Re: Intuitive Eating Around my Very Bossy Mother-in-Law (long, sorry)

[Guest guest]

Hello , it sounds like you are doing great, good job on those realizations -- And your mother in law sounds like a hoot! Judy

Subject: Intuitive Eating Around my Very Bossy Mother-in-Law (long, sorry)To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, July 31, 2011, 11:46 AM

I A few weeks ago I wrote that I would be living with my mother-in-law, who is very Korean and doesn't speak English, for five weeks this summer. Well, I'm two weeks in and wanted to write about it.

(If there are typos, I'm sorry. I've using my husband's net book and the keyboard is really small!)

When I got off the plane, Mother greeted me, told me I was fat, and told me to have babies. The whole way back to her house, she lectured me on how I need to diet. But Mother says one thing with her mouth ("diet") and then does another thing with her hands (giving me a huge plate of Japanese curry over WHITE rice when I tell her I'm not even hungry). I quickly realized that Mother's idea of a "diet" is totally weird. Tonight she tried to give me a cob of corn and...ice cream. Why? Because using two slices of bread for the sandwich I really wanted has "too many calories." (We fought and I got my darn sandwich. And it was tasty.)

In any case, things have mostly been OK. She scolds me when I eat too much. She scolds me when I eat too little. She scolds me when I eat too slowly. She scolds me when I eat too quickly. Once I figured this out, I just started nodding. NOW I understand why my husband just tells her yes all the time. It's no use arguing with her. She has mostly quit talking about my weight since I asked her if we were going to talk about it everyday, "because it's really boring."

I bought some food a few days ago, and that included a small bag of chips. Mother went on and on about how I should "never eat those" chips. I nodded and went on preparing my lunch, complete with some chips on the plate. I happily munched on them as she lectured me, and she just looked pleased that I was agreeing with her. And this morniing? What did she serve with breakfast? THE CHIPS. Why? "Well, it's been very humid and they will go soft." If mother really thought one should "never" eat the chips, you'd think she'd let them go soft so she could toss them.

So, yeah. Mother has some very weird ideas about food. But she is trying. I wanted a sandwich and she mashed up potatoes, onions, and scallions and put the paste between two slices of the whitest bread I've ever seen. She didn't even have any pepper. It was bland.

(Before people tell me to set limits, I am doing my best, but I am dealing with a very different culture. It would take far too long to explain all of the Confucian things I'm dealing with her. Suffice to say, I'm doing my best.)

Anyhow--

One of the difficult things about being here is that I'm guest. So I want to eat what I'm given, but also honor myself. A few days ago I really wanted celery with peanut butter. But celery is hard to find here and the local store didn't have it. I thought about it and I wanted the salt in the PB and the crunch. So I bought some crunchy PB and ate it with some apples.: It still wasn't exactly what I wanted, but since celery isn't available, it was a good sub.

Realization: When you really can't get what you want, similar subs can work!

In the mornings, Mother likes to mostly eat fruit, maybe some bread. But I have discovered I need some sort of fat or protein, so I've been eating a little PB with my fruit or bread at breakfast. It has been doing a good job of tiding me over.

Realization: Even when being a good guest, I can do small things to tweak a meal to work better for my body.

We sit down and eat together, and unlike Americans, Koreans are mostly quiet when they eat. It has been very good practice in mindful eating, which I have a very, very hard time doing at home. I have noticed a few things. First, it seems like I am finishing my meals just as quickly as before, but I am eating far less. Second, it is easier to find that last bite, although sometimes I do go over.

Realization: Maybe this mindful eating/no distractions thing is actually a good idea.

Finally, I have overeaten. I have gone past the last bite and made myself feel very uncomfortable. But the discomfort is lasting a short period of time compared to when I would overeat a few months ago. I never timed it with a clock, but it seems like a few months ago I would feel gross for 1/2 hr or so, and now it's more like 10-15 minutes.

Realization: Well, I don't know what this means, actually!!

