Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would have set boundaries for how often we spoked as soon as I moved out, and let the chips fall where they may. > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would have set boundaries for how often we spoked as soon as I moved out, and let the chips fall where they may. > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving her information to use against me. > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving her information to use against me. > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving her information to use against me. > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 Jgar...me too. To a certain degree, I still lie to myself about her. It's so hard to let this reality fully in to my mind. Amy Re: do-over I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving her information to use against me. > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 Jgar...me too. To a certain degree, I still lie to myself about her. It's so hard to let this reality fully in to my mind. Amy Re: do-over I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving her information to use against me. > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 i would have gotten help for the damage she caused inside me far sooner instead of suffering on my own for so long.. when she taught me 'self reliance' that was a mistake.. my self was damaged and i desperately needed the help of others.. was finally able to seek them out, but not till after years of suffering debilitating depression.. Subject: Re: do-over To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Friday, December 10, 2010, 10:42 AM  I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving her information to use against me. > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 i would have gotten help for the damage she caused inside me far sooner instead of suffering on my own for so long.. when she taught me 'self reliance' that was a mistake.. my self was damaged and i desperately needed the help of others.. was finally able to seek them out, but not till after years of suffering debilitating depression.. Subject: Re: do-over To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Friday, December 10, 2010, 10:42 AM  I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving her information to use against me. > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 i would have gotten help for the damage she caused inside me far sooner instead of suffering on my own for so long.. when she taught me 'self reliance' that was a mistake.. my self was damaged and i desperately needed the help of others.. was finally able to seek them out, but not till after years of suffering debilitating depression.. Subject: Re: do-over To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Friday, December 10, 2010, 10:42 AM  I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving her information to use against me. > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > > > Amy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would go much much younger. I was basically a crushed, destroyed little human in childhood. I would go back and rescue myself - maybe I could be 2 people at once, and the adult could remove the child from that soul-breaking environment. I guess the only thing I can do now is to try to do it for another child. > > > i would have gotten help for the damage she caused inside me far sooner > instead of suffering on my own for so long.. when she taught me 'self > reliance' that was a mistake.. my self was damaged and i desperately needed > the help of others.. was finally able to seek them out, but not till after > years of suffering debilitating depression.. > > > > From: Jgar <vespacarina@... <vespacarina%40yahoo.com>> > Subject: Re: do-over > To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> > Date: Friday, December 10, 2010, 10:42 AM > > > > > I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all > the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving > her information to use against me. > > > > > > > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would > have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could > have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left > when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing > life. > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would go much much younger. I was basically a crushed, destroyed little human in childhood. I would go back and rescue myself - maybe I could be 2 people at once, and the adult could remove the child from that soul-breaking environment. I guess the only thing I can do now is to try to do it for another child. > > > i would have gotten help for the damage she caused inside me far sooner > instead of suffering on my own for so long.. when she taught me 'self > reliance' that was a mistake.. my self was damaged and i desperately needed > the help of others.. was finally able to seek them out, but not till after > years of suffering debilitating depression.. > > > > From: Jgar <vespacarina@... <vespacarina%40yahoo.com>> > Subject: Re: do-over > To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> > Date: Friday, December 10, 2010, 10:42 AM > > > > > I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all > the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving > her information to use against me. > > > > > > > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would > have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could > have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left > when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing > life. > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would go much much younger. I was basically a crushed, destroyed little human in childhood. I would go back and rescue myself - maybe I could be 2 people at once, and the adult could remove the child from that soul-breaking environment. I guess the only thing I can do now is to try to do it for another child. > > > i would have gotten help for the damage she caused inside me far sooner > instead of suffering on my own for so long.. when she taught me 'self > reliance' that was a mistake.. my self was damaged and i desperately needed > the help of others.. was finally able to seek them out, but not till after > years of suffering debilitating depression.. > > > > From: Jgar <vespacarina@... <vespacarina%40yahoo.com>> > Subject: Re: do-over > To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> > Date: Friday, December 10, 2010, 10:42 AM > > > > > I would have stopped lying to myself and *believed* that she was sick--all > the time, not just sometimes--so that