Guest guest Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hey everyone! I havent posted in a long time due to severe clinical depression and thoughts of suicide. I began cutting myself awhile ago as well. I since have gotten help from a psychologist and was placed on meds that have helped a bunch! I am really tired so im going to be a little vague and will update respond as much as I can. I have been seeing my psychologist now for about a month and talked to him about how my mom and I have had a severe non-stop fighting the past week. (My mother has BPD in case you guys dont remember me) First my mom hates my boyfriend and posted an ad of Craigslist that I was looking to hook up with anyone, and I got a ton of emails and she even gave out my phone number...that was a mess, also around the time I told her I was cutting myself she gave me a knife to keep in my car " for protection " incase I get staled and someone tries to rape me...... Now that I look at it, it seems like she was taunting me. Anyways, to keep this short I was told by my psychologist to cut all contact with her or only talk to her 3 days a week at most. (she calls me multiple times a day just to bitch at me about my boyfriend or about anything she can find) (I hope you guys remember my past posts otherwise I can give you some reminders..... she holds knives to my sister and I, smothers us with pillows, calls me a slut and a worthless piece of shit... etc etc...) It was hard to hear that I had to cut contact with my mom, I think i knew it all along....I love her very much, but she is so cruel. He said if I didnt cut contact with her I will continue to lose control of my life and I will continue to get more ill. (he also said he would hospitalize me just to be sure I can cut contact with her if I wish) I guess im just looking for support because I dont know how to not take her calls or how to tell her I am cutting contact with her, or how to do it without telling her. I feel so guilty because she is all alone. Sorry this is so vague and not a lot is said in such a long post, Im just exhausted and worn out and dont know how to put my thoughts into words anymore. Thanks guys, I love you all. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hi , I'm sorry to read that you've been under such intense stress lately, but, the psychologist you're seeing sounds very good: both dedicated to the goal of your successful healing and knowledgeable about your mother's bpd, and it sounds like he has a good idea about what's going to work best to help you heal. I think your psychologist has hit on a key issue, which is being overly-enmeshed with your abusive, truly sadistic mother and the need to cut contact with her. Did your psychologist perhaps mention the term " trauma-bonding " to you? When someone who has power over you is nice to you, then horribly, frighteningly abusive, then nice again, back and forth, over and over, that causes one to become " trauma-bonded " to that person (or captor.) So in your case, it sounds like your mother is both your tormentor and your savior. Trauma-bonded relationships become like a weird, sick addiction. I agree with your psychologist that its probably in your best interest to go No Contact with your mother, at least for a while, even though that sounds really difficult for you to do. I'm going to suggest that you read about trauma-bonding and recovery from it; the book " Trauma and Recovery " was recommended to me. It could also help you to read about overcoming " co-dependency " , which is feeling *INappropriate and MISplaced guilt/responsibility* for another person's feelings. Your mother is responsible for her own well-being and her own feelings and her own happiness, and you are responsible for your own. There is a book called " Co-dependent No More " about this condition. You have the right and the ability as an adult to make your own choices, and these issues you are facing are very, very individual and personal decisions to make. So what I'm suggesting is simply my opinion, and the way I would handle such a situation, but you have to decide what will work best for you and what YOU can live with. Remaining in contact or going no contact is totally your call. In my opinion: You do not owe your mother any explanation about your actions. If you decide to cut contact, all I suggest that you do is write her one short message that goes something like: " Mom, I need a time-out. I need to take a break from communicating with you until I work some things out for myself. I don't know how long this is going to take, but I'll let you know when I'm ready to resume contact with you again. Thanks for understanding. " And then immediately *block* all her phone/cel numbers from all your numbers, *block* her e-mail, *block* her from texting you, *block* any computer/Internet/Facebook access she might have to you, and then I think it would be wise to take your psychologist up on his suggestion that you " detox " from your mother in the hospital for a while. It seems to me that she is like a bad drug in your system that is poisoning you. You are in such a vulnerable state that I hesitate to bring this up, but, I sincerely hope that the younger sister you mentioned is not a minor. If she is, then I would share with your psychologist that your mother has repeatedly threatened you and your sister with knives, and get him to help you RE calling Child Protective Services to get her out of your mother's home and into a safe place. He would, I'm pretty sure, be a mandated