Re: Another thread bites the dust...

[Guest guest]

I think you're right. Personality disorder (like other medical conditions) can

come in differing degrees of severity. Some are only mildly affected and some

are greatly affected. The level of severity impacts the individual with pd

which impacts their foo, and their chosen family.

And I agree with you that compassion and responsibility are in an entirely

different context depending on whether one is speaking of a non-pd parent with a

disordered child, as opposed to a non-pd child with a disordered, abusive

parent.

The support groups for non-pd parents who have a minor child or adult child with

bpd are hard for me to read because of the overwhelming guilt and anguish these

poor non-pd parents feel; they believe on some level that they must have caused

it, somehow. My heart goes out to them, their guilt and suffering are so deep.

From the posts and threads I've read, its only at the point where their child is

actively, repeatedly trying to kill herself or is threatening her parents & sibs

with killing them, that the parents can bring themselves to create some

emotional distance for their own safety and the safety of their other children.

That (to me) would be THE worst case scenario, the worst tragedy. I don't think

I would be able to survive having a child with bpd. Even though I would know

intellectually that I didn't " give " her bpd, the misplaced and inappropriate

guilt over not being able to " fix " it, not being able to relieve my child's

suffering would destroy me. I don't know how these parents handle it, truly.

Yes, I agree that its " comparing apples to oranges " when it comes to dealing

with such issues as feelings of responsibility, compassion and guilt that are

faced by non-pd parents with a pd child, vs us non-pd children of

personality-disordered parents.

-Annie

>

> I've looked at a lot of sites, and there seems to be a very strong distinction

between those who have a BP with whom they want to retain a

relationship......and those of us who want to break off the relationship as

being too toxic and destructive.  Parents of BPD children particularly stress

coping mechanisms.........as do people who are married to a BP and who cannot

see a way out, for whatever reason they might have.........including religion,

economic dependency, or other cultural or familial restrictions.  I also think

there might be *degrees* of BPD..........some BPs seem to behave MUCH better

than others.

>

> Alastriona

[Guest guest]

I think you're right. Personality disorder (like other medical conditions) can

come in differing degrees of severity. Some are only mildly affected and some

are greatly affected. The level of severity impacts the individual with pd

which impacts their foo, and their chosen family.

And I agree with you that compassion and responsibility are in an entirely

different context depending on whether one is speaking of a non-pd parent with a

disordered child, as opposed to a non-pd child with a disordered, abusive

parent.

The support groups for non-pd parents who have a minor child or adult child with

bpd are hard for me to read because of the overwhelming guilt and anguish these

poor non-pd parents feel; they believe on some level that they must have caused

it, somehow. My heart goes out to them, their guilt and suffering are so deep.

From the posts and threads I've read, its only at the point where their child is

actively, repeatedly trying to kill herself or is threatening her parents & sibs

with killing them, that the parents can bring themselves to create some

emotional distance for their own safety and the safety of their other children.

That (to me) would be THE worst case scenario, the worst tragedy. I don't think

I would be able to survive having a child with bpd. Even though I would know

intellectually that I didn't " give " her bpd, the misplaced and inappropriate

guilt over not being able to " fix " it, not being able to relieve my child's

suffering would destroy me. I don't know how these parents handle it, truly.

Yes, I agree that its " comparing apples to oranges " when it comes to dealing

with such issues as feelings of responsibility, compassion and guilt that are

faced by non-pd parents with a pd child, vs us non-pd children of

personality-disordered parents.

-Annie

>

> I've looked at a lot of sites, and there seems to be a very strong distinction

between those who have a BP with whom they want to retain a

relationship......and those of us who want to break off the relationship as

being too toxic and destructive.  Parents of BPD children particularly stress

coping mechanisms.........as do people who are married to a BP and who cannot

see a way out, for whatever reason they might have.........including religion,

economic dependency, or other cultural or familial restrictions.  I also think

there might be *degrees* of BPD..........some BPs seem to behave MUCH better

than others.

>

> Alastriona