Guest guest Posted January 3, 2011 Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 Welcome to the group Zaida and thank you for your very poignant post. Just know you are not alone at all. Sometimes knowing that can be worth so much more than it seems. However, I'm sorry you did have a need to find us. I love this, " BPD is a disorder, but what is the name for our disorder? " Well said. Very very well said. Mia > > > I just wanted to say thank you for having a group like this! I happened > into it > from the website for the new book on the subject. I cannot believe there > are so > many other adult children of BPO parents. Many of you can probably relate > to the > sense of isolation; I grew up the only child of a widow who was the " black > sheep " of the family. She had moved 100 miles away from her family of > origin, > and kept me isolated from my father's family (as well as from any other > adult > who showed any caring interest in me). Sound familiar, anyone? So when I > stumbled across this group, I just couldn't believe it. Other people who > have > " parented " their own parents while growing up? > > My mother was never diagnosed, because she avoided at all costs any sort of > > psychiatric or psychological help offered. No head-shrinkers for her--there > was > nothing wrong with her. They were the crazy ones. I therefore lived through > her > constant cycle of boyfriends, new friends, friends-becoming-enemies > overnight, > job losses, angry outbursts that could be nothing or turn into hour-long > tirades, accusations, verbal and emotional abuse. Emotional neglect until > she > was lonely and needed affection or a shoulder to cry on. Verbal cruelty > until > she needed something to brag about, so I'd be transformed into the perfect > daughter. Her agoraphobia, fear of being alone, and several suicide > attempts. > Her impulsivity and lack of judgment extended to her health; she was a > highly > non-compliant diabetic, had had multiple back surgeries, smoked, and was > grossly > obese, as well as depressed (again she disagreed with her doctor on this > one, he > was just being stupid). > > I'd like to say that I found the strength to create healthy boundaries for > myself and enforced them with my nada, but the truth is I was rescued by > her > untimely death at 53. Her own bad choices had done her in. I still wish I > could > say that I was sorry she was gone. I don't feel bitter or angry anymore > (years > of therapy), but I will never know if I could have stood up to her. When > she > died, I was a broken human being, unable to even say the word no to someone > > without experiencing guilt and fear. BPD is a disorder, but what is the > name for > our disorder? > > Anyway, I've come a long way since her death. I can trust people (to a > healthy > degree), can feel connected to others without people-pleasing, I can make > decisions without hearing a million differing opinions telling me I'm WRONG > > again. I've even gotten to the point where I can look at the way I perceive > the > world and not feel like its all outside of my ability to accept, or change, > if I > choose. I can see the ways that I am and not instantly affix her face > there. I > am happy to have found others with similar experiences because it makes me > feel > like less of a freak. I have deliberately avoided talking about the years > 0-18 > with anyone unless I've known them for years, because I am still afraid > that > they wouldn't believe some of the crazy stories, or wouldn't understand the > > impact of those experiences. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2011 Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 Welcome to the Group, Zaida, and all other newbies as well. Your experiences of emotional abuse, isolation and having been " parentified " by your mother are really similar to other members who have shared here; you've found a place full of other people who " get it. " You sound like you have not only survived but you overcame the " broken-ness " of being raised by a mentally ill, personality-disordered parent and you are now doing well emotionally, which is wonderful! It helps others here to know that peace and healing are possible, and that each of us can find it in our own way and in our own time. -Annie > > I just wanted to say thank you for having a group like this! I happened into it > from the website for the new book on the subject. I cannot believe there are so > many other adult children of BPO parents. Many of you can probably relate to the > sense of isolation; I grew up the only child of a widow who was the " black > sheep " of the family. She had moved 100 miles away from her family of origin, > and kept me isolated from my father's family (as well as from any other adult > who showed any caring interest in me). Sound familiar, anyone? So when I > stumbled across this group, I just couldn't believe it. Other people who have > " parented " their own parents while growing up? > > My mother was never diagnosed, because she avoided at all costs any sort of > psychiatric or psychological help offered. No head-shrinkers for her--there was > nothing wrong with her. They were the crazy ones. I therefore lived through her > constant cycle of boyfriends, new friends, friends-becoming-enemies overnight, > job losses, angry outbursts that could be nothing or turn into hour-long > tirades, accusations, verbal and emotional abuse. Emotional neglect until she > was lonely and needed affection or a shoulder to cry on. Verbal cruelty until > she needed something to brag about, so I'd be transformed into the perfect > daughter. Her agoraphobia, fear