reporter in such a situation. I wish you the best of luck; please keep us posted when you feel like it. And I wish for your full recovery, peace, and joy. -Annie > > Hey everyone! > > I havent posted in a long time due to severe clinical depression and thoughts of > suicide. I began cutting myself awhile ago as well. I since have gotten help > from a psychologist and was placed on meds that have helped a bunch! I am really > tired so im going to be a little vague and will update respond as much as I can. > I have been seeing my psychologist now for about a month and talked to him > about how my mom and I have had a severe non-stop fighting the past week. (My > mother has BPD in case you guys dont remember me) First my mom hates my > boyfriend and posted an ad of Craigslist that I was looking to hook up with > anyone, and I got a ton of emails and she even gave out my phone number...that > was a mess, also around the time I told her I was cutting myself she gave me a > knife to keep in my car " for protection " incase I get staled and someone tries > to rape me...... Now that I look at it, it seems like she was taunting me. > > Anyways, to keep this short I was told by my psychologist to cut all contact > with her or only talk to her 3 days a week at most. (she calls me multiple times > a day just to bitch at me about my boyfriend or about anything she can find) (I > hope you guys remember my past posts otherwise I can give you some > reminders..... she holds knives to my sister and I, smothers us with pillows, > calls me a slut and a worthless piece of shit... etc etc...) > > It was hard to hear that I had to cut contact with my mom, I think i knew it all > along....I love her very much, but she is so cruel. He said if I didnt cut > contact with her I will continue to lose control of my life and I will continue > to get more ill. (he also said he would hospitalize me just to be sure I can cut > contact with her if I wish) > > I guess im just looking for support because I dont know how to not take her > calls or how to tell her I am cutting contact with her, or how to do it without > telling her. I feel so guilty because she is all alone. > > Sorry this is so vague and not a lot is said in such a long post, Im just > exhausted and worn out and dont know how to put my thoughts into words anymore. > > Thanks guys, I love you all. > > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hi , I'm sorry to read that you've been under such intense stress lately, but, the psychologist you're seeing sounds very good: both dedicated to the goal of your successful healing and knowledgeable about your mother's bpd, and it sounds like he has a good idea about what's going to work best to help you heal. I think your psychologist has hit on a key issue, which is being overly-enmeshed with your abusive, truly sadistic mother and the need to cut contact with her. Did your psychologist perhaps mention the term " trauma-bonding " to you? When someone who has power over you is nice to you, then horribly, frighteningly abusive, then nice again, back and forth, over and over, that causes one to become " trauma-bonded " to that person (or captor.) So in your case, it sounds like your mother is both your tormentor and your savior. Trauma-bonded relationships become like a weird, sick addiction. I agree with your psychologist that its probably in your best interest to go No Contact with your mother, at least for a while, even though that sounds really difficult for you to do. I'm going to suggest that you read about trauma-bonding and recovery from it; the book " Trauma and Recovery " was recommended to me. It could also help you to read about overcoming " co-dependency " , which is feeling *INappropriate and MISplaced guilt/responsibility* for another person's feelings. Your mother is responsible for her own well-being and her own feelings and her own happiness, and you are responsible for your own. There is a book called " Co-dependent No More " about this condition. You have the right and the ability as an adult to make your own choices, and these issues you are facing are very, very individual and personal decisions to make. So what I'm suggesting is simply my opinion, and the way I would handle such a situation, but you have to decide what will work best for you and what YOU can live with. Remaining in contact or going no contact is totally your call. In my opinion: You do not owe your mother any explanation about your actions. If you decide to cut contact, all I suggest that you do is write her one short message that goes something like: " Mom, I need a time-out. I need to take a break from communicating with you until I work some things out for myself. I don't know how long this is going to take, but I'll let you know when I'm ready to resume contact with you again. Thanks for understanding. " And then immediately *block* all her phone/cel numbers from all your numbers, *block* her e-mail, *block* her from texting you, *block* any computer/Internet/Facebook access she might have to you, and then I think it would be wise to take your psychologist up on his suggestion that you " detox " from your mother in the hospital for a while. It seems to me that she is like a bad drug in your system that is poisoning you. You are in such a vulnerable state that I hesitate to bring this up, but, I sincerely hope that the younger sister you mentioned is not a minor. If she is, then I would share with your psychologist that your mother has repeatedly threatened you and your sister