I could stop trusting her and giving > her information to use against me. > > > > > > > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would > have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could > have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left > when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing > life. > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 If I could have any 1 do-over in my life with my nada I would have turned her into the cops the night she beat me up 3 days after I gave birth to my second child. I never went to the hospital because I was so afraid the police would have arrested or hurt her and some way held her accountable. I never went even though I was in so much pain physically and emotionally. As a result I paid dearly by spending nearly 4 years in court trying to prove I was not the crazy one she was. I lost all my family and friends and had to start over alone, not only that but the cost financially was huge. I think what if I would have just stood up for myself that one time? How different my life would be now. LB > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 Girlscout Cowboy, I work in 4 schools as a sub and have a chance to impact many children. I make sure to always show all the love I can. It's fairly easy to pick out the ones who are abused or neglected. Once I had to place a call because a whole family of students was absent and the law requires we have symptoms when the child is gone for the health department so we have to report everything. I called their home and the mom answered, I said " I apologize I have not had time to call earlier but it was a busy day in the health office and this was the soonest I could phone you I wanted to call and check on your children, are they feeling ill today? " (logical if the whole family is gone, maybe they have the flu) But she started to scream at me over the phone yelling loud! " I WAS SICK MY KIDS ARE FINE THEY ARE HEALTHY! IS THAT A PROBLEM WITH YOU! IS THAT A CRIME! " she was shouting and yelling crazy things that did not make sense. I remained calm and said " Okay thank you, I hope you feel better. " But really I was thinking OH My Gosh! Those poor children! I feel so bad for them! To be forced to stay home because their mom did not want to send them out to the bus, and they will be home with her! I see them and its amazing that they are happy and sweet, you can see just by looking at them that they are neglected. It's because of kids like this I do my best to spread my love. Another time I was in the grocery store in a different bigger city and the dad was yelling at his children and pulling them by the arm (he reminded me of the alien farmer from Men in Black) but the kids saw me and called my name and were smiling saying hi to me. I said hi back and smiled to them ignoring the dad. They told their dad " She's a teacher at our school " and he changed so fast he was suddenly so nice to the kids and to me. I am glad for my position. I don't make much money but I make a change in the world. LB > > > > > > > > > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would > > have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > > > > > > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could > > have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left > > when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing > > life. > > > > > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 Hoo boy, I've thought about this a few times. At fifteen years old I had to make a decision: do I stay or do I go. I considered running away and throwing myself on the mercy of the streets. I knew how dangerous that would be and decided to deaden myself and stay until I was old enough to go. In retrospect, I don't think the streets could have been worse. Perhaps I could have entered foster care, perhaps I might have survived somehow. If I could do it all over again, I'd have screamed at the top of my lungs to anyone who would listen, especially family-court officials, or our family doctor, that she was K-R-A-ZEE and I was being abused and Help me! Help me! Help me! I'd have sounded the alarm, and not stopped screaming until I got some protection. That's what I'd have done. AFB > > > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would have loved myself alot more and hated myself alot less.I would have given myself the compassion and understanding I wasted on nada/fada/the FOO.I would have trusted my ability to cope with knowing the truth.I would have made my own healing my number one priority from the day I left home. Ok,that's more than one thing...but if I boiled it down to one thing: I would have given myself the gift of liberation at least twenty years before I finally did... > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would have loved myself alot more and hated myself alot less.I would have given myself the compassion and understanding I wasted on nada/fada/the FOO.I would have trusted my ability to cope with knowing the truth.I would have made my own healing my number one priority from the day I left home. Ok,that's more than one thing...but if I boiled it down to one thing: I would have given myself the gift of liberation at least twenty years before I finally did... > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 Such gut wrenching answers to this hypothetical question. Even with the knowledge I have over the past bunch of years, it's still hard to deal with this. Amy I wish we all had the strength and tools to deal with this onslaught when it mattered. I fought my mom every step of the way against her insane preoccupations with me...and I still lost. Re: do-over I would have loved myself alot more and hated myself alot less.I would have given myself the compassion and understanding I wasted on nada/fada/the FOO.I would have trusted my ability to cope with knowing the truth.I would have made my own healing my number one priority from the day I left home. Ok,that's more than one thing...but if I boiled it down to one thing: I would have given myself the gift of liberation at least twenty years before I finally did... > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 (((Lizzyboo))) I'm so sorry that happened to you.That's so horrible. Our nadas really take advantage of our goodness and decency.I protected my nada at times in childhood because of how I had been brainwashed to *care so much* about HER safety while having no thought of my own,even when she had actually injured me or placed me in a life threatening or psychologically destroying situation.I also wonder how different things might have been if I had been able to " turn her in " .What your nada did to you is truly terrible. (((HUGS)))) > > If