Guest guest Posted December 7, 2010 Report Share Posted December 7, 2010 Anyone can develop BPD or not develop it. Birth order has nothing to do with it. kt > > Is there any known or anecdotal link to this? > > My BPD mother is a middle child of a total of 3 sisters. She has always > had a difficult relationship with her younger sister. She has looked up to > and been mothered a bit by her older sister. Is this normal/common in > BPD??? Just thinkin;. > > Star > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2010 Report Share Posted December 7, 2010 Sorry, that sent before I was finished. I was going to add that what IS common with BPD is for " splitting " to happen; it sounds like your mother considers her older sister " good, " and her younger sister " bad. " Oldest siblings often feel somewhat responsible for their younger siblings, so that may be part of the reason your older aunt has " mothered " your mother. I think it is also not unusual for a parent with BPD to split the oldest child good and the youngest child bad, or for BPD coping skills to be passed down through the generations. So I wonder what your grandparents were like--whether this splitting of your mother and aunts is something your mom came up with on her own, or whether she observed it first from her parents. kt > > Is there any known or anecdotal link to this? > > My BPD mother is a middle child of a total of 3 sisters. She has always > had a difficult relationship with her younger sister. She has looked up to > and been mothered a bit by her older sister. Is this normal/common in > BPD??? Just thinkin;. > > Star > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2010 Report Share Posted December 7, 2010 Sorry, that sent before I was finished. I was going to add that what IS common with BPD is for " splitting " to happen; it sounds like your mother considers her older sister " good, " and her younger sister " bad. " Oldest siblings often feel somewhat responsible for their younger siblings, so that may be part of the reason your older aunt has " mothered " your mother. I think it is also not unusual for a parent with BPD to split the oldest child good and the youngest child bad, or for BPD coping skills to be passed down through the generations. So I wonder what your grandparents were like--whether this splitting of your mother and aunts is something your mom came up with on her own, or whether she observed it first from her parents. kt > > Is there any known or anecdotal link to this? > > My BPD mother is a middle child of a total of 3 sisters. She has always > had a difficult relationship with her younger sister. She has looked up to > and been mothered a bit by her older sister. Is this normal/common in > BPD??? Just thinkin;. > > Star > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2010 Report Share Posted December 7, 2010 Sorry, that sent before I was finished. I was going to add that what IS common with BPD is for " splitting " to happen; it sounds like your mother considers her older sister " good, " and her younger sister " bad. " Oldest siblings often feel somewhat responsible for their younger siblings, so that may be part of the reason your older aunt has " mothered " your mother. I think it is also not unusual for a parent with BPD to split the oldest child good and the youngest child bad, or for BPD coping skills to be passed down through the generations. So I wonder what your grandparents were like--whether this splitting of your mother and aunts is something your mom came up with on her own, or whether she observed it first from her parents. kt > > Is there any known or anecdotal link to this? > > My BPD mother is a middle child of a total of 3 sisters. She has always > had a difficult relationship with her younger sister. She has looked up to > and been mothered a bit by her older sister. Is this normal/common in > BPD??? Just thinkin;. > > Star > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2010 Report Share Posted December 7, 2010 My nada was the oldest of 5, and always resented the fact that she had to look after them in any way while growing up. Her usual gripe about hating her mother is that her parents would go out and leave her to babysit the younger kids in the evenings when she was a teenager. She really hated the fact that her parents had a decent social life. Honestly, that was the worst she could come up with! So rediculous. > > Sorry, that sent before I was finished. > > I was going to add that what IS common with BPD is for " splitting " to happen; it sounds like your mother considers her older sister " good, " and her younger sister " bad. " > > Oldest siblings often feel somewhat responsible for their younger siblings, so that may be part of the reason your older aunt has " mothered " your mother. > > I think it is also not unusual for a parent with BPD to split the oldest child good and the youngest child bad, or for BPD coping skills to be passed down through the generations. So I wonder what your grandparents were like--whether this splitting of your mother and aunts is something your mom came up with on her own, or whether she observed it first from her parents. > > kt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2010 Report Share Posted December 7, 2010 My nada was the oldest of 5, and always resented the fact that she had to look after them in any way while growing up. Her usual gripe about hating her mother is that her parents would go out and leave her to babysit the younger kids in the evenings when she was a teenager. She really hated the fact that her parents had a decent social life. Honestly, that was the worst she could come up with! So rediculous. > > Sorry, that sent before I was finished. > > I was going to add that what IS common with BPD is for " splitting " to happen; it sounds like your mother considers her older sister " good, " and her younger sister " bad. " > > Oldest siblings often feel somewhat responsible for their younger siblings, so that may be part of the reason your older aunt has " mothered " your mother. > > I think it is also not unusual for a parent with BPD to split the oldest child good and the youngest child bad, or