definitely are patterns. The same words and phrases

over and over. Emails seem to come about every 10 weeks or so, continue

non-stop for 5 days, then die down again. Strange. I'm not sure what to make

of all of it. I actually just started saving them a little over a year ago and I

wish I had started long ago.

Anyway, go change that cell phone number and don't turn your phone on till you

get a new one!!!!!!

Good luck.

>

> Dear WTO,

>

> So I now have nada's number blocked on the ATT 'Smart Phone' plan. However a

message just came through that said nada's number had sent me an 'MMS'.

Whenever people with more advanced phones send me pictures, it goes through some

kind of AT & T web-based center. This message came early on a Sunday morning,

when I was half-asleep having some pretty personal dreams. Nada has a way of

knowing when to invade at my most intimate moments, even though we haven't

spoken in THREE YEARS. It is so bad--I know it's a cop out to say there's not a

word bad enough for how bad it is. But, it is. It is pure evil. I am so

freaked out, in such discomfort from this that I'm needing to post even before

my Sunday coffee.

>

> And also, relatives are now starting to triangulate for my granparents. I

think that nada has panicked my grandparents (in their 80s) with some kindof

projection, making them think I hate them or don't want to see them or some such

BS. The only relative I'm willing to be in touch with has now started texting

me things about my grandparents, how they miss me and would love to see me.

This makes the child in me terrified of upsetting my very elderly

grandparents--but it makes the adult in me angry, that a group of people would

be so blind and selfish as to wish for me to lie myself prostrate for

molestation and abuse by nada AND for possibly being found and harmed by an

ex-husband whom therapists have diagnosed as being possibly homicidal. Because

they want to pretend that 'family is everything' and they didn't raise a crazy

nut-job daughter? Well--they DID. And they did not protect me from her.

>

> The next logical step is simply to change my phone number, and only give it

out to non-family members. I hate to lose text touch with the one relative who

I was in touch with that way--but, so be it. Every time she texts me it ruins

my day and makes me want to go on a big bender, anyway. So I guess that's the

next thing I'll look into.

>

> For those of you just starting out with toe-in=the-water NC, or thinking about

boundaries, this is generally how it happens. You resist just a little, set a

small boundary to protect yourself, and they freak and INCREASE like mad with

the desperate violations. Then you see how much they not only don't have your

best interest at heart, but actually want to harm you instead. Then, you buy a

new phone. And post before coffee...

>

> Charlie

>

January 2, 2011

Hi Charlie,

Just wondering if you were my long lost twin! J/K. I went NC with my nada 3

years ago and just 3 weeks ago a family member inadvertently sent her my number

by forwarding a text with my number. UGH! The nightmare started again but only

briefly. I text her back one last time - I love you but cannot have you in my

life because YOU are abusive. I called AT & T and changed my number. 3 years

ago, right after I got nada out of my life I realized I had married her and so

had to be careful about how I initiated divorce procedings with him as he was

very nasty.

I went NC with both of them no matter what they did, how loud they screamed and

where and to who they screamed it. People believed them each using the other as

proof it was me that was the sick and twisted one. Funny but that doesn't scare

me one bit. Were I the BPD, how un BPD-like of me not to be stalking them

everywhere they went, leaving hatemail, email and trying to turn family against

them. That's what they did. I had nothing to do with it. I believe in Karma

and wanted no part of vengeance. I just wanted peace and I got it. They each

periodically try to come back at me with some form of knife in the back but I

know one thing - truth is true and for the folks who don't believe me - ha, go

live with either of them or invite them to stay and then tell me what you think.

In the mean-time, I'm safe over here away from their madness raising my family

with love and with peace!

I'm so sorry for your challenges. No one in my family is allowed to have my

phone number. They can find me on facebook but no telephone numbers. Its sad

but I did not create this and sure as heck will no longer be the victim of it.

When I was taking verbal abuse from my mother 3 years ago, I sat down in my back

yard feeling very much like I was 7 and being neglected, taunted and verbally

abused. It dawned on me, " Hey, wait a minute - I'm grown up now and this is MY

house - get the hell out, don't come back and leave me alone. " That's how it

ended for me. Don't care what she says or who she says it to, I don't have to

put with abuse. I have a right to freedom and peace and eventually, I will

learn how not to pick BPD or NPD partners to wreck my serenity. LOL

Change your number as many times as it takes and don't ever feel bad. It's not

hard learning to reparent yourself. You can do it.

Much love, strength and many blessings to you.

'Jaie

>

> >

> > Dear WTO,

> >

> > So I now have nada's number blocked on the ATT 'Smart Phone' plan. However

> > a message just came through that said nada's number had sent me an 'MMS'.

> > Whenever people with more advanced phones send me pictures, it goes through

> > some kind of AT & T web-based center. This message came early on a Sunday

> > morning, when I was half-asleep having some pretty personal dreams. Nada has

> > a way of knowing when to invade at my most intimate moments, even though we

> > haven't spoken in THREE YEARS. It is so bad--I know it's a cop out to say

> > there's not a word bad enough for how bad it is. But, it is. It is pure

> > evil. I am so freaked out, in such discomfort from this that I'm needing to

> > post even before my Sunday coffee.

> >

> > And also, relatives are now starting to triangulate for my granparents. I

> > think that nada has panicked my grandparents (in their 80s) with some kindof

> > projection, making them think I hate them or don't want to see them or some

> > such BS. The only relative I'm willing to be in touch with has now started

> > texting me things about my grandparents, how they miss me and would love to

> > see me. This makes the child in me terrified of upsetting my very elderly

> > grandparents--but it makes the adult in me angry, that a group of people

> > would be so blind and selfish as to wish for me to lie myself prostrate for

> > molestation and abuse by nada AND for possibly being found and harmed by an

> > ex-husband whom therapists have diagnosed as being possibly homicidal.

> > Because they want to pretend that 'family is everything' and they didn't

> > raise a crazy nut-job daughter? Well--they DID. And they did not protect me

> > from her.

> >

> > The next logical step is simply to change my phone number, and only give it

> > out to non-family members. I hate to lose text touch with the one relative

> > who I was in touch with that way--but, so be it. Every time she texts me it

> > ruins my day and makes me want to go on a big bender, anyway. So I guess

> > that's the next thing I'll look into.

> >

> > For those of you just starting out with toe-in=the-water NC, or thinking

> > about boundaries, this is generally how it happens. You resist just a

> > little, set a small boundary to protect yourself, and they freak and

> > INCREASE like mad with the desperate violations. Then you see how much they

> > not only don't have your best interest at heart, but actually want to harm

> > you instead. Then, you buy a new phone. And post before coffee...

> >

> > Charlie

> >

>

January 2, 2011