I could have any 1 do-over in my life with my nada I would have turned her into the cops the night she beat me up 3 days after I gave birth to my second child. I never went to the hospital because I was so afraid the police would have arrested or hurt her and some way held her accountable. I never went even though I was in so much pain physically and emotionally. As a result I paid dearly by spending nearly 4 years in court trying to prove I was not the crazy one she was. I lost all my family and friends and had to start over alone, not only that but the cost financially was huge. I think what if I would have just stood up for myself that one time? How different my life would be now. LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 This is hard for me to answer because the worst psychological damage was done to me before I was 5 years old. By 5 I'd been repeatedly physically and emotionally and quasi-sexually traumatized into total Stockholm Syndrome enmeshment with my nada (and enabling dad,) and when she and dad " dumped " me to move back to their home state when I was 33, it took me another 10 years of near-isolation and gradually making changes to become as " normal " and socialized as I am now. There is nothing that a toddler or preschooler can do to rescue himself or herself; under the circumstances I grew up in, there is nothing that I could do differently. I love Girlscout's idea, though. If it were possible for me to go back in time and rescue my infant-self, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That would be about the only " do-over " that would work for me, I think: getting me out of there. -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would > > have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > > > > > > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could > > have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left > > when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing > > life. > > > > > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 I would carve out a piece of my heart and keep it far away from her. My nada was functional, and I gave her ALL of my heart ALL of the time. I would tell that small, protected place I loved me and I was good. Every day. What a good question! BLessings, Karla > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing life. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2010 Report Share Posted December 11, 2010 (((((((((((((((((((((Annie...incredibly sincere and understanding hugs to you.))))))))))))))))))))))))))) of course, there's nothing you could have done differently. being an innocent child,,,there's no excuse or reason in the world to harm a child. I'm so sorry for your experiences and I wish it were possible for you to have a do-over. What you wrote reminds me of a letter I wrote to my mom when I was in my 20's. She had told me many times about how her mother didn't raise her right, even as a young child. She felt abandoned when her mom put her in an orphanage when she herself needed to find a husband, she felt neglected, unwanted, abused, alone, lonely as a child. So I wrote her a letter to her child self. I started with, Dear Little Joanie... I told her how I wished I could have been there to save her from her loneliness, to hug her, kiss her and tell her that she was loved and cherished. I told her that she was important and had a voice in this world. I told her I wish I could have taken her from the orphanage to my loving arms...and that there she would feel safe. I told her I wish I could have taken her for ice cream and play with her hair. I told her I wished I could have been her mother because things would have worked out very differently in her life. That's the kind of daughter I've been. I had been conditioned to " mother my mother. " And I was way too good at it. But it made a difference to her to hear the words to her child-self. So, Annie, I want to say the same to you. I wish we all could have been there to rescue little Annie when she needed it most. I wish we could have been there to let you be a child, innocent and unaware. I wish we could un-do what had been done so that you could have all the time in the world to become a grown-up in your own sweet time. I wish we could have let you focus on Barbie dolls, hula hoops and your bestest friend. That's what kids need to have to feel good. And of course, the loving arms of their parents where they can feel and actually be safe. I wish I could give that all to you and to everyone here. I wish I could give it to myself too. The do-over is a fun and dreamy concept. I wish it were possible. And anyone who has endured a messed-up childhood and lived to tell about it has my virtual hug and respect. Amy Re: do-over This is hard for me to answer because the worst psychological damage was done to me before I was 5 years old. By 5 I'd been repeatedly physically and emotionally and quasi-sexually traumatized into total Stockholm Syndrome enmeshment with my nada (and enabling dad,) and when she and dad " dumped " me to move back to their home state when I was 33, it took me another 10 years of near-isolation and gradually making changes to become as " normal " and socialized as I am now. There is nothing that a toddler or preschooler can do to rescue himself or herself; under the circumstances I grew up in, there is nothing that I could do differently. I love Girlscout's idea, though. If it were possible for me to go back in time and rescue my infant-self, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That would be about the only " do-over " that would work for me, I think: getting me out of there. -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would > > have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > > > > > > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could > > have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left > > when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing > > life. > > > > > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2010 Report Share Posted December 11, 2010 (((((((((((((((((((((Annie...incredibly sincere and understanding hugs to you.))))))))))))))))))))))))))) of course, there's nothing you could have done differently. being an innocent child,,,there's no excuse or reason in the world to harm a child. I'm so sorry for your experiences and I wish it were possible for you to have a do-over. What you wrote reminds me of a letter I wrote to my mom when I was in my 20's. She had told me many times about how her mother didn't raise her right, even as a young child. She felt abandoned when her mom put her in an orphanage when she herself needed to find a husband, she felt neglected, unwanted, abused, alone, lonely