Re: final straw...

[Guest guest]

Good for you for defending your boundaries. You always have the option of

avoiding big " family reunions " where nada is likely to be, and instead you can

make contact with, visit, and develop relationships with any relatives you like

and feel safe with, without involving nada at all. Nada does not " own " the

family; she does not " own " your relatives. You do not need nada's permission to

see anyone in your family independently.

Nadas like to organize things so that nada is the liason or " central operator "

between her own family and her extended family, but you can choose to simply

bypass nada and have your own, individual, private, independent relationship

with whomever you choose, if your extended family members are willing to do so

as well.

It really depends on how scared they are of your nada, how scared they are of

" rocking the boat " , vs how independent-minded they are.

-Annie

>

> my final straw was when my nada gave me an ultimatum which was : " disown your

sisterinlaw and you can have a relationship with me " ...or i cant accept you as

my daughter " (the amount of times i have heard " you are not my daughter " ...ahhh

lol) after she disowned me because of how i want to have relationships with

others she made another ultimatum.... " my grandkids can come and see me but you

are not allowed to be here and neither is your hubby. " . there is no way i would

let her see my kids unsupervised. the funny thing is because of FOG i actually

thought about letting her see my kids after her disowing me?! stupid me but now

i have been no contact with her...just dreading the day we bump into her at some

family gathering and she plays the game to lure my kids in knowing the boundary

i have set...any suggestions of what to do if that does happen? she recently saw

my husband at a gathering and he totally ignored her cos his theory is " nothing

is going to

> make her happy " so why try when she has been so rude and toxic to his family.

being from a larger family my aunt is actually very close to my nada and she

doesnt understand that she has a major illness and she is encouraging her

behaviour with her kids by disowning me as well becuase apparently i am the

mentally disturbed, i am the one that is jealous of her own mother etc etc.. i

have chosen to completely cut negative and toxic people out my life family or

not family

>