Re: how to help grieving husband?

[Guest guest]

So sad, wish I knew how to help! All I can offer is the fact that I

understand this sort of terrible pain.

On Wed, Dec 8, 2010 at 10:33 PM, my4fireflies wrote:

>

>

> My husband's father died unexpectedly last night. He was only 60. His

> father was an incredibly neglectful dad. He was an alcoholic and drug

> addict. Most likely narcissistic. When my husband called to tell him our

> daughter was born his father said " cool. Can you call me later cuz the

> game's on. " Stuff like that. Once when we were dating his dad had been

> drinking and sat with us and told us never to have kids because they ruin

> your life. I was appalled but dh just took it in stride. Dh wasn't even

> allowed to call him dad, he called him by his 1st name cuz he considered

> himself too cool to be a dad.

> My husband never went NC with his dad or confronted him on anything. His

> dad went LC with my dh because it was too inconvenient to make more than 1

> phonecall every 2 years. Dh reached out over and over. His dad cut him to

> the core over and over by ignoring the 100s of attempts at a relationship.

> I feel like his situation is similar to those of us with nadas. So does

> anyone have any advice to help him thru this mourning process? Right now

> he's mourning the loss of what might have been.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So sad, wish I knew how to help! All I can offer is the fact that I

understand this sort of terrible pain.

On Wed, Dec 8, 2010 at 10:33 PM, my4fireflies wrote:

>

>

> My husband's father died unexpectedly last night. He was only 60. His

> father was an incredibly neglectful dad. He was an alcoholic and drug

> addict. Most likely narcissistic. When my husband called to tell him our

> daughter was born his father said " cool. Can you call me later cuz the

> game's on. " Stuff like that. Once when we were dating his dad had been

> drinking and sat with us and told us never to have kids because they ruin

> your life. I was appalled but dh just took it in stride. Dh wasn't even

> allowed to call him dad, he called him by his 1st name cuz he considered

> himself too cool to be a dad.

> My husband never went NC with his dad or confronted him on anything. His

> dad went LC with my dh because it was too inconvenient to make more than 1

> phonecall every 2 years. Dh reached out over and over. His dad cut him to

> the core over and over by ignoring the 100s of attempts at a relationship.

> I feel like his situation is similar to those of us with nadas. So does

> anyone have any advice to help him thru this mourning process? Right now

> he's mourning the loss of what might have been.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So sad, wish I knew how to help! All I can offer is the fact that I

understand this sort of terrible pain.

On Wed, Dec 8, 2010 at 10:33 PM, my4fireflies wrote:

>

>

> My husband's father died unexpectedly last night. He was only 60. His

> father was an incredibly neglectful dad. He was an alcoholic and drug

> addict. Most likely narcissistic. When my husband called to tell him our

> daughter was born his father said " cool. Can you call me later cuz the

> game's on. " Stuff like that. Once when we were dating his dad had been

> drinking and sat with us and told us never to have kids because they ruin

> your life. I was appalled but dh just took it in stride. Dh wasn't even

> allowed to call him dad, he called him by his 1st name cuz he considered

> himself too cool to be a dad.

> My husband never went NC with his dad or confronted him on anything. His

> dad went LC with my dh because it was too inconvenient to make more than 1

> phonecall every 2 years. Dh reached out over and over. His dad cut him to

> the core over and over by ignoring the 100s of attempts at a relationship.

> I feel like his situation is similar to those of us with nadas. So does

> anyone have any advice to help him thru this mourning process? Right now

> he's mourning the loss of what might have been.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, mourning the loss of what might have been, and what, now, can never be...I

think that all you can do is to be supportive. Because the death was sudden and

unexpected, he may be in shock for a while. He is very lucky to have you,

someone who understands what all he is grieving.

My nada died in August. When it became apparent that she was dying, a few weeks

prior to her death, it hit me hard. It was a shock to know that she would soon

be gone. I spent one evening just crying and talking to a friend. What has

helped me is just being able to talk to people who understand that I am not just

grieving the death of a parent. It is a complicated loss.

When my nada first died, I was relieved. But this didnt last long, and then the

inner demons really kicked up. The anxiety and negative self talk, possibly

worse than ever. This has gotten a little better, but its only been a few mos.

I am still pretty emotional at times.

This is going to take some time.

Joanna

>

> My husband's father died unexpectedly last night. He was only 60. His father

was an incredibly neglectful dad. He was an alcoholic and drug addict. Most

likely narcissistic. When my husband called to tell him our daughter was born

his father said " cool. Can you call me later cuz the game's on. " Stuff like

that. Once when we were dating his dad had been drinking and sat with us and

told us never to have kids because they ruin your life. I was appalled but dh

just took it in stride. Dh wasn't even allowed to call him dad, he called him by

his 1st name cuz he considered himself too cool to be a dad.

> My husband never went NC with his dad or confronted him on anything. His dad

went LC with my dh because it was too inconvenient to make more than 1 phonecall

every 2 years. Dh reached out over and over. His dad cut him to the core over

and over by ignoring the 100s of attempts at a relationship.

> I feel like his situation is similar to those of us with nadas. So does anyone

have any advice to help him thru this mourning process? Right now he's mourning

the loss of what might have been.

>