with knives, and get him to help you RE calling Child Protective Services to get her out of your mother's home and into a safe place. He would, I'm pretty sure, be a mandated reporter in such a situation. I wish you the best of luck; please keep us posted when you feel like it. And I wish for your full recovery, peace, and joy. -Annie > > Hey everyone! > > I havent posted in a long time due to severe clinical depression and thoughts of > suicide. I began cutting myself awhile ago as well. I since have gotten help > from a psychologist and was placed on meds that have helped a bunch! I am really > tired so im going to be a little vague and will update respond as much as I can. > I have been seeing my psychologist now for about a month and talked to him > about how my mom and I have had a severe non-stop fighting the past week. (My > mother has BPD in case you guys dont remember me) First my mom hates my > boyfriend and posted an ad of Craigslist that I was looking to hook up with > anyone, and I got a ton of emails and she even gave out my phone number...that > was a mess, also around the time I told her I was cutting myself she gave me a > knife to keep in my car " for protection " incase I get staled and someone tries > to rape me...... Now that I look at it, it seems like she was taunting me. > > Anyways, to keep this short I was told by my psychologist to cut all contact > with her or only talk to her 3 days a week at most. (she calls me multiple times > a day just to bitch at me about my boyfriend or about anything she can find) (I > hope you guys remember my past posts otherwise I can give you some > reminders..... she holds knives to my sister and I, smothers us with pillows, > calls me a slut and a worthless piece of shit... etc etc...) > > It was hard to hear that I had to cut contact with my mom, I think i knew it all > along....I love her very much, but she is so cruel. He said if I didnt cut > contact with her I will continue to lose control of my life and I will continue > to get more ill. (he also said he would hospitalize me just to be sure I can cut > contact with her if I wish) > > I guess im just looking for support because I dont know how to not take her > calls or how to tell her I am cutting contact with her, or how to do it without > telling her. I feel so guilty because she is all alone. > > Sorry this is so vague and not a lot is said in such a long post, Im just > exhausted and worn out and dont know how to put my thoughts into words anymore. > > Thanks guys, I love you all. > > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hi , I'm sorry to read that you've been under such intense stress lately, but, the psychologist you're seeing sounds very good: both dedicated to the goal of your successful healing and knowledgeable about your mother's bpd, and it sounds like he has a good idea about what's going to work best to help you heal. I think your psychologist has hit on a key issue, which is being overly-enmeshed with your abusive, truly sadistic mother and the need to cut contact with her. Did your psychologist perhaps mention the term " trauma-bonding " to you? When someone who has power over you is nice to you, then horribly, frighteningly abusive, then nice again, back and forth, over and over, that causes one to become " trauma-bonded " to that person (or captor.) So in your case, it sounds like your mother is both your tormentor and your savior. Trauma-bonded relationships become like a weird, sick addiction. I agree with your psychologist that its probably in your best interest to go No Contact with your mother, at least for a while, even though that sounds really difficult for you to do. I'm going to suggest that you read about trauma-bonding and recovery from it; the book " Trauma and Recovery " was recommended to me. It could also help you to read about overcoming " co-dependency " , which is feeling *INappropriate and MISplaced guilt/responsibility* for another person's feelings. Your mother is responsible for her own well-being and her own feelings and her own happiness, and you are responsible for your own. There is a book called " Co-dependent No More " about this condition. You have the right and the ability as an adult to make your own choices, and these issues you are facing are very, very individual and personal decisions to make. So what I'm suggesting is simply my opinion, and the way I would handle such a situation, but you have to decide what will work best for you and what YOU can live with. Remaining in contact or going no contact is totally your call. In my opinion: You do not owe your mother any explanation about your actions. If you decide to cut contact, all I suggest that you do is write her one short message that goes something like: " Mom, I need a time-out. I need to take a break from communicating with you until I work some things out for myself. I don't know how long this is going to take, but I'll let you know when I'm ready to resume contact with you again. Thanks for understanding. " And then immediately *block* all her phone/cel numbers from all your numbers, *block* her e-mail, *block* her from texting you, *block* any computer/Internet/Facebook access she might have to you, and then I think it would be wise to take your psychologist up on his suggestion that you " detox " from your mother in the hospital for a while. It seems to me that she is like a bad drug in your system that is poisoning you. You are in such a vulnerable state that I hesitate to bring this up, but, I sincerely