Guilt is setting in.

[Guest guest]

Hey everyone!

I havent posted in a long time due to severe clinical depression and thoughts of

suicide. I began cutting myself awhile ago as well. I since have gotten help

from a psychologist and was placed on meds that have helped a bunch! I am really

tired so im going to be a little vague and will update respond as much as I can.

I have been seeing my psychologist now for about a month and talked to him

about how my mom and I have had a severe non-stop fighting the past week. (My

mother has BPD in case you guys dont remember me) First my mom hates my

boyfriend and posted an ad of Craigslist that I was looking to hook up with

anyone, and I got a ton of emails and she even gave out my phone number...that

was a mess, also around the time I told her I was cutting myself she gave me a

knife to keep in my car " for protection " incase I get staled and someone tries

to rape me...... Now that I look at it, it seems like she was taunting me.

Anyways, to keep this short I was told by my psychologist to cut all contact

with her or only talk to her 3 days a week at most. (she calls me multiple times

a day just to bitch at me about my boyfriend or about anything she can find) (I

hope you guys remember my past posts otherwise I can give you some

reminders..... she holds knives to my sister and I, smothers us with pillows,

calls me a slut and a worthless piece of shit... etc etc...)

It was hard to hear that I had to cut contact with my mom, I think i knew it all

along....I love her very much, but she is so cruel. He said if I didnt cut

contact with her I will continue to lose control of my life and I will continue

to get more ill. (he also said he would hospitalize me just to be sure I can cut

contact with her if I wish)

I guess im just looking for support because I dont know how to not take her

calls or how to tell her I am cutting contact with her, or how to do it without

telling her. I feel so guilty because she is all alone.

Sorry this is so vague and not a lot is said in such a long post, Im just

exhausted and worn out and dont know how to put my thoughts into words anymore.

Thanks guys, I love you all.

-

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you have way too much to deal with. I would stick to your doctor's

advice. The separation and no contact will allow you to get out from under her

control and abuse and give you a chance to begin healing without her

interference.

It's hard to imagine cutting contact with your mom at first. The way I think of

it is if I had really had a " mother " all along, I wouldn't have to be

contemplating NC. The fact that I have to consider NC means I never really had

a " mother. " I have a NADA. A biological person who gave me life and then

slowly over time tried to destroy the light of that life. Regardless of the

reason, as long as she is not seeking treatment for alcoholism, drug addiction

and BPD, I will have no contact. I no longer feel the slightest bit guilty but

that took time and therapy.

I moved, changed phone numbers and never gave her my work number so it was easy

to " disappear safely. " It's hard and she used other family members to instill

FOG but I temporarily went NC with anyone who was not supportive of me so I

could heal and get better. Now I can have LC with the family but just not nada.

Stick close to your doctor and be open to working with suggestions that will

help you heal. You deserve to have people around you that love and support you.

I've found sometimes perfect strangers are more loving and supportive than my

FOO. It is what it is and I'm at peace with it now.

I wish you the very best. Hang in there and be very gentle and good with YOU.

YOU matter.

Jaie

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you have way too much to deal with. I would stick to your doctor's

advice. The separation and no contact will allow you to get out from under her

control and abuse and give you a chance to begin healing without her

interference.

It's hard to imagine cutting contact with your mom at first. The way I think of

it is if I had really had a " mother " all along, I wouldn't have to be

contemplating NC. The fact that I have to consider NC means I never really had

a " mother. " I have a NADA. A biological person who gave me life and then

slowly over time tried to destroy the light of that life. Regardless of the

reason, as long as she is not seeking treatment for alcoholism, drug addiction

and BPD, I will have no contact. I no longer feel the slightest bit guilty but

that took time and therapy.

I moved, changed phone numbers and never gave her my work number so it was easy

to " disappear safely. " It's hard and she used other family members to instill

FOG but I temporarily went NC with anyone who was not supportive of me so I

could heal and get better. Now I can have LC with the family but just not nada.

Stick close to your doctor and be open to working with suggestions that will

help you heal. You deserve to have people around you that love and support you.

I've found sometimes perfect strangers are more loving and supportive than my

FOO. It is what it is and I'm at peace with it now.

I wish you the very best. Hang in there and be very gentle and good with YOU.

YOU matter.

Jaie

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you have way too much to deal with. I would stick to your doctor's

advice. The separation and no contact will allow you to get out from under her

control and abuse and give you a chance to begin healing without her

interference.

It's hard to imagine cutting contact with your mom at first. The way I think of

it is if I had really had a " mother " all along, I wouldn't have to be

contemplating NC. The fact that I have to consider NC means I never really had

a " mother. " I have a NADA. A biological person who gave me life and then

slowly over time tried to destroy the light of that life. Regardless of the

reason, as long as she is not seeking treatment for alcoholism, drug addiction

and BPD, I will have no contact. I no longer feel the slightest bit guilty but

that took time and therapy.

I moved, changed phone numbers and never gave her my work number so it was easy

to " disappear safely. " It's hard and she used other family members to instill

FOG but I temporarily went NC with anyone who was not supportive of me so I

could heal and get better. Now I can have LC with the family but just not nada.

Stick close to your doctor and be open to working with suggestions that will

help you heal. You deserve to have people around you that love and support you.

I've found sometimes perfect strangers are more loving and supportive than my

FOO. It is what it is and I'm at peace with it now.

I wish you the very best. Hang in there and be very gentle and good with YOU.

YOU matter.

Jaie