[Guest guest]

;I loved your "journal," and found it inspirational. Thank you for sharing. I like to compare with my journey, and see the similarities.To: IntuitiveEating_Support From: msjterrill@...Date: Sun, 31 Jul 2011 10:43:48 -0700Subject: Re: Intuitive Eating Around my Very Bossy Mother-in-Law (long, sorry)

Hello , it sounds like you are doing great, good job on those realizations -- And your mother in law sounds like a hoot! Judy

Subject: Intuitive Eating Around my Very Bossy Mother-in-Law (long, sorry)To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, July 31, 2011, 11:46 AM

I A few weeks ago I wrote that I would be living with my mother-in-law, who is very Korean and doesn't speak English, for five weeks this summer. Well, I'm two weeks in and wanted to write about it.

(If there are typos, I'm sorry. I've using my husband's net book and the keyboard is really small!)

When I got off the plane, Mother greeted me, told me I was fat, and told me to have babies. The whole way back to her house, she lectured me on how I need to diet. But Mother says one thing with her mouth ("diet") and then does another thing with her hands (giving me a huge plate of Japanese curry over WHITE rice when I tell her I'm not even hungry). I quickly realized that Mother's idea of a "diet" is totally weird. Tonight she tried to give me a cob of corn and...ice cream. Why? Because using two slices of bread for the sandwich I really wanted has "too many calories." (We fought and I got my darn sandwich. And it was tasty.)

In any case, things have mostly been OK. She scolds me when I eat too much. She scolds me when I eat too little. She scolds me when I eat too slowly. She scolds me when I eat too quickly. Once I figured this out, I just started nodding. NOW I understand why my husband just tells her yes all the time. It's no use arguing with her. She has mostly quit talking about my weight since I asked her if we were going to talk about it everyday, "because it's really boring."

I bought some food a few days ago, and that included a small bag of chips. Mother went on and on about how I should "never eat those" chips. I nodded and went on preparing my lunch, complete with some chips on the plate. I happily munched on them as she lectured me, and she just looked pleased that I was agreeing with her. And this morniing? What did she serve with breakfast? THE CHIPS. Why? "Well, it's been very humid and they will go soft." If mother really thought one should "never" eat the chips, you'd think she'd let them go soft so she could toss them.

So, yeah. Mother has some very weird ideas about food. But she is trying. I wanted a sandwich and she mashed up potatoes, onions, and scallions and put the paste between two slices of the whitest bread I've ever seen. She didn't even have any pepper. It was bland.

(Before people tell me to set limits, I am doing my best, but I am dealing with a very different culture. It would take far too long to explain all of the Confucian things I'm dealing with her. Suffice to say, I'm doing my best.)

Anyhow--

One of the difficult things about being here is that I'm guest. So I want to eat what I'm given, but also honor myself. A few days ago I really wanted celery with peanut butter. But celery is hard to find here and the local store didn't have it. I thought about it and I wanted the salt in the PB and the crunch. So I bought some crunchy PB and ate it with some apples.: It still wasn't exactly what I wanted, but since celery isn't available, it was a good sub.

Realization: When you really can't get what you want, similar subs can work!

In the mornings, Mother likes to mostly eat fruit, maybe some bread. But I have discovered I need some sort of fat or protein, so I've been eating a little PB with my fruit or bread at breakfast. It has been doing a good job of tiding me over.

Realization: Even when being a good guest, I can do small things to tweak a meal to work better for my body.

We sit down and eat together, and unlike Americans, Koreans are mostly quiet when they eat. It has been very good practice in mindful eating, which I have a very, very hard time doing at home. I have noticed a few things. First, it seems like I am finishing my meals just as quickly as before, but I am eating far less. Second, it is easier to find that last bite, although sometimes I do go over.

Realization: Maybe this mindful eating/no distractions thing is actually a good idea.

Finally, I have overeaten. I have gone past the last bite and made myself feel very uncomfortable. But the discomfort is lasting a short period of time compared to when I would overeat a few months ago. I never timed it with a clock, but it seems like a few months ago I would feel gross for 1/2 hr or so, and now it's more like 10-15 minutes.

Realization: Well, I don't know what this means, actually!!