as a child. So I wrote her a letter to her child self. I started with, Dear Little Joanie... I told her how I wished I could have been there to save her from her loneliness, to hug her, kiss her and tell her that she was loved and cherished. I told her that she was important and had a voice in this world. I told her I wish I could have taken her from the orphanage to my loving arms...and that there she would feel safe. I told her I wish I could have taken her for ice cream and play with her hair. I told her I wished I could have been her mother because things would have worked out very differently in her life. That's the kind of daughter I've been. I had been conditioned to " mother my mother. " And I was way too good at it. But it made a difference to her to hear the words to her child-self. So, Annie, I want to say the same to you. I wish we all could have been there to rescue little Annie when she needed it most. I wish we could have been there to let you be a child, innocent and unaware. I wish we could un-do what had been done so that you could have all the time in the world to become a grown-up in your own sweet time. I wish we could have let you focus on Barbie dolls, hula hoops and your bestest friend. That's what kids need to have to feel good. And of course, the loving arms of their parents where they can feel and actually be safe. I wish I could give that all to you and to everyone here. I wish I could give it to myself too. The do-over is a fun and dreamy concept. I wish it were possible. And anyone who has endured a messed-up childhood and lived to tell about it has my virtual hug and respect. Amy Re: do-over This is hard for me to answer because the worst psychological damage was done to me before I was 5 years old. By 5 I'd been repeatedly physically and emotionally and quasi-sexually traumatized into total Stockholm Syndrome enmeshment with my nada (and enabling dad,) and when she and dad " dumped " me to move back to their home state when I was 33, it took me another 10 years of near-isolation and gradually making changes to become as " normal " and socialized as I am now. There is nothing that a toddler or preschooler can do to rescue himself or herself; under the circumstances I grew up in, there is nothing that I could do differently. I love Girlscout's idea, though. If it were possible for me to go back in time and rescue my infant-self, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That would be about the only " do-over " that would work for me, I think: getting me out of there. -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would > > have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > > > > > > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could > > have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left > > when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing > > life. > > > > > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2010 Report Share Posted December 11, 2010 (((((((((((((((((((((Annie...incredibly sincere and understanding hugs to you.))))))))))))))))))))))))))) of course, there's nothing you could have done differently. being an innocent child,,,there's no excuse or reason in the world to harm a child. I'm so sorry for your experiences and I wish it were possible for you to have a do-over. What you wrote reminds me of a letter I wrote to my mom when I was in my 20's. She had told me many times about how her mother didn't raise her right, even as a young child. She felt abandoned when her mom put her in an orphanage when she herself needed to find a husband, she felt neglected, unwanted, abused, alone, lonely as a child. So I wrote her a letter to her child self. I started with, Dear Little Joanie... I told her how I wished I could have been there to save her from her loneliness, to hug her, kiss her and tell her that she was loved and cherished. I told her that she was important and had a voice in this world. I told her I wish I could have taken her from the orphanage to my loving arms...and that there she would feel safe. I told her I wish I could have taken her for ice cream and play with her hair. I told her I wished I could have been her mother because things would have worked out very differently in her life. That's the kind of daughter I've been. I had been conditioned to " mother my mother. " And I was way too good at it. But it made a difference to her to hear the words to her child-self. So, Annie, I want to say the same to you. I wish we all could have been there to rescue little Annie when she needed it most. I wish we could have been there to let you be a child, innocent and unaware. I wish we could un-do what had been done so that you could have all the time in the world to become a grown-up in your own sweet time. I wish we could have let you focus on Barbie dolls, hula hoops and your bestest friend. That's what kids need to have to feel good. And of course, the loving arms of their parents where they can feel and actually be safe. I wish I could give that all to you and to everyone here. I wish I could give it to myself too. The do-over is a fun and dreamy concept. I wish it were possible. And anyone who has endured a messed-up childhood and lived to tell about it has my virtual hug and respect. Amy Re: do-over This is hard for me to answer because the worst psychological damage was done to me before I was 5 years old. By 5 I'd been repeatedly physically and emotionally and quasi-sexually traumatized into total Stockholm Syndrome enmeshment with my nada (and enabling dad,) and when she and dad " dumped " me to move back to their home state when I was 33, it took me another 10 years of near-isolation and gradually making changes to become as " normal " and socialized as I am now. There is nothing that a toddler or preschooler can do to rescue himself or herself; under the circumstances I grew up in, there is nothing that I could do differently. I love Girlscout's idea, though. If it were possible for me to go back in time and rescue my infant-self, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That would be about the only " do-over " that would work for me, I think: getting me out of there. -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > If we all had our lives to do over...what's the one thing you would > > have done differently in regards to your mom's BPD? > > > > > > > > > > > > My answer: I know my loyalty to her was supernatural, but if I could > > have made the break from her emotionally and physically, I would have left > > when I was 18 to prevent further brainwashing and a painful and confusing > > life. > > > > > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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