Strong feelings that come up when I'm alone?

[Guest guest]

Anyone hear experience pangs of sadness or some other negative emotion when you

are alone? I feel logically that I am getting enough support from those around

me. I live alone but have a very social job, and I work with several friends I

can confide in at my other job.

(I do work a lot)...but aside from work, I have at least 6 or 7 people that I

feel totally comfortable opening up to and sharing my feelings--good or bad

with--and my ups and downs. I could tell these people practically anything. We

are all busy though...so I will try to get to my club I go to or spiritual

meetings at least twice a week at the very least.

This week, I'm trying hard to get some freelance work done, so I usually do this

by myself near my apt at a coffee shop. So, even though I would rather go out or

arrange something in advance with a friend or maybe acquaintance, I do this

instead after work.

THIS IS WHEN the feelings kick in. I am more AWARE of how I feel I think.

Usually it's sadness.

I used to be terrified of this and would purposefully make plans just to avoid

this place of solitude...could it be loneliness? Maybe, but I do not feel

isolated necessarily.

It just feels like plain old sadness. It may also come up because some of the

freelance work I do can be a bit methodical at times and I will even get in a

trance like state and the feelings that come up feel really gross and it is hard

for me to continue.

HOWEVER, today I am going to NOT be afraid of it...I'm going to continue to do

my work and work through feeling this and let it be...

I would like others' opinions...maybe I'm wrong and I am spending too much time

alone and I need to do more social things...maybe this is not normal?

One strange advantage that I've noticed from just FEELING it and not FEARING it

is that I somehow feel more GROUNDED and in myself. LIke at work, I was upstairs

alone doing some creative display work and I was enjoying it. But the feelings

came up again. Mostly and predominantly sadness (why--I don't know--there is not

reason for me to be sad. I guess past stuff) and occasionally a twinge of

nervousness.

I feel more grounded also because there was this person at work that really

bothered me. lIke I got weird creepo vibes from this person and felt out of my

element. They are kind of controlling and domineering (like a nada I know) and I

felt I was spinning out of control and was outside of myself when I was around

this person). However, when I let my feelings flow and just feel them I feel so

grounded that when this person comes around I feel there is too much of my own

feelings (which are me) that I have no room for this person's vibes or

domineering presence. I feel empowered...but still sad and confused.

So strange. Should I keep simply feeling and journaling? Or is this a cry for

more social time?

Thanks for reading.

Joy