Re: Are there any child appropriate books about BPD?

January 14, 2011

How old are your children?

>

> I have come to the conclusion to sever my relationship with my BPD nada. My

therapist suggested reading some books to my kids to help them understand that

grandma is " sick " . Any suggestions?

>

January 14, 2011

How old are your children?

>

> I have come to the conclusion to sever my relationship with my BPD nada. My

therapist suggested reading some books to my kids to help them understand that

grandma is " sick " . Any suggestions?

>

January 14, 2011

My kids are 4 and 7. A picture book with a simple story would probably be best.

I tried searching on Amazon, but only found books specific to bi-polar disorder,

ocd, and depression.

> >

> > I have come to the conclusion to sever my relationship with my BPD nada. My

therapist suggested reading some books to my kids to help them understand that

grandma is " sick " . Any suggestions?

> >

>

January 14, 2011

My kids are 4 and 7. A picture book with a simple story would probably be best.

I tried searching on Amazon, but only found books specific to bi-polar disorder,

ocd, and depression.

> >

> > I have come to the conclusion to sever my relationship with my BPD nada. My

therapist suggested reading some books to my kids to help them understand that

grandma is " sick " . Any suggestions?

> >

>

January 14, 2011

I remember somebody asking a similar question a year or so ago--but I can't

recall whether any of us did find an appropriate book or not. I don't think

there is one, unfortunately. Someone needs to write one--I know I'd love to

write one but I think I need more time to properly digest everything before

I can, though.

Maybe you can use those similar books, bi-polar, etc, and use that as a

talking point. Grandma is like this here, Grandma is like that there, it's a

sickness like (bipolar, depression, etc) and it's called BPD. It's not

healthy to be around people who are sick like that.

Anyways, this is just a start--hopefully it helps. Hopefully others will be

able to weigh in.

Holly

On Fri, Jan 14, 2011 at 8:59 PM, withbeautyandgrace <

withbeautyandgrace@...> wrote:

>

> My kids are 4 and 7. A picture book with a simple story would probably be

> best. I tried searching on Amazon, but only found books specific to bi-polar

> disorder, ocd, and depression.

>

> > >

> > > I have come to the conclusion to sever my relationship with my BPD

> nada. My therapist suggested reading some books to my kids to help them

> understand that grandma is " sick " . Any suggestions?

> > >

> >

>

January 14, 2011

Take your kids to see Tangled. Explain that grandma is sort of like the fake

mom.

Cuz boy , is SHE ever a BP.

Doug

>

> I have come to the conclusion to sever my relationship with my BPD nada. My

therapist suggested reading some books to my kids to help them understand that

grandma is " sick " . Any suggestions?

>

January 14, 2011

That's a good idea Doug. That should be child appropriate. You would then

just need to be ready to answer any questions they might have for you.

Mia

>

> Take your kids to see Tangled. Explain that grandma is sort of like the

> fake mom.

>

> Cuz boy , is SHE ever a BP.

>

> Doug

>

January 14, 2011

That's a good idea Doug. That should be child appropriate. You would then

just need to be ready to answer any questions they might have for you.

Mia

>

> Take your kids to see Tangled. Explain that grandma is sort of like the

> fake mom.

>

> Cuz boy , is SHE ever a BP.

>

> Doug

>

January 14, 2011

That's a good idea Doug. That should be child appropriate. You would then

just need to be ready to answer any questions they might have for you.

Mia

>

> Take your kids to see Tangled. Explain that grandma is sort of like the

> fake mom.

>

> Cuz boy , is SHE ever a BP.

>

> Doug

>

January 15, 2011

I agree with Doug. Also, what about Snow White and Cindrealla? Same idea?

January 15, 2011

Hey, thanks! We did see Tangled and I didn't even make that connection, but

you're right! We'll have to see it again and talk about it afterward. I think

that would really help them understand.

Grace

> >

> > I have come to the conclusion to sever my relationship with my BPD nada. My

therapist suggested reading some books to my kids to help them understand that

grandma is " sick " . Any suggestions?

> >

>

January 15, 2011

Hey, thanks! We did see Tangled and I didn't even make that connection, but

you're right! We'll have to see it again and talk about it afterward. I think

that would really help them understand.

Grace

> >

> > I have come to the conclusion to sever my relationship with my BPD nada. My

therapist suggested reading some books to my kids to help them understand that

grandma is " sick " . Any suggestions?

> >

>

January 15, 2011

Me personally, I wouldn't utilize fairy tales where the Wicked Witch or Evil

Stepmother (etc.) dies at the end. That might make the poor little guys feel

more guilty and protective of their bpd momster.

So... maybe Cinderella would be OK, nobody dies. At least in the more recent

versions. In the earliest written versions, if I recall correctly, the Evil

Stepsisters are made to wear red-hot iron shoes and dance until they die and I

thing the Wicked Stepmother gets dragged to death (?) Or was she boiled to

death (?) The original versions of a lot of beloved fairy tales are QUITE

violent.

But as Tolkien (I believe) put it, " Children are innocent and crave justice to

be done, whereas adults are guilty and therefor crave mercy. "

Seems to me that little boys relate better to stories about boys. At least, my

nephew did when he was little.

Most of the fairy tales I can recall easily with a boy as the hero involve the

boy *killing* the monster or the giant (the

evil-father-figure-in-disguise-creature) to achieve his goal.

