Mia and what other people think

January 6, 2011

Hi Mia, I think one of the characteristics of being a KO is that we learn to

worry about what other people think. I think the BP's brains are hard wired that

way, or become hard wired after years of defective thought patterns and because

they raise us we learn to worry about that, too. Plus when they are splitting

and paint us as the devil to anyone who will listen that also teaches us to be

concerned about what others think.

Dad was in the hospital and painted me as the devil to anyone who would listen.

Some of the people could tell he was mentally ill. Others believed him. My

arthritis water aerobics instructor assists the PT at the hospital and she told

people " Don't believe what he says, I know Kay and she is not the wicked

Witch of the West. " I just love the reference to Oz by a nonBP. I'm telling you

it still chafes a little but since I've begun to read SWOE and I've started the

exercise in the SWOE workbook and I've read Surviving the Borderline Parent, my

skin is getting thicker.

I had done a lot of work on me and improving my self image from the time I was

in college and during the early years of my marriage. I still work on

self-confidence and self image, but I learned to like myself when my kids were

young for my sake and theirs and to save my marriage. So I can really absorb the

lessons in SWOE perhaps a little quicker now that I'm older. I've come a long

way in 56 years. I came home today and Fada had tried to enlist my son in a pity

party guilt campaign, but my son didn't fall for it. Please remember my son is

bi-polar and has spent time in the hospital as part of his recovery. When he was

in the hospital an important part of his recovery was to " man " up and accept

responsibility for his illness. He has no respect for Fada and if anyone has a

right to feel that way it is him.So today no one got sucked in to Fada's pity

party. When my son and I talked about it later I was angry but I wasn't guilty.

That's progress!

I hope the same for all of us.

Kay

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