Guest guest Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 Genetics and family dynamics in the role of BPD is quite interesting. Fada is BPD with probable NPD, and I've hardly heard anything about his family dynamics growing up, but from what I can tell his dad was not the most pleasant guy to be around--when his mom fell and hurt her ankle bringing food from the kitchen, he said, " [insert name here]! What are you doing on the floor? " I always thought that was odd. Fada also thought it was funny how he gave a sister the silent treatment for weeks, breaking it only when his mom got upset. Also, I don't think hardly any of the siblings talk to each other. He's the youngest of 7 kids, and only he and one sister talk to each other. I've recently gotten in touch with one of the other sisters, and she says that my fada cut her out of his life entirely, as well. The same sister he gave the silent treatment to while he was younger. I think she has some mental stuff going on, but not entirely sure. It only helped fada that my mom came from an abusive family. I think Mom's mom may be a nada with BPD or something. She's a hoarder and a bit of a hermit from waht I can tell--but haven't heard very much about her family either. Just know that my mom and her brother and sister are both suffering from some sort of thing or other. Depression, etc. Despite family history, I am determined to break the chain with my husband's and my children (be a few years off, lol). Though the stories I'm hearing from people on here--I feel even more worried about my siblings. One of my sisters I don't think has that much resilience through genetics or otherwise Holly > > > My BPD mom's mother came from a family where all the siblings lied, cheated > each other, gaslighted each other, let small disagreements turn into > mountains and, out of the 6 sibs, not any two were often on speaking terms. > Most of them died with hatred between them. My grandmother was for sure a > NPD, but most likely her entire family was BPD. Is it genetic or learned? > IDK, but when it gets into a family dynamic, it nests in all the future > generations unless something is done to stop it (i.e., functional > parenting). > > My sister and I are both neurotics/codependent instead of BPDs. So far none > of our children act out BPD behaviors, so maybe we broke the chain. > > As for your mom's escalated behavior, I may have some insight there because > of my own situation. My mom is 78. The 1980's were the absolute worst time > for her condition--she was always in witch mode and I think her hormone > levels exacerbated her moods. Then we had relative peace from 1997-2007, she > was mostly under control and not acting out. Since 2007, she is keeping > secrets/lying again, making ridiculous demands and her interpretations of > what is going on around her is all panic focused, judgmental and accusatory. > > She just had an MRI and will be seeing a neuropsych, because the MRI > revealed some deterioration in her brain consistent with dementia. > > So sad, really, as I had hoped that she would end this world on good terms > with those around her. But that is just not to be. > > I drove myself crazy for years trying to understand why/how she could > appear normal to the world, but then behind closed doors she would come > unglued. Funny how they feel safe enough in their own home to drop the > acting, but the home is anything but safe for the other people who live > there. > > They understand boundaries, they just ignore them unless someone makes it > all very clear for them. You did, and she knew she either respect your edict > or lose access to her grand children. Congratulations on being an functional > parent--the best gift you could have given your children! > > > > > > I am new to this group. > > I am female 60 yo. > > My mother is BP, and while I have been able to manage our > relationship..or at least I think so, maybe I have been kidding myself. > > But she has recently been much more demanding, accusatory, raging, > gaslighting, threats of self-harm and generally manipulative the closer my > son & dtr in law get to the delivery of my first grandchild. > > She is 86, while my enabling father has been deceased for 6 years. He is > now a 'saint' in her recollection, although never was when he was alive. > > > > > > First-I wonder, why I turned out so different from her. > > I am very empathetic, see the world in shades of grey. My two children, > are mentally healthy and did not even know my mother was BP until they > reached the age of 20-25. I told her in very clear terms when I was pregnant > with my first that if she behaved badly she would have no contact with my > child, later children. And she held it together. > > So my second question is, how is that possible? If this is mental > illness, that she has no control over, how could she hold it together when > around them. Granted, she still acted out with my father, around me and my > husband and with her friends, but if she truly could not control herself, > how did she manage this? > > > > Thanks in advance for any insight. > > talk2me2 > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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