Re: Re: Self image assessment... bad person vs not thin...

[Guest guest]

My first thought as that it was very helpful for me to remove my scales and maybe now it is time to remove the mirrors.  My second thought was maybe I seem to have a significant disconnect between what I eat and my weight. I too see myself as fairly thin until I look in the mirror. I liked what you siad about the weight being a result of how I eat, not who I am.  An outcome not a statement of my worthiness.  Neither good nor bad.  Just an effect. Good food for thought(pun intended).  Sandy

 

What I'm discovering, as I mull over my reaction to how I looked in the mirror yesterday is, I deeply believe that being fat makes me a bad person.

When I see myself as fat I feel 1) guilty; 2) unloveable; 3) ashamed; 4) I go into denial and 5) I beat myself up. Which spirals into more negative emotions/thought and denial around eating.

What I'm doing now when I catch sight of myself in the mirror and see that I'm heavy (or think about or feel that I'm heavy) is remind myself that the heaviness is a result of how I eat, not who I am. It is an outcome, not a statement of my worthiness. It is neither good nor bad, it is an effect.

This almost feels like a tough love approach, but I'm trying to be reality based about my weight.

I don't want to be 50/60 pounds overweight, not (simply) because of social sanctions, but because even rolling over in bed at night is an effort. There are other health repercussions, but my point is that I am overweight and I don't want to be.

Dieting doesn't work however and therefore solution lies outside of restrictive diet plans and fixed weight loss goals.

There is a strong emotional/belief component - as well as being out of touch with my body and all that entails. Part is mental - part is physical. Both are connected in more ways than I can know.

Oddly, or maybe of note, I tend to see myself as relativly trim in my minds eye. I never see myself as fat; it's always the mirror that surprises me. (Or those days when I truly am aware of being fat - and hating myself for it.)

Thus when I'm eating past full, while secretly believing I weigh considerably less than I do, I'm essentially fooling myself. No wonder I'm shocked and amazed when I see myself in the mirror. Sigh.

Well, this may not be a grand plan, but I think I need to take the heat off of being fat in order to get more objective with my food... Something like that.

Sandarah

>

> Perhaps if this group were a video connected one, we could 'workshop' on body image issues. But that probably would be uncomfortable for many anyway.

>

> I have been thinking about the terms I use when I think of my body. Heavy, fat, dumpy, disproportionate, sagging, etc. are what usually pop up first. Always negative, so that I can know where to 'work' on - aarrrghh! Like HOW can I see 'how much I WEIGH'?!? There's no LED display built into my forehead nor tape measure permanently affixed to my hips either. The numbers that a scale, clothes size and even blood test results are only indicators, not absolute border of 'good/bad' by which I ought to JUDGE my own self and body. And when I feel (think) that others are seeing me in a negative way, is that 1) the truth or 2) a reflection of THEIR wants/needs/self judgment??

>

> I've come to chose using comfort as my guideline, not an EXternal thing like weight (from a scale). I also have given good thought to what my body IS and how it (me really) has and continues to function and support me in my life. What could be so bad about that? And if my 'figure' isn't in the Hollyweird desirable category should I kill myself in the process of forcing it into what it NEVER will be? And why the heck must it?!?

>

> Diet demons have cousins - body boogie men! Time to tell them to Back the FAT off too.

>

> Katcha

> IEing since March 2007

>

[Guest guest]

I regularly have these same thoughts. Being overweight, when I am being especially cruel to myself, is an indication that I am not in control of myself like other people. That I am wrong and impulsive and simply NOT AS GOOD as others. Plain and simple. It has taken me a long time to soften this view, but I have. In order to not be surprised when I glimpse myself in the mirror, I try to really look at my body for what it is. I find a lot to like in it and try to look at the previous "unacceptable" parts with a more objective or even appreciate eye. For instance, instead of "my fat ass and bulging stomach" I consciously say, "my curvy butt and fuller figure." It's a process, and sometimes I still catch a glimpse of myself and think "you've really let yourself go," but it is becoming less and less. And I am trying to balance all of this with my very real

desire to weigh less. Like someone said, it's all day by day....

Mimi

Subject: Re: Self image assessment... bad person vs not thin...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 4:47 PM

What I'm discovering, as I mull over my reaction to how I looked in the mirror yesterday is, I deeply believe that being fat makes me a bad person. When I see myself as fat I feel 1) guilty; 2) unloveable; 3) ashamed; 4) I go into denial and 5) I beat myself up. Which spirals into more negative emotions/thought and denial around eating.What I'm doing now when I catch sight of myself in the mirror and see that I'm heavy (or think about or feel that I'm heavy) is remind myself that the heaviness is a result of how I eat, not who I am. It is an outcome, not a statement of my worthiness. It is neither good nor bad, it is an effect. This almost feels like a tough love approach, but I'm trying to be reality based about my weight. I don't want to be 50/60 pounds overweight, not (simply) because of social sanctions, but because even rolling over in bed at night is an effort. There are other health repercussions, but my point

is that I am overweight and I don't want to be. Dieting doesn't work however and therefore solution lies outside of restrictive diet plans and fixed weight loss goals. There is a strong emotional/belief component - as well as being out of touch with my body and all that entails. Part is mental - part is physical. Both are connected in more ways than I can know. Oddly, or maybe of note, I tend to see myself as relativly trim in my minds eye. I never see myself as fat; it's always the mirror that surprises me. (Or those days when I truly am aware of being fat - and hating myself for it.) Thus when I'm eating past full, while secretly believing I weigh considerably less than I do, I'm essentially fooling myself. No wonder I'm shocked and amazed when I see myself in the mirror. Sigh. Well, this may not be a grand plan, but I think I need to take the heat off of being fat in order to get more objective with my food...

Something like that.Sandarah