Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us moved away from the BPD in our life. Question to everyone: How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? When and why did you decide to move away? I'll start -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. Now your turn, GO! -JL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Unfortunately, I live in the same neighborhood as my nada! It makes things extra hard sometimes. We live in a large neighborhood and so i don't see her very often but just the fact that she is that close to me unnerves me at times. She used to leave stuff on my front porch (when i went NC with her, she brought all of my things from childhood and dumped them on my front porch since i was " dead to her " , leave " anonymous " mail in my mailbox and even drive by occasionally. I haven't seen her lately but we would love to move. It stink though because we LOVE our neighbors and our house here. > > > > > > By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us > > moved away from the BPD in our life. > > > > > > Question to everyone: > > > > > > How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? > > > > > > When and why did you decide to move away? > > > > > > > > > I'll start > > > > > > -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me > > 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. > > > > > > -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being > > completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High > > School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved > > a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. > > > > > > -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her > > controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for > > her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to > > live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel > > that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were > > WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. > > > > > > Now your turn, GO! > > > > > > -JL > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Unfortunately, I live in the same neighborhood as my nada! It makes things extra hard sometimes. We live in a large neighborhood and so i don't see her very often but just the fact that she is that close to me unnerves me at times. She used to leave stuff on my front porch (when i went NC with her, she brought all of my things from childhood and dumped them on my front porch since i was " dead to her " , leave " anonymous " mail in my mailbox and even drive by occasionally. I haven't seen her lately but we would love to move. It stink though because we LOVE our neighbors and our house here. > > > > > > By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us > > moved away from the BPD in our life. > > > > > > Question to everyone: > > > > > > How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? > > > > > > When and why did you decide to move away? > > > > > > > > > I'll start > > > > > > -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me > > 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. > > > > > > -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being > > completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High > > School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved > > a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. > > > > > > -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her > > controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for > > her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to > > live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel > > that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were > > WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. > > > > > > Now your turn, GO! > > > > > > -JL > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 I live on the opposite side of the country than my foo. Like you, that's good for me that I'm far away from nada, but its sad that I'm also so far away from my Sister. I miss her terribly. The irony is that it was nada and dad who moved away from me, back when I was still very emotionally enmeshed with and emotionally dependent on them. They basically dumped me, then years later they started pressuring me to move to where they lived, and I was so screwed up I was actually considering it. I'm glad I " woke up. " -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 I live on the opposite side of the country than my foo. Like you, that's good for me that I'm far away from nada, but its sad that I'm also so far away from my Sister. I miss her terribly. The irony is that it was nada and dad who moved away from me, back when I was still very emotionally enmeshed with and emotionally dependent on them. They basically dumped me, then years later they started pressuring me to move to where they lived, and I was so screwed up I was actually considering it. I'm glad I " woke up. " -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 I live 20 miles away.  My husband and I moved because we were tired of the commute. 20 miles doesn't seem too far to commute, but when your NADA calls you between 1-4 am and you get up at 5 to go to work makes things a little complicated.  Now that NADA is in a nursing home, I don't have to worry about her safety.  I am currently NC with NADA. But if something should happen and I needed to be reached, I'm close enough. Subject: How far away do you live? To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Monday, January 10, 2011, 9:38 PM  By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us moved away from the BPD in our life. Question to everyone: How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? When and why did you decide to move away? I'll start -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. Now your turn, GO! -JL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 I live 20 miles away.  My husband and I moved because we were tired of the commute. 20 miles doesn't seem too far to commute, but when your NADA calls you between 1-4 am and you get up at 5 to go to work makes things a little complicated.  Now that NADA is in a nursing home, I don't have to worry about her safety.  