[Guest guest]

;I loved your "journal," and found it inspirational. Thank you for sharing. I like to compare with my journey, and see the similarities.To: IntuitiveEating_Support From: msjterrill@...Date: Sun, 31 Jul 2011 10:43:48 -0700Subject: Re: Intuitive Eating Around my Very Bossy Mother-in-Law (long, sorry)

Hello , it sounds like you are doing great, good job on those realizations -- And your mother in law sounds like a hoot! Judy

Subject: Intuitive Eating Around my Very Bossy Mother-in-Law (long, sorry)To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, July 31, 2011, 11:46 AM

I A few weeks ago I wrote that I would be living with my mother-in-law, who is very Korean and doesn't speak English, for five weeks this summer. Well, I'm two weeks in and wanted to write about it.

(If there are typos, I'm sorry. I've using my husband's net book and the keyboard is really small!)

When I got off the plane, Mother greeted me, told me I was fat, and told me to have babies. The whole way back to her house, she lectured me on how I need to diet. But Mother says one thing with her mouth ("diet") and then does another thing with her hands (giving me a huge plate of Japanese curry over WHITE rice when I tell her I'm not even hungry). I quickly realized that Mother's idea of a "diet" is totally weird. Tonight she tried to give me a cob of corn and...ice cream. Why? Because using two slices of bread for the sandwich I really wanted has "too many calories." (We fought and I got my darn sandwich. And it was tasty.)

In any case, things have mostly been OK. She scolds me when I eat too much. She scolds me when I eat too little. She scolds me when I eat too slowly. She scolds me when I eat too quickly. Once I figured this out, I just started nodding. NOW I understand why my husband just tells her yes all the time. It's no use arguing with her. She has mostly quit talking about my weight since I asked her if we were going to talk about it everyday, "because it's really boring."

I bought some food a few days ago, and that included a small bag of chips. Mother went on and on about how I should "never eat those" chips. I nodded and went on preparing my lunch, complete with some chips on the plate. I happily munched on them as she lectured me, and she just looked pleased that I was agreeing with her. And this morniing? What did she serve with breakfast? THE CHIPS. Why? "Well, it's been very humid and they will go soft." If mother really thought one should "never" eat the chips, you'd think she'd let them go soft so she could toss them.

So, yeah. Mother has some very weird ideas about food. But she is trying. I wanted a sandwich and she mashed up potatoes, onions, and scallions and put the paste between two slices of the whitest bread I've ever seen. She didn't even have any pepper. It was bland.

(Before people tell me to set limits, I am doing my best, but I am dealing with a very different culture. It would take far too long to explain all of the Confucian things I'm dealing with her. Suffice to say, I'm doing my best.)

Anyhow--

One of the difficult things about being here is that I'm guest. So I want to eat what I'm given, but also honor myself. A few days ago I really wanted celery with peanut butter. But celery is hard to find here and the local store didn't have it. I thought about it and I wanted the salt in the PB and the crunch. So I bought some crunchy PB and ate it with some apples.: It still wasn't exactly what I wanted, but since celery isn't available, it was a good sub.

Realization: When you really can't get what you want, similar subs can work!

In the mornings, Mother likes to mostly eat fruit, maybe some bread. But I have discovered I need some sort of fat or protein, so I've been eating a little PB with my fruit or bread at breakfast. It has been doing a good job of tiding me over.

Realization: Even when being a good guest, I can do small things to tweak a meal to work better for my body.

We sit down and eat together, and unlike Americans, Koreans are mostly quiet when they eat. It has been very good practice in mindful eating, which I have a very, very hard time doing at home. I have noticed a few things. First, it seems like I am finishing my meals just as quickly as before, but I am eating far less. Second, it is easier to find that last bite, although sometimes I do go over.

Realization: Maybe this mindful eating/no distractions thing is actually a good idea.

Finally, I have overeaten. I have gone past the last bite and made myself feel very uncomfortable. But the discomfort is lasting a short period of time compared to when I would overeat a few months ago. I never timed it with a clock, but it seems like a few months ago I would feel gross for 1/2 hr or so, and now it's more like 10-15 minutes.

Realization: Well, I don't know what this means, actually!!

[Guest guest]

I also have Asian in-laws, non-American born, and used to deal with a lot of

these same issues. I found it helpful to have my husband speak to his family

(sisters....mother in law is a doll!) and advocate for me. Unlike me, he

understands the cultural aspects involved and while he MIGHT not speak up for

himself he was willing to do it for me. Second, I found the " broken record "

technique very helpful in these situations.... " no thank you, I've had enough "

repeated over and over and they finally get the message. They do not need to

know ANYTHING more than that.

