Re: they say she's dying

[Guest guest]

But watching it happen this way, with this

long transition, is ... something.

I certainly can relate to your experience. My 87 year old Fada is living with us

because he had reached a point where he was starving and couldn't properly care

for himself. Though once he moved in and I could study him, I realized he

probably could have done more for himself but that he had just given up. He

exhibits such learned dependence that it is frustrating. I keep telling his

caregivers that I don't know where his physical disabilities end and his mental

disabilities take over, but everyone concerned is in agreement that he could do

more for himself than he is doing. I pray every day for God's mercy on my dad

and that he will have a quick end. For a BP to die of cancer the way your mother

is, must be excruciating. The BP's feel so sorry for themselves and are so sure

that their existence is more miserable than anyone else's and then to have to

deal with them through a legitimate painful horrible illness is as you said

something. I am so sorry you have had such a difficult time, you are to be

commended for seeking therapy and self healing. We must all comfort each other

and comfort ourselves as our parents were never capable. continue to work on

yourself and see your therapist and just remember that you are to be praised for

working on you. You are also to be commended for sticking by your mother and

helping her through to the bitter end. I will also do this for my father but I

know it isn't easy! My mother in law had pancreatic cancer and was gentle and

unselfish to the end, my father is in generally good health and pouts and moans

and bewails his horrible existence so I can imagine how awful it must be to deal

with a BP with a real illness that causes such excruciating pain. The longer I

live the sadder the world seems to be, but it is important to know that you can

comfort yourself, that you are worthy of whatever happiness you can make for

yourself, your compassion towards your mother is a light of unselfishness in a

sometimes sad and lonely world. So glad you are part of this group, there is

such comfort and compassion here. I send you all good vibrations and healing

thoughts and will keep you in my prayers.

Kay