Re: healing step

[Guest guest]

If it were me, I'd have him unwrap them when I wasn't home and dispose of them

immediately. Without telling me what is in them. Period.

There is no reason on earth why I would want to know what was in those boxes.

Every single time I'l look at the, or pass a similar item in a store, it would

make " them " (Nada, foo, etc.) real and present in my mind. I don't need that.

No one does.

I have gotten rid of 'things' in my house that make me sad and, yes, that

includes presents. Let someone else enjoy them without me knowing what they're

enjoying.

As to the jewelry thing? Same goes with it. It's a part of your past, sure...

so is the abuse. Do you want to look at something lovely and associate it with,

" even though he is an enabling son of a bitch who stood by while nada abused

me. " No thank you...

Set yourself free. Just because the gifts were delivered to YOU (as a way to

bully your emotional resolve) doesn't mean they are good for you. Don't open

them and imprint them on your heart.

If the thrift stores would take wrapped presents, that's even better...that way

no one knows... but they won't.

Really... don't get involved with them. Walk away and stay sane.

Lynnette

>

> So, those of you who have been on this group for a long time might remember

> a bit of crisis I had years ago. I finally went NC with the rest of my foo,

> not just nada, after they tried to force me to see nada. About this time of

> year, my bada (who I hate, he was physically and verbally abusive to me for

> my entire childhood) decided to delver the Christmas gifts that I had never

> gone to pick up from foo because I went NC. I freaked out a bit that he

> invaded my house and forced the gifts on me.

>

> My boyfriend helped me out - he was home, took the gifts and hid them in the

> basement until I was ready to deal with them. It's been 2, maybe even 3

> years and guess what. After 4 months of therapy I think I am ready to deal

> with them.

>

> here is my plan: I'm going to have boyfriend open all of them (they are

> wrapped). I do not want the emotional aspect of openning a gift - I would

> feel so damned manipulated. I want him to tell me what is in them (including

> sizes if there are clothes because my nada has never bought me the right

> size in my life) but I don't want to see them. We will then take them

> somewhere - maybe the thrift store and maybe a dumpster and get rid of them.

> There is one gift though, that I want him to unwrap and give to me. My dad

> told me he had picked something special out for me that year. I love my dad,

> even though he is an enabling son of a bitch who stood by while nada abused

> me. I suspect it is a piece of " real " native american jewlery or art. That's

> what he usually gives me. he buys it when he travels around the southwest

> U.S. I have quite a lot of it, including a ring from when I was about 4

> years old that only fits on my pinky. I also have necklaces, earrings and a

> sculpture of a badger (his nickname for me). I love all of them and wear

> them often, even though turquoise isn't exactly my personal style, but its a

> part of my past so I make it work. I expect I will cry when I see it. I very

> rarely cry - I didn' even cry yesterday thinking about my dead brother and

> all that I've lost. I think I've developed kind of a tough girl attitude. I

> haven't really cried a single time in months of therapy. ha ha.

>

> What does everyone think of my plan to dispose of my gifts? I'm ready to put

> that issue to rest. I need to talk to boyfriend about it when he wakes up a

> little later. I'll be pleased to repor to my therapist that I was able to

> say goodbye to that memory. I'll also have him give me my grandmother's

> card. She is dead now so I could save another bit of her handwriting.

>

>

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