There is a book about explaining bpd to children, called " An Umbrella for , "

by Rashkin, MS. but I personally have not read it. The discussion

threads I've come across about it seem tepid, neither really praising it or

condemning it.

Maybe you can order that book at your library and read it for yourself and see

if you think it would work in your step-kids' situation.

Or, ask the boys' therapist; consult with him or her about the issue and get the

child psychologist's help with explaining the situation to the boys. I hope you

find a new child psychologist for them who is familiar with personality

disorder, knowledgeable about bpd in particular, and understands the various

toxic dynamics of a bpd parent/non-child relationship with the added stressful

dynamic of divorced parents.

-Annie

>

> I agree with Doug. Also, what about Snow White and Cindrealla? Same idea?

>

January 15, 2011

Me personally, I wouldn't utilize fairy tales where the Wicked Witch or Evil

Stepmother (etc.) dies at the end. That might make the poor little guys feel

more guilty and protective of their bpd momster.

So... maybe Cinderella would be OK, nobody dies. At least in the more recent

versions. In the earliest written versions, if I recall correctly, the Evil

Stepsisters are made to wear red-hot iron shoes and dance until they die and I

thing the Wicked Stepmother gets dragged to death (?) Or was she boiled to

death (?) The original versions of a lot of beloved fairy tales are QUITE

violent.

But as Tolkien (I believe) put it, " Children are innocent and crave justice to

be done, whereas adults are guilty and therefor crave mercy. "

Seems to me that little boys relate better to stories about boys. At least, my

nephew did when he was little.

Most of the fairy tales I can recall easily with a boy as the hero involve the

boy *killing* the monster or the giant (the

evil-father-figure-in-disguise-creature) to achieve his goal.

There is a book about explaining bpd to children, called " An Umbrella for , "

by Rashkin, MS. but I personally have not read it. The discussion

threads I've come across about it seem tepid, neither really praising it or

condemning it.

Maybe you can order that book at your library and read it for yourself and see

if you think it would work in your step-kids' situation.

Or, ask the boys' therapist; consult with him or her about the issue and get the

child psychologist's help with explaining the situation to the boys. I hope you

find a new child psychologist for them who is familiar with personality

disorder, knowledgeable about bpd in particular, and understands the various

toxic dynamics of a bpd parent/non-child relationship with the added stressful

dynamic of divorced parents.

-Annie

>

> I agree with Doug. Also, what about Snow White and Cindrealla? Same idea?

>

January 15, 2011

I agree with you Annie now that I'm remembering how the stepmom died.

> >

> > I agree with Doug. Also, what about Snow White and Cindrealla? Same idea?

> >

>

January 15, 2011

I agree with you Annie now that I'm remembering how the stepmom died.

> >

> > I agree with Doug. Also, what about Snow White and Cindrealla? Same idea?

> >

>

January 15, 2011

I agree with you Annie now that I'm remembering how the stepmom died.

> >

> > I agree with Doug. Also, what about Snow White and Cindrealla? Same idea?

> >

>

January 16, 2011

Annie,

Thanks for mentioning the book. It looks like it's only available on the PDAN

website, not Amazon. I'll order it and take a look at it before showing it to

my kids.

I'm just trying to help them understand why their grandma is sick and why we

won't be seeing her anymore.

Best,

Grace

> >

> > I agree with Doug. Also, what about Snow White and Cindrealla? Same idea?

> >

>

January 16, 2011

I think the book is more focused on giving a child a technique for coping when

their bpd parent acts out, but maybe it can at least give you a starting point

for discussing bpd with the kids. Like I said, I haven't read it, just

discussions about it, but it sounded to me like the technique is simply to leave

the house for a while until bpd-mom or bpd-dad calms down.

Like that would have been a option in my case. When my nada worked herself up

into a rage, she needed a target to focus her rage at. That would be me, or

Sister or dad. Trying to run away from her would have gotten me even worse

treatment.

Maybe there is some literature about explaining alcoholism to kids? The

behaviors (raging, physical violence, blaming, denial, manipulativeness, mood

swings, hostility, etc.) are very similar.

You can just change the term " alcoholic " to " person with bpd " .

-Annie

>

> Annie,

>

> Thanks for mentioning the book. It looks like it's only available on the PDAN

website, not Amazon. I'll order it and take a look at it before showing it to

my kids.

>

> I'm just trying to help them understand why their grandma is sick and why we

won't be seeing her anymore.

>

> Best,

> Grace

January 16, 2011

I hope the book works out for you Grace. If you do get it, can you let us

know what you think of it? Fiance's ex is also likely an undiagnosed BPD

and never know... it might be handy for his kids sometime too. It makes me

so sad just saying that.

Anyway, Annie, my nada was like yours when she was worked up into a rage. I

was her target. She didn't behave that way around anyone but me. And since

I was an only child, I felt very invalidated for years and to some extent

still do. But as I have learned more about BPD, about myself and my nada...

I'm feeling more validated. My dad saw her for what she was too and has

told me things now that he knows what was going on. A friend asked me if I

thought my dad was lying. No, I don't. He has no reason to lie to me. I'm

an adult who's NC with nada, why should he make up anything about her at

this point?

Anyway, point was supposed to be that I think it would have been hard for me

to get out of the house too when she was like that. I think it would have

made things worse for sure.

Mia

January 16, 2011