for BPD coping skills to be passed down through the generations. So I wonder what your grandparents were like--whether this splitting of your mother and aunts is something your mom came up with on her own, or whether she observed it first from her parents. > > kt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2010 Report Share Posted December 7, 2010 My nada was the oldest of 5, and always resented the fact that she had to look after them in any way while growing up. Her usual gripe about hating her mother is that her parents would go out and leave her to babysit the younger kids in the evenings when she was a teenager. She really hated the fact that her parents had a decent social life. Honestly, that was the worst she could come up with! So rediculous. > > Sorry, that sent before I was finished. > > I was going to add that what IS common with BPD is for " splitting " to happen; it sounds like your mother considers her older sister " good, " and her younger sister " bad. " > > Oldest siblings often feel somewhat responsible for their younger siblings, so that may be part of the reason your older aunt has " mothered " your mother. > > I think it is also not unusual for a parent with BPD to split the oldest child good and the youngest child bad, or for BPD coping skills to be passed down through the generations. So I wonder what your grandparents were like--whether this splitting of your mother and aunts is something your mom came up with on her own, or whether she observed it first from her parents. > > kt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2010 Report Share Posted December 8, 2010 Ha, similar in a way!! I also know virtually nothing about my nada's family. She nevre talked about them other than to bitch that they werent nice. Ive seen them and talked to them at family do's, and they are lovely people, particularly my grandparents. They are all very close, just not with my mother, and not for lack of trying. There are never any stories of things nada did as a kid, absolutely NOTHING has ever been mentioned of her teenage years, the only memories nada has ever mentioned have been when she was very young - usually good memories of visiting a farm or something. Nothing has been mentioned about her interactions with other members of the family, other than one cousin that she liked. Its like her family almost didnt exist. I was once shown a photo of all the kids in nadas family and their friends together, and the person who had it showed it to nada at the same time. She would have been about 16 at the time it was taken. There was a wierd reaction - like people get when a nurse comes towards them with an injection. She was very uncomfortable looking at it. > > > > > > > My nada was the oldest of 5, and always resented the fact that she had to > > look after them in any way while growing up. Her usual gripe about hating > > her mother is that her parents would go out and leave her to babysit the > > younger kids in the evenings when she was a teenager. She really hated the > > fact that her parents had a decent social life. Honestly, that was the worst > > she could come up with! So rediculous. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2010 Report Share Posted December 8, 2010 Ha, similar in a way!! I also know virtually nothing about my nada's family. She nevre talked about them other than to bitch that they werent nice. Ive seen them and talked to them at family do's, and they are lovely people, particularly my grandparents. They are all very close, just not with my mother, and not for lack of trying. There are never any stories of things nada did as a kid, absolutely NOTHING has ever been mentioned of her teenage years, the only memories nada has ever mentioned have been when she was very young - usually good memories of visiting a farm or something. Nothing has been mentioned about her interactions with other members of the family, other than one cousin that she liked. Its like her family almost didnt exist. I was once shown a photo of all the kids in nadas family and their friends together, and the person who had it showed it to nada at the same time. She would have been about 16 at the time it was taken. There was a wierd reaction - like people get when a nurse comes towards them with an injection. She was very uncomfortable looking at it. > > > > > > > My nada was the oldest of 5, and always resented the fact that she had to > > look after them in any way while growing up. Her usual gripe about hating > > her mother is that her parents would go out and leave her to babysit the > > younger kids in the evenings when she was a teenager. She really hated the > > fact that her parents had a decent social life. Honestly, that was the worst > > she could come up with! So rediculous. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 Hi Star, My own opinion is that things like this can exacerbate a tendency or existing condition. My mother was also a middle child, of sorts. The oldest of the second pair (born many years after first two). She was the " bad " one in the family. I have seen and verified this around her core foo. The eldest son moved on early, so she lived in the house between her other two sisters - the older one was perfect and the younger one the baby to be protected. She was the scapegoat. I would be curious to know if there are statistics about birth order. I suppose it doesn't matter, like kt said. But there is a psychologist in general psychology who based his views on birth order. He is still studied as one of the " big " ones, like Freud. +Coal Miner's Daughter p.s. I'm interested in birth order effects. Also, the experience of birth order effects don't have to follow the obvious pattern; sometimes the experience one has does not necessary fit the traditional pattern for that position in the family. > > Is there any known or anecdotal link to this? > > My BPD mother is a middle child of a total of 3 sisters. She has always > had a difficult relationship with her younger sister. She has looked up to > and been mothered a bit by her older sister. Is this normal/common in > BPD??? Just thinkin;. > > Star > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 