Re: What You Helped Me Do Today

January 6, 2011

*jumps up and down and applauds*

Yey!! YEY!!!

If this happened a whole lot more all over the globe, just think of all the

suffering that could be alleviated and the lives of misery that could be turned

around.

You are an angel. These kids will be grateful for a long, long time.

--.

January 6, 2011

*jumps up and down and applauds*

Yey!! YEY!!!

If this happened a whole lot more all over the globe, just think of all the

suffering that could be alleviated and the lives of misery that could be turned

around.

You are an angel. These kids will be grateful for a long, long time.

--.

January 7, 2011

That is just so wonderful that you were able to help your two young distant

relatives like that, truly wonderful, and it was so kind of you to include us

here in the Group as virtual helpers: helping you help them! That is so

cheering and positive! I'm sure that your understanding and advice is going to

make a meaningful difference in their lives. That, plus having a mother who is

not personality-disordered, who feels protective of her children and who has the

guts to actively seek help for her girls. That kind of validation and support

coming from multiple sources will really, really help them deal more effectively

with the emotional damage inflicted by their mentally-ill father.

Wow!!

Kudos to you!

-Annie

>

> My sister and I had a wonderful visit today with two young ladies who are

going through a really difficult time.

>

> We're distantly related; their parents always reached out to us as children

and invited us to stay with them in the summers. We cherished that time and

both saw their family as a model of stability and functionality.

>

> Last summer, we heard from their mother that she and her husband would be

getting a divorce. It was certainly shocking to hear, especially considering I

had used my limited observations of their marriage and family life as a model

for creating my own. Hearing her describe the hell he had put her through over

the past year, the vicious emotional abuse he spewed at her and their children

was both surprising and infuriating. I listened and validated, offered my

support to her and her children, and she asked me if I had ever heard of

Borderline PD.

>

> I asked her what she wanted to know, because I had a library on the subject

upstairs (lol!), and was able to share with her that my mother has it. Until

that point, I had not shared with any of my mother's relatives what is going on,

because there is really not much contact between them anyway, and they seem to

like her, and...well, you know how it goes with extended family. She returned

the validation, and it was really good to share. She said she suspected her

husband had it, though she wasn't sure how it could suddenly show up in

middle-age...and neither was I, so I suggested the possibility of Bipolar. And

silently, I wondered how many symptoms he may have had that she did not consider

that big of a deal up until that year.

>

> So, her oldest 2 daughters are in town, and my sister and I got to meet with

them today. Their mom had asked us if we could talk with them about our

experience with a borderline parent. We shared, they shared, we gave them the

opportunity to ask us questions. I was so impressed by their fortitude and

strength at such a young age, and so thankful that their mother is able to

validate them and give them the freedom to be individuals (even if she is still

struggling with codependency herself). It always relieves some of the pain I

went through when I am able to help someone else navigate through it. It broke

my heart to hear them tell me the things their father did or said to them, but

to know that they already have an understanding of how to detach and set

boundaries with their father was so impressive. They are only teenagers, for

crying out loud!

>

> I still suspect NPD is lurking in his behavior somewhere, but after hearing

their stories, I know it is BPD as well. I took them to the bookstore and

picked out some of the most helpful books on both subjects and let them thumb

through them; they chose the one that turns out was most helpful for me,

Surviving a Borderline Parent. I bought it for them and told them to use it and

then share it with their siblings when they were old enough and ready for it.

>

> I am still on a bit of a high today just from being able to love on these

girls, to see how strong they are despite how weak and confused they have been

made to feel...just to be able to provide the support that KOs so desperately

need. I would like to thank everyone who posts on this board for broadening my

view of the experiences a KO might have in dealing with his parents. Because of

you, I was able to tell my young relative that a lot of parents with BPD have

locked their children outside in the freezing cold as punishment, even though

this was never part of my own personal experience. You were all there with me

as my sister and I shared and supported them.

>

> Thank you for reaching out and speaking up.

>

> KT

>

January 7, 2011

Me too jumping and clapping

On Fri, Jan 7, 2011 at 6:45 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

> That is just so wonderful that you were able to help your two young distant

> relatives like that, truly wonderful, and it was so kind of you to include

> us here in the Group as virtual helpers: helping you help them! That is so

> cheering and positive! I'm sure that your understanding and advice is going

> to make a meaningful difference in their lives. That, plus having a mother

> who is not personality-disordered, who feels protective of her children and

> who has the guts to actively seek help for her girls. That kind of

> validation and support coming from multiple sources will really, really help

> them deal more effectively with the emotional damage inflicted by their

> mentally-ill father.

>

> Wow!!

>

> Kudos to you!

>

> -Annie

>

> >

> > My sister and I had a wonderful visit today with two young ladies who are

> going through a really difficult time.

> >

> > We're distantly related; their parents always reached out to us as

> children and invited us to stay with them in the summers. We cherished that

> time and both saw their family as a model of stability and functionality.

> >

> > Last summer, we heard from their mother that she and her husband would be

> getting a divorce. It was certainly shocking to hear, especially considering

> I had used my limited observations of their marriage and family life as a

> model for creating my own. Hearing her describe the hell he had put her

> through over the past year, the vicious emotional abuse he spewed at her and

> their children was both surprising and infuriating. I listened and

> validated, offered my support to her and her children, and she asked me if I

> had ever heard of Borderline PD.

> >

> > I asked her what she wanted to know, because I had a library on the

> subject upstairs (lol!), and was able to share with her that my mother has

> it. Until that point, I had not shared with any of my mother's relatives

> what is going on, because there is really not much contact between them

> anyway, and they seem to like her, and...well, you know how it goes with

> extended family. She returned the validation, and it was really good to

> share. She said she suspected her husband had it, though she wasn't sure how

> it could suddenly show up in middle-age...and neither was I, so I suggested

> the possibility of Bipolar. And silently, I wondered how many symptoms he

> may have had that she did not consider that big of a deal up until that

> year.

> >

> > So, her oldest 2 daughters are in town, and my sister and I got to meet

> with them today. Their mom had asked us if we could talk with them about our

> experience with a borderline parent. We shared, they shared, we gave them

> the opportunity to ask us questions. I was so impressed by their fortitude

> and strength at such a young age, and so thankful that their mother is able

> to validate them and give them the freedom to be individuals (even if she is

> still struggling with codependency herself). It always relieves some of the

> pain I went through when I am able to help someone else navigate through it.

> It broke my heart to hear them tell me the things their father did or said

> to them, but to know that they already have an understanding of how to

> detach and set boundaries with their father was so impressive. They are only

> teenagers, for crying out loud!

> >

> > I still suspect NPD is lurking in his behavior somewhere, but after

> hearing their stories, I know it is BPD as well. I took them to the

> bookstore and picked out some of the most helpful books on both subjects and

> let them thumb through them; they chose the one that turns out was most

> helpful for me, Surviving a Borderline Parent. I bought it for them and told

> them to use it and then share it with their siblings when they were old

> enough and ready for it.

> >

> > I am still on a bit of a high today just from being able to love on these

> girls, to see how strong they are despite how weak and confused they have

> been made to feel...just to be able to provide the support that KOs so

> desperately need. I would like to thank everyone who posts on this board for

> broadening my view of the experiences a KO might have in dealing with his

> parents. Because of you, I was able to tell my young relative that a lot of

> parents with BPD have locked their children outside in the freezing cold as

> punishment, even though this was never part of my own personal experience.

> You were all there with me as my sister and I shared and supported them.

> >

> > Thank you for reaching out and speaking up.

> >

> > KT

> >

>

January 7, 2011