>

> I A few weeks ago I wrote that I would be living with my mother-in-law, who is

very Korean and doesn't speak English, for five weeks this summer.  Well, I'm

two weeks in and wanted to write about it.

> (If there are typos, I'm sorry.  I've using my husband's net book and the

keyboard is really small!)

> When I got off the plane, Mother greeted me, told me I was fat, and told me to

have babies.  The whole way back to her house, she lectured me on how I need to

diet.  But Mother says one thing with her mouth ( " diet " ) and then does another

thing with her hands (giving me a huge plate of Japanese curry over WHITE rice

when I tell her I'm not even hungry).  I quickly realized that Mother's idea of

a " diet " is totally weird.  Tonight she tried to give me a cob of corn and...ice

cream.  Why?  Because using two slices of bread for the sandwich I really wanted

has " too many calories. "  (We fought and I got my darn sandwich.  And it was

tasty.)

> In any case, things have mostly been OK.  She scolds me when I eat too much.

 She scolds me when I eat too little.  She scolds me when I eat too slowly.  She

scolds me when I eat too quickly.  Once I figured this out, I just started

nodding.  NOW I understand why my husband just tells her yes all the time.  It's

no use arguing with her.  She has mostly quit talking about my weight since I

asked her if we were going to talk about it everyday, " because it's really

boring. "

> I bought some food a few days ago, and that included a small bag of chips.

 Mother went on and on about how I should " never eat those " chips.  I nodded and

went on preparing my lunch, complete with some chips on the plate.  I happily

munched on them as she lectured me, and she just looked pleased that I was

agreeing with her.  And this morniing?  What did she serve with breakfast?  THE

CHIPS.  Why?   " Well, it's been very humid and they will go soft. "  If mother

really thought one should " never " eat the chips, you'd think she'd let them go

soft so she could toss them.

> So, yeah.  Mother has some very weird ideas about food.  But she is trying.  I

wanted a sandwich and she mashed up potatoes, onions, and scallions and put the

paste between two slices of the whitest bread I've ever seen.  She didn't even

have any pepper.  It was bland. 

> (Before people tell me to set limits, I am doing my best, but I am dealing

with a very different culture.  It would take far too long to explain all of the

Confucian things I'm dealing with her.  Suffice to say, I'm doing my best.)

> Anyhow--

> One of the difficult things about being here is that I'm guest.  So I want to

eat what I'm given, but also honor myself.  A few days ago I really wanted

celery with peanut butter.  But celery is hard to find here and the local store

didn't have it.  I thought about it and I wanted the salt in the PB and the

crunch.  So I bought some crunchy PB and ate it with some apples.:   It still

wasn't exactly what I wanted, but since celery isn't available, it was a good

sub.

> Realization: When you really can't get what you want, similar subs can work!

>

> In the mornings, Mother likes to mostly eat fruit, maybe some bread.  But I

have discovered I need some sort of fat or protein, so I've been eating a little

PB with my fruit or bread at breakfast.   It has been doing a good job of tiding

me over. 

> Realization: Even when being a good guest, I can do small things to tweak a

meal to work better for my body.

>

> We sit down and eat together, and unlike Americans, Koreans are mostly quiet

when they eat.  It has been very good practice in mindful eating, which I have a

very, very hard time doing at home.  I have noticed a few things.  First, it

seems like I am finishing my meals just as quickly as before, but I am eating

far less.  Second, it is easier to find that last bite, although sometimes I do

go over.

> Realization: Maybe this mindful eating/no distractions thing is actually a

good idea.

>

> Finally, I have overeaten.  I have gone past the last bite and made myself

feel very uncomfortable.  But the discomfort is lasting a short period of time

compared to when I would overeat a few months ago.  I never timed it with a

clock, but it seems like a few months ago I would feel gross for 1/2 hr or so,

and now it's more like 10-15 minutes.