Its funny, but Ive noticed this is families of people I know. For example, I knew a lovely family who were very nice people. The older son was idolised, the younger daughter was treated normally, the youngest son was a BRAT who got away with murder, and the middle boy was always the scapegoat. The thing that puzzled me was the irrationality of it all. The middle son was lovely. He never had attitude, he had great mannors, he worked his ass off, but the parents always assumed he was " bad " and made him do more than the others. They even didnt get his ankle xrayed when he broke it because they assumed he must be hamming it up to get out of chores. They forced him to walk on it for 3 weeks. And this was a " normal " , well educated, well adjusted family. I just dont get this sort of behaviour really. Its like someone told them one day that " you will have trouble with him " and they took it as gospel, constantly looking for evidence of it. Wierd. > > Hi Star, > > My own opinion is that things like this can exacerbate a tendency or existing condition. My mother was also a middle child, of sorts. The oldest of the second pair (born many years after first two). She was the " bad " one in the family. I have seen and verified this around her core foo. The eldest son moved on early, so she lived in the house between her other two sisters - the older one was perfect and the younger one the baby to be protected. > > She was the scapegoat. > > I would be curious to know if there are statistics about birth order. I suppose it doesn't matter, like kt said. But there is a psychologist in general psychology who based his views on birth order. He is still studied as one of the " big " ones, like Freud. > > +Coal Miner's Daughter > p.s. I'm interested in birth order effects. Also, the experience of birth order effects don't have to follow the obvious pattern; sometimes the experience one has does not necessary fit the traditional pattern for that position in the family. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 Its funny, but Ive noticed this is families of people I know. For example, I knew a lovely family who were very nice people. The older son was idolised, the younger daughter was treated normally, the youngest son was a BRAT who got away with murder, and the middle boy was always the scapegoat. The thing that puzzled me was the irrationality of it all. The middle son was lovely. He never had attitude, he had great mannors, he worked his ass off, but the parents always assumed he was " bad " and made him do more than the others. They even didnt get his ankle xrayed when he broke it because they assumed he must be hamming it up to get out of chores. They forced him to walk on it for 3 weeks. And this was a " normal " , well educated, well adjusted family. I just dont get this sort of behaviour really. Its like someone told them one day that " you will have trouble with him " and they took it as gospel, constantly looking for evidence of it. Wierd. > > Hi Star, > > My own opinion is that things like this can exacerbate a tendency or existing condition. My mother was also a middle child, of sorts. The oldest of the second pair (born many years after first two). She was the " bad " one in the family. I have seen and verified this around her core foo. The eldest son moved on early, so she lived in the house between her other two sisters - the older one was perfect and the younger one the baby to be protected. > > She was the scapegoat. > > I would be curious to know if there are statistics about birth order. I suppose it doesn't matter, like kt said. But there is a psychologist in general psychology who based his views on birth order. He is still studied as one of the " big " ones, like Freud. > > +Coal Miner's Daughter > p.s. I'm interested in birth order effects. Also, the experience of birth order effects don't have to follow the obvious pattern; sometimes the experience one has does not necessary fit the traditional pattern for that position in the family. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 Its funny, but Ive noticed this is families of people I know. For example, I knew a lovely family who were very nice people. The older son was idolised, the younger daughter was treated normally, the youngest son was a BRAT who got away with murder, and the middle boy was always the scapegoat. The thing that puzzled me was the irrationality of it all. The middle son was lovely. He never had attitude, he had great mannors, he worked his ass off, but the parents always assumed he was " bad " and made him do more than the others. They even didnt get his ankle xrayed when he broke it because they assumed he must be hamming it up to get out of chores. They forced him to walk on it for 3 weeks. And this was a " normal " , well educated, well adjusted family. I just dont get this sort of behaviour really. Its like someone told them one day that " you will have trouble with him " and they took it as gospel, constantly looking for evidence of it. Wierd. > > Hi Star, > > My own opinion is that things like this can exacerbate a tendency or existing condition. My mother was also a middle child, of sorts. The oldest of the second pair (born many years after first two). She was the " bad " one in the family. I have seen and verified this around her core foo. The eldest son moved on early, so she lived in the house between her other two sisters - the older one was perfect and the younger one the baby to be protected. > > She was the scapegoat. > > I would be curious to know if there are statistics about birth order. I suppose it doesn't matter, like kt said. But there is a psychologist in general psychology who based his views on birth order. He is still studied as one of the " big " ones, like Freud. > > +Coal Miner's Daughter > p.s. I'm interested in birth order effects. Also, the experience of birth order effects don't have to follow the obvious pattern; sometimes the experience one has does not necessary fit the traditional pattern for that position in the family. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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