Re: Nada tried to come over today

[Guest guest]

I'm glad we can be supportive to you in whatever decisions you make for your own

and your family's health and safety.

My guess is that your mother is projecting her own negative, hostile thoughts,

fears, and wishes onto you and your husband. Its a common bpd behavior. I

think you were right to bring up your concerns for her mental state to your

step-dad and with your therapist.

And I agree that her later showing up and being all sweetness and light is just

another manipulative tactic. Her bullying and accusatory tactic didn't work,

so, she's switching to being nice.

Best of luck to you with this. Between your therapist's advice and your

husband's support and your growing understanding of bpd behaviors, I think

you'll get through this OK.

-Annie

>

> I have been discussing a plan with my therapist for severing my relationship

with Nada. My last contact with Nada was Monday (6 days ago). During my brief

visit, she made several concerning comments such as:

> 1) You're treating us (she and my enmeshed step-dad) like axe-murderers. (Due

to the boundaries my husband and I have set).

>

> 2) Is your husband's real reason for confronting me to get me to commit

suicide? She also added that she was not suicidal. (My husband told her that he

wasn't going to put up with her baloney anymore.)

>

> 3) She accused my husband of being the kind of guy who has the potential to

murder you and your family, or commit suicide himself if given the right

circumstances. (This is so far from reality! He's a great, compassionate,

empathetic guy. I think she has demonized him out of anger or is trying to come

between us.)

>

> I e-mailed my step-dad and relayed these concerning comments because he was at

work. I told him that I was concerned for her mental state as these several

comments were violent in nature. I suggested that she may need an psychiatric

evaluation to assess her for safety.

>

> I got no response from my step-dad about the e-mail. My Nada showed up at the

door today and asked to come in. I asked my husband not to let her in or call

me to the door, and I kept my children hidden in a back room. Anyhow, she did

not apologize for her comments. She kissed my husband on the cheek and said, " I

love you and I love my daughter. " Then she left.

>

> I hope that she saw her therapist. This just seems like more manipulation to

draw me back into the cycle. Aaaargh! This is so frustrating because she is so

persistent. But, I am more convinced that I am doing the right thing by

protecting my family from further craziness or harmful comments and behavior.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent!

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, I'm glad you have you're husband there to help you! And this makes me so

grateful that my mother is in North Carolina and I'm in California.

I hope that you stepfather will get her some help. I can't imagine the trauma it

must be to get a restraining order against your own mother (or that a nada could

actually follow one).

Keep safe!

[Guest guest]

She kissed my husband on the cheek and said, " I love you and I love my

daughter. " Hmmm, why this sounds so familiar to me? This scenario has written

fear and control all over it. You're right. This is manipulation to the core

Grace. I've had those uncalled visits too.

Her tactic was to say I love you and forgive you. What you said or did hurt me

so much (never mind that I was hurt ),but I forgive you because that's what

mothers do........ And, I would look at her in amazement trying not to scream or

burst in laughter.

>

> I have been discussing a plan with my therapist for severing my relationship

with Nada. My last contact with Nada was Monday (6 days ago). During my brief

visit, she made several concerning comments such as:

> 1) You're treating us (she and my enmeshed step-dad) like axe-murderers. (Due

to the boundaries my husband and I have set).

>

> 2) Is your husband's real reason for confronting me to get me to commit

suicide? She also added that she was not suicidal. (My husband told her that he

wasn't going to put up with her baloney anymore.)

>

> 3) She accused my husband of being the kind of guy who has the potential to

murder you and your family, or commit suicide himself if given the right

circumstances. (This is so far from reality! He's a great, compassionate,

empathetic guy. I think she has demonized him out of anger or is trying to come

between us.)

>

> I e-mailed my step-dad and relayed these concerning comments because he was at

work. I told him that I was concerned for her mental state as these several

comments were violent in nature. I suggested that she may need an psychiatric

evaluation to assess her for safety.

>

> I got no response from my step-dad about the e-mail. My Nada showed up at the

door today and asked to come in. I asked my husband not to let her in or call

me to the door, and I kept my children hidden in a back room. Anyhow, she did

not apologize for her comments. She kissed my husband on the cheek and said, " I

love you and I love my daughter. " Then she left.

