Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 Great point, Tilley. It's not really about the weight. Abby These have been very interesting discussions the past several days, and what it's looking like to me is that when we're not " using " food, we're more able to see/experience/feel the real issues. I've come to realize fairly recently that I use food at parties and social gatherings because I'm often uncomfortable. I am very much an introvert, and often talking to people, especially lots of people or people I don't know can be exhausting. When I started playing folk music with folks, I didn't have to eat so much, because I could be playing music instead. But I'm going around now thinking that all my social woes are because I'm too fat and ugly and if I were thinner, I'd be more comfortable with other people, and that's simply not true. When I was 21, I biked across the country with a group of people, and I remember very distinctly feeling like the cute guys in the group wouldn't be interested in even talking to me, much less being friends with me because I was so....I don't even know. Ugly? Fat? Not worthy of friendship? I was as fit and thin as I have ever been (biking 6000 miles will do that for you, so I don't know. It's silly, really. My whole life, I have always been somewhat proud of how strong I've been physically ( I too have never been waif-like, but build soils, like a brick). So I don't know. It all seems silly for me to think that my weight is the cause of anything. Okay, I started another paragraph, but I don't know how to scroll through a document, to get back down there, so this is going to end abruptly and inconclusively since I really don't remember how far I got with what I wanted to say. My partner, who weighs the same as he did in high school, does not even seem to notice how much weight I've gained. He keeps taking pictures of me and saying, " that's a great picture, " when all I see is how fat I look. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 Great point, Tilley. It's not really about the weight. Abby These have been very interesting discussions the past several days, and what it's looking like to me is that when we're not " using " food, we're more able to see/experience/feel the real issues. I've come to realize fairly recently that I use food at parties and social gatherings because I'm often uncomfortable. I am very much an introvert, and often talking to people, especially lots of people or people I don't know can be exhausting. When I started playing folk music with folks, I didn't have to eat so much, because I could be playing music instead. But I'm going around now thinking that all my social woes are because I'm too fat and ugly and if I were thinner, I'd be more comfortable with other people, and that's simply not true. When I was 21, I biked across the country with a group of people, and I remember very distinctly feeling like the cute guys in the group wouldn't be interested in even talking to me, much less being friends with me because I was so....I don't even know. Ugly? Fat? Not worthy of friendship? I was as fit and thin as I have ever been (biking 6000 miles will do that for you, so I don't know. It's silly, really. My whole life, I have always been somewhat proud of how strong I've been physically ( I too have never been waif-like, but build soils, like a brick). So I don't know. It all seems silly for me to think that my weight is the cause of anything. Okay, I started another paragraph, but I don't know how to scroll through a document, to get back down there, so this is going to end abruptly and inconclusively since I really don't remember how far I got with what I wanted to say. My partner, who weighs the same as he did in high school, does not even seem to notice how much weight I've gained. He keeps taking pictures of me and saying, " that's a great picture, " when all I see is how fat I look. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2011 Report Share Posted October 3, 2011 Great point, Tilley. It's not really about the weight. Abby These have been very interesting discussions the past several days, and what it's looking like to me is that when we're not " using " food, we're more able to see/experience/feel the real issues. I've come to realize fairly recently that I use food at parties and social gatherings because I'm often uncomfortable. I am very much an introvert, and often talking to people, especially lots of people or people I don't know can be exhausting. When I started playing folk music with folks, I didn't have to eat so much, because I could be playing music instead. But I'm going around now thinking that all my social woes are because I'm too fat and ugly and if I were thinner, I'd be more comfortable with other people, and that's simply not true. When I was 21, I biked across the country with a group of people, and I remember very distinctly feeling like the cute guys in the group wouldn't be interested in even talking to me, much less being friends with me because I was so....I don't even know. Ugly? Fat? Not worthy of friendship? I was as fit and thin as I have ever been (biking 6000 miles will do that for you, so I don't know. It's silly, really. My whole life, I have always been somewhat proud of how strong I've been physically ( I too have never been waif-like, but build soils, like a brick). So I don't know. It all seems silly for me to think that my weight is the cause of anything. Okay, I started another paragraph, but I don't know how to scroll through a document, to get back down there, so this is going to end abruptly and inconclusively since I really don't remember how far I got with what I wanted to say. My partner, who weighs the same as he did in high school, does not even seem to notice how much weight I've gained. He keeps taking pictures of me and saying, " that's a great picture, " when all I see is how fat I look. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2011 Report Share Posted October 4, 2011 Tilly, I can totally relate to this. I'm also an introvert who is often uncomfortable in certain social situations, particularly parties. Like you, I use eating as a way to mask that discomfort, and I think, to appear less - I don't even know the right word - I guess I'd say, pathetic and lonely to others. If you're trolling the buffet table, you're doing something, not looking like a lonely wallflower sitting alone in the corner. I think I've also always had the fantasy that being thinner will suddenly make me a social butterfly who's the life of the party and who people can't wait to talk to. In reality, I think it will just make me a thin introvert for whom cocktail chatter is still often a chore and who's just as exhausted by the experience as I always was. It's so easy to blame our woes on our weight, especially when so many external factors tell us we're not okay as we are. But the ability to look past that, I think, often lessens the distress and the self-abuse and consequently, the urge to comfort ourselves by eating even more. Josie > > > I've come to realize fairly recently that I use food at parties and social gatherings because I'm often uncomfortable. I am very much an introvert, and often talking to people, especially lots of people or people I don't know can be exhausting. When I started playing folk music with folks, I didn't have to eat so much, because I could be playing music instead. > > But I'm going around now thinking that all my social woes are because I'm too fat and ugly and if I were thinner, I'd be more comfortable with other people, and that's simply not true. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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