I am currently NC with NADA. But if something should happen and I needed to be reached, I'm close enough. Subject: How far away do you live? To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Monday, January 10, 2011, 9:38 PM  By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us moved away from the BPD in our life. Question to everyone: How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? When and why did you decide to move away? I'll start -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. Now your turn, GO! -JL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 I live 20 miles away.  My husband and I moved because we were tired of the commute. 20 miles doesn't seem too far to commute, but when your NADA calls you between 1-4 am and you get up at 5 to go to work makes things a little complicated.  Now that NADA is in a nursing home, I don't have to worry about her safety.  I am currently NC with NADA. But if something should happen and I needed to be reached, I'm close enough. Subject: How far away do you live? To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Monday, January 10, 2011, 9:38 PM  By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us moved away from the BPD in our life. Question to everyone: How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? When and why did you decide to move away? I'll start -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. Now your turn, GO! -JL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Great question; I live 2,620 miles away from my mom......and I have, for 28 years. I grew up on one coast, moved to the other for grad school, stayed, married, bought a house.....all that far away. Alastriona Subject: How far away do you live? To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Monday, January 10, 2011, 10:38 PM By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us moved away from the BPD in our life. Question to everyone: How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? When and why did you decide to move away? I'll start -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. Now your turn, GO! -JL ------------------------------------ **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 I moved 350 miles away when I went to college, similar story to yours, my mother's view of being a " decent child " is to be within 15 minutes of where your parents live. When my father was alive it wasn't so bad, I also moved back in with my parents after I graduated but 3 years after college moved back to the town my college was in 350 miles away with my fiance because we both really liked the area. Wrath, let me tell you. I think I chose my college because of the area of the country it was in, I had always liked it, but being 6.5 hours away from my mother was nice too - though she and my father (non-BP) each called me every day. Once I went 3 days without talking to either of my parents and my mom called and threatened to call the police if I didn't call her back to let her know I was ok (3 days without contact) I thought that was perfectly normal for a " worried " parent... > > By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us moved away from the BPD in our life. > > Question to everyone: > > How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? > > When and why did you decide to move away? > > > I'll start > > -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. > > -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. > > -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. > > Now your turn, GO! > > -JL > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 I moved 350 miles away when I went to college, similar story to yours, my mother's view of being a " decent child " is to be within 15 minutes of where your parents live. When my father was alive it wasn't so bad, I also moved back in with my parents after I graduated but 3 years after college moved back to the town my college was in 350 miles away with my fiance because we both really liked the area. Wrath, let me tell you. I think I chose my college because of the area of the country it was in, I had always liked it, but being 6.5 hours away from my mother was nice too - though she and my father (non-BP) each called me every day. Once I went 3 days without talking to either of my parents and my mom called and threatened to call the police if I didn't call her back to let her know I was ok (3 days without contact) I thought that was perfectly normal for a " worried " parent... > > By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us moved away from the BPD in our life. > > Question to everyone: > > How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? > > When and why did you decide to move away? > > > I'll start > > -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. > > -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. > > -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. > > Now your turn, GO! > > -JL > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 I currently live 70 miles from Nada, because she FOLLOWS me. I move she moves. She has in the past couple of years realized that this is not going to work. Also my brother got out of prison, and since he is the favorite she will most likely follow him now. I have moved up to 1000 miles away from her only to have her show up a week later. I no longer tell her when I am moving or give her my new address. Riah > > By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us moved away from the BPD in our life. > > Question to everyone: > > How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? > > When and why did you decide to move away? > > > I'll start > > -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. > > -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. > > -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. > > Now your turn, GO! > > -JL > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 SEVEN FREAKING BLOCKS AWAY > > By reading through this board, I've gotten the feeling that many of us moved away from the BPD in our life. > > Question to everyone: > > How many miles away from your pwBPD do you live? > > When and why did you decide to move away? > > > I'll start > > -I live approx 250 miles away from Nada. Sadly, that has also moved me 250 miles away from the family that is good to me and that i miss dearly. > > -I made the choice to move as far away as possible without being completely separated from the " good family " when I was a senior in High School and choosing a college. I first lived about 5 hours away, then moved a tad closer a year later when i transferred to a diff school. > > -Before I knew anything about BPD, I did know I didn't want her controlling me, her anger to embarrass me, and I wanted it to be a time for her to stop depending