hope that the younger sister you mentioned is not a minor. If she is, then I would share with your psychologist that your mother has repeatedly threatened you and your sister with knives, and get him to help you RE calling Child Protective Services to get her out of your mother's home and into a safe place. He would, I'm pretty sure, be a mandated reporter in such a situation. I wish you the best of luck; please keep us posted when you feel like it. And I wish for your full recovery, peace, and joy. -Annie > > Hey everyone! > > I havent posted in a long time due to severe clinical depression and thoughts of > suicide. I began cutting myself awhile ago as well. I since have gotten help > from a psychologist and was placed on meds that have helped a bunch! I am really > tired so im going to be a little vague and will update respond as much as I can. > I have been seeing my psychologist now for about a month and talked to him > about how my mom and I have had a severe non-stop fighting the past week. (My > mother has BPD in case you guys dont remember me) First my mom hates my > boyfriend and posted an ad of Craigslist that I was looking to hook up with > anyone, and I got a ton of emails and she even gave out my phone number...that > was a mess, also around the time I told her I was cutting myself she gave me a > knife to keep in my car " for protection " incase I get staled and someone tries > to rape me...... Now that I look at it, it seems like she was taunting me. > > Anyways, to keep this short I was told by my psychologist to cut all contact > with her or only talk to her 3 days a week at most. (she calls me multiple times > a day just to bitch at me about my boyfriend or about anything she can find) (I > hope you guys remember my past posts otherwise I can give you some > reminders..... she holds knives to my sister and I, smothers us with pillows, > calls me a slut and a worthless piece of shit... etc etc...) > > It was hard to hear that I had to cut contact with my mom, I think i knew it all > along....I love her very much, but she is so cruel. He said if I didnt cut > contact with her I will continue to lose control of my life and I will continue > to get more ill. (he also said he would hospitalize me just to be sure I can cut > contact with her if I wish) > > I guess im just looking for support because I dont know how to not take her > calls or how to tell her I am cutting contact with her, or how to do it without > telling her. I feel so guilty because she is all alone. > > Sorry this is so vague and not a lot is said in such a long post, Im just > exhausted and worn out and dont know how to put my thoughts into words anymore. > > Thanks guys, I love you all. > > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 I agree with Annie, the book " Trauma & Recovery " would probably be a great one for you to read. " Codependent No More " too. I read that one years ago when I still lived with nada. That was an " interesting " conversation when she " found " it. (read: snooped to find it). I also agree with going NC & taking the " detox " time out in the hospital. I know that's scary, but it sounds like it would be really helpful for you. Your email just sounds so painful & sad and you do NOT deserve any of what you've gotten from your " mother " . I also think Annie hit the nail on the head about your sister if she is a minor and asking your psychologist for help. How awful & frightening. Please hang in there and do this for yourself. You need some loving help & time to heal. Give that awesome gift to yourself & just take care of you for a while. (((()))) Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 I agree with Annie, the book " Trauma & Recovery " would probably be a great one for you to read. " Codependent No More " too. I read that one years ago when I still lived with nada. That was an " interesting " conversation when she " found " it. (read: snooped to find it). I also agree with going NC & taking the " detox " time out in the hospital. I know that's scary, but it sounds like it would be really helpful for you. Your email just sounds so painful & sad and you do NOT deserve any of what you've gotten from your " mother " . I also think Annie hit the nail on the head about your sister if she is a minor and asking your psychologist for help. How awful & frightening. Please hang in there and do this for yourself. You need some loving help & time to heal. Give that awesome gift to yourself & just take care of you for a while. (((()))) Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 I agree with Annie, the book " Trauma & Recovery " would probably be a great one for you to read. " Codependent No More " too. I read that one years ago when I still lived with nada. That was an " interesting " conversation when she " found " it. (read: snooped to find it). I also agree with going NC & taking the " detox " time out in the hospital. I know that's scary, but it sounds like it would be really helpful for you. Your email just sounds so painful & sad and you do NOT deserve any of what you've gotten from your " mother " . I also think Annie hit the nail on the head about your sister if she is a minor and asking your psychologist for help. How awful & frightening. Please hang in there and do this for yourself. You need some loving help & time to heal. Give that awesome gift to yourself & just take care of you for a while. (((()))) Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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