To Stay Or Not To Stay That Is The Question

November 14, 2010

Recently I have had to put my possible BPD mom in a nursing home because she

refused to take care of herself. This is very frustrating for me as her

daughter because I cannot make her do anything as she is still able to make her

own decisions....even if they may not appear logical to me.

She would continue to smoke while she would pass out. She passes out because

she has sleep apnea (refuses to wear a cpap) and she doesn't take care of her

diabetes. In one week, the ambulance arrived at her apartment three times and

took her to the ER for treatment. She refused treatment and would sign herself

AMA (against medical leave). Then return back to apartment.

The carpet in her apartment was full of cigarette burns. So naturally the

landlord told her she had to leave. The landlord was generous and gave her one

month to find somewhere to live. Mom refused to leave and did not try to find a

place to go. With one week being left of the " grace period " I had to take

action. None of us kids were able to let her live with us as she is in a

motorized wheel chair. So she would have been homeless. The sad that was, she

is perfectly fine with it.

So I obtained a court order to hold her for 96 hours as I felt she was a threat

to herself as well as others (fire hazard). During this time, she received

medical treatment and could not refuse it. A psychiatric evaluation was done.

Because she is still able to make her own decisions, she was released. By this

time she is unable to go back to her appointment so for one brief moment she

agreed to go to a nursing home. I cleaned out her apartment and put most of her

stuff in storage.

This is where she is at the moment. Of course she wants to leave, but her SSI

doesn't get her very far. Before hand, my husband and I would pay for all of

her bills because I honestly thought that I had to support her financially. So

now, my husband and I refuse to assist her financially as now my husband and I

have lost everything and have filed for bankruptcy because I could not say no.

This makes me sick.

So now I want to cut my ties with my mother. I now want nothing to do with her.

I know it was my choice to help her out financially. I did it because I felt

guilty for her situation. When in reality my husband and I were just being

played. I am so thankful that my husband is so understanding and does not hate

me.

Now that my mother is in a safe place, I feel that I can let her go and move on

with my life. Naturally I feel guilty and feel that this is wrong. Yet if I

don't, I am going to ruin my marriage. I don't feel that I can continue my

relationship with my mother.

What are your thoughts?

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