> Realization: Well, I don't know what this means, actually!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

I also have Asian in-laws, non-American born, and used to deal with a lot of

these same issues. I found it helpful to have my husband speak to his family

(sisters....mother in law is a doll!) and advocate for me. Unlike me, he

understands the cultural aspects involved and while he MIGHT not speak up for

himself he was willing to do it for me. Second, I found the " broken record "

technique very helpful in these situations.... " no thank you, I've had enough "

repeated over and over and they finally get the message. They do not need to

know ANYTHING more than that.

>

> I A few weeks ago I wrote that I would be living with my mother-in-law, who is

very Korean and doesn't speak English, for five weeks this summer.  Well, I'm

two weeks in and wanted to write about it.

> (If there are typos, I'm sorry.  I've using my husband's net book and the

keyboard is really small!)

> When I got off the plane, Mother greeted me, told me I was fat, and told me to

have babies.  The whole way back to her house, she lectured me on how I need to

diet.  But Mother says one thing with her mouth ( " diet " ) and then does another

thing with her hands (giving me a huge plate of Japanese curry over WHITE rice

when I tell her I'm not even hungry).  I quickly realized that Mother's idea of

a " diet " is totally weird.  Tonight she tried to give me a cob of corn and...ice

cream.  Why?  Because using two slices of bread for the sandwich I really wanted

has " too many calories. "  (We fought and I got my darn sandwich.  And it was

tasty.)

> In any case, things have mostly been OK.  She scolds me when I eat too much.

 She scolds me when I eat too little.  She scolds me when I eat too slowly.  She

scolds me when I eat too quickly.  Once I figured this out, I just started

nodding.  NOW I understand why my husband just tells her yes all the time.  It's

no use arguing with her.  She has mostly quit talking about my weight since I

asked her if we were going to talk about it everyday, " because it's really

boring. "

> I bought some food a few days ago, and that included a small bag of chips.

 Mother went on and on about how I should " never eat those " chips.  I nodded and

went on preparing my lunch, complete with some chips on the plate.  I happily

munched on them as she lectured me, and she just looked pleased that I was

agreeing with her.  And this morniing?  What did she serve with breakfast?  THE

CHIPS.  Why?   " Well, it's been very humid and they will go soft. "  If mother

really thought one should " never " eat the chips, you'd think she'd let them go

soft so she could toss them.

> So, yeah.  Mother has some very weird ideas about food.  But she is trying.  I

wanted a sandwich and she mashed up potatoes, onions, and scallions and put the

paste between two slices of the whitest bread I've ever seen.  She didn't even

have any pepper.  It was bland. 

> (Before people tell me to set limits, I am doing my best, but I am dealing

with a very different culture.  It would take far too long to explain all of the

Confucian things I'm dealing with her.  Suffice to say, I'm doing my best.)

> Anyhow--

> One of the difficult things about being here is that I'm guest.  So I want to

eat what I'm given, but also honor myself.  A few days ago I really wanted

celery with peanut butter.  But celery is hard to find here and the local store

didn't have it.  I thought about it and I wanted the salt in the PB and the

crunch.  So I bought some crunchy PB and ate it with some apples.:   It still

wasn't exactly what I wanted, but since celery isn't available, it was a good

sub.

> Realization: When you really can't get what you want, similar subs can work!

>

> In the mornings, Mother likes to mostly eat fruit, maybe some bread.  But I

have discovered I need some sort of fat or protein, so I've been eating a little

PB with my fruit or bread at breakfast.   It has been doing a good job of tiding

me over. 

> Realization: Even when being a good guest, I can do small things to tweak a

meal to work better for my body.

>

> We sit down and eat together, and unlike Americans, Koreans are mostly quiet

when they eat.  It has been very good practice in mindful eating, which I have a

very, very hard time doing at home.  I have noticed a few things.  First, it

seems like I am finishing my meals just as quickly as before, but I am eating

far less.  Second, it is easier to find that last bite, although sometimes I do

go over.

> Realization: Maybe this mindful eating/no distractions thing is actually a

good idea.

>

> Finally, I have overeaten.  I have gone past the last bite and made myself

feel very uncomfortable.  But the discomfort is lasting a short period of time

compared to when I would overeat a few months ago.  I never timed it with a

clock, but it seems like a few months ago I would feel gross for 1/2 hr or so,

and now it's more like 10-15 minutes.

> Realization: Well, I don't know what this means, actually!!

>

>