>

> I hope that she saw her therapist. This just seems like more manipulation to

draw me back into the cycle. Aaaargh! This is so frustrating because she is so

persistent. But, I am more convinced that I am doing the right thing by

protecting my family from further craziness or harmful comments and behavior.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent!

>

[Guest guest]

She kissed my husband on the cheek and said, " I love you and I love my

daughter. " Hmmm, why this sounds so familiar to me? This scenario has written

fear and control all over it. You're right. This is manipulation to the core

Grace. I've had those uncalled visits too.

Her tactic was to say I love you and forgive you. What you said or did hurt me

so much (never mind that I was hurt ),but I forgive you because that's what

mothers do........ And, I would look at her in amazement trying not to scream or

burst in laughter.

>

> I have been discussing a plan with my therapist for severing my relationship

with Nada. My last contact with Nada was Monday (6 days ago). During my brief

visit, she made several concerning comments such as:

> 1) You're treating us (she and my enmeshed step-dad) like axe-murderers. (Due

to the boundaries my husband and I have set).

>

> 2) Is your husband's real reason for confronting me to get me to commit

suicide? She also added that she was not suicidal. (My husband told her that he

wasn't going to put up with her baloney anymore.)

>

> 3) She accused my husband of being the kind of guy who has the potential to

murder you and your family, or commit suicide himself if given the right

circumstances. (This is so far from reality! He's a great, compassionate,

empathetic guy. I think she has demonized him out of anger or is trying to come

between us.)

>

> I e-mailed my step-dad and relayed these concerning comments because he was at

work. I told him that I was concerned for her mental state as these several

comments were violent in nature. I suggested that she may need an psychiatric

evaluation to assess her for safety.

>

> I got no response from my step-dad about the e-mail. My Nada showed up at the

door today and asked to come in. I asked my husband not to let her in or call

me to the door, and I kept my children hidden in a back room. Anyhow, she did

not apologize for her comments. She kissed my husband on the cheek and said, " I

love you and I love my daughter. " Then she left.

>

> I hope that she saw her therapist. This just seems like more manipulation to

draw me back into the cycle. Aaaargh! This is so frustrating because she is so

persistent. But, I am more convinced that I am doing the right thing by

protecting my family from further craziness or harmful comments and behavior.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent!

>

[Guest guest]

She kissed my husband on the cheek and said, " I love you and I love my

daughter. " Hmmm, why this sounds so familiar to me? This scenario has written

fear and control all over it. You're right. This is manipulation to the core

Grace. I've had those uncalled visits too.

Her tactic was to say I love you and forgive you. What you said or did hurt me

so much (never mind that I was hurt ),but I forgive you because that's what

mothers do........ And, I would look at her in amazement trying not to scream or

burst in laughter.

>

> I have been discussing a plan with my therapist for severing my relationship

with Nada. My last contact with Nada was Monday (6 days ago). During my brief

visit, she made several concerning comments such as:

> 1) You're treating us (she and my enmeshed step-dad) like axe-murderers. (Due

to the boundaries my husband and I have set).

>

> 2) Is your husband's real reason for confronting me to get me to commit

suicide? She also added that she was not suicidal. (My husband told her that he

wasn't going to put up with her baloney anymore.)

>

> 3) She accused my husband of being the kind of guy who has the potential to

murder you and your family, or commit suicide himself if given the right

circumstances. (This is so far from reality! He's a great, compassionate,

empathetic guy. I think she has demonized him out of anger or is trying to come

between us.)

>

> I e-mailed my step-dad and relayed these concerning comments because he was at

work. I told him that I was concerned for her mental state as these several

comments were violent in nature. I suggested that she may need an psychiatric

evaluation to assess her for safety.

>

> I got no response from my step-dad about the e-mail. My Nada showed up at the

door today and asked to come in. I asked my husband not to let her in or call

me to the door, and I kept my children hidden in a back room. Anyhow, she did

not apologize for her comments. She kissed my husband on the cheek and said, " I

love you and I love my daughter. " Then she left.

>

> I hope that she saw her therapist. This just seems like more manipulation to

draw me back into the cycle. Aaaargh! This is so frustrating because she is so

persistent. But, I am more convinced that I am doing the right thing by

protecting my family from further craziness or harmful comments and behavior.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent!

>