on me so much and get help from others. I wanted to live my own life. I just thought it was typical for an 18 year old to feel that way when going to college... but looking back on it, my motives were WAY different than the " typical " 18 year old. > > Now your turn, GO! > > -JL > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2011 Report Share Posted January 12, 2011 By being away from her, I felt like I could have more of a life of my own. Like I could have my own world, where she couldn't just come in and interfere with everything. I have always liked to travel and live abroad, but now in retrospect I feel like maybe it was also because of *how much* I was growing on a personal level when I was away and on my own. I live in the US now. It's been fours years, some of the happiest of my life. My Mom lives in France. I still sometimes feel like it's all a dream, that's gonna end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2011 Report Share Posted January 12, 2011 By being away from her, I felt like I could have more of a life of my own. Like I could have my own world, where she couldn't just come in and interfere with everything. I have always liked to travel and live abroad, but now in retrospect I feel like maybe it was also because of *how much* I was growing on a personal level when I was away and on my own. I live in the US now. It's been fours years, some of the happiest of my life. My Mom lives in France. I still sometimes feel like it's all a dream, that's gonna end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Since I got the diagnosis and have read SWOE and have had time to think and because Fada was in the hospital while a lot of this was going on I've had time to set up a self defense strategy. I hire help and the help has to understand BPD do a little reading and be able to verbally express to me that they will not let Fada suck him into his pity party because he uses them to make me feel guilty. I leave for work every day around 7 and don't get home until after 4 sometimes as late as 6. The hired help is instructed to leave Fada a 4 o'oclock meal, but he will eat again whenever I get home and am cooking for myself and rest of family if it is something he likes, if not he eats dessert. He goes to bed early and that helps and I have set up lot of boundaries at the house and am using the hired help to assist in enforcing those. Fada looks confused and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and hope I'm strong enough not to take the bait he loves to pick a fight and that I can now recognize my triggers and walk away. Here's a laugh he criticizes my cats everyday because all the cats do is eat and sleep. It takes every ounce of strength that I have not to reply, " Yeah but at least I don't have to hire a CNA to give them a bath and I have to hire somebody to bathe you. " I keep biting my tongue but one day it's going to slip out. Every one have a good weekend. Kay > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Since I got the diagnosis and have read SWOE and have had time to think and because Fada was in the hospital while a lot of this was going on I've had time to set up a self defense strategy. I hire help and the help has to understand BPD do a little reading and be able to verbally express to me that they will not let Fada suck him into his pity party because he uses them to make me feel guilty. I leave for work every day around 7 and don't get home until after 4 sometimes as late as 6. The hired help is instructed to leave Fada a 4 o'oclock meal, but he will eat again whenever I get home and am cooking for myself and rest of family if it is something he likes, if not he eats dessert. He goes to bed early and that helps and I have set up lot of boundaries at the house and am using the hired help to assist in enforcing those. Fada looks confused and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and hope I'm strong enough not to take the bait he loves to pick a fight and that I can now recognize my triggers and walk away. Here's a laugh he criticizes my cats everyday because all the cats do is eat and sleep. It takes every ounce of strength that I have not to reply, " Yeah but at least I don't have to hire a CNA to give them a bath and I have to hire somebody to bathe you. " I keep biting my tongue but one day it's going to slip out. Every one have a good weekend. Kay > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Kay, thanks for sharing your strategy for handling your fada-situation; I think its very well-considered. You're dealing with dear old bpd fada like a rational yet compassionate adult, seeing that his physical needs are met, and learning to not let him run roughshod over your feelings. Getting the outside care-giving help you need (and making sure said help is educated about bpd) that gives you at least some peace of mind and some time for yourself and time with your own family (who also have real needs) is a very positive strategy in my opinion, and just... very impressive! Kudos to you! -Annie > > Since I got the diagnosis and have read SWOE and have had time to think and because Fada was in the hospital while a lot of this was going on I've had time to set up a self defense strategy. I hire help and the help has to understand BPD do a little reading and be able to verbally express to me that they will not let Fada suck him into his pity party because he uses them to make me feel guilty. I leave for work every day around 7 and don't get home until after 4 sometimes as late as 6. The hired help is instructed to leave Fada a 4 o'oclock meal, but he will eat again whenever I get home and am cooking for myself and rest of family if it is something he likes, if not he eats dessert. He goes to bed early and that helps and I have set up lot of boundaries at the house and am using the hired help to assist in enforcing those. Fada looks confused and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and hope I'm strong enough not to take the bait he loves to pick a fight and that I can now recognize my triggers and walk away. Here's a laugh he criticizes my cats everyday because all the cats do is eat and sleep. It takes every ounce of strength that I have not to reply, " Yeah but at least I don't have to hire a CNA to give them a bath and I have to hire somebody to bathe you. " I keep biting my tongue but one day it's going to slip out. > Every one have a good weekend. > Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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