of being alone, and several suicide attempts. > Her impulsivity and lack of judgment extended to her health; she was a highly > non-compliant diabetic, had had multiple back surgeries, smoked, and was grossly > obese, as well as depressed (again she disagreed with her doctor on this one, he > was just being stupid). > > > I'd like to say that I found the strength to create healthy boundaries for > myself and enforced them with my nada, but the truth is I was rescued by her > untimely death at 53. Her own bad choices had done her in. I still wish I could > say that I was sorry she was gone. I don't feel bitter or angry anymore (years > of therapy), but I will never know if I could have stood up to her. When she > died, I was a broken human being, unable to even say the word no to someone > without experiencing guilt and fear. BPD is a disorder, but what is the name for > our disorder? > > Anyway, I've come a long way since her death. I can trust people (to a healthy > degree), can feel connected to others without people-pleasing, I can make > decisions without hearing a million differing opinions telling me I'm WRONG > again. I've even gotten to the point where I can look at the way I perceive the > world and not feel like its all outside of my ability to accept, or change, if I > choose. I can see the ways that I am and not instantly affix her face there. I > am happy to have found others with similar experiences because it makes me feel > like less of a freak. I have deliberately avoided talking about the years 0-18 > with anyone unless I've known them for years, because I am still afraid that > they wouldn't believe some of the crazy stories, or wouldn't understand the > impact of those experiences. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2011 Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 Welcome to the Group, Zaida, and all other newbies as well. Your experiences of emotional abuse, isolation and having been " parentified " by your mother are really similar to other members who have shared here; you've found a place full of other people who " get it. " You sound like you have not only survived but you overcame the " broken-ness " of being raised by a mentally ill, personality-disordered parent and you are now doing well emotionally, which is wonderful! It helps others here to know that peace and healing are possible, and that each of us can find it in our own way and in our own time. -Annie > > I just wanted to say thank you for having a group like this! I happened into it > from the website for the new book on the subject. I cannot believe there are so > many other adult children of BPO parents. Many of you can probably relate to the > sense of isolation; I grew up the only child of a widow who was the " black > sheep " of the family. She had moved 100 miles away from her family of origin, > and kept me isolated from my father's family (as well as from any other adult > who showed any caring interest in me). Sound familiar, anyone? So when I > stumbled across this group, I just couldn't believe it. Other people who have > " parented " their own parents while growing up? > > My mother was never diagnosed, because she avoided at all costs any sort of > psychiatric or psychological help offered. No head-shrinkers for her--there was > nothing wrong with her. They were the crazy ones. I therefore lived through her > constant cycle of boyfriends, new friends, friends-becoming-enemies overnight, > job losses, angry outbursts that could be nothing or turn into hour-long > tirades, accusations, verbal and emotional abuse. Emotional neglect until she > was lonely and needed affection or a shoulder to cry on. Verbal cruelty until > she needed something to brag about, so I'd be transformed into the perfect > daughter. Her agoraphobia, fear of being alone, and several suicide attempts. > Her impulsivity and lack of judgment extended to her health; she was a highly > non-compliant diabetic, had had multiple back surgeries, smoked, and was grossly > obese, as well as depressed (again she disagreed with her doctor on this one, he > was just being stupid). > > > I'd like to say that I found the strength to create healthy boundaries for > myself and enforced them with my nada, but the truth is I was rescued by her > untimely death at 53. Her own bad choices had done her in. I still wish I could > say that I was sorry she was gone. I don't feel bitter or angry anymore (years > of therapy), but I will never know if I could have stood up to her. When she > died, I was a broken human being, unable to even say the word no to someone > without experiencing guilt and fear. BPD is a disorder, but what is the name for > our disorder? > > Anyway, I've come a long way since her death. I can trust people (to a healthy > degree), can feel connected to others without people-pleasing, I can make > decisions without hearing a million differing opinions telling me I'm WRONG > again. I've even gotten to the point where I can look at the way I perceive the > world and not feel like its all outside of my ability to accept, or change, if I > choose. I can see the ways that I am and not instantly affix her face there. I > am happy to have found others with similar experiences because it makes me feel > like less of a freak. I have deliberately avoided talking about the years 0-18 > with anyone unless I've known them for years, because I am still afraid that > they wouldn't believe some of the crazy stories, or wouldn't understand the > impact of those experiences. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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