How Do You Answer Nada When She Accuses You Outright of Something You Didn't Do

[Guest guest]

How do I answer nada on the phone when she accuses me outright of something I

didn't do? If I get angry after she has pushed my buttons and insulted/verbally

abused me for awhile to the point I can't take anymore, she gets even nastier

and more vicious and reiterates that she 'knows I did such and such' or 'said

such and such'. If she can't think of something else to make up that I

supposedly did or said, she just continues to rant about the current made up

situation or saying which never occurred.

The other day she called and screamed at me asking me if I called Aunt Fran

because Aunt Fran called her and told her that I had phoned her making her 'so

upset' that I caused her blood pressure to go up so badly she has had a constant

nosebleed since she talked to me. Nada demanded to know what I said to Aunt

Fran to upset her so and whatever it was, Aunt Fran's condition, 'upset her so

it is making her even sicker'. First of all I told her I don't ever call Aunt

Fran and haven't spoken to her since my stepfather's funeral (my nada's

husband) in 2006. Aunt Fran I believe is also a BPD and my nada's sister. She

constantly tells my nada that she 'knows' I hate her and that nada should leave

her $ to her and her daughters (my cousins). She has betrayed me in the past

when I was 16 and my nada after being caught cheating by my father with my soon

to be at that time stepfather, sent my heartfelt letter expressing my feelings

to my nada which she brings up to this day when she is in the mood to do so. I

of course tell her that that was YEARS ago and that was then, but she won't let

go of it of course. So no I never bother with Aunt Fran and at my stepfather's

funeral in 2006 all I said was " hi " and " how are you " and " goodbye " refusing to

sit anywhere near her because she twists whatever you say to suit her just as

nada does.

Nada accuses me of lying to her all the time and the truth is I don't LIE to her

as much as not tell her anything because she not only twists things to suit her

of course, but I see no sense in telling nada anything I don't have to. Ours is

a very superficial relationship but of course nada doesn't see it that way. I

make it all about her, which seems to help a bit but not enough.

I can't go n.c. at this point in our lives and I don't want to infuriate her

more but 99% of what she accuses me of are ludicrous and completely made up out

of nada's bizarre fantasy life twisting old circumstances and situations to suit

her. No one is as they really were or are to nada - my father who was a very

kind, loving, quiet, self-effacing man and wouldn't hurt a fly or drink became

and is to nada a drunken b* * * * * * who abused us both for years, don't you

remember she'll say. The poor man is dead since 1990 for one thing and he

kicked her out in 1966 so give it up already nada first of all. Second of all

he was none of the above and was one of the ONLY stabilities and showed me love

- you certainly didn't except when it suited you which was seldom.

My stepfather who was an abusive, vicious, domineering, tyrannical, warped

pedophile who raped my cousin when she was five and raped my oldest cousin's

daughter when she was five, is now St. and 'the only person who ever

loved me'. He abused her; tried to sexually attack me when I was 19; ruled her

with worse than an iron fist and I couldn't stand him. Not to mention he was a

skin flint and made my nada live in 1900 fashion and dictated every single thing

in her life, but he had money and a powerful position at work so nada revered

him and put up with it. My father let her get away with murder and she forced

him to work as many hours as he could get getting double time and time and a

half so she could have everything she wanted.

My Aunt Fran is 'my poor, pathetic sister who needs my help and love' when, in

fact, she is a shark compared to nada and nada is a guppy for her.

No one is how they really are. I am, in nada's mind, either a mean, selfish,

greedy, evil liar who 'never thinks of anyone but myself' and a 'partygirl'

(which is ludicrous since I have never been drunk once in my life; have never

used a drug and I don't party AT all) or the next phone call or the next minute

depending on her mood I am 'such a good daughter and so smart you take after

me'. Any gift or talent I have, it is because of 'her'. She claims I am not my

father's or I'd be a 'horse face' and 'a stupid bitch' and that she had

artificial insemination with my godfather because she wanted 'a smart, artistic,

beautiful, smart child' so she wanted a baby with him even though he was married

to someone else and she was married to my father at the time. He is long since

dead (my godfather) so I have no way of knowing if I am his or not but

certainly not by 'artificial insemination' since I was born in 1950 and they

couldn't do that then.

So how do I answer nada's accusations and her horrible, twisted view of the past

which never was? I know it shouldn't matter what she thinks of the past and I

don't care on one level but I hate the fact she is demeaning good people and

revering those who deserve to be written off by her.

I've used every excuse to get off the phone from 'someone is at the door' - 'I

was just on my way out' - 'I am expecting company' (to which I hear - " the ONLY

friend you have is Betty down here and you are to only USE them until I die and

you move down here so don't give them anything " . Nada thinks I am going to get

rid of all my furniture and belongings and live in her house just the way it is

with all her furniture and belongings when she goes. No sense bringing that up

so I let her think I will do what she wants and then do what I want once she's

gone and the way she's going and this last fall of hers last week after getting

dizzy and hitting her head on the bathroom sink it won't be long. The neighbor

says she has a goose egg sized lump on her forehead; a deep gash on the bridge

of her nose; two black eyes which were swollen shut (she said she was blind for

an hour and laid there until she could get up); cut from her mouth down to her

chin and swollen cheeks. Of course she refuses medical help as she fears them

putting her in a nursing home.