Re: Re: Advice needed--my mother hates the words your choice

[Guest guest]

Here's another theory. Bpds have a non existant sense of self. They world

happens to them. They have no role in what goes on because they hardly exist.

'Your choice' and ' your decision' may feel wrong because of their external

locus of control.

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Re: Advice needed--my mother hates the words " your

choice "

Hey Mandy,

When I was actually speaking with my mother, she would do the same exact thing.

When we say things to our nadas that are logical like " It's your choice " , etc,

it might make them feel like they are hitting a wall. Like you are making them

face a reality that isn't their own and they get stuck and don't know what to

do. Like taking candy from a baby. I would say stuff like that with my nada and

just like you, it worked at first, but then one day she freaking blew up and

told me not to say stuff like that, that SHE is the MOM and I am the CHILD and

that I was treated her like my students (I work for a college) and that I can't

tell her this and that. It's ridiculous.

I don't have any suggestions for you as far as phrases go. In my experience I

tried this a few times with nada, and after a short while she catches on and

demands that I " stop talking like that! "

~Sara Jo

>

> Hello Everyone--

> After reading several books (WSYL being one of them) I've employed several

phrases to deflect rages by my mother. I find phrases like, " I understand that

you see it that way, I see things differently, " and " Yes, that is my choice, you

are allowed to make your choice " . It worked great....for a while. (*Side note

she is currently being foreclosed on and I have been helping her find and apt,

move, take her wrath regarding the whole situation...etc.) Anyway, now she

starts yelling, " Stop it with that 'I understand' and 'your choice' crap! " and

gets even more enraged. She also yells that I talk to her like she is one of my

students (I'm an elementary teacher). Which is not accurate. I'd like to tell

her the difference is my kids are mostly logical, rational, hard-working

individuals and are NOTHING like her...but I doubt that would help....haha!

>

> Does anyone have any suggestions for " phrases " that get across the point that

I'm not arguing and that we can see things differently without using the words

" choice " and " I understand " ? Have you ever had a similar issue?

>

> Thanks for your help.

>